


Sacrifice

by ArshuK, Lowiiie



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, BELLARKE IS NOT END-GAME!!!!, Caring Lexa, Clexa, Commander Lexa, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hate to Love, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Lexa is such a gentlewoman, Marriage of Convenience, Protective Octavia, Raven and Clarke as close as sisters, Sad Lexa, no Titus, sassy grounders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:03:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 102,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4877929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArshuK/pseuds/ArshuK, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lowiiie/pseuds/Lowiiie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peace through political marriage.  Will the marriage last when one has already given her heart away?<br/>(A bit of Bellarke at first but trust me, it gets better)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Title: Sacrifice**

**Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author: ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

* * *

 

CHAPTER-1

"You should be in the battlefield," Clarke whispers huskily as her small waist is encircled by his arms.

"You give the impression that we are in a battlefield." His breath warming up her face.

With a huge smile, she turns around to face him and entangles her fingers in his black hair while pulling his head to the crook of her neck.

"It will be soon. The grounders are very close to our camp."

He moves closer to her with his cheek touching hers. Both relishing in the contact.

He pulls his head back slightly, lower body still in contact, to look into her eyes. She feels butterflies in the pit of her stomach as she looks into those dark eyes that so full of passion.

"When we defeat the grounders, I am going to ask the Chancellor for your hand, Clarke."

"You don't need to do that," Clarke whispers.

"We both know we do. No matter how hard we try, we cannot live a life without the chancellor's blessings. Our people will not let us live happily otherwise."

Clarke pulls back and holds his hands in hers.

"How can you be so good about this? You know she would want me to marry for politics because according to her that's what leaders lives are. She won't let me marry you."

He smiles softly at her and tugs a strand of her hair behind her ear, "I know, but I will prove how powerful I am. How fit I am for you during the battle. I will destroy the grounders for you, Clarke. I will deliver the chancellor the grounder commander's head to be united with you."

Clarke is overwhelmed with emotions and pulls his face down to hers. He groans at the contact as the sinful lips passionately smudge kisses all over his face and finally land on his lips. He grips her waist tighter and Clarke can feel he wants more, desires more. She always has whenever they've shared these passionate moments but she is waiting. She wants her wedding night to be special ; she wants to follow her dad's beliefs, who according to her mom was old school. She wanted to follow her dad. She wanted to honor her traditions and morals. She had pledged herself that she would, on her father's death.

"Just a little more patience, my love. You will very soon have your way with me. You will have all of me- my body, my mind, my soul. I will be yours, I promise," Clarke whispers breathily as she creates some distance from him.

She watches as his eyes return to their normal size, and he composes himself.

"I should go now, Princess. My absence will be noticed, and you know how Kane can be. I hate the fact that he is the army chief, and I have to be his general aka his bitch."

"That temper of yours will get you in trouble. You know this is for the best. You are learning and soon will be competent enough to lead our armies," Clarke says encouragingly.

He moves closer to her one last time, brushes his lips against her cheek and moves back.

"See you later."

"Bye, Bellamy."

He grins as his feet lead him away from the chancellor's daughter's room.

He stands at the door and looks at her body, unabashedly up and down. Clarke reddens at the scrutiny and wears a question mark look on her face.

" I'll be waiting for the day when you will fulfill your promise, Sky Princess."

With that he leaves, leaving Clarke with the most beautiful pink colour on her cheeks.

...

She is sitting there, tapping her feet restlessly against the floor. She cannot believe this is happening. She, Abby Griffin, the leader of the Arkers, the civilized people, the modern people, has lost against the savages - the violent, vicious people. She couldn't help but be grateful to Marcus for being able to negotiate with the grounder commander in the final moments to withdraw her force and meet her in the Ark to strike a deal with them. She knew it was a hard bargain, but she had no choice.

...

"Clarke!" Octavia shouts as she bangs Clarke's bedroom door.

She keeps on banging but hears no reaction to it. Finally, she opens it up herself and enters Clarke's bedroom. At first, she finds it empty until her eyes lands on Clarke's bed where she finds her friend entangled with her brother. Both sleeping with a peaceful look on their face.

"Eww, gross! Get up, Bellamy," Octavia says smacking her brother's back.

Bellamy groans but removes himself from Clarke.

"What the hell, Octavia? Can't you see..."

Octavia quickly cuts him off, "Yes, I have seen enough to be mentally scarred for the rest of my life, Bell."

"Oh shut up, O. We were just sleeping." Clarke's sleepy voice reaches both the Blake siblings, making the sister roll her eyes and the brother grin stupidly.

"Why did you barge in again?" Bellamy asks.

"Oh, yeah! You need to leave now, Bellamy. Abby is coming this way, and she has a very deadly look on her face; not to mention the fierce temper she demonstrated today just this morning."

This immediately gets Bellamy's attention, and he rolls off Clarke's bed. After kissing Clarke's forehead, he leaves the two women alone.

Raven appears at Clarke's door a few minutes after Bellamy's departure and Clarke getting up and adjusting her clothes.

"Griffin, your mom's calling for you in the meeting room."

"Hello to you too, Raven." Clarke says grumpily.

"Get your ass down to the meeting room, Clarke! I have a feeling this isn't one of your mother-daughter friendly talks." Octavia says, urgency in her voice quite evident.

Clarke laughs humorlessly as she puts her shoes back on, " I am failing to recall when I last had a friendly talk with my mother."

With that, she makes her way down to the meeting room, chatting with her best friends. Octavia kept on bragging about her martial art skills, and Raven argued that she could electrolyze her easily and down all her moves would go. Clarke just shook her head and muttered, "cocky bitches," amusedly.

Once she reaches the room, her mom quickly ushers all three girls in. Clarke is surprised at the lack of people surrounding her mom, especially at the absence of Marcus Kane.

"You called, mother?" Clarke says, faking politeness in her voice.

"Yes, Clarke. You need to listen to me very carefully. You too, Octavia. Please stop playing with the curtain Raven and come here. The grounder commander is going to come here this evening, and I want you all to be on your best behaviors."

"I am sorry, but did I miss something? I thought that they were our enemies, not our best buddies," Raven speaks up.

"That kind of tone won't work, Raven, and you are right. We were hardly friends, but now...now things have changed. We are going to negotiate with them." Abby says.

"With those savages? No way! Wait...you are hiding something, aren't you, mother?" Clarke asks sharply.

Abby sighs as she takes up her chair.

"Yes. We nearly lost against them, thus these negotiations will be on their terms."

Octavia and Raven both start to protest, but Clarke just nods. She understands how her mom, as much as she tries to hide it, is powerless here. Clarke knows there was no way in hell she'd agree to talk with the grounders otherwise.

"You girls should get ready for the feast we will be holding in their honour, " Abby says gritting her teeth and dismissing them.

Thus after a few hours, all the council members, along with the other Arkers, hear the guard announcing the arrival of the grounder commander and her delegation. The grounders are asked to rid themselves of their weapons before entering the great hall, and Clarke inwardly sighs in relief as no commotion is created regarding this.

Then, she watches a dark, fierce looking woman enter the hall with her eyes sweeping everywhere, as if searching for a possible threat. Three more warriors follow her. Her body language speaks anything but friendly. Abby remains rooted on her spot as this woman announces,

"The commander's here." Her voice is fierce, unflinching and emotionless.

Abby nods at the warrior and watches, keeping a straight face, as another woman enters the room. She is wearing a long black cloak with multiple symbols and has a shoulder guard protecting her left shoulder. A red sash is also hanging from the front of her armour. War paint is covering her face, making her green eyes almost black and enhancing the coldness they carry. However, once Abby looks closer, she realizes that the grounder commander is no older than her own daughter. So young, yet so dangerous. Abby stops the scrutiny and is the first one to move forward among her people,

"Commander."

Abby extends her forearm in grounder fashion, to appease her at least a bit, and the great commander clasps the elder woman's arm firmly but there is not a tiny hint of smile on the her face. Her emerald eyes only darken and Abby inwardly flinches back. It's clear that the commander wants to remind the Ark Chancellor of the war, of the victor. She wants to remind her that who is in charge of the negotiations, even though they were being held at the chancellor's land. The Arkers will know of her power.

...

The feast is lavish, to say the least. Lexa was informed that the negotiations were to be held after it. She had wanted to be over it as soon as possible but couldn't help wanting to be over it as soon as possible. Her demands will be simple, but she knows that Abigail Griffin will not like them. The talks will be painful on both sides. She sips her wine and watches the dancers dancing. Then she watches , while still drinking her wine, as the chancellor's daughter joins the dance floor with a warrior. Lexa couldn't help but notice how very beautiful the girl was. Soon, she herself is asked to join the celebration too, she wants to protest but she is taken by surprise by discovering who had dared to ask her- a little girl, merely of 10 winters. And thus, the grounder commander dances with the little girl, a small smile tugging at her lips as she watches the little girl twirl and laugh in joy. After two songs though, the commander bows at her dance partner formally and excuses herself. She can see the young girl staring at her in awe as she moves to her chair. She inwardly chuckles at the young girl's response.

Abby eyes her in bewilderment. The strong and ruthless commander was lost in the dance. She was nothing but kind to the young girl. But as soon as she had returned to her seat, the same coldness had returned and the relaxed form of the commander vanished into thin air. The commander was anything but simple, Abby deduced. She really was one heck of a mystery.

"Chancellor, will you honour me with a dance?" She hears the very famaliar voice of Marcus Kane reach her ear.

"I would love to." Abby answers in the same formal tone.

As they move into circles, Marcus asks. "What are we going to do about it, Abby?"

She sighs before answering. "We have no choice but to agree to whatever they demand. I am actually surprised they even agreed to this."

"You are telling me. Let's just call it good fortune."

"Let's not hurry too much at the conclusions but the grounders are being led by a child, I don't..."

"Don't underestimate her, Abby. I have seen her in a battlefield and she is nothing if not smart. Her moves, her strategies, she is one heck of a leader despite her young age." Marcus warns her.

Abby frowns as she ends the dance and moves back to her place.

...

Lexa sips her wine as she allows her vision to lazily roam around the hall, her eyes halting at the Sky Princess dancing with the young warrior. She looks so carefree and happy, moving elegantly with the music and smiling uncontrollably. Lexa understands why she is called the 'Princess'- she looks nothing less than that. She shamefully looks away. This was not why she was here. She was here to make a deal with the Arkers and be done with it. But she was going to ruin the life of the Sky Princess too...

Clarke sits after the dance, and Lexa takes a deep breath. She gets up gingerly but walking proudly stands in front of the blond girl. She then extends her hand to the girl and asks,

"May I have this dance?"

Lexa watches amusedly as shock registers on Clarke's face. She is startled to say the least. Her eyes scan to where her mother is sitting and after receiving a nod of approval from her, clearing her throat she says,

"I would love to, Commander."

The commander leads her to the dance floor. As Clarke scans her face, the commander all of a sudden feels very exposed. Her eyes are so young, so beautiful, so pure, so observant, so blue. Lexa feels very nervous and the shy side of the fearless commander, intrigues Clarke endlessly and feeling bold, she starts moving sensually with the music. Clarke notices the commander admiring her, a smile forms on her lips at the attention. She watches the commander move at her turn, and she has the grace for such a feared leader. She wonders where the commander learnt to dance? Was she trained just like Clarke had been? All these thoughts are wiped away from her mind as they get together in the middle and their palms meet. Clarke had never been electrified but she totally understood the feeling after the mere contact. It was like all the atoms on her body were on high alert, had moved to their excited states, and all her senses hightened. It took all in her to stop from gasping. Controlling her nerves, she again moved with the music avoiding any eye contact with Lexa. The feeling subsides as they both move away and stop touching. Finally Clarke looks up and stares at those captivating emerald eyes. When she looks away, Lexa moves back a few steps and nods.

"Thank you for the dance, Clarke of the Sky People."

The ocean coloured eyes glow for a moment.

"The pleasure was all mine, commander." Clarke replies politely, as she had been taught since a young girl being the daughter for the chancellor.

Clarke sits back to her place just as Lexa sits next to the chancellor. Clarke eyes her mother who nods at her. Then she moves her head towards her dark haired boy who is standing with their friends; Monty, Jasper and Raven. She swoons at how handsome he is and how she is lucky to be the woman holding his heart. Soon she will give her all to him and will have him all too. Just the thought of it is enough to excite her heart and get it to racing. Then she watches as the commander, with her general -Indra- led by her mom, moves towards her man. Lexa and Bellamy have a brief conversation and Clarke stares at them interestedly. Suddenly, the jade eyes stare into the clear sky blue eyes and Clarke is once again lost in sensation.

...

They all were seated at the great table in a very tense atmosphere. The celebrations had failed to wipe out this tension, as it turned out. From the gounders side, Lexa and her general were sitting straight on their chairs and the opposite end was occupied by Abby and Kane. Octavia was standing behind them because it was no news to anyone that the Ark leaders were not good at defending themselves physically. A staring contest had been going on between Indra and Abby for the past 10 minutes and neither party had spoken up. Octavia tried her best to stop her feet from tapping and had been successful till now but wasn't really sure how long the success would last.

"Commander, I think we should start off with the talks." Kane finally spoke, trying to make his tone as friendly as possible. Abby felt a very fierce urge to roll her eyes at the tone but resisted.

"I want the little of your forces that are in my territory to move back."

"Of' course. " Abby agrees readily. This was not a problem for her, not at all. In fact, those poor lives would be saved.

"All my healers will be trained."

"We don't have any spare healers, commander."

"That is your problem."

Abby opens her mouth to argue but Kane quickly cuts her off. "We will manage, no problem."

"They will train all my healers in my camp." Lexa continued with her demands in a very cool voice.

"No. That's just not possible." Abby says finally losing her cool and slamming the table.

"You are in no place to argue with me, Chancellor."

"But commander, I just can't imagine my people walking into your camp and teaching your people there. They are not going to be comfortable." Abby tried to reason.

"You need to broaden your imagination then, Chancellor." Lexa retorted coldly.

Abby gritted her teeth in defeat and said, "Next?"

"You will destroy half of your weapons in the presence of my warriors."

"I cannot do that. Our weapons are the only thing that make us strong."

"You can and you will. You can keep the half you desire, but one half will be destroyed."

Abby looks ready to fight but stops when Kane sends her a look that says, This might be the last demand. Patience.

"Very well. I will ask Bellamy to finish the task tomorrow morning. Anything else?" Abby asks, hoping against hope that the answer was no.

"Yes. I will wed your daughter."

Octavia and Abby both stare at the commander as if she had grown horns. Kane looks with a unwavering expression. He knew something like this was coming. Abby stands up from her seat and grips the table tightly. Nothing had prepared her for the words that had left the commander's lips. Octavia had also moved forward and spoke up angrily,

"Never!"

Lexa raises her eyebrows in question at Octavia.

"I wasn't aware you were part of the talks," Lexa taunts.

"Cut the crap. Clarke is my friend, and I will not let her marry some heartless beast like you!"

Indra gets up, unsheathing her sword, but Kane quickly steps in between and shouts, "Octavia, Leave. Just trust me. Speak of this to no one!"

Octavia stays there for a moment before looking at Abby, who herself is fuming. Then, she nods at her and leaves.

"Let us all please take our seats and talk this through," Kane says calmly and sighs internally as he watches the two ladies - Abby and Indra- take their seats.

"Commander, how can I allow this? She is my daughter. What will I have in return for allowing her to marry you? What will we gain?" Abby speaks in a surprisingly calm voice. She already knows the answer, but she doesn't know why. She wants to hear the grounder commander say it. Maybe to make it a bit more real.

"Nothing. You will gain nothing. It is I who will gain everything. You will not dare try to attack our lands with your absurd technology and have your daughter's life at stake."

Abby knows that if she was in Lexa's shoes, she would've done the same thing. It was the wisest move. Kane was right, she shouldn't have underestimated the young commander; but she wasn't thinking rationally anymore. It was, after all, her daughter's life at stake.

"She is not a trading utility! She is a living creature. She has feelings; she is a woman!"

Lexa remained impassive at the heated speech.

"Please don't do this." Abby finally begged.

"You are being weak for your daughter. It's understandable, but I cannot allow it." Lexa paused for a while before continuing, her eyes firmer this time.

"If you do not agree to it, then we will finish off your camp. Your people. If you do not accept, then we will continue with the war till each and every one of you has been wiped out."

Abby can feel the moisture in her eyes. Her throat is dry. She tries to open her mouth, but fails. She is a broken woman - a defeated leader. A defeated mother.

"We accept." She hears Kane say softly as she feels pressure on her arm.

Abby just nods.

Lexa gets up with Indra following her suit.

"We leave after a day, prepare the Sky Princess."

"Of Course. Can we send a friend with her, at least?" Kane asks.

Lexa contemplates for a moment before answering, "If that's what she wishes for."

Kane nods in response. All four of them leave the room, one by one, with not a single one happy.

...

Clarke smiles as she runs her hand lovingly through Bellamy's short hair. God. He really is handsome.

"You are staring." Bellamy murmurs.

"I am gazing." Clarke says caressing his cheeks.

"It's very creepy." Bellamy says.

"It's romantic." She says as she runs a thumb across his lips.

"Hmmm. How was dancing with the brooding commander?" He asks, propping on his elbow.

Clarke immediately turns defensive, "It was just like any other dance. Why would you ask?"

"Oh. Nothing. Just, I mean I know you are bisexual and she is-"

"Don't even go there, Bell. You know, I love you. " With that she crashes her lips on his as he responds eagerly. Only after a few moments, he flips them over - him on top of her. Clarke opens her mouth in protest, but this just gives him excess to her mouth and he-

"Clarke, Abby is coming!" She hears Octavia shout, and the couple immediately jumps apart.

"Bellamy, go! If she finds you here, at this ungodly hour, she will surely suspect us which will make things difficult for you." Clarke says fixing the other side of her bed and pushing Bellamy out.

He doesn't protest, leaving as quickly as possible.

After a few minutes, her mother stands at the door and knocks.

"Come in."

"Hey, Clarke."

"Mom? Everything alright?" Clarke asks faking a sleepy tone in her voice.

"Ah...yes. I just- I just want to tell you that I love you, Clarke." Abby answers sitting on Clarke's bed and running her hand softly through her daughter's hair.

Clarke gives her a bewildered look before saying, "I know mom. I love you too. What's wrong?"

Abby opens her mouth and then closes it again. "I- I have an important announcement to make tomorrow, Clarke. Please dress up nicely and be prepared. Always know that I've always wanted the best for you, even if I can't give it to you."

"Be prepared for what, mom?" Clarke asks softly.

"You will see, my child," with that she pecks her forehead and leaves leaving a baffled Clarke.

"Well, that was definitely weird." Clarke mutters to herself before laying back in her bed and drifting off to dreamland.

...

The next morning after breakfast, which thankfully she wasn't asked to attend with the 'guests', Clarke makes her way to the infirmary. She had been informed that more soldiers had been brought in, battered from the war, hence, more doctors were needed. She didn't have a doctorate degree, but she was the next best person after her mom. All thanks to her experience in the area and teaching her from a young age. She had expected causalities, but not as many as Jackson had told her once she had reached her destination. More than half of their army had been brought down. She couldn't help but agree that if the negotiations with the grounders go successful, it would be the best thing for them. It was clear that the odds of Sky People defeating the grounders physically were heavily against them.

She immediately gets to work and tries to patch up the injured to the best of her abilities. By the time she finishes up with it, it's almost noon, and Octavia comes in the hospital wing to take her out. Clarke notices that her friend is unusually gloomy and is talking less than usual. When she asks her about it, she seems to struggle with words before giving up all together. Clarke is still trying to coax it out of her when she sees Raven walking towards her, fuming.

"Where is that lover of yours?"

"Huh?"

"I asked where is that son of a bitch Bellamy?"

"I don't keep him in my pocket, Raven, and don't call him that."

"Oh really? He fucking stole a bomb from me!"

Now that Clarke understands the matter, she can't help but laugh. Bellamy was just adorable. Clarke knew he loved teasing Raven about her love for bombs. This time, it seems, he had gone a bit more practical.

"Calm down, Raven. We both know he will return the lid to you after using it." Clarke said, still laughing.

"Screw you. If you two marry, it will be like the worst thing ever for me." With that Raven turned around and started walking in the other direction, but Clarke quickly grabbed her arm, halting her in her place. Then, raising her arms in defeat, she said,

"Okay, okay, I'll ask Bellamy to return your babies to you. We both know he was just playing with you."

Suddenly, Octavia's radio came to life, and they all heard Harper's voice telling them that the chancellor needs them all in the great hall in an hour.

"Now what?" Raven groans.

"Feast." Clarke says, eye rolling.

"Speaking of feast, I couldn't help but notice the enticing dance you shared with the hot grounder commander. Breaking up with Bell finally?" Raven winks at Clarke and receives a shove from her in response.

"Bitch." Clarke mutters and Raven just chuckles.

"What's up with you, Octavia? Why so quiet? Oh, I know...you totally saw your brother and Clarke-"

"Raven...Shut up!" Octavia finally spoke up. Both of her friends failing to get to know what was bothering her, even when they finally made it to the great hall, all dressed up.

...

Clarke wears her dark blue dress with golden outlines. It is knee length with a square neck which shows enough of her cleavage to be attractive and breathtaking, yet not entering the indecency line. She is wearing light make up, which is giving her face a much more radiant look which still looks natural on her.

She sits on Abby's right, and after a few moments, Commander Lexa enters. Her armour is still on as is her sash and everything that comes with, in her mind, with the title 'commander'. She silently takes her seat on Abby's left, nods at Abby, but completely ignores Clarke. The truth is that Lexa can't look at Clarke and not feel ashamed of herself. She just used the girl for herself, without asking for her consent; but she did what she had to for her people. Her people always come first.

After the feast, Abby gets up to announce the outcome of the negotiations.

"I am pleased to announce that our negotiations have been successful. In fact, a wonderful alliance has been formed and will only be strengthened when my daughter will marry the grounder commander." Abby wills her voice to stay strong as she announces this. She hears the gasp that escapes her daughter and can feel her anger towards her. She is just thankful as Clarke remains silent at the moment.

After a while, in which the people seem to come out of a trance, a round of applause rings in the great hall, but Clarke feels nothing but sickness. Her mother just used her like a pawn in her game. She wants to argue with her, fight with her, rebel, but she doesn't as the hundreds of dead bodies of her people swirl around in her mind. She gulps as she tries to stay calm. Then, drains her whole glass of wine in a single swig, not bothering about using table manners. She needs it to be able stay in her seat for the remainder of this torturous event.

...

"You are insane!" Clarke shouts at her mother, once they are alone.

"Clarke-" Abby starts.

"No, I will not! I cannot marry her!"

She is trembling, losing control of her body. This cannot be happening, she screams in her head. This is just a nightmare. How can she marry someone else when her heart belongs to another already? How can she give herself to someone else when she has promised it to the other? How can...

"Clarke, there was nothing that I could do. It was Lexa's adamant demand. You know what would've happened if I didn't agree. She is using you to safeguard herself from our attacks. I know this is hard, but this is the sacrifice I need to pay for being a leader."

"Price you have to pay?" Clarke shouts.

"You? You are not the one marrying some ruthless, heartless monster! You are not the one getting sacrificed! You...You are not paying anything!"

"FINE! The sacrifice you have to pay for being a leader!"

Clarke opens her mouth to protest, but Abby cuts her,

"Don't you think I see it? I see how the kids follow you around. I see how they'd rather follow you than me. I see that you are their leader. Tell me Clarke, you would rather let your friends die than protect them when you have the chance?"

Clarke remains silent, her chest still heaving from the outburst. Finally she asks,

"Will anyone be going along with me?"

"Yes, Octavia."

Clarke sends Abby a death glare before she leaves the room, ignoring whatever her mother was trying to say further. She has had it with the conversation. She was done.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER-2

Bellamy feels like his heart is shattered into a million pieces as his sister informs him of the news. He has tried going to Clarke's room four times since. Each time, Raven greets him with a morose face, shakes her head sadly, and informs him that she isn't there. Now, he is there for the fifth time, ready to knock when he realizes something. The door is basically an analogy to his life. Like the door, there will always be barriers in his life to stop him from having the girl he loves. He observes the intricate design on the door. The intermingled lines remind him of how fucked up his life has become. How it has become so intermingled with Clarke's. How he does not know what to do without her. His hand is still in the air, ready to knock, when his sister pokes his head out of the said door.

" Again, she is not-"

"Here." Raven's voice completes Octavia's sentence.

Bellamy looks away from the piercing stare of his sister and moves back only to be stopped by Octavia's hand as she places it reassuringly on her brother's.

"She is not avoiding you. I promise. She has just gone to talk to Abby. I know this isn't easy on you, Bell, but you need to face the reality of this. I have already packed my things and Raven is packing Clarke's."

These words really jolt Bellamy into the actual reality. He feels it crushing him and suffocating him. He feels his eyes sting, but he will not cry in front of his sister. He will stay strong.

"I did not agree to go with her just for her, Bellamy. I did it for you too."

Bellamy nods, expressing the gratitude he is feeling for his sister on his face,

"Thank you, O. At least, she will have someone there who she can rely on and trust."

"I will take care of her. I promise, but it's time for you to accept that she is no longer yours."

Bellamy whispers in a heartbreaking voice, "She never was."

Octavia opens her mouth to object, but he beats her to it and continues, " I should have known, Octavia. Abby would never have let her daughter marry me. After all, I tried to kill Abby's best friend, Jaha. I just kept thinking, hoping, that if we were able to win this battle, if I were to be able to prove myself to her, it would be ok. I would be able to marry her. I should have seen how foolish that notion was in the first place. So so foolish. "

"It's hard to fight against life, brother. No matter how hard you try, it comes back to bite you on the ass."

Bellamy nods in dejection.

"What do I do now?" His voice pleads. He no longer is the strong, fearless brother Octavia was used to. He is nothing but a broken, hollow man now.

Octavia gives him a small smile as she says,

"You love her. You show her you love her, show her you are there for her. Who knows what the future holds for you, Bell, but her future is marked. Your one mistake will ruin her whole life. She is reckless and headstrong, but she will forsake her nature for her people. She is doing this for us, Bellamy. Respect this and accept Abby's decision. What you need to do now is love her till she leaves."

"You want me to show her that I love her by not showing myself?" Bellamy chuckles darkly and leaves.

She is hiding in the small room on the roof. She does not want to speak to anyone because she has no words and neither has she the ability to listen to people giving their fake congratulations on her soon to be marriage. She was treated like a trade utility, exchanged to keep the country healthy and running. She feels tears starting to leak her out of her eyes, and she doesn't try to stop them. This might be the last time she is allowed to cry freely, for she fears that is she going to be a prisoner very soon. How is it that life is still unsatisfied after all it's taken from her?

Her mind falls back into her past. Those few glorious years of her childhood. She thinks of the love her parents shared. She remembers her father always holding the chair out for her mother. She remembers how he would occasionally grab her knuckles and kiss them lovingly. She remembers the adoration in her mother's eyes as she would look at her father. She remembers the times when she went to wake her parents up on weekends to find her father and mother cuddling deep in the most blissful sleep. She remembers her parents dances at the Ark's annual founding day; her father holding her mother close and swaying to the beat. She swooned to her parents often, hoping one day to be as in love with someone as they were. She was a passionate woman; she craved intimacy. Now, here she was betrothed to a woman she hardly knew for a day. Her parents found each other through love, and she didn't need to do any finding as life had already found her her other half. Though the only difference is that she hates her.

Bellamy was everything to Clarke. He would find her when she was most upset, console her, and shower her with his love. He would occasionally bring flowers to her, just to watch her face light up. He would bring movies for her to which they would cuddle and watch it on her dad's old laptop. He would send her secret smiles while training, and he would always be trying to work a little too hard to impress her. Occasionally, making a fool of himself in the process. His kisses...oh his kisses..were like a shower in a desert. He came to her every night after she said good night to her mother. He was the one who held her in his loving arms when she had a nightmare. In the beginning, they would fight each other endlessly, banter over the smallest things, but somehow, they both fell for each other. Clarke found how true his passion was.

Her eyes brim with tears at the flowers, scarves, necklaces, and all the gifts he has given her throughout their time together. She cannot take them with her because it will be too suspicious. She wipes her face with the hem of her shirt, but the tears keep flowing, wetting her face again. How did this happen? Why couldn't it be Bellamy at the end of the aisle? She has this urge. This sudden urge to run to her room, call Bellamy, and give him everything of hers. Let him have her before the commander has a chance. She stands up, opens the door, and comes out. She is ready to walk down the steps that lead to her room to follow through with her plan, until she looks down from the rooftop.

He is in the training ground fighting with his sister. He is training really hard, but she can see his heart is not into it. She can see how unusually uncoordinated his punches and kicks are. The sight breaks her heart even further. He is just as torn up about this as her. She really wants to sooth his pain, his suffering, but she can't. The slight moment in which she hesitates, peering down at Bellamy, gives her mind time to think of the pledge she had made when her father's died. She has only one thing of her own, her virginity. She can either give it to the man she loves and part with him, or she can keep it until her wedding night, as she had promised. She knows that giving herself to Bellamy, then leaving him will further devastate the both of them. So, she does nothing but observe her Bellamy fight .

"Are you sure you want to come with me, O?"

Her friend sends the young girl a smile.

"Clarke, you know I love my brother, but right now you need me more. Plus it's not like I can never come back. I might come back once you get comfortable and make some friends there."

Clarke wishes to give a sarcastic answer to it (because really? getting comfortable there? Not likely) but she doesn't as she knows her friend is also powerless here and is just trying to be helpful. So instead, she envelopes her in a hug. Bellamy hasn't come to say his good-bye to her, but she thinks it's better this way.

"Did you return him the things?" Clarke whispers.

Octavia nods. She did not agree with Clarke for rounding everything she had ever received from Bellamy up and sending it back to him, but she did understand. She has to cleanse herself from her past and become the wife of the commander of 12 clans. No mistakes are allowed for such a strong position. So while saying final goodbyes to her brother, she returned all the gifts to him.

"Do you think you could love your new wife?" Raven, who had just finished packing for Clarke, asked casually.

Clarke's eyes blaze with anger and giving Raven a deathly look says,

"Never."

Whenever her mind goes to Commander Lexa, her thoughts become dark and sinister. She will accept her as her wife, even lie with her in her bed, but she will never love her. Her biggest demand was to marry her. Clarke will not allow anything else. She has stolen her hand from the man it belonged to, and she will not let her steal her heart too. She detests her.

Raven studies her friend quietly. She is wearing a blue button up shirt with black pants. A blue jacket hangs on her shoulders. Even in the casual dressing, she looks regal. She knows she was born to lead. She had from the very first time she had met the girl when she had landed on Earth. She had seen how the 100 listened to her. She had also witnessed the initial struggle of leadership between Bellamy and Clarke. It was clear to her though that from the very beginning, it was Clarke that was the leader. Raven was proven right when Clarke turned out to be the one who managed to keep them alive till the elders landed on Earth. Thus, she never really saw Bellamy fit for her. Bellamy was not equal to Clarke.

A wave of sadness hits Raven as she realizes all the potential Clarke has. She was born to rule, her mother would have sooner or later subsided, leaving the ground for Clarke. With the brilliant mind like hers, Raven was sure Clarke knew this, yet she was ready to give it all up for love. Raven looks away and out the window with the realization that she has never felt that way about another person before. It brings sorrow to her heart, and she believes she will never have the sentiment returned.

There is knocking at the door, Octavia sends Clarke a reassuring smile as she gets up to answer it. The door opens to reveal Ryder, with a stoic expression. Clarke scowls further. She somehow finds herself loathing this man as well.

"Sky Heda, are you ready to go?" He asks in a deep, rasping voice.

Clarke glares at the warrior even his voice sounds irritating to her. Everything related to the grounders sounds irritating to Clarke, since the announcement of her marriage. Nonetheless, she nods and follows (Raven and Octavia right behind her) the warrior to the Ark's gate, to meet with her new fiancé.

Lexa's servants have already loaded all of Clarke's belongings onto the wagons. Lexa is standing with Indra, Marcus, and Abby awaiting Clarke. She enters, looking more fierce than ever, and Lexa looks at her in dejection. She does not want to do this, to rip this poor girl from her home, but she has a duty to her people, and for their protection, she must. Sacrifices must be made for the peace and safety of her people.

Clarke reaches the bottom of the stairs, both her friends behind her. She stands tall in front of Abby. Abby frowns and brings her into a hug. Clarke stiffens at the contact but if Abby felt it, she ignored it.

"I love you, Clarke."

Clarke does not reciprocate instead waits to be freed of the hug. Clarke knows she does not wish this, but it does not stop a part of her from hating her for it anyway, blaming Abigail Griffin. Marcus hugs her next, telling her how proud he is of her and thanking her in her ear. Clarke feels better knowing at least he knows a bit of what this is costing her.

Raven is next. She launches herself at Clarke and hugs her with full force. Clarke has given her the love of a sister, and Clarke feels the same way about her. She is like a sister, and she feels as if she were her blood. A few tears escape Raven's eyes, and Clarke wipes them away, sending her a watery smile.

"I will miss you so much, Griffin."

She closes her eyes and channels some internal energy to stay strong. She will not break down in front of the damn grounders.

"I will miss you as well, Raven."

Raven proceeds to hug Octavia but she no longer is paying attention. She has turned to the woman she has a grudge against. She looks right at her into those strong bottle green eyes that are soft when they fall upon her. Clarke walks forward, power in each step. She is face to face with her, the first face off since the awful arrangement had been made,

"Sky Heda."

She uncontrollably shivers at how her new title sounds off the lips of the commander. Her voice is so soft, so welcoming. She focuses on rage to clear her head, she focuses on her hatred for this woman. The commander then bows down and kisses her knuckles. She is so surprised that she does not even bother to take her hand back. She had seen this only in movies of olden times. Who did that now-a-days? Apparently, the grounders. This does shock her but not as much as her bow. She was a fan of Arthurian movies and knew that the people with lower stations bowed to the people with higher stations and the commander definitely had a higher station than Clarke, and yet she bowed. But maybe that particular part isn't followed by the grounders. Her theory is immediately rejected as she hears Indra mutter disapprovingly something in a foreign language which earns her a deathly glare of the commander.

Rage, anger, detestation, she tries to focus back on the negative emotions. She looks back at the commander. She is expected to reciprocate.

"Commander."

The green eyes were looking intensely into her blue ones, but with a dip of her head, the commander breaks away the contact and motions to Ryder. She is still staring at the commander when she hears the trotting of a horse. Her eyes widen as they fall upon the most beautiful horse she has ever seen. It is a stunning brown coloured horse that Lexa grabs the reins of and pats the horse. She allows a small twitch of her lips as she looks at Clarke.

"Clarke, this is Hedwin. She is a powerful and loyal horse who will serve you well in our journey to Polis. Please accept this as a gift. " Lexa says, handing the reins to Clarke.

The horse is exquisite. She has azure eyes to match Clarke's, and her body is hard and muscled. She can hear it's strong heartbeat. She cannot help but run her fingers over the animal's mane. She may detest the woman, but she cannot detest this present. She looks at Lexa in the eye and is amused to detect a hint of nervousness in them; her body language, however, is anything but nervous. This is the moment Clarke learns that Lexa holds her emotions in her eyes.

"Thank you, Commander. I think she will be a comfortable ride to Polis."

Lexa nods her head in reply, and Clarke turns her head to pat the horse. This turns out to be a mistake as her eyes fall on the man standing behind Octavia. There he is, the man who has her heart. She suddenly feels guilty for accepting the gift. She questions herself. What is wrong with her? Accepting gifts from one and returning gifts to another. She looks at him apologetically, and he tries to smile at her in understanding, but it turns into a grimace. Clarke sighs at this.

Lexa steps up to help Clarke on her horse. Clarke reluctantly takes her hand as she seats herself on the saddle. She had ridden horses a lot with Bellamy, hence, why she doesn't require any assistance. She wanted to leave the commander's hand hanging, to ignore her, to embarrass her, but she didn't because she knew how fragile the alliance was. She needed to save her people.

It is a whole day's journey to Polis, and Clarke knows it will be anything but pleasant. She isn't proven wrong in the slightest. Octavia, who was riding another horse side by side to Clarke, had run out of remarks by the time they had reached the boat clan, which thankfully was only a few miles away from their destination.

Suddenly, she watches Lexa, who was riding in front of her, dismount her horse. They are standing by a lake next to a house. One of Lexa's warriors knocks on the door and returns with a beautiful brown haired beauty.

"Costia, my good friend, how are you?"

"I am good, Lexa. Finally taken a moment to visit me?"

She smiles at her, Clarke looks on in wonderment, who is this woman?

"Costia, I would like you to meet Clarke, my betrothed. "

Clarke is momentarily lost but takes her cue to dismount. Lexa supports her as she gets down, and Clarke feels those goddamn sparks at the contact, yet again. She brings her in front of Costia. Costia receives her in a hug that leaves Clarke surprised beyond words. Grounders hugged?

"It is nice to meet you, soon to be the wife of the Commander. I am Costia, daughter of Luna, the Commander of the boat clan."

"Where are your people?" Clarke can't help but ask, as she looks around the secluded area.

Costia chuckles as she responds, "Believe me, they would have loved to meet you, but our Lexa here, hates all the attention. This is a special path she uses to reach Polis to avoid all the attention."

Clarke looks in her periphery to see Lexa rolling her eyes.

"But do you live here?" Clarke asks, gesturing at the house.

Costia shakes her head and says, "No. I just come out here when I need some alone time or when Lexa calls." She blushes at the Commander, she is so informal with her.

"I am glad the war is over." Costia says in a sincere voice, turning back to Clarke.

"As am I." Clarke replies curtly.

"Well, we must take our leave now. I only wished for you to meet my fiance."

"Sure. It had nothing to do with wanting boats to cross over the river."

"The Commander can have ships at any command," Indra says angrily. So this wasn't how normal folks behaved with the commander, Clarke observes.

"Shop of, Indra." Lexa silences her.

Costia shows them to the boat and they all settle in.

"Bring all the horses to Polis by nightfall." Lexa commands Ryder who nods at her solemnly and walks away with them, presumably taking some longer land route to Polis.

"Thank you, Costia. I hope you will visit Polis soon."

The girl's eyes light up at the attention. Clarke looks between the two, trying to decipher the relationship between the two.

"I hope so too."

"Goodbye, Heda. Goodbye, Sky Heda." She finally shows some respect to the Commander.

Lexa nods and the boat moves towards her home.

Interesting indeed...

After about half an hour, the boat is halted, and the riders, one by one, get out. Clarke and Lexa are the last ones to leave. Lexa, as it was becoming the usual now, offered Clarke assistance. Clarke, without thinking and without any resistance, accepted it.

Clarke caught up with Octavia, and they both followed the grounders into the city. They walked for a few minutes, until they reached their destination.

The Great Commander's home - a palace.

In front of the building, there was a beautiful fountain with 7 sculptures. Lexa saw Clarke looking at them with interest and answered her unvoiced question,

"All the previous commanders."

"Only 7?" Clarke asked curiously.

"No, 14, but the rest are on the back side of the building." Lexa responded impassively.

The interior of the castle was exquisite in an old fashioned kind of way. It was clear that it was an old place, but it's antiqueness made it impressive and grand. The maintenance was also remarkable. Clarke noted how secure the place was. Two guards on every door.

Lexa lead Octavia and Clarke inside, hoping to show them around, but Clarke could was done being polite. She wanted some privacy now.

"Commander, it has been a long journey. I would like to rest now."

Lexa looks at Clarke, a sad smile on her lips, and formally replies,

"Of course. Judith will show you both to your bed chambers. Feel free to rest now. We will have a feast in your honor tonight, if that's okay with you."

Clarke wants to give some hateful reply. What is with everyone and celebrating her defeat? First, at Camp Jaha. Now, here. She is just about to reply when she feels pressure on her hand as Octavia tries to calm her down and remind her of their position.

"Sure. I will be well rested by then."


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa walks out of the castle and onto the grounds. She stands there, lost in her own thoughts, when she hears footsteps behind her. The steps are heavy and loud which leads her to reasoning that they aren't a threat to her. Regardless, she looks at who it is from her periphery just to be sure.

"Norma, what brings you here?" She asks without turning around.

"Do you believe me now, Commander?"

"I do, but it is of no consequence."

"It is interesting you picked her as your wife, Commander. Of all the women in the lands to take..." She chimes in.

Lexa turns around and shoots her a deadly look.

"You will mind your tongue if you want to retain it. I chose her because of necessity. There is no other meaning in my action."

"Yes, Commander. I guess you just got lucky then. She is beautiful, after all."

Lexa sighs. She knows Norma is testing her patience, but she is in no mood for a fight today. So, she ignores her.

"How soon will you wed her, Commander?"

Lexa turns her back on Norma once again to hide the blush from her face, "Three nights time."

Norma smiles.

"The time of the full moon. Good choice. Maybe then-" she stops herself.

Lexa exhales a deep breath.

"Say whatever you have to say, Norma. You will not get the chance again."

"I have told you what the stars say, Commander. She will destroy you. The blonde beauty with a fire in her speech, in her heart, in her eyes. Fire that I am afraid will burn you, Commander. "

"Why do you ignore the other part of your prediction?" Lexa says, clenching and unclenching her jaws.

"Why are you ignoring the threat then?" Norma counters, respect forgotten.

"Because I believe in the first part." Lexa says softly.

"She has the fire, Norma. I believe her fire will light up ways for our people."

"You just wanted to avoid war again." Norma says distastefully.

Lexa dips her head.

"We would have won the war, but lost many lives. I could not afford that." Lexa speaks.

"You cannot protect them all, you know that." Norma says remorsefully.

"I know. But it is my duty - to protect them - so I shall."

"Three nights are not far away, Commander. I wish you well." Norma says and waits to be dismissed.

"Never try to question me in public, Norma. Indra will have your head for it." Lexa warns her.

"I know."

Lexa dips her head and dismisses her. The uneasiness fills her heart. She has barely spoken to her bride and is to wed her so soon. It all seems so rushed, even among her people who marry as soon as they find their match or as soon as their elders do for them. She feels this is wrong somehow, but there's no going back now. Lexa looks up at the castle and sees her walk by her window. Before the Sky Princess can have a chance to spot her, she quickly leaves her place of view.

...

Judith first shows Octavia her room, then leads Clarke to hers. As she enters, she finds another maid waiting in her room, who bows to her. Clarke nods at her and smiles. She is not used to all these formalities.

She finds that her room is heavenly though. She has never seen anything so attractive, yet so simple. There are designs on every surface that are full of different symbols, different colours, and different styles. Yet, it is not excessive. Her room smells of freshly plucked flowers, and she finds the source of it sitting in a ceramic vase - a beautiful array of roses. Her bed is bigger than any she had used before. The feathery softness was an extremely welcoming feeling, especially after her journey. As she looks around her room, she notices it has two interconnected rooms - one for bathing and one for eating. She makes her way to the exquisite dresser on the side of her bed and opens it. Her elations comes to a halt as her fingers touch the cloths. The implication of the new grounder style clothing is alarming and their symbol beyond infuriating.

"She wants me to wear her clothes! Dress up for her!" She snarls, looking at the different pants and tunics on one side and beautiful dresses on the other.

Both the maids look shell shocked as the Commander's fiancé starts to pull the clothes out of her closet and throw them on the ground. Clarke screams in frustration as she throws the last dress out. Octavia, who had been given a room next to Clarke, comes running at the noise. She quickly comes over to her and grabs Clarke around the shoulders.

"Clarke! Stop this!"

"Why, O? She wants me to be her doll, dress in her given clothes, so that she can fucking own me? What does she want? To show me that I am to depend on her for the rest of my life? That I have no free will anymore?" Clarke says heatedly as she grabs a bundle of clothes from the ground.

"Sky Prisa, these are actually gifts from people all over the lands. They wanted to show their happiness for their beloved Commander's wife. It is a tradition, the Commander has nothing to do with them. " Judith speaks shyly.

"Really?" Clarke asks softly.

She feels terrible now. Octavia bites her lips, starts to pick up the dresses from the floor, and takes a look at them.

"Did I ruin any of them, Octavia?" Clarke asks guiltily.

Octavia looks over the dresses and says, "Nope. It doesn't look like it."

"Oh, thank God!" Clarke says shakily, feeling a little less guilty.

"Judith, I am so sorry for this. I am just tense and not myself right now. Thank you for clearing it up for me." Clarke genuinely apologizes.

Judith, for a moment, is taken aback with the Sky Princess's sincerity. Then, a smile breaks on her face, and she nods.

She, then, hands Clarke a big box.

"Please open it."

Clarke complies.

As she opens the box, her breath stops. Inside the box is the most beautiful pendant she had ever seen. It's edges are covered in diamonds, and the centre is a beautiful ruby. An intricate design is made on the stone and, as Clarke holds it up, it shines glamorously. She puts it back into the box and directs her eyes to the breathtaking robe still sitting in the box. The robe is pure white, made of some smooth animal skin with fur adorning the ends. She cannot help but think how it complements the Commander's robe, which is all black. There is a pocket on the side, and she finds a beautiful sheathed dagger in there. Clarke unsheathes the dagger and finds how finely crafted it is; it's blade is sharp, and the sheath is well designed and very light in weight. She sees Octavia nod in approval at the dagger.

"These are breathtaking." Clarke manages to say.

Octavia moves to her side, examining the things herself, and admiring them.

"The necklace is from the Desert Clan's Heda, who will not be able to attend the wedding, and the robe has been especially made for you, hedatu."

"As is the custom." Judith adds quickly.

"Will she need to wear it all the time?" Octavia asks .

"No. Only during feasts and when she will be made our hedatu." The other maid, for the first time, speaks.

Clarke nods and grabs the dagger, smiling at the present. It somehow is her favourite. The sharp blade reminds her of her strength and independence. It reminds her of the Ark - Of her people.

"And the dagger-"

"Is from me."

All the ladies in the room turn at the sound of the Commander's voice. Lexa stands there, with her hands behind her back due to having no sword attached to her hip, where she could usually rest her hands. Clarke's mouth is open, caught ogling and appreciating her gift. She has done it again. She has drawn her in with pretty presents and glittery objects. She curses her inwardly and turns. Her eyes come up to hers which are surprisingly vulnerable.

"Do you like it, Clarke of the Sky People?"

Clarke stands up and passes the other women in the room a look.

"Ladies, would you please give us a moment?"

Both the maids leave quickly, but Octavia stays for a while, wordlessly communicating with Clarke. She leaves only when Clarke reassures her that it's okay to do so. Lexa watches impassively until the door clicks shut and turns around to find Clarke shaking with her hands clenched tightly at her sides, and the dagger forgotten on her bed.

"How dare you.." she says through gritted teeth.

Lexa looks at her dumbfounded.

"Clarke?" Her voice is small.

Clarke lifts her head, advances towards Lexa, her finger pointing at her.

"How dare you shower me with gifts and come to my room uninvited and unannounced! How dare you treat me like some common whore who will fall in your bed just because of your title and your gifts! I am a leader, Commander! I am a respectable woman! How dare you expect me to be bought!"

"Clarke-"

"No! You do not get to speak!"

She is in her face with her eyes sending daggers to Lexa's bewildered ones. Lexa tries to move back only to find the wall behind her. She does not wish to hurt Clarke, but she doubts if the feeling is reciprocated.

"Commander Lexa, head of the coalition of the 12 clans, I am here as your prisoner. No amount of these petty presents will make me forget how you have ripped me from my home, my family, my loved ones! Do you know what you have done to me? You have destroyed me! I have nothing here, nothing! You picked me because I was closest to the chancellor, and it is easiest to control my mother with me. I am nothing more than a puppet in this dirty game of politics that you're playing."

The usually impassive Commander's eyes are wide. She is so close to her that she can feel the venom in her words burning Lexa's face.

"Clarke-" She starts again.

Clarke slaps her. She moves her head and stares at the wall in shock. She cannot move. Let alone breath. She hears a sniffle and slowly turns her head to find Clarke has slumped her way down on the floor. Her head, between her hands, and sobs so hard it makes her body tremble. Lexa gingerly kneels in front of her and moves her hand to cup her chin to have her look up at her. She is so broken in this moment. So unlike the Clarke she had gotten to know in such a short time. Clarke sees blood slide down her sharp cheekbones, the lies reminding her of the water fall near Camp Jaha.

"Why did you give me a dagger?" She asks.

Lexa shakes her head. She opens her mouth to speak but isn't sure what to say. Clarke doesn't give her much time,

"Is it to torment me? To tempt me? Do you want me to kill myself, Commander?"

Lexa's eyes snap to hers.

"Never. No, of course not, Clarke." Her thumb brushes her cheeks.

"Are you sure, because I want to die." She sobs and continues, " I want to be back with my people, with the man I love. I want to marry him, and I want to love him. Now, I can never do that. I will now belong to only you."

Lexa hates herself. She has killed many people to protect her people, and she has done many horrible deeds for them. People think her as heartless, but that is only a facade. She feels. She feels something for the woman in front of her. She feels something for the woman crying because of her, and she hates it. Clarke's sadness is seeping into her pores. Her knuckle brushes over her other cheek to where her tears slide on her fingers.

"I am truly sorry, Clarke. This vicious game of politics has cost you your love."

Her voice is small, and she looks away from Clarke. Clarke grabs at her sleeves, begging her to look her in the eye.

"You can change it. You can change it all. You can fix this. You can send me back. You can let me go home."

It is a silly request, and Clarke knows it will not happen. Lexa brings her lips to her forehead and drops a soft kiss there. For some reason, Clarke welcomes this gesture.

"I wish I could, Clarke. I wish I could send you home to the man you love, to the man you want. I wish I could give you the happiness you crave, but I can't. I wish none of this had happened, but it did. Because of this and because we are leaders for our people, we have to pay the price for our people. You and I have to bear the weight, so that they don't have to. This is what being a leader is, Clarke."

"I never asked for this." Clarke whispers.

Lexa looks down, and Clarke hears a quiet sniffle. She is surprised to find tears making their way down the Commander's cheeks. She's tried to hide them by moving her head down but it's too late. Clarke moves forward until she is straddling Lexa's thigh. Her hands fist into her tunic so she will look at her. Somewhere in her mind, Clarke wonders why are they so close at that moment, but she doesn't give much heed to the thought. After a while, when Lexa is sure the tears are not able to be seen on her face, she looks up at the blue eyes and speaks in her firm, Commander voice,

"I am so sorry that I have cost you so much, Clarke of the Sky People. It is not possible for me to send you home, however, it is possible for me to promise you something," Lexa stops to take in a deep breath, "I will never lay a hand on you in a way that is not welcomed by you. If that means you will not go to bed with me, I will accept this. I will never force you to do anything you did not want, and I will never stray from you. I will never commit adultery, even if you decide to never be with me. This pledge, this pledge, is only what I can offer to you right now, Clarke."

She looks at her in awe and gulps at her sincerity. She can tell Lexa is being honest, can read it her eyes, and hear it in her voice. An unknown pull makes her move forward and draw the Commander's face in. She brushes her lips against hers. Clarke had intended, even though involuntarily, the kiss to be a thank you kiss, but the moment her lips connect with Lexa's she forgets her purpose for it. She lifts herself up and deepens the kiss. Her hand traveling around to clutch the Commander's braided hair, pulling at it, softly. Lexa's hand comes around her waist instinctively bringing their bodies closer together. Flush against one another, both can feel the passion and heat in the union. The kiss lasts longer than a thank you kiss should, and Clarke finally gains the courage to pull away. Her eyes search Lexa's, then she closes her eyes in shame and moves her head back.

"Thank you."

Lexa is silent.

"You are welcome, Sky heda." She finally says, using the title again totally unaware of the effect it has on Clarke.

Clarke stands up suddenly, creating some much needed distance between them. Lexa looks up at her from the floor. The Great Commander is on her knees in front of her. Clarke doesn't feel as powerful as she should have.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa walks in the hall, where all her generals as well as hundreds of her warriors are present. They all stand up in respect and bow their heads as she passes them and stands at the end of the room, at a raised platform. Then she announces, her voice full of confidence, not wavering the slightest.

"Welcome, the heda of the Sky clan, Clarke of the Sky People!"

Clarke makes her way to where the commander is standing, Octavia walking behind her, her hand of the handle of her gun, ready to defend Clarke if necessary. But all eyes are on Clarke, watching her; judging her. She looks beautiful with her blond hair braided fashionably behind her head. The blue tunic that she wears, brings out her eyes and the white cloak over it only enhances its beauty. Her beauty. However, what she doesn't look is vulnerable or small. She has a defiant expression on her face, no smile gracing her lips, and her eyes look as sharp as the edges of cut glass. She looks regal. She looks powerful. She looks solid. She looks fierce. She looks respectable. She looks Clarke.

It clearly makes an impression on the grounders, as they gradually bow their head in respect at her as well when she passes. Lexa inwardly smiles. She loves this side of Clarke; gathering respect without really trying. She looks straight into the Sky Leader's eyes as she makes way towards her. She wants to avert her gaze because she feels like Clarke's eyes are looking into her soul. Looking into her deepbut she doesn't have the power to move her eyes from the beautiful sight. She gulps the invisible lump in her throat.

Clarke ignores the grounders as she walks towards the Commander. However, she had heard the soft murmur that erupted when she entered the hall. She decides to not pay heed at them and rather looks into the eyes of the commander. She waits for Lexa to avert her eyes, but she doesn't and Clarke fails to do it either so she just looks into them. She is surprised to see so many emotions in the eyes of the Commander. Her body is as stoic as ever, her eyes however, betray her. It's clear to Clarke, that the Commander likes what she is seeing. She slightly smirks at the thought until she suddenly recalls the previous events. The embarrassing, mortifying, shameful events. She recalls how she had grabbed Lexa and kissed her like such a needy , desperate woman. She recalls how gentle Lexa had been with her. She recalls how she had left the Commander at the floor. She shakes her head lightly to come back to the present. Lexa is standing in front of her, looking dashing in her festival clothes. The black cloak suits her, makes her eyes look darker. A red slash is hanging diagonally across her cloak, showing her status.

Clarke approaches her, realizes that the platform is at a little higher level and gets ready to step up, when she finds a hand extended towards her. She does not hesitate to take it. There had been enough embarrassment for one night.

"Sky Princess."

"Commander."

She guides Clarke to stand on her left and Octavia stands behind her protectively after nodding Commander a greeting.

Lexa takes a step forward to address her people. "Today we are here for a celebration. The war with the Sky People has ended. My warriors, you fought bravely and have returned home safely. As many of you are aware, we have come back with a guest; Clarke of the Sky People. She will be my wife, my equal and your hedatu." Clarke feels a blush creeping on her face but she keeps on looking ahead.

Cheers erupt from the crowd when the Commander pauses. She raises her hand to quiet them and then continues,

"We lost our warriors to this war, they will always be remembered but today, I announce that the Sky People are our allies now. They are not to be harmed. And anyone who defies my command, will pay with their life." She says menacingly.

The already silent crowd becomes impossibly more silent at the Commander's words, Clarke observes. However, this silence doesn't last very long when the Commander says,

"Begin the feast."

And just like that the silence is broken and laughter and life fills the hall. Clarke takes a bite of the fish that the servers had filled in her plate and uncontrollably moans in pleasure at the taste. Lexa slightly turns her head in her direction and gives her a small smile.

"This is delicious." Clarke explains.

"It has been made by the finest spices available in the lands." Lexa approves, though not looking at Clarke again. Her heart sped up by just giving her a glance earlier. Her dark pink lips taunting her, Lexa momentarily closes her eyes. That kiss that Clarke bestowed her before was nothing like she had ever felt before. The tension, the feeling of her hands in her hair, her own grip on Clarke's waist as she slid up higher to deepen the connection. It keeps on replaying again and again in the commander's head, a continuous loop of torture. When she had pledged to not to touch her, she wasn't aware she had given Clarke the authorization to come onto her...not that it was a bad experience. No, not at all bad. Lexa unconsciously licks her lips.

However, she doesn't say anything and they both silently eat their food . Clarke looks around in awe. The people look so normal, not at all the savages that Clarke knows them for. She then looks at the commander from her periphery and finds Indra whispering in her ear and Lexa frowns slightly.

Clarke looks at her questioningly but Lexa only politely says,

"Clarke, my apologies, but you will need to excuse me. An important matter has arrived. "

Clarke wants to ask what the important matter is but she doesn't, reminding herself that she really doesn't have a right to ask the Commander that, it's surprising enough that the Commander's tone was apologetic about it.

Clarke nods.

"Where did she go?" Octavia whispers from behind her.

"Dunno. Don't care." Clarke says dismissively.

"Shouldn't you be involved in all this stuff though?" Octavia prompts.

"But clearly I am not." Clarke states.

"So how have you been, O? I feel terrible to have ripped you off from your friends and family."

"Don't, Clarke. You know if I didn't want to come, then I wouldn't have. Besides you are my family."

"Octavia-"

"Warning you, don't get all sappy on me, Princess."

"Shut up." Clarke says smacking her arm playfully.

"Well, one thing that I will admit, though grudgingly, is that these grounders do know how to meddle with food. Everything tastes unbelievably good."

Clarke nods and takes a sip of her wine. It's strong.

Clarke opens her mouth to say something but Octavia beats her to it.

"Oh shit. Who are they?" Octavia mutters, straightening up, putting her wine glass on the table.

Clarke follows Octavia's line of sight to find Lexa walking back in the hall with a two ladies, one in a beautiful blue cloak and the other wearing tight grounder pants and a comfortable tunic, on either side of her. The one wearing the cloak has red hair and the other is a blonde. She gives Lexa a questioning look as she makes way towards her with both the women.

Soon the women are standing in front of Clarke, next to Lexa. Lexa clears her throat to introduce them to her fiancé but the red head is quicker.

"Oh hello you must be Clarke of the Sky People! I am Luna, heda of the boat Clan and this is my sister Kenna. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Clarke quickly takes in the women in front of her. Luna looks in her mid-thirties; the lines on her forehead showing her age. She has a small tattoo on the left cheek. It is a moon and it strangely suits her. Her eyes are a lighter shade of green than the commander's and unlike the Commander's, it's filled with warmth and friendliness. She does look friendly, Clarke can't help but think as she shakes her hand in the grounder fashion with the woman.

Then she takes in the blonde. Clarke can describe her in one word; hot. She has sort hair and long legs. A confident look on her face as she shakes hands with Clarke but doesn't say anything.

"I didn't know you were coming." Clarke says looking at Lexa from the corner of her eye, accusation in her voice .

"Oh, the commander didn't know. We were supposed to come the day after tomorrow, on your wedding day but as I didn't have any pressing matters at hand so we came earlier. "

"I am glad you did." Lexa says kindly.

Clarke just smiles politely and Lexa leads them to the chairs next to hers. The servers quickly fill up the boat peoples plates and carefree conversation follows between Luna and Lexa. Clarke is still getting used to this carefree side of the commander and some part of her envies Luna to be one of those people who manages to bring out this side of Lexa.

Suddenly, something catches her ear and her head quickly turns to Lexa.

"Oh Lexa, what happened to your cheek?"

"Kenna, it's fine. I just got it while training." Lexa lies easily.

Clarke shifts uncomfortably in her seat but from her periphery the commander gives her a small smile, reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about.

"Since when did anyone manage to give you scars, commander? Distracted much, are we?" Luna says winking and Clarke feels her cheeks heat up.

Lexa laughs lightly at Luna's comment and Kenna comments good naturedly, " Do you blame her?"

"That's my betrothed that you are talking about, Kenna." Lexa says smiling but there's a hint of possessiveness and warning in her voice.

"I am right here." Clarke can't help but say.

"As I can see. It would be impossible to miss such a pretty face." Kenna says flirtatiously and Clarke hears Octavia whistle lowly behind her.

Clarke's eyes budge in surprise and Kenna laughs, earning a glare from Lexa.

"Be careful about who you are talking about." She warns.

"I am only complementing your fiancé, Commander, nothing else." Kenna replies cheekily. Lexa clenches her jaws.

"I hear that you lived in the Sky before you came here, Clarke?" Luna asks her after rolling her eyes at her sister.

"Oh. Yes, yes I did." Clarke says, taken by surprise at the sudden question.

"Please tell me about it." Luna requests.

Clarke's meets Lexa's eyes for a moment and Lexa subtly nods in approval. Clarke tells how it was living in the skies and all of them listen to her with interest, Kenna included. Then Luna tells her how excited she is for their wedding, at which Clarke smiles uneasily. Finally both the boat clan women are shown their rooms and depart after giving a respectful bow to Lexa and Clarke both. Kenna winks at Clarke before leaving and Lexa's face shows clear disapproval.

"That Kenna girl looks fun." Octavia remarks, trying to control her laugh.

"Shut up, O." Clarke mutters.

"I am sorry for the discomfort you probably had to face, Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa says formally, turning her head towards both the friends.

"Come on, Commander. It was just harmless flirting. Right Clarke?" Octavia responds instead of Clarke and it gets clear to Clarke that Octavia has had too much to drink.

"I wasn't aware of asking you, Octavia of the Sky People." Lexa says icily.

"God. You people are so formal all the time. Like I am the best friend of the woman you are about to marry and yes you are hot but-"

"Okayyy, Octavia. I think you should go and rest up now. You've had too much to drink." Clarke quickly interrupts and pushes Octavia towards the door.

"Hey! It was only 2 glasses!" Octavia protests.

"Just go rest up, O." Clarke pleads, hoping she'd stop making a fool of herself as well as Clarke.

"I see what is happening. You want to have your time with your soon to be wife. I get it. Have fun." Octavia says and then to Clarke's utter mortification, starts making kissing noises. Clarke quickly pushes her out of the door and finds Indra there.

"I will take her to her room, Princess." Indra says dutifully though disapproval in her every word. Clarke nods thankfully and walks back to the hall where Lexa is still standing and waiting for her. Clarke knows she's heard every word that came out of her friend's mouth and thus feels her cheeks burning up when she finds an amused look on the commander's face. She quickly stands side by side to her and can't help but miss her usual hair style, it would've helped to hide her face but to her relief, the Commander doesn't turn her head towards her, rather looks straight ahead at her people.

"Ah...umm, your wine is quite strong it seems."

"It is." Lexa agrees.

"I am sorry for that, Commander. Octavia usually isn't this careless." Clarke continues apologetically.

"All's fine, Clarke of the Sky People."

Silence surrounds them until Lexa breaks it,

"You did wonderful Clarke. You passed the first test."

Clarke turns to look at her, horrified.

"What do you mean test?"

She watches impatiently as Lexa sips her wine before answering.

"Luna approves of you. She is one of my strongest allies and is well respected among all the clans. You know there are a lot of questions about our union among my people, it helps that Luna approves."

"And if she hadn't?"

"Our bond of friendship and alliance would have been affected." Lexa simply says.

"You wouldn't have backed down from the marriage?"

"No." Lexa says, now turning her head too towards Clarke and this time Clarke fails to read the emotions in her eyes.

"How long will the feast last?" She hears herself ask.

"Till the sun comes up."

"Oh."

"But are you ready to retire for the night?" Lexa asks, noticing the tiredness in Clarke's voice.

Clarke looks at the crowd , many are awake and dancing, but she is tired and her emotions are running high. The wine is not helping nor are those soft green eyes.

"Yes, I will retire." She replies formally.

"Good night, Commander."

Lexa nods and Clarke makes her way to the door. She misses the longing look Lexa gives her as she exists.

The next day Octavia comes into her room with a white dress. Clarke gives her a questioning look and Octavia explains,

"Your mom gave this to me before we left. She wanted you to wear this on your wedding."

Clarke holds the material in her hand. It is made of the finest silk and she wonders how little time the workers had to make this dress. It is beautiful, in one word.

"She also said to give you this." Octavia says, handing her a dragon pin. She recognizes it instantly from her parents wedding video. This was the pin her mom wore at her wedding. Suddenly, she feels the absence of her parents on her wedding and without warning a sob escapes her.

Octavia puts a comforting hand on her shoulder as she said, "You know she can't come here. Our people need her."

Clarke sniffles. "I am not sure, I even want her to be here after what she's done to me. But, she is my mother."

"I know." Octavia mutters as she envelopes Clarke in a hug.

"What I wish is that he was here. He used to read me stories about princess's at night, before tucking me to bed. He used to call me his little princess."

Octavia chuckles as she says, "Well, you somehow ended up with the 'Princess' title anyway, Princess. Your dad would be proud."

Clarke makes a sound between a laugh and a sob and moves her head from her friend's comforting hug.

"Thank you for bringing these." She says, gesturing to the pin and the dress. Octavia smiles.

She is wearing all white. A veil covering her face, Octavia has done some light make up of her face but her lips are blood red, not light at all. Judith had helped her with the dress and made her hair. As impossible as it may seem, the grounder wedding looked very normal till now, when Indra enters her bed chambers.

"Clarke of the Sky People, will you please come with for the final rituals before the ceremony?"

Clarke frowns but nods at Indra and follows her.

Two women, both looking quite old by the wrinkles that mark their face, are in the room to which Indra leads her to. They bow at her in respect and Clarke nods at them. She is finally feeling used to this and has learnt that this is how they show their respect.

Then to Clarke's surprise, one of the woman moves and stands behind Clarke and starts to unzip her dress.

"Excuse me but what are you doing?" Clarke squeals and can't help but move away from the woman.

"It is a tradition, hedatu. I will need your skin to be bare for it." The woman replies kindly but her eyes clearly say that she has no choice here. Of course she doesn't.

Clarke's eyes budge. Her cheeks stain red. I need to be strong for my people. She moves back to the older woman and she unzips her dress and pulls it down to her waist. If mortification could kill someone, Clarke firmly believes she would be long dead. She is bare of any clothing till her waist. She catches the small smirk on the woman's face, as she makes her way towards her.

She finds a stone in her hand glowing red. She can't help but wonder what it is but before she can ask, she feels it pressed over her left breast, right over her heart. She feels a sharp pain and hears a cry rip off her mouth. The pain lasts for a moment and then subsides, she lets off a shaky breath. Clarke peers down to find a brand on her skin. Lexa is written in cursive, with small leaves surrounding the names. The brand in no longer than 4 inches. She looks up, horrified.

"The ritual is complete, hedatu. You should go to your chambers are rest for tonight's event." The woman behind her says, zipping back her dress.

She nods dumbly contrary to the storm inside her. She has branded her. Officially claimed her as hers. She can't stop the tears that run down her face, that clog her sight when she reaches her room. Judith and Octavia both look at her in alarm but she dismisses both of them instantly. She can't handle it anymore. Her mind is a dark, dark place at the moment.

She rips the dress off her body, runs to her bath chambers and submerges herself into the cold water already in her water tub, not bothering to get it warmed up. She scrubs her skin roughly, especially one particular part of her body. She wants the tattoo off her body. She keeps on rubbing it, till her skin turns red and little droplets of blood start oozing but she doesn't care. She just wants it off. However, after an hour of this, she gives up. Accepting her defeat. She is angry. So freaking angry. How had she trusted her? The heartless Commander? Promising her to allow her chastity forever and then branding her? How stupid she was to actually think that Lexa really meant it? She knows she wants her, she has read Commander's cloudy eyes several times. Idiot, how could she have trusted her.

Her thoughts once again linger to her past, to Bellamy, to home. Home? Was it even her home now? Can she even love Bellamy now, she thinks as she looks at the tattoo on her chest. She belongs to someone else now, the tattoo screams at her. She had actually believed the words of the great Commander but the tattoo speaks otherwise. She had actually believed she might be able to live an independent life but obviously she was living in a fools paradise. Just the thought makes her cry harder.

She looks out of her balcony. She has just come back from her morning training and has taken a moment to herself and her thoughts. She knows that the day will be harsh for her new bride. She is aware of the ritual that the Commander's partner has to go through. She wanted to fight against it but also knew her union to the Sky Princess was already questionable to her people and they will never accept her as hedatu if she missed even a small part of the whole process.

She recalls Luna's words the night before, as Lexa had tried to exempt Clarke of the ritual. Lexa already knows if Clarke gets the markings, she will hate her even more and for some reason, she doesn't want that. She knows Luna will understand, after all she was known as the most kind hearted heda, and some even considered her weak for it. She did too until she learnt more about life and how strong Luna must be to actually be kind while ruling. The opposition to her must be endless.

I am sorry Lexa, but you know she has to go through what others had to, to become hedatu.

Lexa walks back into her room and takes off her shirt. Then she looks at the markings on her torso in the huge mirror standing opposite to her. She softly traces the one on her right arm, the one she had received when she became Anya's second. Anya. She feels a tightening in her throat as she lets her mind wander over her mentor. She knows that emotions are weakness but she can't help but want to have Anya next to her now. She was the only one who truly knew Lexa. The only one who had known her before she became the commander. She sighs and brings her mind back to the present. She hears a knock on her door and knows it's about time to face her to-be-wife and turn her into her wife.

Clarke comes out from her bath chambers with a towel covering her torso. She finds Octavia sitting on her bed and manages to give her a small smile. To Octavia's credit, she doesn't ask her anything and returns the smile and the dress. She wordlessly says it's about time and Clarke nods.

"You are strong, Clarke." She whispers before leaving the room for Clarke to dress up again.

Clarke puts on her dress and reopens her door for Octavia, her only comfort. Her only friend.

Instead of her, Judith enters and quickly makes up her hair, puts the pin and makes her look presentable.

"Will it be weird that I am wearing this, instead of your clothing, Judith?" Clarke asks.

"Not really. Hedatu's dress is sent by her own people if she is from different clan." She answers honestly and Clarke briefly wonders if her mother knew.

"Clarke?" Octavia asks. She herself is dressed up in her finest clothes. She stands next to Clarke and Clarke can't help but think she has adapted to the new environment. She is wearing a black shirt and black pants. The shirt is long, a tunic. Like the grounders. The shirt is orange on the sides, making her waist look small. Her hair is set up in fashionable braids and Clarke smiles at her appearance.

"You look stunning, Clarke."

The compliment puts a sad smile on her face. She knows she looks beautiful outside, but that's what covers up her brokenness inside.

"You clean up well too, O." Clarke says smiling.

Octavia offers her hand.

"Are you ready, Clarke?"

Clarke loops her arm around her friends as she replies,

"Unfortunately, I am."

The ceremony is to take place in the open, Clarke finds out as Octavia leads her outside the castle, into the ground. Indra in front of her and Ryder behind her. She doesn't feel nervous like she knows brides are usually do. Maybe it's because she this really wasn't a marriage to her, she thinks. It's just a contract to protect her people. There are few people standing on a raised platform, who Clarke assumes to be the clan leaders. Lexa also is standing there, Clarke knows but she's doesn't linger her eyes towards her form. She just can't. Instead, she turns her head leftwards and is surprised to find the huge crowd that has gathered to witness the ceremony. Of'course, she is the freaking commander. Clarke is surprised when Octavia stops rather than walks her to where Lexa's standing.

She is about to ask what's happening when she finds Lexa leaving her place walking towards where Clarke is standing, still out of sight of the people present for the ceremony.

"Sorry, but apparently, the commander has to escort you. Good luck." Octavia says as she leaves Clarke.

Clarke is surprised to find what Lexa is wearing. She is surprisingly not wearing her armour or her cloak but rather a black leather jacket and tunic. An amulet is resting on her chest, it is red in colour. Her sash is worn diagonally today, Clarke observes. Her face is clear of the war paint and is glowing. She looks so young and...she looks just like a girl. She looks beautiful.

Her bottle green eyes meet her azure ones. The eyes are powerful, pronouncing her title which her appearance doesn't. Clarke watches as Lexa sucks in a breath, her lips tremble slightly. Is she afraid of me, Clarke thinks. Just the thought is so foolish that Clarke feels an urge to laugh, she controls it. She stops a few feet away from Clarke but doesn't say anything for a while. Her eyes roam over her body momentarily and rest on the necklace she is wearing, the one from the desert clan. Her eyes linger there for a moment before she looks up at her face again.

"Sky Princess." She says softly.

"Commander."

Clarke gives her hand for Lexa to take, as she can see Lexa will not make the first move. She takes her hand softly and damn those sparks, they erupt instantly. The feeling overwhelms her but she allows it today, she needs it to get over the ceremony. She thinks maybe keeping her hatred aside for sometime won't be so hard after all.

"We should go now." Lexa asks, Clarke nods.

She walks towards her end or towards her beginning, she isn't quite sure. Maybe it's both.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

The walk down the aisle seems long, and she wonders if she will ever reach the end. She takes every second available to look at the decorations. It's dark and the candles line up till the end of the aisle. There are flowers everywhere. A flower fence has been made separating her and the Commander from the general public. It's admirable; the delicate work. She is walking on petals of roses and she can feel their softness as they touch her feet from the sides where her sandal has left her feet bare. The aroma is also intoxicating. All in all, it's just beautiful. She carefully looks up, trying her best to hide her emotions, at the people who have gathered. She is shocked to see the number that have turned up. She only sees heads as far as her sight wanders. And she can see because the whole place is lighting up, the tiny flames of all the candles illuminating the whole setting. Above her, there is a chandelier with little wicks lit up in a circle. She has no idea how the people managed to hang it over there but at present that is far from her concern. All of a sudden, she is feeling very nervous. She is standing in front of hundreds of people with all eyes on her. The Commander probably senses her discomfort as she slowly and gently rubs her thumb over Clarke's looped arm. For some reason, this gesture soothes Clarke a bit, reminding her that she is not alone. That she isn't the only one in the limelight, Lexa is there with her.

Finally Clarke is near the end of the walk. She sees a woman standing in front of them, dressed in half black and half white. Strangely enough, the dress does not look strange on her. Before Clarke can make any more observations, she feels Lexa's hold on her arm loosen and she is left standing on the left of the woman, who Clarke presumes will perform the ceremony. Clarke turns sideways and finds herself standing face-to-face with Lexa. As usual, Lexa's body radiates confidence and stoniness but Clarke knows where she will find emotions and sure enough, she finds the nervousness in Lexa's eyes. The green of Lexa's eyes looking lighter through the reflection of torch on them. However, those eyes are not looking at her, rather past her, towards her people. Clarke knows why she is doing that, she is trying to give Clarke as much space as she can offer her. She is trying to make this easy for her. Clarke wants to laugh a bitter laugh at the deception the Commander is trying to put her into. She can still feel a little pang of pain above her heart, at the tattoo.

Clarke's eyes then find the red shining pendant on Lexa's chest. It looks like burning embers with yellow light falling on it. She wonders what this symbolizes as she had learned over the time she spent with Lexa, nearly everything about her symbolizes one thing or the other. Then it clicks, the Commander's sash is red and so is this pendant. It surely has something to do with Lexa being the Commander.

Suddenly, the woman who is standing in between them, breaks the silence.

"Please hand me the amulet, Commander."

And the mystery is going to be solved, Clarke thought.

Lexa complies, taking off the amulet and hands it to the woman.

Clarke watches in amazement as woman melts the charm in some sort of liquid. Then she picks up two candles and covers the candles with the melted liquid.

"Please give me your hand, Commander."

Lexa again does as she's told. The woman takes out out a small pin from her dress and punctures a small hole in Lexa's palm, and extracts two drops of Lexa's blood on one of the candles. She does the same with Clarke picking up the other candle. Then she exchanges the candles and hands it to both the women.

"Light the sacred candles ,please."

A hand behind Clarke provides her with a small ignited torch. Taking a deep breath, Clarke lights up the wick of her candle and watches Lexa do the same. Lexa had waited for Clarke to perform the act first, watching her.

"I, Norma of the fire clan, am going to wed Lexa of the Tree Clan to Clarke of the Sky Clan. Do either of you have any objections?"

After both of them shook their heads, Norma took the candle away from them and arranged their hands in a grounder handshake manner.

As usual , those damn sparks emerge again and finally the green eyes look into the blue ones. They take Clarke's breath away. Lexa looks fierce. Passionate. Ferocious. She looks glorious. All the nervousness is now long gone from her eyes, instead a determined graces her face. Clarke fails to look away from those eyes even when she feels her wrist being tied to the Commander's with some sort of material and neither did Lexa, looking deeply into the bright blue orbs.

"With these knots, I tie your lives together, your souls together. These knots are a promise of faith, of love, of loyalty. Above all, these are the promises of hope and power of the union." Norma's ringing voice brings Clarke back to the present happenings.

Norma turns towards the Commander and starts,

"Lexa of the Tree Clan, do you swear to honour these pledges till your last breath?"

"I do."

"I ask again, do you swear to honour these pledges till your last breath?"

"I do."

"I ask for the final time, do you swear to honour these pledges till your last breath?"

"I do."

Clarke hears a shaky breath of the Commander as she says, "I do", for the last time.

Then Norma pivots towards Clarke and makes her promise the same thing.

Norma carefully removes the red piece of cloth that was tying her and Lexa's wrists together. Then her voice again rings loudly in Clarke's ears as she says,

"With the Power entrusted to me by the People of all the clans, I now announce you as life partners to one another. You may fasten the declaration with a kiss."

Lexa is hesitant as she leans down, rightfully so, as the slap is still fresh in her memory. Lexa's hands hold Clarke's softly when her lips connect with hers. It is the same as the last time. Clarke feels sparks on her hands as Lexa's mouth presses so intimately against hers. A fire ignites from the pit of her stomach and it spreads till her she feels like her whole body is on fire. The heat is consuming her, Lexa's touch is consuming her. She moans in the kiss, and she doesn't know why she does it, but she breaks Lexa's hold off her hands and grabs her neck to pull her in, urging her on. Lexa's hands snake around her waist and lift her up, consuming her in the kiss, every inch of her pressed against hers. Her feet are in the air, she is floating in the arms of the Commander. The applause and tapping of feet in appreciation is what breaks them apart. Clarke is quick to figure out that the tapping of feet is one way of applause by the grounders, and she actually likes it.

Her eyes look past Lexa to the crowd and finds smiling faces all around, they obviously loved the affection she showed to their Commander. She looks down at Lexa, still in the air. Lexa's lips tremble to form words but her eyes are very vocal and look at her, longingly. Clarke gulps nervously as she is placed back on the ground. The Commander has a confused look on her face but Clarke pays no heed to it. Her mind is elsewhere.

Norma's loud voice brings her back to the present.

"As the wife of the heda, I now pronounce you as the hedatu of all the clans."

With that Norma moves towards Clarke and places the white cloak on her shoulders. Then she bows down and says loudly, "Hedatu."

The same word is circulated around the whole area, like a chant, until finally it comes of Lexa's lips.

Clarke finds Lexa has also been given her black Commander Cloak and her red sash is readjusted over it. Then the Commander walks towards her and places a blue sash on her cloak and with a voice full of authority and power says,

"Hedatu."

"Heda." Clarke hears herself say, confidently so, and then nods at Lexa.

"Heda, Hedatu."

It echoes behind Clarke. It echoes for what feels like centuries. Clarke forgets her pain during this moment. She looks at Lexa. She is mystified at the bright smile on her face. There is so much love for her people on her face that Clarke just stares at her in awe before being unable to stop herself, and moves forward to connect their lips for the second time that evening. It is not as passionate as before but pure, chasté, soft and sweet. When she pulls away she smiles at the wide eyed expression in Lexa's irises. She feels heat rising in her cheeks. What kind of woman is she? Lexa regains her composure quickly and Clarke moves to Lexa's side as she introduces her to all the clan leaders.

By the time Lexa finishes introducing her to the clan leaders, the crowd in nearly gone. Clarke frowns but her unanswered question is answered, when the Commander leads Clarke towards the hall.

A feast has been arranged for the night. Obviously, Clarke thinks sarcastically.

Lexa hadn't directly said anything to Clarke the entire night. So, Clarke is surprised when she hears Lexa ask,

"Clarke?"

She isn't really sure what Lexa is asking until she spots her hand extended towards her, for Clarke to take before entering the hall.

Clarke nods as she accepts her hand. She is happy right now, she does not wish to be cruel. Lexa leads her into the great hall, her hand still in hers.

"Heda, hedatu." People greet as they pass them.

The feast is lavish, even more lavish than the previous one Clarke had witnessed. She is at the head of the table, she is now equal to Lexa, the feeling of power suddenly pulsates through her skin. She never felt this powerful even when she was leading the 100. Once they all settle down, Lexa stands.

"Thank you all for coming today to celebrate not only my marriage but also for accepting my wife as your hedatu. The day has been long and exhilarating. Tonight we celebrate, but tomorrow, we get to work. "

Lexa sits after the applause. Suddenly drums start to play and other instruments, that Clarke doesn't really know the names to, as they are of grounder origin. They all join in, forming a beautiful tune. She sees that no one is dancing. She looks at Lexa, and she is staring at her hands.

"It is customary for me to have the first dance with you, as you are my wife. But we don't have to, if you don't want to -"

"It's fine, Commander. I want to have the dance."

Lexa looks at her in shock. Her eyes are sad but Clarke's eyes are inviting. Lexa stands up, and holds out her hand.

"May I?"

Clarke places her hand in Lexa's as an answer.

Just like the last time, they move sensually together, the connection of their hands sending sparks everywhere. Clarke knows, she should hate herself more for how she feels, but she cannot find it in her soul tonight. For this evening, she will laugh and dance with her new wife. She can hate herself later, after all the night is young.

They reach Lexa's chambers- no. Their chambers. She realizes she had not entered these chambers since her arrival to Polis. Neither has she ever had a chance to explore this antique castle and find all it's secrets. It was still hard for her to come to terms to the fact that she will be living in a castle. A freaking Castle. Anya's tent had not prepared her for the luxurious lifestyle of the Grounder Commander.

The doors of the room are closed and Clarke finds two guards standing in front of it. One is Ryder, she has gotten used to him being with Lexa nearly always. But this is not what brings a smile on her face. Next to these guards, her friend is standing. She runs towards Clarke, not bothering about the etiquettes or whatnot and envelops Clarke in a hug.

"You are married!" She squeals.

Clarke can't help but giggle at this. The statement just sounds so stupid, so surreal.

"I know, O." Clarke says.

But just as she says it, the reality of the situation draws on her. She is married to Lexa. And the woman standing in front of her, is the sister of the boy she had fallen in love with. She really has no idea how Octavia is pulling up this face. But she is thankful she is. Then... she gulps as she realizes just then that this is her wedding night...

Lexa stands next to her new bride and watches the scene with a small twitch of her own lips. Octavia was as bubbly as a 10 year old. She was too lively. It got clear to Lexa that Clarke and Octavia were really good friends as the brunette enveloped her wife in a hug. Some part of her felt jealous of her to be able to do that with the blonde still smiling at her.

Lexa thought of the situation in hand. She herself was nervous about it all. She had never shared her private bed chambers of Polis with anyone. None of her past lovers had been granted this luxury. But then again, Clarke wasn't her lover. She was her wife. Wife but not lover. This was a joke in itself.

"Well, we've been standing and staring at the door long enough, wouldn't you like to, I don't know, actually go inside the room?" Octavia jokes but makes it clear she will be not leaving Clarke until she is dismissed by her.

Clarke shoots Octavia a look and groans,

"Remind me why I am friends with you again?"

"Well, we all know your life would be dull without me."

Clarke laughs at this, even though she knows it's not funny. Even she has no idea why she laughed. Nerves.

Lexa takes a step forward to the door, standing shoulder-to-shoulder to Clarke now. Then she looks at Clarke and Clarke's laughter dies out. Lexa is sad to see it go. In the short time that Lexa had spent with Clarke, she had become infatuated with her laughter. Her eyes would light up as she enjoyed something and the Commander secretly cherished it. And so when the laugh leaves Clarke, she feels a wave of guilt wash over her as she knows she is the one who has stolen away her happiness from her. In the end, she is the one who has caused her pain, and all the suffering. She takes in an inaudible breath, hoping to compose herself. Compose she does, after all, who can be better at keeping an appearance than the stoic Commander?

"Would you like to enter, Hedatu?"

Clarke closes her eyes briefly before whispering,

"Yes, Commander."

The room is even more lavish than the one she was occupying for the last few days. Just like the one she was given, the room had other rooms attached to it; a huge bath chamber ,a room for eating, and a room full of weapons used by Lexa. There are two closets in the room, with intricate designs carved on the wood. Judith guides her to her closet and she opens it. She finds the same clothes she had in the other room's closet placed in this new one however, this is not what catches her eye. One side of her closet is filled with Clarke's things. The few things she had brought down with her from the Ark to Earth. The things she had left when she came to Polis. Her eyes fill with tears as she looks at a photo frame with the picture of her family in it. Her dad is smiling brightly and has an arm over her mom who is also grinning widely, and a 10 year old Clarke is standing in the middle. She quickly wipes off her tears and looks at the other belongings. All of her things are here, Clarke finds out.

"I had them bring here yesterday. I thought you would like a little bit of your old home in this new home."

She turns towards Lexa. Her words were as soft as whisper. Lexa looks away, fearing that Clarke's reaction to this will be similar to that of dagger. She, after all is the Commander, and cannot afford to be demeaned in front of her servants and warriors. However, the damage has been done and so she just hopes Clarke decides against slapping her this time. Clarke crosses the room in a swift motion, and taking Lexa off-guard envelopes her in a hug.

"That is so considerate of you, Commander. Thank you."

She slowly wraps her hands around her wife and says, "You are welcome."

Then she nods at Judith as they separate. Clarke lingers on a moment, longer than what is appropriate for a woman whose purpose is to make the other's life miserable. Their eyes connect and a silent communication is passed. Lexa makes her way to the bath chambers leaving Clarke with Judith and...

"Where's Octavia?" Clarke asks out loud.

"Here!" Octavia says emerging out of the weapons room.

"I gotta admit Clarke, the Commander has bad-ass weapons." Octavia whispers in Clarke's ears when she reaches her.

"What would you like to change into, hedatu?" Judith's voice reaches Clarke and she looks over Octavia's shoulder to find her holding three options for her. The first is a white tunic and trousers. The trousers look very uncomfortable thanks to the hard fur at the bottom so Clarke immediately drops it out of her options. Next is a large gown and Clarke is sure she'll not be able to find herself in it let alone be able to move around. Her final option is a red blue nightgown and plain black robe.

With the help of Octavia she takes her dress off, as Judith was lost on how Sky People's clothing operated. She looks down after she has changed. Is this appropriate?

Lexa comes back in a black shirt and white trousers. The trousers that Clarke thought to be very uncomfortable. Lexa's eyes fall on Clarke and she gulps. The Commander blushes and looks away. She looks too sinful in that garment, I wonder if her skin is as divine...Lexa shakes her head to bring her thoughts back to the right track. Ryder reenters the room and asks,

"Will that be all?"

Clarke waits for Lexa to respond but she doesn't. Instead she finds Ryder, Judith and obviously Octavia looking at her. Apparently she has all the power here. The authority to keep them as protection or to make them leave and enjoy the intimacy newlyweds are supposed to. The truth is, she fears being alone with the Commander, but she has to keep a face. She has come to terms that she has to live here and she likes not to show any weakness whatsoever. And thus this is what she answers,

"Yes, that will be all. You all can leave now."

Ryder is the first to go, closely followed by Judith. Octavia is the last to go after she presses Clarke's shoulders reassuringly and says goodnight to her.

With a small 'thud' sound, the door closes. They finally are alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa gulps but moves to sit on the bedside facing the door. She cannot look at her anymore in that dress, she is not sure if her body can take the torment.

"Commander?" Clarke whispers.

Lexa turns towards her, and finds her looking uncharacteristically shy. She is sitting on the other side of the bed, Lexa eyes Clarke's wrist; where those knots had been tied mere hours ago, tying them together for a lifetime. Then she sees the questioning look in her eyes and recalls that she had been addressed to.

She sighs as she says, "Please call me Lexa. You are my wife. You do not have to be very formal with me."

Clarke intakes a sharp breath and nods. She knows she must be familiar with her but to what level?

"I meant what I said Clarke, I will do nothing that is against your will." She says looking into those sapphire eyes, which she finds boring into her soul.

Clarke gets up from her side and moves to Lexa's side of the bed, sitting close though not touching. Lexa is now her life partner and she is hers. She knows what she has done is inappropriate. Everything she has heard about Lexa through the mouths of the servants and the guests she has met has convinced her that Lexa is beyond infatuated with her but...she never shows it. She is always kind, always gentle, always polite. And Clarke...she has taken advantage.

"I should apologize to you...Lexa."

Lexa's breath hitches as she hears her name fall off Clarke's lips. It feels like rain in a desert. Only a very small number of people dare to call the Commander by her name but she has never loved her name more than now. The sound of it coming out of those delectable lips.

"Regarding what?" She hears herself ask.

"I should not have kissed you...afterwards. After the ceremony. I just thought it was the right thing to do with all your people looking up to...our union."

Lexa gulps and her eyes look down, hiding the rejection she feels. Her words have scratched her but she is not willing to show it. One moment Clarke is soft and inviting, the other she is clawing her heart.

"I understand. It was inappropriate for me to reciprocate, my apologies as well."

Clarke shuts her eyes momentarily. She can feel the pain that the Commander is trying so hard to conceal. Clarke finds it weird how easily she can read Lexa when she is famous for being the most stoic leader. She finds herself hating for what it is saying but her heart is somewhere else, with someone else.

"Please don't apologize. I've actually wanted to talk to you about something. "

Lexa's eyes brighten, if only a little at Clarke's desire to speak with her. She hopes it's a good talk, and one not filled with emotional flame

"You are allowed to talk to me freely, Clarke."

"You have to promise me something first." Her voice pleads.

Lexa looks up in question but Clarke's eyes persist and she nods lightly,

"The informer will not be harmed."

"It depends upon the information, Clarke."

"Please Lexa. I can only talk to you about it if you promise me this."

Lexa sighs in defeat and finally nods her head in agreement.

Clarke takes in a deep breath, closes her eyes, willing the words to fall from her lips.

"I talked to Norma today, and she told me about the prophecy."

Clarke sees her become tense. She turns her face towards the wall, away from her face. She is angry at Norma but at present she is dreading what will leave Clarke's lips.

"She did?" Lexa asks the wall.

"Lexa, will you please look at me?"

"I cannot."

"And why is that so?"

"I just...cannot."

"I want to talk to you about this. I want to know your stance on this, your thoughts."

Lexa can't look at her, she knows this conversation will not end well, she will be furious with her, but this is the least of her worries at the moment. She knows if she looks at her, she'll want her, desire her. She curses the night dress inwardly. No. Lexa closes her eyes, to collect herself. She reminds to herself that she is the youngest Commander, the Commander of 12 clans, the greatest warrior. She can take this, she reassures herself. Then taking a deep breath, she turns towards Clarke to comply by her request. Immediately she realizes it was a mistake as she stares into those azure eyes, so soft, so inviting. She could possibly stare them for eternity.

"Lexa?"

She shakes her head to clear her head.

"I'm sorry. What...what did you wish for me to say Clarke?"

"I wish for you to tell me why you didn't tell me about this before?" Clarke asks in the same formal language that was used by the grounder.

Lexa raises her eyebrows,

"Sooner? Clarke, no disrespect meant but the last time I had a private conversation with you, I was slapped."

"That was a very emotional moment for me. But you should have tried talking to me again. It wasn't a petty matter and you know it!" Her voice suddenly rising.

Lexa is in shock. How do the Sky People's brain function? She can't be serious...

"Tried again? When you made it pretty clear that you loathe me, my company. That you love another and I am nothing more to you than your prison guard!

Lexa stands up, she is seething, and she has lost her patience and her cool demeanor. Clarke rises as well, Lexa may be strong but Clarke will not be intimidated by her. She looks at her straight in the eye, her chin high in challenge.

"Isn't it all true? You, who married me without my consent and ripped me away from my home? You, who obliterated half of Ark's force?"

Lexa takes a step towards Clarke, her jaws clenched in rage, her face losing all softness and her eyes speaking danger. Clarke, however, doesn't falter from her look, and she is not ready to back down.

"I did many bad things on that day, Sky Heda, and you should know I am the best warrior."

"So you are threatening me now? I see. I am not allowed to speak my mind then?"

Lexa takes a step back at this, her eyes look less threatening now but the rage is still evident on her face.

"What do you want me to say? Yes I knew about the prophecy and I knew it was true since the moment I laid eyes on you. What does it have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything! Is this the real reason you married me? Norma told me, about how I'll be able to bring your Commandership to glory. How my leadership is very valuable to your lands. Is it true you just wanted a powerful wife? So I could not be used against you?"

Norma has told her only one part of the prophecy. Lexa inwardly is thankful, she cannot think what Clarke would do if she knew the other. Probably start working against me.

"This is ridiculous. Whatever Norma told you about the prophecy had nothing to do with marrying you. I took you because you are closest to Ark's chancellor. You are her daughter for goodness! It was all politics Clarke!"

"Oh so this is what our marriage is, nothing more than politics?"

Clarke's arms fold, her eyes narrow. Her brain screams at her, she knows what this is, but part of her wishes for Lexa to say something else...what, she isn't sure.

"Yes! I don't know what else do you want me to say or you expect me to say? You know it's the truth. I only married you to maintain peace in my lands."

"You are a monster, marrying a woman just to protect your lands." Clarke spits.

Lexa's fist tightens, her jaw clenches.

"Do not assume to know me. I am what my people need me to be. I do what my people need me to do. I am their Commander first and Lexa later. I will always be. I wish I could send you back, I wish I could marry for love like my people do, like my parents did. I wish I could love someone and they would love me in return. I hoped, even a little, that I could possibly love you, but then I saw you dancing with that warrior...and I knew...I knew..."

Clarke's eyes widen.

"You knew..."

"YOU KNEW BEFORE YOU MADE THE NEGOTIATIONS?" Clarke cries out loud.

Lexa replies in her firm, stoic voice of indifference.

"Yes Clarke, I knew. I knew all along. But believe me, I hated myself every second for what I was doing. What I had to do. It is one thing if you were free, if your heart was not already chained to another, but it was and I saw it clear as day that night. I assume even Abigail knows but I have a feeling she would much rather you be married to an enemy than to a warrior who could topple her empire if united to you."

"How did you-"

"I know. I know you and that boy held all the power before more of your people came here. Anya was my general. She took orders from me."

Something clicked inside Clarke's mind.

"You are the one who sent 300 of your warriors to kill us!" Clarke accused.

"And you are the one who invaded my lands."

"We didn't know!"

"Regardless, you did and you burned 300 of my warriors alive."

"Well, you shouldn't have sent them there to kill us. You had cornered us, we were bound to retaliate."

Lexa sighs knowing this will take them nowhere.

"The past is the past, Clarke. We were at war then, now we have peace."

Clarke immediately thinks back on the conversation they had left unfinished.

Her voice trembles as she says, " You knew all along! You selfish, ruthless, heartless monster! How could you?"

"It was pretty simple actually. Head over head."

Her arm comes up to slap her but Lexa is ready. She grabs her wrist, and pulls her close, her arms coming around her small waist, her face very close to hers.

"I know you grieve for the man you've left. I know you want nothing to do with me. I know you think you could've found another way if you were in charge. I know you are scared for your friends back home and I know you doubt if I will keep my word and not attack them. I know."

Lexa's breath is hot on her cheeks. Clarke stares into those bottle green eyes, surprised at how much she knows. How much she can read her.

"I can never ask for your heart Clarke and that kills me. I know I will never be what he was, but I will try to be what you need now. Besides going home, name what you want, whatever it is, you will have it."

Her voice had gone quiet. She was trying to keep it as emotionless as possible but she couldn't just hold her emotions back with Clarke it seemed, as her voice, despite all her efforts, trembled.

"If I asked you to bring him here, to let me sleep with him, would your answer still be yes?"

Lexa tenses, her eyes close, few tears drop cascade from her eyes.

She replies in a small voice, painful voice,

"If that is your wish, I will grant it. But you will need to be very discreet. I will offer you and your warrior my protection but if any of my generals ever find out; I'm afraid I won't be able to help you much. But you have nothing to worry from me."

She is so honorable, so noble, Clarke thinks. She is Bellamy but different, so very different. She is unselfish and will hurt herself before she hurts someone else, her ruthless Commander image seems so ironic now. Clarke's free hand comes up to brush her cheek, wiping away the tears that had escaped her eyes. Her hand feels cold against Lexa's warm cheeks.

"I would never ask that Heda."

Lexa opens her eyes slowly, specks of hope shine in them.

"You will not?"

Clarke gulps before answering.

"No."

Lexa looks deep into those blue eyes, from one eye to the next, judging the sincerity of her words. She finds only truth there. Lexa's grip on her waist tightens. She cannot take it anymore. She leans her head forward and places her lips on hers in a fierce, hungry kiss. Clarke moans against her wishes, and her lips start moving with the Commander's in a sync. Lexa's hand releases Clarke's wrist and it joins her other hand in Lexa's hair, pulling her face impossibly closer. Lexa's tongue brushes Clarke's lips, teasing her and she gives up. She kisses Lexa full force. It feels so powerful, so right, and so unbelievably good.

Lexa's hands run over her spine, sending her neurons on fire, making her shiver. They then slide over to her front and softly touch her stomach. They move up and ghost over to the side of her breasts, and to her shoulders. There they reach over the material of the robe and slide them down. Clarke does not know why but she allows the Commander this. Lexa runs her fingers over the bare arms, her touch igniting sparks in Clarke's mind and body. Clarke cuts off the kiss for air and Lexa's lips descend to her neck. Clarke holds her there, urging her down. Her hips buckle against Lexa's and she hears Lexa growl, Clarke shivers. Then she feels a sharp pinch on her neck as Lexa bites there, afterwards she runs her tongue over the area to sooth the pain.

"Oh Lexa!" Clarke moans.

Lexa is kissing her madly and it is magical, it is mystical, it is thrilling. Clarke opens her desire filled eyes and she takes in the beautiful sight before her. The Commander kissing her helplessly, desperately. She hears Lexa moan and suddenly realizes where exactly she is. She stiffens and as soon as Lexa feels the change she moves away from her neck to look her in the eye. Lexa reads the change in them and moves back instantly.

"Clarke...I am so sorry."

Clarke remains motionless for a moment, still taking what happened in. Then her arms come around and she hugs herself tightly.

"It's ok-"

"No. It's not okay. I made a pledge to you and take the first chance I have to dishonor it. I am honestly very sorry."

Clarke nods and takes in a breath. She looks down at her body, now free of the robe, her sleeveless night dress is dishevelled. Her eyes fall on the coloration on her neck. Lexa has branded her yet again. However, she cannot find herself being upset at this particular brand. She had enjoyed it. Clarke shakes her head to hush away the thought and tries to reason her actions by telling herself that it had been a very emotional day. She does not know her true feelings at the moment, she tells herself. Then she looks up at Lexa who is looking at her with eyes filled with guilt.

"It was not against my will, so you did not break your promise, Lexa."

Lexa's eyes widen comically, Clarke did not realize what she had just confessed, as her thoughts are elsewhere. She moves away to her side of the mattress. Lexa feels dumbfounded and just sits on her side. Both stare at the walls opposite to them and silence envelops them.

"I can sleep in the weapons room if you want." Lexa offers after a while.

Clarke chuckles at her attempt to ease the situation.

"I will not be kicking out the Commander from her room. I am your wife, Lexa. We can share a bed, if for nothing other more than to sleep."

"Would you mind..."

Clarke looks to her side. Lexa has tuned her head over her shoulder and her cheeks are a little red, she is blushing.

"Would you mind if I slept without my shirt on? I usually don't wear one to sleep but I felt I should considering our...situation. I know it's terribly intimate but I get hot and ..."

"It is alright. As this is probably going to be our usual arrangement, you should also make yourself comfortable."

Lexa gets up from her bed and takes off her shirt, a grey binder covers her chest. She then picks up Clarke's robe from the floor, and places it along with her shirt on a chair. Suddenly, she hears a gasp from Clarke.

"What?"

Clarke quickly closes her mouth. Turns back to her side, blushing furiously.

"It's just, I didn't know you had tattoos. I didn't have a chance to see them."

It's Lexa's turn to blush. She nods slowly looking down at the ink on her left arm. But she knows Clarke is looking at the one on her back at the moment.

Lexa walks to her side of the bed. Clarke is turned away from her, staring at the wall on her side. Strangely, the silence in the room is comfortable despite the amount of emotions exchanged during the night. Clarke has blown out the candle on her side table.

Lexa gets under the furs, she can feel the heat from Clarke's body warming the other end of it. She turns and faces the wall on her side and blows off the last lit candle. They are now surrounded by darkness, only the moonlight illuminating the room . Suddenly she feels movement on the other side and turns around to find Clarke, turned around, facing her. They remain silent for a moment. Both taking each other in, in the moonlight. Lexa feels a smile find its way on her face as she looks at the blonde. She then whispers.

"Goodnight, hedatu."

Her eyes soften.

"Goodnight, Heda."

Lexa turns away to find some sleep, she knows she needs to be well rested in order to rule well. Clarke, however, stealthy turns back towards Lexa. The furs cover Lexa from waist down, giving Clarke a clear view of the large tattoo covering nearly her entire back. The tattoo is glowing in the moonlight however Lexa's hair blocks Clarke's view but she takes in what she can see. The tattoo is basically a swirling design from one shoulder to the other but there are little birds inked on her spine. It is simple yet beautiful. Clarke feels this urge to touch the tattoos but she quickly internally scolds herself and turns around.

She cannot love her, because she loves another. She admits to herself that her body is weak but she reassures herself that her mind isn't. She thinks back of Bellamy. His smile. His laugh. His voice. She feels shame creeping in her system as she keeps on thinking about him. She had kissed Lexa. Kissed her passionately. In a way she has betrayed Bellamy and she hates herself for that but she can't help but deny that she had enjoyed every lip lock with Lexa. Every kiss had left her craving for more. She sighs in disappointment at the sinful thoughts, even if they are of her wife.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Lexa wakes to the smell of strawberries hitting her nostrils. Strawberries were out of season. Groaning she opens her eyes and moves her left arm up to yawn. She tries to move up but fails to do so; her right arm is stuck. She shifts it again and hears a groan. A groan that had not resonated from her throat. Her eyes widen and she looks down.

Clarke had somehow crawled in the middle of the bed and taken up residency on her right arm. The blonde woman is facing her, "snuggling" into the front of Lexa's body, her head right above Lexa's chest binder, her lips millimetres away from the grounder's bare skin. Lexa takes deep breaths in order to calm down her racing heart as she had been taught by Anya during the early days of her training.

Lexa's mind quickly pieces it all together- she was just smelling the other girl's sun-coloured, luscious, beautiful hair. She tries to gingerly move away from Clarke, she moves her hip away from Clarke and tries to slip her arm from under Clarke's head but she freezes as Clarke's delicate hand comes around her waist and pulls her closer. Her lips come in contact with her skin. This is the torture for all my wrong doings.

Lexa closes her eyes, and prays Clarke will not wake up. Lexa's eyes journey down and she finds her looking so peaceful, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. However, this peaceful look doesn't last long, the hold on Lexa's waist tightens to a painful extent and Clarke's nails start to dig in Lexa's flesh. Tears start to escape from the blonde beauty's eyes.

"Clarke."

Lexa says her names softly but it has no effect other than addition of sobs from the blonde's body. Her nails now dig deep into Lexa's spine but Lexa ignores the stings and says in a slightly louder voice, right above Clarke's ear,

"Clarke, please wake up!"

She says it multiple times before Clarke's eyes fly open and she cries,

"Aaaah!"

Her head quickly looks up at Lexa and she trembles, her face burying itself into her chest. She suddenly feels enveloped in the scent of earth; of rain, of timber, of ground. She buries herself further in, hoping the smell to consume away her sufferings.

"God. Oh my God. Oh. Oh. Oh..." Lexa hears her muffled voice.

"It's okay. You are safe now. You are safe, Clarke."

Lexa's hand is running up and down Clarke's spine in a rhythmic manner, her touch easing Clarke's breathing, absorbing away some of her fright. Clarke calms down a bit and whispers,

"I am so sorry."

"It is alright. The nightmares...they can be driven away. You should participate in physical training, as the physical activities decrease the mental stress."

"You sound like someone speaking from experience." Clarke observes.

Lexa nods lightly and says,

"I have seen many horrors of life on Earth, Clarke."

Silence follows them, in which neither tries to change the current positions of their body. Both relishing in the contact and too weak to move away.

"Clarke, please let me help you." Lexa finally says.

Clarke peers up at Lexa, she feels so small right now, so fragile, so vulnerable. She knows her eyes show that she is scared but Lexa's green eyes are softer now, a lighter colour. They show understanding. Clarke gulps before nodding.

She still isn't completely herself and buries her head further into Lexa, desperate for the soothing smell of rain. She had fallen in love with the scent from the moment she first experienced it. Lexa on the part, dives into her past. She recalls the first nightmare she had at the age of 9 years which was not a figment of her imagination but a memory haunting her- her first kill. She recalls how Anya had dropped her tough exterior for one night, how she had been there more like her friend than her mentor, how she had talked to her about the nightmare.

"Clarke, will you tell me what it was?" Lexa asks trying to follow up Anya's approach to the matter.

Clarke slowly moves herself from Lexa and sits up on the bed. Lexa follows suit.

"It replayed. All of it. How...how I had ordered the door of the dropship to be shut while my friends were still out there...while Bellamy was still out there...he was just a friend then but it still was one of the worst moments of my life but recalling it now is much...much more agonizing. I...I saw all the bodies, all them burnt into ash and dust. I saw..."

Clarke hesitates and turns her head sideways and looks at Lexa noticing her hands which were now clenching the furs tightly. Of course. They were her warriors.

"Clarke?" The softness of her voice surprises her. She was prompting Clarke to continue.

"My dream changed then...I dreamt... I saw you. I saw your body on the ground where I had buried my best friend. You were not burned, just...motionless. I bent down to touch your face. You were so cold….So cold." Her voice trembles considerably more at the last words. She might not like Lexa but watching the death of a person yet alive was in no way pleasant.

"I was dead." Lexa concludes.

Clarke nods and feels her eyes sting with tears as the image of a lifeless Lexa pops in her head.

"But I am alive, Clarke. It was just a dream. What you saw...about my warriors...their death...it was what had happened in the past. It was your action during war. It will not haunt you forever." Lexa says firmly though the breaks in her initial sentence makes it clear to Clarke that the deaths were not as easy for the Commander as she tried to pretend they were. She doesn't know why but at this she takes Lexa's hand in hers, trying to communicate to her that she understands her pain.

All of a sudden, they hear a knock on the door and Lexa commands,

"Enter."

The small groan that escapes Lexa's mouth makes Clarke believe that she knows who it is. Soon enough Clarke does too as Judith walks in the room with a tray loaded with breakfast.

"Good morning, Heda, Hedatu." She says as she goes to place the tray in the eating room.

Lexa grunts something and Clarke chuckles.

"What?" Lexa asks turning towards Clarke. Clarke unconsciously rubs Lexa's knuckles and says,

"Well, I really didn't think the great Commander wouldn't be a morning person."

Lexa eye rolled.

"But I do wake up ear-"

"Good morning, Clarke!" A loud, out of place, cheery voice of Octavia reaches them before the owner of the voice graces them with her presence.

Her hands rest on her hips and she nods in approval.

"Well isn't this different Clarke! You are up before me and even having an intimate moment with your wife! I should say if married life is going to make you more punctual you should have invested in the institution years ago!"

Clarke lets go of Lexa's hand and hurls a pillow at her friend.

"Hey! Don't do that, physical abuse is not cool!"

Clarke just scrunches her face up and Octavia happily bounces towards her smiling widely in smug glory. Lexa, who had pulled over a shirt, watches the women in amusement. It seems Clarke has a much more colourful morning than hers, she gathers.

"Good morning, Octavia." She greets.

"Heda." She bows in respect which surprises both Clarke and Lexa. Lexa however, nods in approval.

"Clarke would you and your friend care to join me for breakfast?" She asks politely.

"Just give us a moment and we will be there." Clarke responds, hoping to get some alone time with Octavia. She sees understanding flash in Lexa's eyes before she nods lightly and makes way to the eating room.

"You slept with her?" Octavia asks immediately. There, however is no judgment in her voice. Just mere curiosity.

"Of course not!"

"So you just...slept?" Octavia inquires further.

"Yeah." Clarke lies and turns away from Octavia to put her robe back on. She knows Octavia has been very supportive throughout but somehow she thinks that making out with the person you swore as your enemy won't be very impressive on her part.

"And she had no problem?"

"No, Octavia. I told you about her pledge."

"Well...It's good to know she at least keeps her word then because damn, that night suit suits you my friend." Octavia wolf whistles lowly and earns a smack from Clarke.

Polite conversation flows through the breakfast. Clarke mostly listens as Octavia asks Lexa multiple questions about grounder culture and traditions. It's clear that Octavia is really trying to get to know the place and its people. Clarke thinks she should be doing the same but a voice in her head whispers that she should first try to get to know her wife. Clarke quickly blocks the voice and brings her attention back to the current conversation.

"Octavia would you learn how to use a sword?"

"I would love to!"

"Well, I have advised Clarke that she should learn how to fight from my warriors. You can join her, if she allows."

"Yeah, sure. After all, as you can see she is more excited about it than me."

Lexa smiles a small smile and summons Indra.

"Indra, I want you to assign my best warriors to train Clarke and Octavia for fighting."

"The Sky People don't know how to fight." She says distastefully.

"So they are to be taught." Lexa says authoritatively and glares at Indra. After a few moments Indra nods.

After taking a rather luxurious bath, with scented homemade shampoo and soap, Clarke finds herself in the grounds, covered in mud and sweating profusely.

She and Octavia had been paired up to fight against each other and so far, Octavia was kicking her ass. She tried again and again to beat her, but Octavia's punches and kicks were much faster and surprisingly her face looked like she was enjoying this torture. Then again, she was winning.

"Octavia, come here." They hear Indra order.

"Yes, Indra?"

"I want you to fight me."

Clarke had thought that Octavia would protest but the girl just smirks and moves towards Indra. As expected, she is on the ground within minutes but she does not give up, and gets up again and again after being beaten up again and again.

"Sky girl, give up. Don't be a fool." Indra spits but this only serves as a motivation for Octavia and she launches herself again at Indra.

Clarke watches in horror as her friend's face becomes covered in bruises and cuts. But the stubborn girl won't give up.

"Stop. I order you to stop right now!" Clarke shouts as she sees Octavia try to stagger up again.

Indra smirks as she says, "Wise decision."

She slowly makes her way towards Octavia and offers her hand to get up.

"You have courage and strength, Octavia of the Sky People. But you do not know how to fight. Your fists and kicks are not coordinated; you expose your body too much. You give away your intent before making a move. You..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for the compliments." Octavia says sarcastically and starts limping away from Indra.

"Octavia, I offer you to be my second."

"What?" She turns around surprised and hears a gasp resonate from Clarke's throat.

"Do you wish to become stronger? Or let your talent go to waste? I assure you, if you choose the second option, you will always be an easy target. Your body will not learn to fight and defend on its own."

"I-I want to be your second." Octavia manages to say.

"Your training starts from tomorrow." With that she propels towards Clarke and tells her who is going to train her and leaves the two friends.

"What the hell just happened?" Octavia asks to which Clarke just shakes her head.

Both the friends walk in silence towards the entrance of the castle but something catches Clarke's eyes and she tells Octavia she would join her in a moment.

She jogs up to a woman walking briskly through the field.

"Norma!" She calls out. The woman stops walking and turns around.

"Hedatu." She bows in respect.

Clarke nods but doesn't say anything. She is nervous.

"You wished to ask me something?" She observes.

"Umm...yeah. It's about the prophecy."

Norma nods encouragingly.

"I was wondering, if...if they play a role in mine and Lexa's relationship." She mumbles.

"Well, obviously they do. I told you, you make her strong and vice versa."

"Yes, yes. But I meant...does it somehow pull me towards Heda? Stir desires inside of me to be with her?"

Norma eyes her. Her mind goes back to a place long ago, to a time when someone else had asked her something similar.

"You are lusting after your wife? How unfortunate..."

Norma's sarcasm drips from her talented tongue effortlessly and a smirk finds its way on her face.

"I did not mean-"

"We have herbs if you wish for one, though I don't know why you would want to suppress your own desires." The black haired woman provides.

Clarke looks ashamed. Norma is obviously judging her feelings harshly. She does not know her past. She does not know how she feels. Still...this woman is part of the coalition and from what Clarke has learnt leader of an important clan. Clarke should respect her. She feels as if she is making a dreadful impression already.

"I love someone else among my people in the Ark. Every time I give into my urges to be with Lexa, I feel as if I've been wrenched afterwards. I feel as if I am committing adultery towards the man I love."

"That is very foolish my child, but I can provide you the herbs. If I do so, I advise caution. The potion is imperfect, it suppresses all emotions- when you take it the ramifications could be detrimental. Are you willing to give up your own personality to contain just one feeling?"

Norma's words ring in her ears. She will not be herself if she does this. Could it backfire and her feelings for Bellamy diminish as well? She sighs, Norma obviously does not wish for her to take this herb, she could have just said no...

"I guess you are right, I will give up this idea, I will just learn to control my emotions."

Norma smiles in appreciation.

"Good, for this is the first lesson to be a good leader: emotion."

As Norma speaks, Clarke feels a spark inside of her. A rush. Her emotions suddenly swell. Her leadership lessons have also begun.

"So she kissed you ... then said it was a mistake?"

Lexa slumps lower into her chair. The day had been long, and Luna had convinced her to have a few drinks, though Lexa doesn't usually like to drink, but with everything that has happened she could use a little alcohol. Her feelings have been raging inside her lately.

"Yes, and I don't know what I'm feeling either, Luna. You have known me for a long time, and you know how I can keep my feelings at bay but with her...she has this effect on me. She is weakness, Luna."

Luna pats Lexa on the back. The young Commander looks down at her wrist, the little scar she had gotten when Norma had tied her wrist at the union ceremony, mocking her.

"You know I don't agree with your approach towards love, towards feelings but I know you believe in that so I can feel that this is a hard place for you heda, honestly I do sympathize with you, but this is partially your fault."

"How so?" Lexa says turning around.

"Well…you are the one that made the pledge to never touch her!"

"Yes well her forces killed my mentor...I do not wish to go on a revenge rampage and do the same and hurt her. Forcing myself on a woman is beneath of me Luna."

Luna smiles. Heda truly is an honourable person. She had seen her grow up, watched her play with her daughter Costia; she had always been so honourable.

"You know you will have to bed her eventually, if word gets to Ice Nation or desert clan it would be bad for our coalition as you wouldn't have consummated your marriage meaning the alliance with the Sky People could still be a threat."

"Yes, I know. I will have another talk with her."

Luna pats the heda's arm.

"You are a good person, Lexa. I know you will make the right decision. Just remember, go to sleep first."

Lexa looks at her in question.

"If you are asleep, the temptation will not be there. Know when she retires and get there before her. Then you will not have to face the awkwardness of being in her company. In many political marriages which are thought rare, spouses don't interact. It wouldn't be the first marriage of this fashion. "

Lexa nods into her mug. It probably is the best advice anyone has given her since the whole fiasco started. She knows she will eventually regret telling Luna this information but she needed someone...someone after Anya and Luna was the closest after her. She sighs and rubs her wrist.

She is asleep when Clarke enters their shared chambers, she is startled by her slumbering form. Lexa is as far away from her side of the bed as possible, her back towards her. It is just her and Judith when she enters. She has already said good night to Octavia. Judith takes Clarke's sleeping dress and hands it to her to change into. She then whispers her goodnight and leaves.

Clarke nods and crawls under the covers as Judith slips out. She looks over at her wife, should she even call her that? They have not even consummated their marriage...she sighs as she rolls onto her back. She moves her face towards her, admiring her painted flesh once again. She was so kind to her this morning, so gentle. She has treated her with more respect than anyone she can remember. She sighs as she realises as the days go on, she thinks of Bellamy lesser and lesser and it saddens her.

Norma's words ring in her ears, you are lusting after your wife? How unfortunate...she closes her eyes. This is terrible, awful. She feels as if her body is being pulled in a million directions. She stares at her painted flesh again, she notices it glows in the moonlight, making it look as powerful as the ruthless persona of Heda. Her eyes soften on her back. She has been so cruel to this woman who has been so kind. She feels her heart constrict at the thought.

How has she become so divided in such a short period of time? How has this woman found time to enchant her without her consent? She looks longingly at her back, her shoulder blades poking out, the muscles constricting and loosening as she softly snores. She will say...her new wife is...quite...something. She turns away at the thought, looking at her will only stir her desires more. She wills her body to relax. She supposes silence is the only thing left between them.

She does not notice Lexa's fingers gripping her pillow, her body tensing, and her eyes wide open as they stay on the wall.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

For the following days, Clarke's mornings start with her training but by midday she, with Lexa , attends meetings with the clan leaders and is also present in sessions with the public in which they bring up their problems. It is quite exhilarating for her . She no longer needs to fight to have a say in the matters, she is expected to voice her opinions on each and every matter. Lexa will look at her, urging her to make decisions. She is fair, she is just. However, she is lenient when compared to the grounder ways. Lexa's generals had voiced their concerns regarding this but were turned down by the Commander. She was not ready to listen a word against her wife. However, these protests soon died when Clarke's decisions proved profitable. Lexa was caught looking at her left a few times, impressed with Clarke's decisions. She is not scared to make unpopular decisions, but relishes in the protection she can offer to Lexa's people. Lexa hopes she cares for them as much as they have come to love her. She looks down and smiles to the ground. She has chosen the right hedatu for her people. They were the perfect match; Lexa making the ruthless, cruel decisions and Clarke trying to decrease the ruthlessness and cruelness of her decisions.

"This meeting will continue tomorrow, my wife and I will retire for the day."

Lexa takes her hand in the most regal manner and leads her outside. A soft smile adorns Clarke's face. She looks so happy, so in touch with her true calling. Lexa hesitates, she has sworn to ignore her, to push away these feelings, but the smile does something to her and she asks before she can stop herself,

"Clarke, I know this is forward but will you like to see the gardens with me?"

Clarke looks up at her. She can see the sun lower, as it creates a soft glow around Lexa's face. She bites her lip, what could it hurt?

"I would like that, Lexa."

The sun is creating a magnificent twilight in the area. The soft reds, oranges and purples create a supple feeling of tranquility. Lexa still holds her hand as she walks with her. Clarke looks down at their joint limbs. Lexa's fingers are longer than hers, she can feel the callousness of her palm, surely from her endless training and her pushing herself to be self sufficient, the imperfections seem soothing to the young wife of the Commander.

They reach the end of the palace and stand in front of the back doors. Lexa nods at the guards standing at the doors and they comply to her orders and quickly open the huge doors. Clarke gasps and drops Lexa's hand as her fingers cover her mouth. The back side of the castle owns a magnificent garden. Inside the garden are the most beautiful flowers she has ever seen or heard of. Some part of her wonders whether this is because of the radiations but she doesn't pay much heed to the science behind it at the moment, as she tries to take them all in at once. All of the flowers are outlined with soft glitter on the petals, making them look enchanting. She goes to touch a flower she doesn't recognize, the white sparkles on the ends shine brightly against the twilight. She has never seen anything as stunning as the scene before her. She is so over joyed, so overwhelmed with emotions. She turns to Lexa , she has a rare genuine smile on her face, and she holds out her hand for her.

"Would you like to see the rose garden?"

Clarke has not felt this excited since her childhood, since her time with her father. Her eyes soften and she smiles. Lexa is so sweet to her, so kind, so unlike what she had heard of the Commander. Clarke bites her lips in happiness and nods. Her hand falls into Lexa's and this time she smiles as she feels the sparks, the thrill she feels when she touches the Commander.

"Sure, please."

As she walks with her, she brings her wrist to Lexa's elbow, her other hand coming to rest over Lexa's arm. Their pose speaks of intimacy. Onlookers would think their rulers were deeply in love with one another. It is magical here. The sun creates small rainbows off of the enticing florals. She releases Lexa as she finds the other 7 statues of the previous Commanders standing tall in between the rows of attractive red flowers. Her mouth drops in awe and she walks towards them, the scent of those overwhelming rose flowers filling her nostils.

"So these are the rest of the statues?"

"Yes."

Clarke circles the first statue which is of a tough looking warrior. The wrinkles on his face show that he is quite mature and not young like her wife. His eyes look hard like marble and his face easily conveys the fear people must feel in his presence. Clarke takes a quick look at all the statues and finally stops at the last one which is of a woman, who actually looks kind. Clarke smiles at it.

"She died the quickest." Lexa's voice reaches her.

"Unfortunate. She looks kind." Clarke says honestly.

"Kindness is a virtue Commanders cannot afford." Lexa says impassively and Clarke just shakes her head.

Lexa, however, makes no further comments and neither does Clarke until she finally asks,

"Lexa, there were fourteen Commanders before you. Do you replace Commanders fast?"

" A new Commander only takes their position after the spirit of the last Commander is released from their body." Lexa explains.

Clarke's palms clench into fists as she asks, "What's the average life span of a Commander?"

Lexa remains quiet for a moment, observing her wife before answering,

"3 winters."

Clarke's voice wavers a bit as she asks, not looking at Lexa,

"You have had the Commander-ship since how many years?"

Lexa exhales an audible breath as she says,

"I was called to lead my people 5 winters back."

Clarke's head snaps upwards as she meets Lexa's eyes in surprise,

"So...you are the longest living Commander?"

Lexa nods as she feels warmth seeping into her heart when Clarke's features start to relax.

Clarke slowly walks towards Lexa, her hands extending on either side of her body, brushing the petals softly.

"Why did the others die so quickly?"

"They did not have the coalition."

"You mean they could not build the coalition you did." Clarke says , her lips twitching upwards as she appreciates her wife's efforts at establishing peace for the first time.

Lexa blushes at the compliment and only manages to nod in response.

Comfortable silence envelopes them and Clarke sits down between the roses. She carefully plucks one out and inhales the intoxicating scent it imparts. She feels light headed after the experience . She touches the petals. They are so soft, so comforting. She gets up and faces Lexa. She is smiling the same rare smile that Clarke has started to love. Lexa walks towards her slowly.

"Do you like the flowers?"

She nods in excitement.

"They are breathtaking! How do you grow such a large variety of flowers?"

"They are not all from here. This is a collection of flowers from all the 12 clans."

"That explains how they look so different from one another."

"How are flowers planted?"

Lexa starts to explain her the process in great detail. Who knew the Commander knew this stuff? It's clear to Clarke there are several layers to the woman she is married to. As much as she hates to admit, she finds Lexa more and more enchanting as she manages to peel off one layer after the other.

Clarke stares at her in fascination as she explains the process animatedly. Lexa sees the blue in her eyes turning dark as the sun starts to lower in the sky. She looks at her longingly, hoping the happiness will stay, even if it only lasts a moment.

"Would you like to see something fun?" She hears herself ask the blonde.

Clarke nods eagerly.

Lexa propels herself past Clarke and Clarke follows her. She sees her stop in front of purple flowers; it does not have leaves rather pointed think leaves.

Lexa gestures Clarke to come closer and she does, her shoulders now brushing Lexa's. Lexa turns sideways, gives her a small smile before she tentatively touches the flower. To Clarke's amazement and utter delight, the flower closes itself.

"What-"

"Watch , Clarke." Lexa commands.

Clarke feels a shiver down her spine as she hears her name from Lexa's mouth. Lexa's accent when she spoke her name is...unique. It makes her name sound powerful.

Clarke focuses her attention on the flower as Lexa had instructed. She is further astonished as she sees the flower reopen and shine to its previous glory minutes after Lexa had touched it.

"Wow, this is amazing Lexa!" She squeals as she touching a flower next to the one Lexa had. The flower quickly closes up and Clarke giggles despite herself. Lexa finds herself entertained at the sound.

"Thank you for this. For a moment you have made me really happy."

She smiles down at Clarke, hope covering her irises. She wishes to kiss her, for this moment to be more than comfort, for her to show Clarke that this is her passion. The gentleness of a warrior, bringing joy to others. She however, does none of those things, she only nods.

"You are welcome, Clarke. I hope you find comfort here when you are feeling lonely."

Clarke's thoughts have become wretched again, her fingers itch to touch her, that sharp jaw line, those warm forest green eyes that used to haunt her, are now relieving her of her anxiety. When did she become so calm in the presence of Grounders? Maybe when she felt Lexa react to her unlike anyone else. She may have denied her before…but maybe…for just one moment…

They are alone again, just like the last time she had advanced her. Her delicate hands coming up to Lexa's cheeks, her face feels warm this time, and she brings Lexa's lips down to hers. It is soft, the twilight sparkles, and the roses glow. Lexa's arms come around her to hold her back, it is soothing. It is welcomed. She controls the feeling of this magic, and pulls away, as to not show Lexa her true desires. You are not doing a very good job at making this marriage miserable…she scoffs at the voice. She pulls from her, her sapphire eyes meeting her jades. Lexa looks at her pensively.

"Thank you for bringing me these moments of delight, Lexa."

Lexa closes her mouth, her mask is secured. Clarke will not know how much this single moment has meant to Lexa.

"I am glad I have given it to you, Clarke."

Clarke smiles and says,

"It's late now. I think I will go and rest up."

"As you wish...Clarke."

Lexa is gone again when she awakens, she is surprised. She wonders if this will be a regular occurrence. Her eyes fall to her bedside table. Sitting safely on the wood is a single rose…she doesn't remember picking any last night. She sighs and smiles when Octavia enters her room and informs her that there is no training for her today. Clarke quickly gets dressed and goes down to see Norma. She meets her in the field. She looks quite intimidating as she walks towards her with her shoulders square and chin up. However, she bows down her head in respect when she reaches her. The action reminding Clarke of her status here.

"Hedatu. I was told you wished to see me?"

" You make prophecies about the future, right?"

"According to me, I do. But you will find your wife begging to differ." She scoffs.

Clarke hmms in response. She wasn't aware Lexa did not believe in such stuff. She always took Grounders as people who followed all the same traditions blindly. Yet here she was, learning her wife and the heda of Fire nation differed greatly in their beliefs.

"What about you hedatu, do you agree with your wife's beliefs or are your opinions different than hers?"

"Please call me Clarke, Norma. And I don't really know what to believe. This is all new to me. Though, I am not opposed trying and accepting new things." Clarke adds the last part quickly as she sees the frown starting to form on Norma's face.

"Very well. What do you want to know Clarke?"

"What does the future hold for me...or us. For Lexa and I?" She stumbles on her words but her message is delivered as she sees Norma nod only.

"You will not like my answer, headtu. Heda definitely doesn't."

This obviously intrigues Clarke even more and she insists on being told what her wife was.

"I have seen visions of both of you. I have seen you being attacked by the Stone clan's general and heda saving you but I have also seen you plunging a knife into heda's chest as she is tied around a post. I have seen Heda standing in the boat Clan's territory as the head of Costia is delivered to her on a horseback. The final scene is the hardest; I have seen heda on the ground cold and motionless. Blood around her as she lies at your feet."

Clarke swallows the bile that rises up her throat as she hears of the last vision. It is the same of which she had dreamt. Her heart is racing in fear as she thinks of all the sinister visions she just heard the other woman had had regarding her future.

"What...what do you think they mean?" She manages to ask.

"Something is coming Clarke."

She looks at Norma, nervous.

"What is coming?"

"I do not know, but it is a great threat the peace that the Commander has built as well as to her life."

Norma hesitates for a while before continuing,

"And you seem to have a vital role in that."

"I would never do anything to endanger the coalition!"

"I wouldn't dare say that hedatu, but your marriage to the Commander might."

With that she bows and leaves Clarke alone. She watches her walk towards the stable and emerge out with a horse, riding on it as she leaves the castle. Clarke looks down at her hands, thinking about the new knowledge she just acquired. Knowledge? Does she even believe Norma, Clarke isn't sure. In the Ark, she had read about people claiming to know the future. She had always thought the notion as silly but something about Norma's eyes as she spoke of her visions, compels Clarke to believe her. She doesn't like the feeling of uneasiness as her brain thinks about what Norma had said.

All of a sudden, she is reminded of Bellamy. A hand comes to her mouth. It has been two days since she has thought of him, tears spill. She looks towards the blue sky, praying that she will not forget her love again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Get used to un-beta'd chapters now. I barely have time to write these days, let alone send over and find time again to post it. However, my awesome beta of 'Lost' Lowiee, has agreed to beta this story too. I will be sending her the unbeta'd chapters soon (when I get some time) so she can make the changes, where required. Till then, apologies for the mistakes you may find in the text.

It has been a month and a half since her wedding, and she has slowly come into the role as the hedatu of the 12 clans. She is revered with the greatest respect, the people have become hers and she rules with the honesty and strength she has received from Jake. Most of Lexa's generals respect her and her people love her. She has felt more powerful than she ever had even with her 100. She is looking out over the balcony, over her castle. The sun is setting. It is a beautiful sight.

"Enjoying the view Clarke?"

She turns. She makes eye contact with the intruder then turns back out towards the scenery, enjoying the moments of the sun so low and the colors it casts over the brilliant marble of her home.

"Can I help you ? I do think it is inappropriate for you to use such a

familiar title with me."

"Naw, it is only inappropriate if you send me to the stocks."

"Do not tempt me." She raises an eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"To have a friendly chat is all."

"You are a liar."

His eyes her, that infuriating smile sits comfortably on his features. The Stone clan's heda nods in approval towards his hedatu, she is feisty.

"Ok I have a true reason. I am here for…information."

She turns back to the balcony, the straw on the houses look brighter as the sun washes over them, almost as if they are more than simple roofs.

"What kind of information?"

"Oh you know…the kind that involves… privacy and usually a bedroom though not necessary?"

Her head whips back towards his direction and her eyes glow at him, he is heading into dangerous territories.

"What gives you the right to ask?"

"Well I was just wondering-"

"You will stop wondering immediately. What my wife and I do behind closed

doors is our business. I expect you and the rest of the clan leaders to stay out of it. Though I am not surprised you came to me with this."

Gwaine raises an eye brow at her.

"Yes?"

"Yes, I am sure your lover Avina, the mighty Ice Queen, is very cross that you do not have more about my sexual life, or the lack of."

Gwaine looks down, a smile on his face. His eyes sneak up to peer at Clarke. After the first conversation Lexa had with Luna, that he very successfully eavesdropped, Lexa has stopped talking to anyone about her troubles with Clarke. Gwaine knew Lexa would quickly realize that she gave too much away with her conversation with Luna, and it was clear she was quickly reprimanding the situation.

As much as Gwaine loves Avina, he has never harbored any bad blood against Lexa, in fact he has always remained loyal to her. Falling for the Ice Queen also had not been in his plans, but he had. However, he would never compromise the peace that his heda had built even for Avina.

And he knows if Lexa does not bed Clarke soon it could cause trouble. Whenever the subject is brought up, the commander uses her cunning to steer the conversation into a different direction, even alluding to the fact that they had consummated their marriage, but never actually saying the words.

Lexa is good at deflection, but Gwaine already has the seeds of doubt planted within him, he knows of Lexa's nature. She would never enforce herself on anyone and he had, unlike any of the other generals, read the longing in Lexa's eyes when she eyed Clarke. He already knows the answer to the question but he wants to hear Clarke say they haven't bedded each other. He needs to hear it from the source. If she confirms his suspicions…they will have more trouble than they need.

"So Lexa has told you of my relation with Avina?" He deflects for now.

She looks at his scratchy face and sends him a judgmental look. She has been in Polis for two months and people speak. Did he really think it was that much of a secret?

"Lexa told me that Avina has you in a vice like grip, yes."

"Ouch, what a way to put it." He holds a hand over his heart.

They stare at each other for a moment, his smile opposing her scowl.

"I am surprised she has not found out for herself, she is very powerful. I would have thought that she would have asked me directly for the information instead of sending out her errand boy to humiliate himself with his inquiries." Clarke remarks as she looks out. She knows there for certain that the Ice Queen isn't fond of Lexa or herself. Gwaine has always been supportive to Lexa but he never has shown the respect to Clarke that he does to Lexa. He has always been playful with her. He is like no warrior Clarke has ever met. For starters, unlike most of the warrior he cannot just mind in own business.

Her head shakes, she knows the importance of bedding your spouse

after marriage, especially a political marriage, and she is not naive…but that doesn't mean she isn't irritated with Gwaine inquiring about her virginity.

"Yes, Avina does feel suspicious about this case but I am not here on her behalf. Believe me or not, I am just looking out for you and heda. I do love Avina but I know when to choose head over heart."

He pauses, Clarke is not looking at him, but down at the grounds through the balcony. This conversation is not one she wishes to have. He sees her pulling from his words at every second.

Their interacting reminding her of everything she has lost, exactly where she is not. He can see the longing in her eyes, the blue of her eyes shine against the sunset, but he can sense her sadness. She has grown to

love Polis, but he knows her heart is not completely here.

"I know how hard this is for you Clarke. The laws of marriage for leaders are not easy. I cannot imagine marrying someone I do not even know for the rest of my life. I do respect you for that."

He looks down, Clarke eyes him for a moment, and her irises soften slightly.

"I have seen the loyalty you have for the Commander in your eyes then how did you fall for Avina? Her dislike for Lexa is no secret either."

"I cannot help that I fell for her, her beauty is captivating, her spirit is

unparalleled. You cannot hold it against me. The heart want what it wants."

Clarke nods. She can understand what he means. However, this side of the Stone Clan's leader surprises her. She had known he was more...witty and mischievous and daring... then the rest of the clan leaders, in fact the only one of this nature but she didn't know he held this side as well. Polis was indeed full of surprises.

Silence envelopes them for a while and for some strange reason it is not awkward at all. Rather soothing. Finally Gwaine sighs audibly and says,

"You were correct hedatu, your chastity is your business. We were just curious, but I think you have already given me your answer."

He walks away from her then, her hair flutter against the soft breeze.

The next week is uneventful, she goes to the grounds for her physical training, the training exhausting her enough to drive the nightmares away, decision making sessions are the same, and advisor meetings are the same. The only curious development is the reaction of her wife. Slowly but surely she feels Lexa pull away from her, her

presence becoming more fleeting as the days go on.

She is sitting with Judith in the gardens, staring at her hands. The lines and ridges on her palms, the creases at her knuckles, her fingernails filed perfectly, she sighs.

She can sense Lexa's displeasure at night and her absence during the day. She never wakes with her, and rarely goes to sleep with her. She feels as if Lexa fears being alone with her. Her face is always turned towards the wall while she sleeps. She can see her back move from her even breathing. The distance is only a couple of feet, but feels like they are on other sides of the world.

She does not know when she had gotten so attached to her attention, but she misses the small looks she used to catch Lexa giving her. It is only the roses that give her comfort. Every morning since that first morning she wakes and there is a fresh crystal rose sitting on her end table, the petals shimmer from the morning sun. She has even taken the time to remove the thorns so the stem is smooth against her fingers. It is the only relief she receives in the mornings. She always smiles at the present and brings it over to a vase. She has over fifty of those beautiful roses, give or take a few that died. It is the small affection that makes her desire more attention from her.

At dinner it is Lexa, herself and Octavia. Sometimes when the clan leaders visit, they join them, sometimes not. Lexa is so animated around everyone, so full of life. She has seen Lexa talk passionately about literally each and everything. Her arguments are always valid and hardly has she ever seen her wife being beaten up even with words.

She is almost never alone with him. Even at night Indra will be there until almost the last second. She suspects she is doing that on purpose.

Clarke does not say much still. She is unsure what words will come out if she ever gets the chance. Though there are still moments where Lexa asks her a question, and for a second they have a conversation, if only so is kind to her always…though it is always in public. She feels the temptation of talking in private will give them both too much intimacy.

It is when she is alone, away from her duties, that she comes alive. She will twirl in the fields until her feet are tired, or she will steal a sword and practices her formations on a tree. Sometimes she will go for a horseback ride in the city. She will bring Octavia with her when she adventures out alone, just so they can have time to chat. The two will banter and laugh, reminiscing about Ark and their time there. She is different when it is just her and Octavia. She is more at ease, more herself. Sometimes she even brings Judith along, and the three women laugh and joke and the hedatu always feels elated from their time together.

She spotted Lexa once when she was out with both the girls. She was coming out of the trees with Ryder, from a hunt. She did not know how long she stood there watching her twirl in the field. They made eye contact and she slowly stopped spinning, a million things wishing to fall from both leader's lips. She feels as if they stared at each other for eternity. She remembers the sad smile adorning her face asshe walked away from her and the longing that over took her heart.

There is a crack heard in the distance and she and Judith stand, startled by the intrusion. Lexa emerges a second later, hands up in surrender.

"I am sorry Clare. I did not mean to frighten you."

The woman takes a breath, relieved.

Lexa turns to Clare, her gaze softens. She smiles pleasantly at her, a part of her genuinely happy to see her, another part ridiculously uncomfortable.

"How are you Hedatu?" she looks down, a little uneasy at his formality.

"I am well. I have just come to look at the flowers, to clear my head."

Lexa nods, why is this always so awkward? She looks over at the beautiful roses, wishing they would give her peace of mind. Her new bride has made this marriage very difficult. Does she not know that just lying next to her at night is maddening?

"You seem well Lexa."

"I am."

More silence, what is wrong with them?

"I heard Gwaine spoke to you last week."

"He did."

"What was it about?"

She looks at her, an internal debate rages. She takes a breath. She sees no point in not telling Lexa of the discussion.

"He was asking if you had bedded me yet."

Lexa's eyes bulge, she did not expect Gwaine to go that far.

"What did you say?"

She gives her a pointed look.

"Nothing of course. It is none of his business."

Lexa looks at her in shock, the information rolling around in his head. All the weeks of trying to convince Gwaine and others that she was having a very good marriage gone to waste in just a few words from her wife.

Lexa runs a hand through her hair, this is infuriating.

"Clarke I am sorry but you should have lied, for both our sakes."

"Lied? And why would I have done that?"

"Because, if you deny it, his ideas will falter, but if you say nothing, or worse, tell him the truth, we will both be in trouble!"

"Oh and why is that? Did you not make a pledge to me that you will not bed me unless I so asked."

"Yes Clarke I did, and I have stood by it, but that does not mean the rest of my clans will. If it gets out that we have not consummated our marriage things could get bad."

"Oh and how so, oh Great Heda?"

She advances on her, Indra and Judith had moved away from the line of fire.

"DO NOT do that Clarke. Do not belittle my title."

She is in Clarke's face, her eyes dark. Clarke grinds her teeth, she will not back down.

"Why not? You have shown me no reason to respect it!"

Now that…that was a lie. Over the last two months Lexa has shown her what an amazing commander she truly is, even consulting and respecting her opinions. Clarke has found that her power is used for more good than she has ever dream. They have even had a few moments of understanding, of quiet intimacy. She will not let Lexa know that though, not in the midst of a battle. If there is one thing Clarke is not, it is wrong.

"I have and I know you are lying! I can read more of you than you think Clarke. Furthermore, the point of this ludicrous fight is that you cannot let others know we are not coming together at night!"

"This fight is not ludicrous Commander Lexa, it is justified. I did not deny what is true because I am not a liar. How dare you accuse me of that! Furthermore if you are not bedding me what is the worst that could happen?"

"They could reject our marriage, this alliance! Do you not see Clarke? By me allowing you this luxury I am putting our marriage at risk, a marriage I need to protect my people!"

Her eyes are furious, matching Clarke's. Lexa can feel the shift in the air. This fight is becoming dangerous. Clarke is asking questions she clearly knows the answers too.

"That is always what it boils down to isn't it? Your precious clans, your sovereignty! Without me here you would have problems because it would give my mother justification for coming into Polis and destroying it."

"She would never make it out of Camp Jaha, I would kill her first."

Clarke bares her teeth at her.

"How dare you threaten the woman who raised me…"

"The same woman that sent you away?"

"That woman is my mother! Do you think it would've been easy on her?

She had already sacrificed her husband for what she believed was right for her people, and now you took me away from her. I was the only thing she cared about. You didn't only rip her apart, you also ripped ME! You ripped off my relation with her, you ripped off my trust in her, you ripped of the bond I shared with my mother!"

Her knees buckle and she hits the dirt and starts to cry, Lexa falters. She knew of her relation with the chancellor and also knew about her father's death, just not the circumstances. Lexa crouches close

to her while she is on the ground, but she quickly recovers and pushes Lexa onto her back, her body straddling Lexa, her hands pushing Lexa's shoulders into the dirt, her tears falling onto Lexa's cheeks.

"I have tried Lexa, I have tried to be dignified and be the leader you need me to be for your clans. Do you wish for me to just give it to you? To just give up my last shred of dignity?"

Lexa's irises soften. She closes her eyes and takes a breath. Her strong green gaze bores into her raging blue. Her hand comes up to brush over Clarke's cheek, she shakes her head.

"I wish for you to be cautious that is all. You may never believe me, but I do not wish to lose you Clarke. I wish…I wish you weren't so torn. I wish your heart was open…to me." Lexa then brushes her tears, Clarke looks at her regretfully,

"I know it is selfish of me, I should never want this, but I don't want them to pull you from me, I don't want to fight you. You may hate me, but I will never return the sentiment. You have consumed me, body and

soul. I do not know where my heart is, as you have locked it away somewhere that I cannot reach."

Clarke pulls back to stand up, as if Lexa has scalded her. Lexa stands with her. Her eyes are heartrending as they gaze upon her. Clarke moves back in fear, her words piercing her in ways she cannot comprehend. The implication of Lexa's speech seeping into her flesh.

"You will never love me, I have made peace with that, but I will not make peace with you bringing this peace into danger. Do not worry Sky heda, I will bother you anymore. You have made it clear more than once how you feel. I will not intrude on your time again. I only ask you lie for me, just this once. To keep the peace and stability between all the clans and Ark, to keep my people safe, the people that have grown to love you and I believe you love in return."

Her gaze is steely and Clarke feels her heart flutter. Lexa nods at her once, and with a swish of her cloak walks away from her.

The Sky Princess is left slumping onto the dirt again, her heart feeling more broken then she has ever felt in her entire life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Some of you might not agree with Clarke defending Abby but...she is her mother and I really think she loved Jack. It mustn't have been easy for her.
> 
> Anyhow, reviews keep me from quitting this story. Now...you know what to do ;)
> 
> PS- favourites and follows don't hurt either :P


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiee

AN: Second update in a day :)

CHAPTER 10

It has been four weeks since her fight with Lexa. She does not know how she has done it, but she has successfully ended up in bed before her, and left before Lexa had even stirred herself awake. There are no more roses to comfort her when she rises. The ones in the vase are dying slowly.

The city has been quiet, uneventful. So there has been no need for feasts, and no meetings between them. Lexa has not even required Clarke to be with her during public sessions. She has actually sent her away to do other activities, mainly working on her fight stances. Clarke has been very busy learning about the grounder culture and customs as well as the knowhow of becoming a leader from the Fire Heda, Norma, whenever she pays a visit - which is a lot. As it turns out, during time of peace, most leaders prefer to stay near the Commander or at least report to her twice a month.

Now Clarke awakens alone, and cold. She did not feel Lexa's absence before, but these days it rings every time she opens her eyes, panting in fear. Octavia and Judith come running in a moment after she stirs and calm her down, giving her water, and telling her that everything is going to be alright. Clarke knows better.

When she wakes up, her vision always focuses on the empty bedside table first, on the spot where laid a flower that used to ease her pain. She is informed that, until her nightmares are under control, she does not need to attend the formal gatherings and sessions with the Heda. She wants to argue but the terrible headache that greets her each day stops her from doing so. Furthermore, she doubts she can manage to make it throughout the entire duration of those meetings without some lack of attention, not after the daily training she has to participate in from dawn to sunset. However, that doesn't stop her from feeling terribly useless and quite alone.

These four weeks have been hard on Clarke, and the absence of her wife is actually pressing down on her heart. She knows it is her own fault; she has pushed her away so much that she should not be surprised, but Lexa's lack of fight makes her wonder if she even wished she loved Lexa, a foolish thought indeed. Lexa's absence is felt every morning. Her coldness washes over Clarke at night.

Is this the married life she signed up for? A woman who will not look at her and endless silence? Lexa has been so honest, kind and wonderful. Clarke could feel her affections deep into her soul. Everything Lexa has said up till now has rung true in her heart, and now…now there is nothing. Lexa allows nothing. She does not even dine with her. The servants note their Heda's lack of presence. Clarke should talk to Luna or Norma, to get this sorted. She knows those two are as close as confidants Lexa has, other than Indra...but she doubts Indra would be of any help if she keeps on glaring at her like she wants nothing but to rip her head off her body. Clarke does not know when or how or even why she had gotten into Octavia's mentor's bad books. However she can guess; she does know that Indra is an observant warrior and shadows Lexa everywhere...Lexa might have said or done something that might have given Indra a clue about Clarke's behaviour towards her Heda.

Clarke sighs. She knows Luna's presence in Polis isn't to help her out but Norma's is. And truth be told, Clarke prefers Norma to Luna. Her wise words have helped and soothed her in the past. In addition, her disagreements with Lexa remind Clarke that the leader is not a puppet to her clan and knows how to form and deliver her opinions well.

The Fire Queen is in her chambers when Clarke knocks. Norma opens the door and smiles as her eyes lay on the young leader. She lets Clarke in and immediately wraps her in a hug.

"My child, how good it is to see you! I assume those nasty warriors haven't kept you too long."

"No, Norma, they have let me go for the day."

"Ah! Well…would you like to go for a ride? We could get out of this city for the afternoon?"

The Fire Queen knows. The woman always knows. Clarke is grateful. She nods in approval.

"Married life is hard child." Norma comments as they trot slowly down a path.

Clarke lets out a soft puff of air.

"I know it's just…there is nothing."

The older woman raises a delicate eyebrow at her.

"What do you mean 'nothing'?"

"I mean nothing Norma! She does not say nor do anything around me. She won't even dine with me! I go to our bedroom at night and she is asleep. I wake up and she is already gone. Before, she would at least leave a rose. I always thought it represented her comfort." She pauses, her voice is soft.

"It felt good that first morning. Waking up from a nightmare and having her there to sooth away my fears…I felt…safe…she has not spent a single morning with me since…and it has gotten worse since our fight…"

Norma looks straight ahead.

"Do you know what I hate?"

Clarke looks over at the woman, the question coming out of nowhere.

"What do you hate, Norma?"

"I hate cats."

Clarke is now even more bewildered.

"Cats? Don't you have about ten of them?" Clarke remembers when she had questioned the Fire Heda about her personal life. Clarke had learned that Norma had no living family member alive other than her cats, which apparently she called her 'family'.

"Yes I do but I hate them all."

Clarke shakes her head in confusion. One minute she is telling Norma about her troubles, the next the Old Queen is talking about her pets.

"Umm... why?"

"Oh you know cats. When you want to pet them, they scurry from you. When you wish for a moment of solitude, they are always on top of you, purring, begging for attention, desiring you when all you wish is to be alone. Then when you give in, patting them softly on the head, do you know what they do? Run away, they scamper about and hide from your affections or worse, claw at your fingers. They only come out for milk but even then, they scowl at you and you feel judged, as if they know they depend on you but wish to be independent. I really hate cats."

Clarke is silent, the words of the Fire Queen sinking in. She knows what Norma is doing. She looks down in shame.

"Have I really been so frustrating?"

Norma trots in silence. She looks over at Clarke's dejected state, and takes pity on the poor girl.

"No Clarke, but like a cat, you act completely the opposite from the way you should. My Heda has shown you affection, and you pushed her away. When she does not, you complain and fret that you are not the center of her world, when we all know that is the only thing she wishes. I know how you feel Hedatu. Your heart is pulling you in two different directions. You have been here for three months. I think it is time to revaluate your feelings. Do you care for the Commander?"

Clarke looks down sadly, her fingers running over Hedwig's mane affectionately.

"I do not know how it happened, but I find myself very captivated by her. I feel awful though, for it makes me think my love for Bellamy was so fleeting, and I am able to move on so quickly. I feel as if I am dishonoring him. Three months ago I was ready to marry him, and now all I can think about is your Commander, my wife."

The swishing of wings is heard overhead. She sees two large crows fly off in the distance. The rustle of branches is enchanting against the wind.

"If this man, Bellamy, truly loves you, I believe he would want you to move on Clarke. He would want you to find happiness in your marriage to Heda. I know this is not an ideal situation, but just because you love Heda does not mean your love for Bellamy was any less real. At the time, it was probably soul wrenching, mystifying. I do believe sneaking around has its very…arousing advantages."

Clarke smiles and then chuckles in approval.

"The reality though, Clarke, is that you have changed. You are now becoming a different woman, learning how to use your limbs for fighting, which you are doing splendidly might I add, and becoming close to a woman you will spend the rest of your life with. You are ruling all the 12 clans for all the spirits' sakes! If this man loves you as you say he does, he would not want you to make yourself miserable. He will want you to be happy."

Clarke nods. She watches as the wind blows at the hair of her horse.

"He is a good man, you are right Norma. Maybe I should stop sabotaging my own happiness for something that was only a dream. Though, I will be honest. It is not just him at this point…I fear-"

"That your love for Heda is conditional on the prophecy?"

The young girl blushes as her locks bounce in a nodding fashion She feels ashamed.

"What is love if not a prophecy in itself? Your pull to her is strong. Your faith in her heart is stronger. Women like you do not fall for someone simply because of primal instincts. I know it takes more to capture your heart. Heda is a good person.I have seen her grow up since she was a child, since she became Anya's second. She is very loyal. She has had much self-loathing since her father died. She has not completely gotten over the situation. Her eyes glaze over when she thinks no one is looking, she cries when she thinks she is alone. I think Lexa needs someone like you more than you need her. I think you two are just fighting nature at this point. Don't fight her Clarke, she is a great ally."

The young girl is quiet, her eyes staring ahead at the dirt path. For a moment her mind wonders where it actually ends, or if it ends at all.

"What do I do? How do I show her I will not fight this anymore?"

"Hedatu, you have been married to Heda for over three months and you are still a virgin. You tell me."

"What? How…" The poor girl is blushing. Of course, she knows.

Clarke has known this would eventually cause an issue between her and the Fire Queen. Luna and Norma are Lexa's closest allies, maybe even her friends. Clarke knows that. But this conversation makes her realize that Norma shares deeper ties with Lexa than any other clan leader. She has watched Lexa grow up, known her since she was a kid.

She focuses back to the present and finds that Norma is not being funny here. She is perfectly serious.

"Not consummating a marriage is a problem Clarke. From what I've gotten to know about you, you wouldn't willingly lie with Heda if your heart weren't involved in it. You aren't that kind of woman and Lexa wouldn't force herself on you. You know the peace is important but so is your self esteem."

Clarke looks down in dishonor.

"Is this really wrong of me to do that? Put the life of my people at risk just for my own pride?"

"No, Clarke. You are Hedatu, not a puppet."

Clarke looks at her wide-eyed. She had not expected Norma to agree with her. After all, leaders were supposed to sacrifice everything for their people, weren't they?

"You have once again been so very kind to me Norma, as well as managed to surprise me. I owe you much."

"Just make Lexa stop brooding and we'll call it even."

Both women laugh.

"I will see what I can do."  
...

"This was a terrible idea." Finn says from atop his horse.

They are on a journey to Polis. Him, Raven, Wick, and Murphy. They had caught Bellamy sneaking out into the night. Apparently he couldn't take the separation anymore, so he had decided to go on a pilgrimage to Polis. This is not a good idea my friend, but we would never let you go alone. Finn had left a note for the Chancellor, telling her of their whereabouts.

They have only two more days of travel before they reach the grounder only hopes their journey to Polis is not for nothing and that they will soon catch up with Bellamy before he does anything rash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Surprised on the update? Me too! But I wanted to post it as a gift to you all for making me reach 200 reviews on fanfiction.net.
> 
>  
> 
> Thoughts on the chapter?
> 
> (PS- don't hate Bell. He is technically a victim here too!)
> 
> Oh and any vampire diaries fans here? I just watched the latest episode and I swear Paul keeps getting sexier every episode!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly 200 kudos? Thanks guys!

Chapter 11

The next day Clarke retires ridiculously early, so early it is still light out. She did not even change into her nightdress. She just simply went to the room she shares with Lexa and dismissed Judith for the evening. Shooing Octavia was a little harder but she finally succeeded when she claimed a headache.

She swallows. Tonight she must do what is right, and tonight she must be strong. She has downed a glass of water the second she got to her room, her body is ready, but is her heart?

The door clinks, Lexa is coming.

"Heda, the only thing I am saying is that pardoning him is a sign of weakness!"

Indra and Lexa enter, arguing as usual. They stop when their eyes land on her, standing with her hands clasped in front of her.

"Clarke, hello."

Lexa says her name with surprise, reverence. She cannot believe Clarke is in their room so early. She must have miscalculated something.

"Lexa, Indra." Clarke greets politely.

"I thought you had more training tonight with the warriors." The Heda says cautiously.

The room suddenly feels very hot. Clarke is wearing a sinful burgundy shirt that goes down to her delicate wrists, her hair down and making a frame around her face. The square neck of her shirt is giving Lexa a delicious view of her cleavage…all the reasons she has avoided the blonde girl come to a boil, then they turn down to a simmer. She must remember her pledge.

"Indra, you are dismissed for the night. I need to speak with my wife."

The general looks to the Commander for confirmation. Lexa and Indra lock eyes. The darker woman is waiting for her leader to speak. The Heda of the 12 clans only gets as far as opening her mouth.

"Indra, as your Hedatu, I order you to leave." Clarke tries again, more commanding.

Both women turn to see Clarke's eyes burning darkly. The mighty warrior suddenly feels very uncomfortable.

"Of course Hedatu, pardon my interference. Good night, Heda, Hedatu." She says forcefully.

The sound of wood sliding into place signals that they are alone. Clarke propels over to the room entrance and latches onto the wooden lock. Lexa watches her make way to the door as she locks it. She cocks an eyebrow; Clarke is using her authority…and Lexa is…impressed, but the Sky Girl has rudely ordered her closest warrior to leave. Lexa can be harsh with her subordinates but she always has a reason. She thinks her wife should too. She cannot be in awe of her right now when she has crossed a line.

"What was that?"

"I needed to talk to you alone."

"You could have been civil."

She scoffs at Lexa. Civil?...Oh the irony.

"Is that what you are deciding to focus on tonight? My manners? Don't you care what I actually want to talk to you about?"

Lexa folds her arms over her chest. The clicking of Clarke's boots signals her approach. She is slowly advancing towards her wife, almost like a tiger getting ready to pounce on its prey.

"Yes, Indra is my most trusted warrior, not just some servant. I treat her better than that and have a lot of respect for her counsel."

"Well I will not apologize. You have put me in this position and I must fight back."

Clarke is directly in front of Lexa. Her arms are crossed. Her chin is high in challenge.

Lexa takes the bait.

"And what position is that Clarke? I have done nothing wrong."

"And that's just it, you have done nothing. You won't look at me. You avoid me as much as you can. I haven't even spoken a word to you in four weeks! Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Probably fantastic, you know how hot and cold you are to me? I thought I would eliminate the temptation of my company, clearly seeing as you do not desire it unless your emotions are high. I am many things Clarke but I will not be used as a filler for a hole in your heart."

"That is what you think this is? You're a bloody fool, you have no idea what I am thinking."

"I can guess. Let me see - you miss your home, you feel imprisoned, you think I am the worst woman to walk the earth, you think of your lover. Have I missed anything?"

She deflates a little. She brings her hand up to touch Lexa's face but Lexa backs away.

"No Clarke, I will not be used when you feel emotional. I made a pledge to only touch you when you wish for it, but it seems you have taken advantage of that. I am a human just like anyone else. I respect myself too much to be used. I am sorry if that upsets you."

Clarke nods, but a smile comes to her face as Lexa looks away. Lexa's back is to Clarke as the Commander looks out the window. Lexa tries to control her breath, control her heart. Clarke's presence brings back desires she has long since suppressed. Clarke's voice is soft, alluring when she speaks.

"You deserve the greatest love any woman could offer you Leksa. I know that since I've gotten here my reaction towards you has been very confusing, relishing in your warmth one minute, and pushing you away the next. I am sorry for that."

Lexa becomes rigid at her words. Her eyes wide, she turns slowly. Clarke is slowly walking towards her again. A deep breath passes through her ruby lips.

"But I am done with my childish behavior. I am done acting like a scared girl. A woman knows when to grow up and move on, and I am a woman, every part of me. I told the man I loved that one day my mind, my body, and my soul would all belong to him. I clearly see that is a fool's dream now." Clarke sucks in a breath and continues. "I do not come to you as a desperate woman, or a woman who feels alone. I come to you as a powerful leader, Hedatu of 12 clans, one who knows what she wants. These last few weeks have been hard…because I did not get to see you. The few brief conversations we had were so honest, so real…so true. You are beyond a good woman. You are the greatest warrior to ever live Alexandra. I am sitting here throwing a tantrum over having one of the noblest women that will ever walk this earth."

Lexa looks down at her in awe as Clarke stops right in front of her. Lexahas no idea how Clarke has found out the name her mother gave her but she is not displeased she has as it shows she's been trying to know her. Besides, Clarke has never complimented her in such a way. The blonde is looking to the side, her cheeks are flushed the most glorious red, and she looks so shy in this moment.

"Thank you SkaiPrisa."

Clarkee grabs Lexa hand and places it over her heart. Lexa sucks in a breath. Clarke's skin is soft under her fingertips.

"Do you feel that Heda? My heart cannot contain itself when you are near me. Every atom of my body desires to be with you. I've fought this long enough. I know they say doing the right thing is hard, but sometimes it is very easy. I want you to have my mind, my body and my soul. I want you to have all of me and me to have all of you."

Lexa opens her mouth but nothing comes out. Who would have thought silence could be so powerful?

"Please do not think this is desperation, because I can assure you I am being honest. My heart only thinks of you now, it only beats for you. If Bellamy showed up tomorrow I wouldn't care, I would only smile at the memories I got to make with him. But now I want to make memories with you, Lexa."

Lexa swallows. Clarke is so mystifying, baring herself so close to her. Lexa's hand moves up to cup her cheek. Clarke moves her face, leaning into the tender touch, and those sinful ruby lips kiss Lexa's palm. Heda's pupils dilate.

"I have never been with anyone before, my wife. I hope you will be gentle with me."

Clarke surprises Lexa once more.

"You mean…with your warrior…"

"Nope. I made a promise to myself to follow my dad's beliefs and morals after his death...to not lose my virginity before my wedding night. I seem to have waited longer than expected." She chuckles nervously.

Lexa looks her over. What a change has come to her spouse. Lexa knows she should think this through, that she should take her time to analyze the situation, but she feels the magnetic pull towards Clarke under her skin. Lexa looks intensely at Clarke and her longing gaze roams over her covered body; her wife is so delectable. Her eyes move over her shoulders, her neck. Lexa is itching to touch her.

She should walk away, let Clarke think, let herself think, but she cannot help herself, she has desired her since she had laid eyes on her in Camp Jaha. Lexa leans down swiftly, her lips connecting with Clarke's and the blonde groans at the sensation. Lexa's hands coming around her to grab at the fabric of her shirt, Clarke's fingers weave into her hair, tugging at her braids. Clarke wants all of her. Clarke wants to consume all of Lexa.

Lexa's tongue invades her mouth. Clarke moans. She feels so alive, so sensual. Her hand moves up and at the nape of the brunette's neck, slanting her lips to Lexa's so she can deepenthe kiss. Clarke tastes like strawberries. Those damn strawberries will be the death of her.

Lexa releases her when she cannot breathe anymore. She did not know kissing could feel like a fire that burns through to your soul. She has had enough experience receiving kisses from women and a few innocent touches. She is Heda after all, and was once a warrior who had been expected to be able to hold the Heda's spirit. She never let it go too far with any of the women. Well, there was that one woman…recalling those nights unsettles her for a moment and she pulls away, a longing look overtakes her eyes.

"I love you Clarke."

Clarke pauses, her eyes shifting over Lexa's face, her words hitting her like the most delicious rays of sun.

"You don't have-"

"I love you too Lexa."

Is it supposed to be this quick to love another? To want them to devour your very soul? They have been married for such a short time…Are these words premature? Lexa runs her hands up Clarke's hair, a smile coming to Clarke's face. Lexa is good. Lexa is pure. Lexa is wonderful…and so beautiful. She even smells of rain. Clarke can feel it in her toes; she does love this woman. Lexa holds her close, these words she has never spoken with such devotion to another woman. Her love for Anya, her mentor, had been different, this love…this love she has never uttered to another soul. When Clarke says the words back, they mean everything. Lexa knows the confession means more coming from her than coming from anyone else.

Her body is singing to Clarke. It wants to be so close to the blonde beauty that she forgets where she herself ends and Clarke begins. Lexa moves to start kissing down her neck and sucking the tender flesh at her pulse point. The only person she has ever allowed to touch her in such a way was Bellamy and the girl she had kissed before him - well those were just few innocent kisses. However, even Bellamy has never made her blaze in such a way that Lexa is. Their love was filled with passion, but with Lexa, she feels like she is consumed in hot embers that ignite her flesh.

Lexa moves down to lick and nip at the edge of her shirt, Clarke's fingers fisting Lexa's hair as she kisses roughly over her cleavage. Lexa is wearing too many clothes; her armor is literally creating a barrier between Clarke and her skin. Clarke starts on unfastening the many straps. Lexa looks up at her as Clarke gets the shoulder guard off.

"What? I am observant." Clarke shrugs with a smirk.

"Really? Have you been spying on me, Clarke?" She teases.

"Shut up." Clarke mutters as red colour covers her cheeks and Lexa chuckles.

However, Clarke does not let this slow her pace. She is quick at her task and suddenly Lexa's heavy cloak is being thrown onto the floor. Lexa's eyes widen and she looks at Clarke in wonderment.

"What?" Clarke questions.

"You're stronger than you look."

"You're less intimidating than you think."

Clarke retorts with a smile. Lexa returns it, her eyes lighting up. Her hands come around Clarke, bringing her to herself. Lexa feels a shift, a change. Clarke is smiling. She wants Lexa to be happy with her the way she is with anyone she trusts. Clarke has very occasionally seen the playful side of Lexa but she wants it. However, she knows she must take the first steps.

"Must I show you how intimidating I can be?"

Lexa's lips kiss her ear, and then softly suck on the lobe. Clarke gasps, but does not relent.

"You will have to Heda, as I have a tendency of not believing what I don't see."

Lexa moves her head away and looks down at her. Those beautiful cobalt eyes shine mischievously. It is nothing yet everything to Lexa. Clarke brings her hand to Lexa's face, kissing her cheeks. Lexa gulps as Clarke traces a line of kisses along her jawline. Lexa tilts her head down and leaves a soft kiss at the heel of Clarke's palm before taking Clarke's hand in hers and bringing it fully to her mouth. Clarke's eyes lock with hers as Lexa licks at her fingertips, her other hand coming behind Clarke to push her core into hers. It is so erotic, so corporeal. Lexa's tongue moves over Clarke's palm, carefully taking her father's watch off her wrist after the Sky Heda gives her the permission with a slight nod of her head. Lexa's lips then moisten the bare skin she just exposed. She sucks on the pulse point there, making Clarke moan involuntarily. Clarke's hands move down from Lexa's back to her ass. Her fingers push Lexa further into her, a wave of pleasure rushing through both at the contact.

Lexa's hands come down to Clarke's waist and start pushing her shirt up. Clarke stares at her the whole time. Lexa's jade gaze darkens as she takes the offensive garment off, leaving Clarke's upper body only in a bra.

Lexa throws the shirt somewhere in the room, all the while her gaze never leaving Clarke's.

Clarke smirks at her. She is bolder than Lexa gave her credit for. Clarke brings her lips to hers and she feels it, the sparks she always feels when she touches her wife. The sensation is indescribable. Clarke's body is alight with passion. The stars burn brighter. This connection is more powerful than anything she has ever experienced, and she has only just kissed her. She has not yet given Lexa a chance to look at her as she attached her lips to Lexa's as soon as the Commander took off her shirt.

After a while, Clarke finally breaks from the kiss. Lexa's hands fist the back of her black bra, the dark fabric driving her mad. Clarke is licking down her neck, giving Lexa the same torture she bestowed upon her earlier. The smell of rain assaults her senses, making her feel clean while her completely dirty imagination runs wild. Lexa's skin is smooth under her lips with occasional bumps, which she knows are remnants of the many battles her wife has participated in. She likes it. She moves to her ear and bites the lobe playfully.

"Mmm…Clarke…"

Lexa moans as Clarke's hands run over her clothed spine. Clarke sucks, licks, and nips her sensitive lobe. Her hands then come down and push under Lexa's tunic. She feels her take a breath.

Lexa's arms have come up, and Clarke can feel her fingers play over the strap of her bra, teasing her. She tries to ignore it as best as possible and continues with the task at hand.

Clarke pushes the tunic higher. Lexa breaks from her as she pulls it off.

"You are so beautiful, Lexa."

Clarke attacks Lexa the second she throws the tunic on the floor, her lips coming over her shoulder down to her binder, ripping it off hastily. Lexa chuckles at the eagerness and impatience her wife is showing but soon the chuckle stops as she feels Clarke cup her left breast and nip at her nipple. She is so bold, so forward. Lexa could definitely get used to this. She moves to Lexa's right side, her lips ghosting first over the tattoo on her arm. She feels her skin heat up as Clarke's wet tongue traces it. It is erotic how she moves her tongue over the colored flesh. She is too much.

Lexa pushes her back and bends over to lift Clarke up, her knees thrown over one arm in a bridal fashion. A chuckle leaves Clarke's lips as she is picked up from the floor. She had always known her wife was physically quite powerful but she didn't know she could carry her this easily. Clarke then closes the gap between their faces to kiss her hungrily as Lexa walks them over to their bed. Lexa promptly tosses her on the covers as soon as they reach it. Clarke squeals in surprise and lands on the furs laughing. They make eye contact and both parties are shaking in merriment.

Lexa moves to sit on the side of the bed. Clarke crawls over to her side and starts to unbutton her tight, yet flexible grounder pants.

Lexa watches the material with great interest as it settles around the middle of her thighs. One of her legs comes up and Clarke places it on Lexa's lap.

"I need help with this Commander."

Lexa runs her hand over her calf in challenge, the tight leather enticing her, her eyes determined. A small smirk adorns Clarke's lovely features.

"Really? Are you not capable Princess?"

Lexa is haughty with her. She might just like this indeed. Clarke moves her foot in the air a little, signaling to Lexa that it is her responsibility.

"Of course not! I am not used to wear this style of pants."

"Is that so? Why did Octavia say they are like 'your skinny jeans' then?"

"Umm...Octavia was talking about something else. Besides, don't you have servants here to help you with clothing?"

"Are you calling me your servant, Klark?"

"Of course I am." Clarke winks.

"Hmm...what if I defy your command?"

"You will not, Alexandra." She says in an authoritative voice though her eyes show nothing but playfulness, and no one is better at reading eyes than the Commander of the 12 clans.

Lexa's pupils dilate some more at the use of her birth name. She moves Clarke's leg to the side and crawls over her, pushing her back into the pillows, her hands coming down to run up and down over her covered thighs. The sensation is maddening. Clarke closes her eyes and bites her lip, her hands coming up to roam her wife's naked chest, kneading her breasts. Lexa, on her part, stares at her, transfixed. Clarke is so sensual, so intoxicating. Lexa must have all of her. Clarke opens her eyes to stare at her, her arms coming up to run over the back of Lexa's neck and into her hair.

"How did you know my birth name?"

"I have my resources."

"And do I get to know of them?"

Clarke's eyes narrow in opposition, a playful smirk makes its way onto her lips.

"Of course not."

"As you wish, your majesty."

"How did you-"

"I read, Clarke."

Clarke is in awe of her. She runs her fingers over Lexa's ears, and gasps as Lexa's fingers make contact with the inch of her thighs that are not covered by her pants. The sensation makes her quake under her.

"So what are my duties, Hedatu?"

"To please me."

Lexa growls at her as she pushes her thigh into her. Clarke gasps. Lexa steals the sound from her as her lips connect with hers.

"Then please you I shall, Hedatu."

Lexa kisses over her shoulder, pushing the black strap of the bra down. Clarke runs her hands over Lexa's back. Lexa repeats the gesture with the other strap. Her teeth then grab at her cup and pull it to discard it somewhere in their vicinity. Then dark green eyes gaze upon her luscious chest.

"You are so delectable Clarke."

Clarke feels powerful under Lexa's gaze, her words ringing in her ears, her tongue coming out to moisten Lexa's lips. Clarke does not know why she does not feel shy; maybe because she has abandoned her dignity when she first threw herself at Lexa tonight…though…the results seem very promising.

Lexa's hands come up and push at her mounds. Clarke feels her thighs tighten from her ministrations. Lexa's mouth connects with hers as she nibbles on her pouty bottom lip and her fingers tweak her sensitive pearls. Clarke can only groan. Lexa leaves her lips and moves her mouth over her chest, alternating that frustrating licking and nipping around her breasts.

Clarke runs her nails over Lexa's back, urging her on, desiring more, her fingers gripping her waist. Clarke is so delicious, every part of her tastes of those wretched strawberries. She will have to remind herself to get some when they are done here…maybe she can share its juice in her wife's mouth.

Lexa moves lower and lifts Clarke's legs up and pulls at the right leg of the pant first, licking and nipping all the way down. She is rewarded with the moans emerging out from her wife's mouth.

With her left leg, however, she just pulls off the material, as her eyes all of a sudden focus on the brand over Clarke's heart - her name carved into her skin. She stops all her actions, which makes Clarke look at her. They make eye contact and Lexa starts,

"I am so sorry about it, Clarke. I know you must hate it and-"

She is shushed up when Clarke pulls her up forcefully and attaches her lips to hers. She kisses her deeply before giving them both a break to breathe.

"I hated it. I felt like that was a way of you showing me that you owned me. It made me feel so confused. It was so contrary to your words, to the Lexa I had gotten to know."

Clarke pauses and Lexa doesn't give her a chance to continue,

"If it had been in my power you wouldn't have had to go through all that. But even, I, Heda could not fight against it because this ritual was for you to become Hedatu, not for you to become my wife. I tried to fight against it, but all I could manage was to not get my birth name printed on your flesh." Lexa says regretfully and quietens down. Clarke tries to look her in the eye but Lexa is looking anywhere but at her.

"Lex...look at me." She pleads.

The new nickname makes her look up at the blonde beauty automatically.

"I hated it then but now...now I love it. It reminds me of the woman I love. It reminds me that I am Hedatu of the 12 clans. It reminds me of the power you have given me. It reminds me of our love. And so I am glad you didnot get your way with it."

"How can you-"

"You are talking too much." Clarke complains as she cups Lexa's chin and starts kissing her. It is slow at first, but it gains rhythm steadily and Lexa gasps when the other girl bites her lower lip. Clarke takes her chance and her tongue dives in Lexa's mouth. Both their tongues battle for dominance, neither willing to give up until finally Lexa removes her lips from Clarke's and starts traveling down her body.

Her fingers have already reached their destination and are making circles at the trimmed hair they find there. Clarke is breathing heavily, her eyes closed, drowned in sensation, drowned in Lexa's touch. She feels pressure building in her core and attempts to bring her thighs together, to relieve the tension that is building. Lexa's hands, however, push them apart further. The throbbing between her legs is getting worse. Lexa leans down and sucks on the flesh of her upper thigh.

"Ah! Lexa!"

One of her hand moves up and squeezesthe breast carved with her name, and Clarke's hip buck up. Lexa smirks against her wife's skin at the reaction.

Clarke had been honest when she said she no longer detested the brand. It no longer feels as if it is a chain that binds her to her wife. It feels as if it is more of a connection to her. Their souls are together as one. Her name engraved into her flesh now makes her feel safe, and the thought warms her heart. She smiles, the brand suddenly holding new meaning to her. It glows in the moonlight.

When Lexa is done sucking and biting a particular area of the flesh of her thigh, her finger presses into the flesh. Clarke cries out as she quivers under her. The sensation is too much. She must retaliate.

Clarke moves quickly and sits on her knees, her mouth coming up to Lexa's shoulder, pushing her on her back. Lexa runs a hand over her naked spine. Clarke is kissing all the way down, her tongue moistening the hair around her belly button. She is bold. She is powerful.

She pulls at Lexa's belt, her fingers grabbing at the trousers, pulling at the buttons.

"I thought you said you didn't know how grounder clothes worked." Lexa points out.

Clarke smirks.

"I did but can't I lie?"

Lexa moans. When did she become so enticing? And when did her trousers and underpants end up around her knees? Clarke is smiling deviously at her. Lexa shuffles quickly and gets both garments off her body. She moves to sit up but Clarke's damn tempting mouth has descended on her. She feels Clarke's hands on her breasts, playing with her nipples, flicking them around her fingers. Lexa growls and she feels Clarke smile against her mouth.

Clarke laughs as Lexa flips them over and moves her face down, licking at her navel. Clarke gasps. Lexa moves lower. Her body is singing to her, the sparks, those damn sparks have come back in full force. Clarke feels as if she sees green everywhere. Lexa's face comes between her thighs and without preamble she licks along her slit. Clarke gasps louder. She has never felt anything like this before.

She looks down at her body, her eyes making contact with Lexa's. Lexa sits back as her hand ghosts over Clarke's left thigh. Clarke watches her wife's fingers moving along her bare skin. Slowly. Gently. Teasingly. Her knuckles are driving her mad with their soft movement. Lexa's hand comes forward, running over her folds. She is a mess.

"Say it."

Clarke looks at her, and raises an eyebrow.

"Say what Commander?"

"Who am I Clarke?" Lexa's body hovers over her. Her voice is downright sinister. Her pupils are so dilated her eyes look almost black.

Her nail dips between her folds, Clarke gasps.

"Lexa?"

"No."

Her finger goes up, and flicks over her sensitive nub. Clarke groans.

"Alexandra?"

She pushes her finger in, up to her knuckle.

"No."

Clarke whimpers. Why must Lexa torture her?

"My wife…Ah!"

Lexa has thrust her whole finger inside of Clarke's waiting body, her thumb massaging her swollen nub. Lexa moves her finger swiftly, Clarke's face close to hers.

"You are so wet Hedatu."

Clarke's breath hitches. She opens her eyes in challenge.

"Only for you, Heda."

Lexa bares her teeth at her and adds a second finger. Clarke is withering considerably now. Her nether lips cannot take much more of this. Lexa's face comes down, sucks on her neck, and that is all it takes. She feels an overpowering sensation creeping up her body as if she was consumed bya growing fire. Every atom of her body is at its excited state. She doubts if they would ever be able to come back to their grounded state.

Lexa slows her ministrations as Clarke moans below her. She has never felt that overflow of power, that release of control. She has decided it is her favorite torment.

Lexa moves quickly, and her face settles between her thighs. Clarke does not know how she got there, just that she is licking at her, driving her mad. Does this woman ever stop? Clarke tastes like those damn strawberries. Even down here she tastes like them. Lexa's tongue dives into her heat. It feels amazing. Lexa's hand comes up over her stomach pushing her belly button down hitting her deeply. Clarke gasps anew. The torture is so exquisite. Lexa's other hand rubs at her core, and that is all it takes for her to release all over again. Lexa licks up everything she can. She feels as if the room glows from the power emitting from their joined limbs.

Clarke cries Lexa's name as she cums. Lexa feels this is the best music she has ever heard.

Lexa moves back up her body and Clarke can see her essence on Lexa's lips. Her finger comes up to wipe it away, and she brings that same digit to her own mouth, sucking. Lexa's eyes turn pitch black. Clarke is so enticing. She looks at her, her hand coming to Lexa's chin.

"Should I ask where you learnt all that?"

"Later, and if you're nice enough I will tell you."

Clarke smiles at her response. Her arms come around Lexa and turn her over.

"It's your turn, Heda." Clarke whispers as she parts Lexa's legs open with her knees before torturously sliding down her body, leaving a trail of wet open kisses in her wake. As she passes the apex of her thighs, the sight of glistering moisture surrounding Lexa's nub takes Clarke's breath away. She moves her head down and blows air at the little hair covering her view. Lexa watches her as her fingers trail down and join her mouth on her throbbing mound. Lexa feels Clarke parting her slit with her fingers and then her hot tongue touches her wetness. Lexa can no longer look at her blonde beauty because her head throws itself back as a wave of pleasure travels through her body. Her hips buck to somehow help release the tension.

"Shhhh." Clarke whispers and pushes her hips down.

"Clarrrke." Lexa whimpers.

"You are so impatient." Clarke says as she kisses her clit. Without losing a beat, she breaks though her folds and her index finger enters her. She keeps it there as she propels herself up Lexa's torso.

Lexa pushes her hair back once Clarke reaches the range of her hands. The beads of sweat are nestling on Lexa's skin. Clarke kisses the valley between her breasts, her fingers all the while exploring Lexa's insides. Lexa is shuddering with all the pleasurable pain she is in. Her eyes are glazed over. The feeling of Clarke inside of her is irresistible. Clarke leans down and kisses her, nibbling on her lip. Lexa moves her hips to remind Clarke of her fingers there if she had forgotten.

Clarke chuckles but starts pumping nevertheless. She hears a contented sigh escape Lexa's lips as she begins the process.

"Faster, Clarke." Lexa commands in a whimper. Clarke obeys.

Watching Lexa like this is nothing short but amazing; her back arches, her breasts squishing into hers. Lexa is a goddess. She can feel it again, that overwhelming feeling of power. Why did she wait so long to do this? She looks at their torsos.

Clarke moves faster, and Lexa's moans increase.

She then removes her finger and Lexa groans in displeasure and disappointment but a single flick of Clarke's thumb is all it takes for the great Commander, the ruler of 12 clans, the victor of dozens of battles, to cum and scream Clarke's name.

"Holy Spirits, Clarke!"

Clarke finally moves her hands back up. She is tired; her body is heavy and sore when it crashes into Lexa. Lexa is still seeing stars when Clarke collapses on her chest. However, after she regains her bearings, she runs her hands in the golden locks. Her wife really is something.

Clarke's ear is over Lexa's heart. She listens as it beats rapidly.

"Did you mean it?"

Lexa looks down at Clarke's hair.

"What?" Clarke asks as she draws lazy patterns on Lexa's chest.

"Did you mean it?" Lexa asks again and the uncertainty yet hopefulness in her tone leaves little doubt for Clarke to know what she's refereeing to.

She lifts her head to face Lexa and tenderly grabs her cheek to look at her.

"Do you doubt me?"

"Yes." Lexa answers instantly.

Clarke shakes her head but smiles as she revels in her honesty. Lexa's fingers entangle in Clarke's hair and brush at her scalp as she speaks.

"I know I feel it, the second I saw you I could feel the pull. You are so passionate, so beautiful, so full of life. Your sensuality and intelligence are what drew me to you Clarke. Your ability to lead my people is extraordinary. I know I love you. I love you so much I was ready to give up making love to you. But do you? Do you really? Please only say those words if you do."

Clarke's eyes soften as her thumbs trace Lexa's jaw. God, she has a killer jaw line.

"I wouldn't have said it if it weren't true, Lexa. You are so good, so righteous, sohonorable. You let me keep my dignity despite having no reason to honor it. You let me choose my self-respect over my people. Yes, you let me. God knows, I never thought I could even have that choice. You won my heart, Lexa. You make my heart flutter in ways I have never felt before. Even the last man I loved did not burn my soul the way you have. I could never handle your silence, your words mean too much to me. The things you say are kind and honest, passionate and bold. I think I have discovered more about you in these last few months than I have about anyone, even Bellamy, in my lifetime."

Lexa's eyes show fear. Clarke smiles in reassurance.

"He was my first love. I loved him with all my heart but I really didn't know what true love was then. He brought me flowers. His kisses were sweet. He was always good at having debates with me but he would often let me lead. The sneaking around helped, there is something about breaking the rules that makes it all very charming." She sighs, her hand pushes her hair away from her face, "You challenge me Lexa, you are my equal. My love for you is very different and much more powerful than anything I have experienced. I do not need to hide behind closed doors with you. I feel like the passion I feel for you is much stronger than lust or childhood fantasies."

She brings Lexa to her, kissing her lips soundly.

"I love you Lexa, with all my heart and soul. Please don't doubt me."

A goofy smile overtakes Lexa's face.

"I will not my wife."

Lexa moves slowly; she knows Clarke is sensitive. She pulls her to sit up, her hands grabbing at Clarke's waist, her fingers pulling at the furs. She crawls under and Clarke does the same. Her body moves and her head is pressed on Lexa's chest, the beating of her heart slowly soothing her to sleep.  
....  
They are outside the gates. Finn sighs. They had made it a day early. The night sings ominously around them. When they stand before the great wall, they find guards in masks pointing their spears at them, stopping them.

"Who are you?" One of them asks.

"My name is Finn and I have been sent by the Chancellor of the Ark to visit her daughter, Clarke Griffin, your Hedatu."

The guard hisses.

"Heda and Hedatu have already retired. They will not wish to be disturbed."

"He is right."

They all look up and they see Gwaine, the Heda of Stone clan, standing on top of the great wall.

"Amid, let them in, they can stay the night in the extra rooms."

"Heda Gwaine…"

"Check them for weapons first and then let them in. I take full responsibility of them."

The warrior bows and hops up the giant wall in one movement. Gwaine sends the party a nod as the gate slowly lowers. They have finally reached Polis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okii...I suck at writing smut so please excuse me if you found it...not up to the mark.  
> A friend of mine, heartbreaker123 editted the sex scene for me so it could become a lot less embarrassing and so a huge thank you to her.  
> The dialogues , however, I enjoyed writing and I hope you enjoyed reading.  
> Lastly,  
> Comments? Do you really think Clarke loves Lexa or is it just to gain her trust? Will her feelings for Bellamy resurface when he confronts her?  
> Thank you!  
> Oh and share the story with others.  
> (Lowiee beta'd this chapter so a huge thank you to her for making it easier to read and like )


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

Chapter 12

"What do the branches around your name's tattoo signify, Lexa?"

Clarke hadn't had such a good night sleep in a long time. She had awoken to Lexa peppering kisses over her neck. She had thought in a moan, what a way to wake up.

She had sighed and cuddled back into Lexa's chest, more content than she had been in years. Lexa had started to rub her back, the intimacy running over her skin and seeping into her blood. Lexa has been running her fingers over her spine ever since.

Octavia had come up twice banging on the locked door. Lexa had just raised a hand and whispered "later" in a sharp tone and there had been suddenly no more sound coming in; Lexa would not spoil this time with her wife. She has waited for this moment for too long.

Clarke is drawing patterns with her fingertips on Lexa's breasts as she asks her questions. It is soothing to the young Commander. She closes her eyes for a moment, silent in response to Clarke's inquiry. Her mind runs back to years past, to a moment with her parents.

Lexa's parents had been sitting with her at the camp. The day of fighting had been long and hard. It had been the day she had had one of the most embarrassing conversations with her mother. It had been nothing extraordinary - her liking towards the same gender - but she had been shy about discussing it with her mother.

She remembers the smile on her mom's face as she had taken her daughter to a corner and had told her,

The woman you marry will be the most important woman to you Lexa…I know you have been a child about marriage…you are too much like me and have not enough of your father…don't give me that look, I saw what you did when you were younger…hiding in alcoves with different girls…I hope that when you marry you will respect and love your new bride as much as I love your father…I know you still feel young but I hope that you will grow up enough to find love. I want the best for you my daughter and I cannot wait until you find a life partner.

Lexa's eyes water for a moment; the memory is tender…precious. Her parents dying had changed everything. Her being chosen for the Heda's Spirit had changed everything. Her parents did not get to see their daughter receive her bride on her wedding day. Lexa did not get a chance to have her father watch her get the Commander's tattoos.

Clarke looks up, her hand coming up to wipe at her wife's tears. Lexa opens her eyes to look at Clarke, desperate to say something…anything. They are so close now. They have reached beyond the levels of separation and have finally come together as one. Clarke does not say anything, just moves to sit up next to Lexa, her face hovering over her wife.

Clarke leans forward and kisses her, the tears running over her thumbs. Lexa's lips tremble, and Clarke smoothers her fingers over her jaw.

"You don't need to say anything Lexa. I know when someone is grieving a parent."

Lexa is suddenly reminded of their connection. This glorious woman…how much has she missed her parents in the past? Their union…her parents should have been there. The politics hadn't allowed Clarke's mother to attend the ceremony of their union and Lexa could read the pain of losing her father in Clarke's eyes.

"Why doesn't the pain stop?" Lexa whispers.

She is for the first time allowing herself to be weak in front of another human being. She truly understands the meaning of 'life partner' in this moment.

Clarke runs a soothing hand through Lexa's hair. They are so close in this moment, even closer than Lexa was with her merely hours ago.

"In time you grieve less, you smile more. I remember when I lost my dad; in the beginning…I was sad. I would sit there and think of my father and think what he was missing, what he should have been here for. I still grieve for the memories that I will not make with him. Same goes for you, I think. With these thoughts plaguing our mind, the pain can never go away."

Clarke's smile speaks volumes of her understanding; Lexa is beyond grateful for her in this moment. She takes a deep breath, thanking the Spirits for sending her such a powerful, perfect, companion. Her fingers run over Clarke's hip. The tears dry. Clarke runs her hand over Lexa's cheek, her fingers coming over to play with her chin. A moment, eternity, passes.

"I tried to stop caring after their deaths, to stop feeling." Lexa confesses.

Clarke frowns and says, " I could never do that."

"No one can, or so I've learned." Lexa smiles, kissing her wife's knuckles.

Lexa's heart starts to beat slowly again, her distress dissipating. After a few moments of blissful silence, a small frown comes to her face.

"I deeply wish Anya was also alive right now."

Clarke's eyes soften in understanding. She bites her lip and looks down. Sorry for her loss…but of course her wife has to ruin the moment.

"I could really use a drink and tell her how good I am in a particular department."

"Lexa!"

Clarke pushes at Lexa and she laughs, the sound elating the new Hedatu's heart. She rolls her eyes at Lexa, and the brunette grabs at her neck, bringing Clarke's lips to hers. Clarke is grateful that she could help her wife somehow, and put her mind at ease.

Clarke resumes her spot on Lexa's chest, Lexa's fingers running serenely over her back. Lexa still smells of that delicious rain. She can almost feel the droplets fall on her skin, taste the fresh water and hear the soothing sound of their fall. She feels so calm with her new wife, so connected, rooted to a ground she never thought she would experience.

She throws a leg over Lexa's, their ankles rubbing together. Lexa's head lulls back again, content and happy with the gesture. Their cores are pressed against each other but instead of arousal the couple feels at peace. They do not need to hide behind clothing or traditions anymore…they can just simply be. Their nakedness is no longer a vulnerability, but an intimacy, a power.

Lexa's fingers brush hers as she lifts their limbs, the digits playing in the air, small sparks flying in her skin from their united flesh. Clarke smiles as she traces the small scar on Lexa's wrist, the symbol of their union, their marriage. The reality that she does not just belong to Lexa, but Lexa belongs to her as well and this makes her heart flutter.

"Lexa, what does the bird tattoo on your back signify?"

Lexa's voice is soft as she speaks. "Peace. I got it on the day I finalized the Coalition."

"Hmm. It's beautiful." Clarke says as she softly kisses Lexa's shoulder.

"It's very special to me." Lexa says, her eyes closed.

"I have a very special tattoo too." Clarke says, as she retracts back to herself and bats her eyes innocently.

"I think I would want to have a look." Lexa says, as she quickly imprisons both of Clarke's arms above her head.

Clarke struggles fruitlessly which makes Lexa smirk as she moves down Clarke's neck towards said tattoo.

Lexa smiles against the blonde's skin as she senses Clarke's submission; she looks up for a moment at the breathtaking blonde beauty who had her eyes closed. The sight nearly takes her breath away but Lexa wanted to have some fun this morning so she withdraws her hands from the blonde's. Smiling at her deviously, she brings one hand between Clarke's thighs, rubbing at the colored flesh. Clarke opens her lust-filled eyes and smiles at Lexa in challenge. Clarke likes Lexa like this - playful, bantering. She remembers that, not so long ago (and yet it feels like another time), she swore to herself never to love this woman…and now look at her. She is naked, exposed, and thoroughly ravished by such an exquisite specimen of human being. Lexa really is too good at what she does. Clarke cocks her head to the side.

"How did you get so good at doing that?" Clarke asks with genuine curiosity.

"Doing what?" Lexa asks coyly, barely hiding the hint of a sly smile.

"You know what, Lex." Clarke answered sternly.

Lexa's eyes are dark; she wants her to comment on the pleasure she has given her. Clarke wasn't anything less…the reminder makes her blood boil.

"You said you would tell me later." Clarke says softly near Lexa's ear.

"And I will." Lexa replies as she drops a kiss to the crown of Clarke's head.

"It is later my love."

Lexa smiles at her words, my love, she could get used to her saying that. Clarke bites her bottom lip to torment Lexa, looking at her from under her long lashes and Lexa realizes that she will never be able to deny her anything when she is like this. Lexa's hand comes under her chin, running along her long neck, relishing in the ability to touch her. She realizes she should only give her the abridged version of this story…this secret, this acquired talent…she is not ready to give this enigma totally up yet. She sends her a bashful smile before she speaks.

"If I tell you, you must remember it was a long time ago and it is all Gwaine's fault." Lexa is quick to defend herself as a preamble to what she is about to reveal. Not that she needs to answer to anyone about her sexual past encounters but she is still in uncharted territories with her new wife. Lexa doesn't know how the Skaikru approach this subject. Lexa is not one to be shy but if she had to be honest, she is suddenly feeling a bit nervous. Clarke is no ordinary woman; she is her wife.

Clarke looks at her amused.

"I did not realize your advisor helped you practice…is he a woman down below as well?"

Lexa's eyes bulge.

"No! Oh no…I mean I don't think so…not that I have asked or am interested to…ah!" Lexa quickly tries to backtrack but fails miserably, becoming a rambling mess.

Clarke laughs at her embarrassment. Lexa joins in. Clarke then runs her hand over Lexa's shoulder, tracing her tattoo. She looks at the painted flesh…what a way to mark what is important to one.

She then peers up at Lexa from under her long eyelashes; her look is beyond alluring.

"Please tell me how it is his fault, Commander." Clarke inquiries in a slightly sultry voice, biting the inside of her cheek not to smirk openly.

Lexa huffs, but brings Clarke closer, her lips connecting with her temple.

"When I turned sixteen winters, Gwaine had the brilliant idea to get me... acquainted with...pleasure for only a night."

Clarke's eyes widen. She looks up at Lexa, her hand coming over her mouth to suppress a laugh.

"A one night stand as your first time?"

Lexa nods, a small frown on her face. Clarke seems to be more open about these talks than she first thought. It should ease Lexa into being more comfortable. It was just sex talk. Sex, which they had last night. Why is she so modest about it all of a sudden?

"I really did not have time for other...activities then."

"Of course." Clarke says understandingly. "I did not know you were into such things, Heda." Clarke adds, laughing out loud this time.

"I'm not! I swear it only happened once…Gwaine didn't know I was...totally inexperienced and I honestly wasn't sure where things would lead and how I'd lose my virginity. I was just experimenting but she knew what she was doing."

"Do you regret it?" Clarke asks, seriously.

"No, I don't." Lexa smiles at her wife's concern, even in this matter. Silence follows them. Lexa finally sneaks a peek at Clarke, "It was quite useful information later."

"Indeed…" Clarke gives Lexa a lusty look and Lexa's lips fall to hers, pushing her back into the furs.

Clarke seems to have become rather good at pulling out Lexa's secrets, but she knows there's more to the story Lexa just told her. She knows this is an edited version. She knows she will soon get to know the full version. The thought makes her smirk into the kiss. Lexa runs her fingers through the blonde hair, desperate for Clarke. She has experienced pleasure from Clarke only once, she desires more...much more. She can feel Clarke's desire as well. It makes her breath hitch to know her wife yearns for her so. Lexa's fingers toy with her brand the-

"Lexa, open up the door!"

Gwaine had found a way to rip through the guards outside their chambers. When his eyes land on his Commander he stops short. The great Commander quickly covers Clarke, shielding her from her general. Clarke buries her face in the pillows away from the man, red coming over her cheeks. Lexa goes to open her mouth to yell at her general, call her guards and ask the reason for him being allowed inside her private chambers, but she does not get a word out. Gwaine eyes the situation and immediately jumps to all the wrong conclusions.

"Commander, no disrespect meant but this is not the time to bed random women! What would your wife think? You have unioned with her. Honour the peace arrangement if not the union. I am aware that you can have my head for it but, I have to say I am disappointed in you!" Gwaine chastises.

Lexa opens and closes her mouth. She looks down a little, dejected. Why would her friend, who shared the same mentor with her, jump to such a conclusion?

Clarke shakes in the bed, she feels so exposed. She knows nudity is not much of a big deal for the grounders but she is not a grounder...It is one thing to let her wife gaze upon her naked flesh…it is entirely another to allow her general. She can feel Lexa's distress and rage building. She will not allow Lexa to be seen as a traitor to her word, to the sacred vows she had taken on the day they were joined for life. She sighs as she pokes over her head to face Gwaine; clearly he had seen her wife bare before as he doesn't seem the slightest bit fazed by his Commander's nudity. But then again she recalls that they are grounder warriors who have fought together, most probably gotten injured together and treated for each other's wounds.

She rolls over to face Gwaine. Lexa's hands come around her to help hide her modesty, pressing her delectable body into herself. Lexa had learnt a thing or two about her wife as she was sure she would not appreciate being stark naked in front of Gwaine. Clarke's chin sits safely on Lexa's shoulder.

"You're right, she does keep her promises." Clarke speaks with confidence, an edge to her voice from the accusation thrown at Lexa.

Gwaine just stares. This is a turn of events indeed. Lexa's face turns; her look is murderous. How dare Gwaine interrupt her time with her wife? She should have him choke on his own blood for this.

"You have had enough of a look Gwaine, now if you want to maintain your head, I suggest you get out of my sight right now." Lexa's voice is low and menacing, her eyes sending daggers toward her general.

The warrior takes a breath. A part of him feels terrible. Lexa has finally gotten the intimacy she desires with her wife. The reason for the intrusion will put fear in the already fragile heart of the Heda.

"Heda, as happy as I am that you have…consummated your marriage, Finn of the Sky People along with his friends is here."

"What?" Her eyes connect with Clarke's as she turns questioningly to her wife.

Clarke sees fear pass over Lexa's face. They both know the reason for Finn's visit…Clarke's heart breaks slightly. Lexa moves off of her to sit on the side of the bed, the sheet draped over her lap as she pulls on her shirt and pants quickly. Clarke holds her part of the linens to her breast and moves to kneel behind Lexa, shock washing over her features.

"They arrived last night. It is why we've been trying to get you up half of the day. We have been trying to find Clarke all morning. Octavia and Judith said she retired early and they feared she had run off…apparently she did retire early…with you…"

"Yes, didn't Indra tell you that?" Clarke inquires.

"She did, but she said it looked like you two were about to fight. I am sorry Hedatu, we assumed the worst." The general answers apologetically.

She sends him a small smile. She tries to take deep breaths, to calm the anxiety that is pulling at her heart.

"It is okay. My behaviour has warranted such a response."

"Gwaine, go stall them, tell them that I had gone off for training and meditation all night and have just arrived in my quarters. Tell them Clarke is with me and that I picked her up to show her around the city, she is still in the bazaars, shopping."

Gwaine bows and goes to exit.

"Gwaine, tell Indra, and Octavia, who I know is dying to barge in this door, to come up in twenty minutes, I need a moment." Clarke adds.

The warrior bows again and makes a quick exit. Lexa looks over her shoulder at Clarke, a look of worry adorning her beautiful face. Clarke moves over and onto her knees so she can straddle Lexa's back, her chin settles on Lexa's shoulder, her fingers running over her stomach, her core pressed into Lexa's back. The action dissolves the tension that lingers in Lexa's shoulders. They have reached new levels of intimacy. Clarke will not let this situation destroy her new happiness.

"This does not change anything, Lexa. As you made your pledges I have made mine. I told you I love you and I mean it. We have made love. There is no going back for me."

Lexa holds Clarke's arms as they settle on her shoulders.

"Thank you, my wife." She kisses Clarke's cheek.

"Of course." Clarke says wholeheartedly.

She rests her ear on Lexa's shoulder, willing the battle inside of her heart to calm down. Her emotions have exploded last night. She had hoped this association with her wife would have finally cooled them. Unfortunately life does not allow anything to be easy…especially love.

Octavia is relieved when she finally meets her friend.

"Shopping Clarke? You could have told someone, you know! Or taken me along!" Octavia mumbles the last part and Clarke chuckles.

Clarke however does not say anything right away. She is not sure how to bring this new development with Lexa up. It is so fresh, so soft. For a while, she wishes to keep her feelings to herself. To relish in the intimacy her and her wife have achieved. She feels so close to Lexa, she does not wish for knowledge to expose and ruin the small happiness. Clarke hears Octavia chatter about some grounder healer she has developed a crush on while she changes from her night suit into a red button down with black jeans.

Just when they are about to leave, Judith enters her chambers and hands Clarke the Hedatu's cloak. She puts it on as Lexa, with Indra, reenters dressed in her dark Commander attire. She holds out her hand, and Clarke takes it with a glowing smile on her face. All three women in the room look in wonderment; they have missed something. Indra is best at keeping her face emotionless, yet her eyes show the shock.

Clarke's arm sits comfortably in Lexa's elbow as they start down the corridor. Indra follows them, with a small frown decorating her face.

"You don't think…" Octavia whispers to the Judith. They both shake their heads.

"She wouldn't, she loves Bellamy. She has for over a year." Octavia answers herself.

"I don't know she seems very…familiar with Heda all of a sudden, and they were both missing this morning and pleasing Heda is a privilege maybe Hedatu realised…" Judith counters.

"No, no, no. Stop there. Clarke's mind doesn't work that way, trust me." Octavia says rolling her eyes.

"Whatever you say, Octavia of the Sky People. Don't you want to meet your people, now?" Judith asks.  
...

Clarke rings her hands. If she has achieved some intimacy with Lexa she is happy, but she is worried. With Bellamy now in Polis, what horrors could follow?

 

"Heda, Hedatu!"

Everyone stands as the Commander and her wife enter the hall, followed by Octavia and Judith. They take seats at the head. Lexa nods to the warrior standing in front of their chairs.

"Commander, the Sky people wish to have an audience with you." The warrior informs.

"Let them in." Lexa commands.

Finn and his friends enter, Bellamy right behind the raven-haired boy. Clarke's breath catches in her throat. She attempts to keep her eyes blank, but seeing him in this moment, she feels her resolve crack, if only a little. She looks to her side. Lexa's mask of power is on as she rises.

"Finn of the Sky People, welcome. I wasn't aware of your pilgrimage otherwise, you wouldn't have been made to wait."

His hand comes out and they both clasp wrists.

"Yes, well it was in impromptu visit. We've all been missing our friend here, and so we wished to come see her."

Lexa eyes him. She knows that Finn is lying to protect Clarke's warrior that must have run away in the night.

"I see! Have you found a place to stay while you are here? We have enough guest chambers if you and your warriors would like to stay with us?"

It is a challenge. Refuse and he is seen as impolite, rude, and arrogant, a man too good to stay under the roof of a former enemy. Accept, and he is seen as poor, desperate, and eager to please. The latter is less damaging, but more humiliating.

Finn does not dare sneak a look at Bellamy. He is sacrificing his reputation for this man.

"Yes we would love to stay, thank you so much for your gracious hospitality."

Bellamy's POV:

She is so regal, so beautiful in her red and black combination, the Commander cloak fitting perfectly on her shoulders. She is like a fine picture that he can never afford. She sends him a small smile, a longing look. He is desperate for a moment with her, to hold her, to kiss those sinful red lips. He must be patient, to wait until the right time. If he is caught fraternizing with the Commander's wife, it will be both of their heads. He takes a deep breath. He has waited all of these months. He can wait a little longer.  
...

While Lexa is discussing some political matters with the boy named Finn, she finds a small dark haired girl attack her wife...in a hug. She watches her wife closely if she needs her help but there's nothing but pure joy on her face as she embraces the other girl back.

"I can't believe I am saying this, but I have missed your bossy ass so much!"

"Missed you too, Rav." Clarke says chuckling.

Next, Finn, Wick and Murphy meet her. Bellamy doesn't move a muscle towards Clarke. Instead, he holds her sister in the tightest embrace he can manage. Clarke is grateful for this. She is not sure what she will do if she finds herself in his arms.

She is much more grateful when she is reminded of the public session that was to be held today by one of her warriors. She uses this excuse to usher her friends away from her for the time being.

After hours Lexa announces,

"We are done for the day, my wife and I must retire."

Clarke grabs Lexa's arm as she leads her to their chambers. It is a moment of hesitation, of worry. Clarke is quiet the whole walk to their chambers, she does not even look at Lexa.

Lexa's mind races, what if she changed her mind? What if her words were only induced by euphoric feelings? They get the their rooms. Lexa opens the door and follows Clarke inside, Indra and Judith in tow.

Clarke's mind has gone numb. A moment ago she was able to handle her feelings…now she is not so sure. Seeing Bellamy had stirred desires in her that she had suppressed. She looks down at her wrist, where the union ribbon had been tied. Her heart feels fragmented all over again.

Lexa has taken up looking out the window. Clarke eyes her back, her shoulders square, her jaw tight. Clarke wants to know what Lexa is thinking, feeling, but she can already feel it in the air around them, her fear, her anxiety. Clarke knows she has caused Lexa much hardship, but she made a pledge, and she knows…she knows she loves this woman.

She will not be able to go back to how they were before. She wants Lexa the way she was only hours ago - hungry, wanting, passionate. She looks at Lexa's hands; they are clasped behind her back. Her fingers…her talented fingers. Clarke's body feels feverish suddenly, the reminder of her wife sending delicious heat down to her core. She walks to her and gently presses her body to her, running her hand over Lexa's arm.

Lexa turns towards her. Clarke can feel her fear, but it is over powered by the desire pulsating within herself. Lexa's movements are cautious, but she does not have time for that. She pulls at Lexa's collar, bringing her lips to hers, kissing Lexa desperately. She suddenly needs her; she needs all of her. Lexa moans in the kiss, her heart drums rapidly in response to Clarke. Clarke runs her fingers through Lexa's braided hair and over her ears, begging for more, desiring Lexa again. Lexa's grip tightens on Clarke's waist, the closeness of their bodies driving her mad. Lexa pulls back from her a moment later. Clarke's tongue dips out to lick at Lexa's lip. Lexa growls at her and she shivers.

"Will you take a bath with me, Heda?"

Indra clears her throat to remind her Heda and Hedatu of their presence. Judith looks at her gratefully.

"Leave." Lexa commands without breaking eye contact with her wife. The kissing game reignites but after a while, Lexa pulls back.

"A moment, let me just finalize arrangements for tonight because I assure you, this bath won't be short." Her voice is low and husky.

"I will hold you on to that promise." Clarke smiles wickedly at her and nods.

Lexa's hand comes down, squeezes her bottom and pushes her hips into her own. Lexa kisses her one more time and Clarke moans, running her fingers through Lexa's hair, down her neck. Lexa breaks from her, but keeps her forehead connected with her wife's.

"I really must go quickly, if I want to go at all."

Clarke just smiles in return. The locks click soundly but in reopened in seconds as Octavia barges in.

"I've missed something haven't I?" She speaks up, her eyes pointing at Lexa's retreating figure.

"Not much, just me getting ready for a bath with Lexa."

Octavia opens her mouth and then closes it. Clarke bites her lower lip to suppress the laughter dying to bubble out of her mouth. She puts a hand on Octavia's shoulder. The girl cannot speak, cannot utter a syllable. The poor girl looks as if she is about to faint. She keeps opening and closing her mouth, her hands coming out, frozen in air, her back arched away a little, it is quite humorous. Clarke finally laughs.

"Okay, Yes you have missed much."

Octavia comes out of her stupor at the words.

"What was that? Clarke…you just…and she just…" Octavia stutters, still at a loss for words.

Clarke comes over and holds her friend's shoulders.

"Octavia please, calm down, deep breaths."

"Yesterday I took a ride with Norma. As you know Lexa has not talked to me in weeks. Anyway, the woman gave me a few words of truths and I had to take time to really reflect upon myself. I mean, Lexa's silence was driving me mad!" She throws her hands in the air.

Octavia stares on as Clarke moves back and forth in front of her. Octavia is still processing the new information and is not sure what to feel about it.

"I had to make a choice yesterday, do I hold on to a hope, a love that will never be, or do I move on with the wife I have now. I chose to move on." Clarke's heart pounds, her emotions rage, "She makes me happy, and makes me feel things that I never thought were possible. I feel as if I am her equal, not any lesser than her. Lexa cares about what I have to say, she respects me and my body. I am a lucky woman to have been given to such a person as my life partner."

Clarke stops and moves in front of Octavia. The girl looks up at her, still too shocked to form words.

"I thought these brands were here to bind me to Lexa, to make me a prisoner, but not for once did Lexa treat me like one. She even pledged to never touch me if I so chose. O, she has been more kind to me than any other man or woman I have ever met."

"Shut up!" Octavia finally manages to say.

"Excuse me?"

"You are in love with her, Griffin!"

"I...yeah. I think I am."

Octavia stares at her friend. "What about Bellamy? He was kind to you for over two years. Don't you love him anymore?"

Clarke looks down, her strength faltering. "I was hoping to have more time with Lexa, before I saw him and all of them again. Our love is so new, so pure. I know I love her, I can feel it down into my soul…but with Bellamy…"

Her gaze trails off, she looks out the window.

Octavia is on the edge of her seat, ready to hear her explanation.

"He has been so kind to me, loved me. Part of me still feels like I threw our relationship away when I went to bed with Lexa, but I guess that is what it means to find new love, you must let go of the old."

Octavia notices how wise her friend sounds. Clarke's eyes beg her to understand.

"I love Lexa. I will have forever with her. She is so passionate for me and I for her. I hope, though, that you can keep this quite for the moment. I don't want your brother to know just yet. I feel I should be the one to tell him."

Octavia comes up and puts her hands on Clarke's arms.

"You know you can always confide in me, Clarke. He is my brother, I love him but...you deserve happiness and I am glad you found it." Octavia says warmly.

Clarke envelopes Octavia in a bone crushing hug and Octavia barely makes it out alive.

"Now…bath with broody Commander, huh?"

"Shut up, O." Clarke mumbles as she already knows what is in store for her.

"You've done it."

"Octavia…"

"No seriously, you have done it…you are no longer a virgin."

She smacks her friend. "Will you keep it down, Lexa and I want to keep this quiet."

"Why?"

"Because of reasons, now can you be helpful for a moment and check to see where Judith is so she can warm up the water."

Octavia huffs but complies to Clarke nonetheless. However, she is back just too quickly for Clarke's liking with Judith closely behind her.

"So Clarke-"

"No."

"What?"

"Whatever you want to ask, no. I will not discuss this right now; we can talk about it later, in private when I know Lexa won't walk on us any moment. She does not need any ego boost, trust me."

Octavia can't help but chuckle at this.

"Very good but know that you aren't off the hook yet. After all, it's not every day you have sex with the hot Commander."

Clarke glares at her.

"For your sake, I hope you do!" Octavia quickly adds and receives another smack from the blushing Hedatu.

Lexa enters her chambers. She can smell the bath water, and the distinct aroma of roses. She finds that Clarke is surrounded by glittering rose petals and soap, and is chatting with Octavia who is sitting on the side of the tub while Judith is adding some more soap in the water. Lexa's eyes roam the distortions on the water. She licks her lips. Clarke is quite stunning.

"Lexa, do you just plan on standing there or will you join me in the water?" Clarke says smirking. Lexa had been caught staring.

The Commander smiles and nods. Clarke is bold. Lexa feels her temperature spike. She comes over to her. Clarke brings her free hand up and Lexa kisses her knuckles.

"As you wish, my wife."

She leaves quickly from the room to undress, obviously giving the other two ladies time to leave. She had no problem whatsoever about her being nude in front of theM but she was protective of Clarke and would not allow her to feel uncomfortable while she pleasured her. The connection between spouses was meant to be enjoyed, cherished. Many of the grounders didn't even mind the audience. Clarke and Octavia, however, she doubted agreed with it. But she was wrong about Octavia who keeps on sitting and on the side.

"Ah...Octavia, I think you should leave now." Clarke advises.

"And what...miss a view of your hot wife?"

Clarke turns her head to Octavia with the speed of light, her eyes narrowed in silent rage. How dare she.

But then Octavia starts laughing uncontrollably and Clarke understands immediately what the matter is. She was being played by her friend.

"Your face...Clarke! Never thought I'd get to meet a protective Clarke! Turns out I am actually glad that you are not with my brother!"

"Shut up O and leave." Clarke says angrily but the small smile on her face betrays her.

Octavia doesn't move an inch and thus Clarke orders Judith to take Octavia with her.  
...  
A moment later Lexa enters in nothing but her robe. She slowly takes off the garment as she walks towards the bathing tub and discards it on the floor. Clarke blushes as she looks up at the breathtaking beauty walking towards her, her wife.

Lexa sends Clarke a wicked smile and dips into the tub.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little calm before the inevitable storm...hehe.
> 
> I'm taking in your requests for the next chapter as in what you want in it. I'll try to incorporate what you want or if you are fine with my imagination then that's good too!
> 
> Now...Feed the writer.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuSyed

Beta: Lowiiie

Chapter 13:  
Clarke watches with a small smirk as her naked wife submerges herself into the water. She watches Lexa as she grabs a hard rock, which she had gotten to know as grounder soap, and slowly, painfully slowly, pull her leg up with those talented fingers and start the slow torture...with the soap.

"This is not very productive my Heda." Clarke teasingly comments from her side.

Lexa ignores her and continues with her ministrations. She can feel her wife's glare at her, sense the darkening of her pupils without looking at her. A frustrated Clarke, this is going to be fun. 

Clarke knows what Lexa is doing, but she is not going to give up. She is going to resist...God, when did those sinful fingers reach her thighs?

An audible gasp leaves Clarke's lips as the Commander's fingers inch a little higher. In response, Lexa just smirks but doesn't bother to look up, instead, focused on her task, moves to the other leg. Clarke bites her lips to bottle up the moans that are dying to escape her mouth. She will not let Lexa win this game.  
Satisfied with her work, Lexa finally moves back and hears a whimper escape her wife's lips as she does. A chuckle escapes Lexa’s throat as she moves her head to the rim of bathtub and stares unabashedly at her clearly aroused wife. They are on opposite sides of the tub, their knees touching. Their feet are caressing one another.  
Clarke sneaks glances at Lexa's tattoo and chest; her body is nothing if not perfect, her armor does hide the muscle of her well. Smiling, Clarke thinks about one of the many reasons she has become so besotted by her wife - she is quite…delectable. 

"I wouldn't call that as unproductive, Clarke. You are all cleaned up."

"I wouldn't be so sure, my love." Clarke rasps and enjoys as a shiver runs down her wife's body.

"Oh?" Lexa mutters lamely.

Clarke can feel the stickiness that has pooled between her legs but she is not going to let Lexa win this game.  
She sees how Lexa eyes her up and down and how she gulps nervously. The internal battle Lexa is having is quite enjoyable for her. She sees her eyes darkening and her pupils dilating impossibly more. Ha!  
Just to fuel things a bit more, Clarke sends her a seductive smile, and also leans against the rim of the tub, arching purposefully her back in the process. As a result her chest moves forward half above water, exposing the top of her breasts, and Lexa's eyes travel down from her face.  
Clarke takes a moment to admire Lexa's pulse, pumping blood underneath her delicious skin. She loves her like this, relaxed yet bothered. To test her control a bit more, Clarke raises both her hands and starts to scrub her hair, exposing her chest a bit more and creating little ripples with her movements. Lexa watches and could swear she hears Clarke purr in approval as she massages her own scalp. She is so divine, like a goddess Lexa never knew she could reach. She can feel her body react, her muscles tightening. She takes a breath. She refocuses. 

"Would you like some wine, Lexa?"

Lexa raises her eyebrows as Clarke picks up the pitcher of wine placed on the small wooden table by the side of the tub. 

"I had Judith bring it for us." She answers Lexa's silent questions.

Lexa hums in approval. Wine is a liquid very far from her mind at the moment but she knows she needs to quench her dry throat if she wants to keep using her voice.

"Yes, please." She croaks, taking the goblet Clarke is handing her.

Lexa watches Clarke with unbridled want as the other girl brings her cup to her own lips. Lexa reciprocates the gesture.  
From her periphery Lexa sees that there is a plate of grapes on the table too. This could be interesting.  
Clarke watches as Lexa drinks, her Adam’s apple bobbing; it reminds her of…wretched things.  
Lexa, after taking a sip, rests the goblet on the small table. She brings the soap up to her own hair to scrub. She dips her scalp into the water and comes up shaking her head like a dog, water flying everywhere.  
Clarke laughs at her childish behavior. Lexa sends her a roguish smile, her hand coming under the water to play with Clarke's calf. Clarke bites her lips, her eyes low and alluring. She brings her foot forward, settling her limb between Lexa's legs. She can feel the shiver that runs down Lexa's body. She can see her visibly gulp, eyes dark as night.  
Lexa raises Clarke's leg a little and runs her fingers over her toes and down to her ankle, the soap creating a perfect blanket to hide their intimate touches. Clarke can tell she wants more, as does her own body.  
Clarke takes a breath, bringing the wine back to her lips as she watches Lexa pick up a grape, eyeing the fruit. A small frown comes onto her beautiful features.

"What is it?" Clarke asks as the Commander inspects the fruit.

"I would have preferred strawberries." Lexa replies with a little pout. A pout! Now that is something Clarke thought she’d never see on Lexa’s face. 

Clarke raises an eyebrow, curious about both the choice of fruit and the reaction it brought to Lexa.

"Why strawberries?"

Lexa's eyes are darker if even possible; her smile is tempting. Clarke pushes against the urge to slide through the water and straddle her wife and press into her core.

"You smell of them Clarke…you smell of delectable strawberries."

The Hedatu's smile is downright wicked. Oh, her wife should know better than to tell her of such things…the information could be used in so many ways later on.

"I should thank Judith for washing me in that soap. She had thought I would like it and she was right. But it seems I am not the only one who enjoys the scent, huh?"

Clarke bites her lip, her eyes speaking volumes of her lust. She is so tempting, so alluring. Lexa takes a deep breath. The Commander can see her wife is playing a game with her, one the Commander demands to win.

"What can I say, I have a weakness for strawberries it seems." Lexa smiles crookedly as she grabs her goblet and takes a sip of the wine.

Clarke suppresses the desire to crawl into Lexa's lap again. Her words are so unexpected. One moment she is playing hard to get and the other...she is openly complimenting her.

"What when strawberries are out of season and there could no longer be strawberry scented soap?" Clarke teases.

"I will have them sent from the North."

"Wouldn't you call it a waste of resources? Travelling from Polis all the way to the Ice Nations. The land isn't very favorable, not to mention the long journey."

"I wouldn't." Lexa says immediately and watches her over her wineglass, enjoying her drink, and Clarke's company. 

Clarke chuckles lowly and Lexa observes her as she brings the glass of wine to her lips, her gaze focused on her. Clarke is challenging her again, always challenging her. Lexa puts her wine down, and grabs her leg. Clarke yelps at the unexpected motion and then laughs as Lexa brings her knee over her shoulder, pulling her through the soap and foam and finally kissing her flesh. Clarke is more flexible than Lexa imagined; she is even talented enough to hold onto her wine and keep her head above water. Her leg hangs over Lexa's shoulder as if this is a regular occurrence.

"You are being seductive this afternoon Clarke." Her fingers trace the outside of Clarke's thigh.

"Seductive? I thought we were talking trade and routes…"

"That is seductive…"

Clarke's blood pumps faster at Lexa's words. The realization that her mind is an aphrodisiac for her wife almost topples her over the edge. She takes a breath. She is feeling quite…feisty all of a sudden.

"Well I've only gotten my taste of you once, I believe I should be allowed more than one night with my wife."

Lexa releases her knee. Clarke immediately moves to straddles her, her soft nether regions sitting on Lexa's thighs. Clarke takes a sip of her wine, the liquid misses her lips and a stream of purple travels down her chin and neck, and pools at her cleavage. Lexa smiles mischievously at her, and licks the spilled sinful drink. Clarke runs her fingers through Lexa's wet hair as Lexa follows the path upwards, nipping and sucking and finally kissing her deeply on the lips. Clarke smiles approvingly when Lexa pulls back, taking her empty goblet and setting it on the table.  
Clarke's arms come around Lexa's neck and clasp behind her, Lexa's fingers running over Clarke's back down to her hips.

"Would you like a grape?" Lexa asks.

"I would rather have strawberries."

Clarke's smile is downright sinister. Her Heda groans, her fingers running over her ass.

"I will get you some Sky Heda. For now, we only have grapes. Will that sustain you for the moment?"

Clarke bites her lip and nods. Lexa grabs the bushel and feeds her one. Clarke wantonly purrs in response. She does feel quite seductive suddenly. Lexa goes to feed her another, but Clarke catches her fingers with her teeth. Her lips trap them at the edge of her mouth and she sucks on them softly as Lexa slowly withdraw them, their eyes never leaving one another as Clarke eats the morsel. Her tongue comes out to lick at her finger, and wipes off the grape juice. She is such a temptress.  
Lexa feeds her one more, but this time Clarke bites the grape, the juices sliding down her freshly ravished chin. Lexa leans over once more, her tongue licking the juice all the way up to her lips, where Lexa kisses her softly. Last night was clouded in passion, today is smoldering in seduction.

Lexa nibbles on her lip hungrily as Clarke leans down, her delicious bosom pressed into hers, the pouty nipples of hers teasing her own. Clarke's fingers run over her colored skin, grabbing at the flesh, enjoying the tightening and relaxing of her muscles. Lexa's hands running down to grab at her bottom. Clarke smiles as she feels Lexa's fingers enter her. Lexa groans, her wife is as tight as ever. She starts moving her fingers as Clarke starts grinding up and down on her lap at a gentle pace. Her movements are willingly slow at first but she gradually picks up her riding speed as desire builds up.  
Lexa chooses this moment to pull her fingers out.

"Fuck, Lexa!" Clarke growls in frustration. Lexa chuckles as one of her hands comes up to run over Clarke’s clean spine and the other…squishes the half eaten grape on the valley between her breasts, spreading the content on the glistening skin.

"Lexa!" She pushes at her.

"What? I like grapes!"

"More than strawberries?"

Lexa growls at her and thrusts three of her fingers into her without any warning, Clarke gasps and shivers.

"I love nothing more than strawberries."

Lexa's other hand comes to her hips to start moving her again as do her own fingers insider her while her mouth comes down to feast on Clarke's chest, licking at the remnants of the fruit. Clarke moans as Lexa licks at her, she might find herself enjoying grapes as well. Clarke's skin tastes so good, so wet from the delicious liquid. Lexa nibbles all the way up, her teeth nipping at Clarke's shoulder. Clarke purrs. Lexa's fingers move quicker. Clarke’s grip on her hair tightens.

"Ohmygod! Ahhh...Lexa!" 

Clarkee closes her eyes in bliss, her back arching away, pressing her breasts into Lexa’s further. Lexa gazes upon her, her head thrown back in bliss. She is at a loss of words upon the magnificent sight her wife is gifting her; the overpowering emotion emitting from her every pore is maddening. Lexa runs a hand down her chest, dipping into the bath and moving over her navel. Lexa smiles at her embedded name on her wife's chest as she gazes at it, giving it a chaste kiss.

"You are so beautiful Clarke."

Clarke looks down at her wife, her fingers running over Lexa's ears, she kisses her crown.

"You are nothing less yourself."

Clarke pulls back to the other end of the tub and brings Lexa along with her, reversing their earlier position. Lexa, caught by surprise, fails to protest. Clarke then runs a hand along Lexa's spine, reaches her tight bottom and squeezes. Lexa gasps. Clarke growls.

"I want to hear you worship my name now, Commander."  
...

They are dry and in bed, Lexa's fingers ghosting over Clarke’s naked back, her hair thrown behind her onto the white pillows. Clarke’s head is on Lexa's chest as she speaks.

"You smell like rain." Clarke says, taking a breath of the tan skin in.

"Hmm?"

Lexa looks down from the top of Clarke’s head. Clarke smiles against Lexa's skin.

"You said I smell like strawberries…well you smell like rain, like a crisp autumn shower."

Lexa's eyes close in relaxation, the conversation calming, Clarke's fingers running over her skin in random patterns soothing the mighty Commander. Clarke is so gentle right now, so soft in the aftercare of their deep lovemaking. Lexa hopes they have more moments like this, that the future is filled with calm words and deep understandings. She closes her eyes. Maybe she can sneak a moment of rest before tonight's festivities.  
They hear a knock at the door.

"Enter." Lexa announces as she drapes a fur over her wife's body and covers herself with her robe. 

Judith enters with a small smile and deeply bows before informing of her purpose.

"The feast is in a candle mark's time, Heda."

Lexa sighs and then nods in Judith's direction. She then kisses Clarke's forehead and excuses herself to get dressed. Judith asks the same of Clarke.  
Clarke takes off her robe and is about to put on her jeans when Octavia barges in and Clarke quickly puts the robe back on her shoulders.

"Nah, nah, nah. You aren't wearing something simple today, Clarkey. I want to see you in a nice dress!"

"Unfortunately for you, I am not your doll that you can dress up however you like."

"But...I bought this especially for you today!" Octavia pouts.

That pout. Clarke sighs. What is it with pouts today?

"Fine...and what the hell are you wearing?" Clarke asks as she finally notices the weird yet elegant thing Octavia is wearing. 

Her legs are clad in black tights but that's not what grabs Clarke's attention, it's the tunic that does. The tunic slides down from her waist and is cut into a design of claws. It looks...odd but good.

"Don't you like it? Lincoln did." She said looking down at her clothes and swaying a little.

"Ahh...Lincoln. When do I get to meet him?"

"Whenever you want." Octavia says beaming.

"Wow, that guy must be good...to have you smiling like this." Clarke says shaking her head.

"You have no idea. His abs Clarke and he is such a great kisser plus..."

"Thank you for the details but I think I'll pass." Clarke says rolling her eyes as she grabs the dress Octavia has brought for her and goes behind the screen to change.

A few moments pass and Clarke is ready, radiating with elegance, her dark black dress looks stunning.  
When she comes out, she finds Octavia already gone and her wife standing in the middle of the room, wearing her Commander cloak.

"You are breathtaking my love." Lexa says making way to her wife and putting on her Hedatu cloak on her shoulders. She then grabs her hand and kisses right over her wrist where the wedding band was tied…and deviously licks over the scarred skin. Clarke sends her a sinful smile of approval.

"You are an eye candy, yourself Lexa."

Clarke inwardly chuckles as a blush creeps on the great Commander's face.  
She takes Lexa's arm, a happy smile on her face. They leave their room.

"You don't want him to know yet." Lexa says calmly as they slowly walk down the hall.

"I just wish to tell him first that's all. You know why they are here."

"Yes I figured your knight went rogue and came looking for you.”

"Yes and here I am enjoying the fine pleasures of my wife's body. I owe him more than blatant affection in his face."

She owes Bellamy a lot. He has been her protector, her savior these last two years, her lover. She does not wish to disregard him by parading her new happiness in his face.

"My wife you do know you are wearing the Hedatu's cloak…it is obvious that we are married."

Clarke rolls her eyes in response.

"Yes of course I know. He too knows I came here to get married…he just doesn't know that I have gone and fallen in love with you in the process. Just give me time and a moment to talk with him. Once it's sorted, you can kiss my hand or whatever part of me you want in front of all your guests."

Lexa looks at her skeptically.

"Don't you trust me?" Her voice is quiet.

"I do. I do trust you Clarke. I'm sorry, you are correct. We will keep our composure tonight." Lexa relents.

Clarke kisses Lexa's cheek as a reward.

"That is all I ask."  
....

"Honorable guests, I would like to thank Finn of the Sky People and his knights for joining us tonight for this lavish feast. I am proud to reunite your Hedatu with her friends for this evening! Please eat, drink, and be merry!"

There is loud applause. The drums start up and the whole hall is in high spirits.  
Clarke sends Lexa a soft look, but her eyes keep drifting to Bellamy. He sends her a glowing smile that she can't help but return. She feels wrong doing it, but she cannot help herself. One does not just throw away two years of their life so easily…even if her wife is amazing in bed.  
She takes a moment to study her wine glass. It has become very interesting - the interconnected vines swirling up and over the cup, the hard silver base. Norma is to her left; she notices the concentration.

"My dear, you know I could teach you the perfect grip that would help you turn it into shreds."

Clarke looks up, bewildered, and then blushes slightly.

"What?"

"Well you are glaring so hard at your wine glass, I figured you wanted it to break it."

The Fire Queen supplies happily. Clarke shakes her head. This woman is something else entirely. She looks to The Fire Queen. It almost feels like it has been ages since their last conversation. The moments she gets to spend with Norma are few and far between but very precious to the young leader.

"I am just thinking, Norma."

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you are finally taking advantage of your luxurious bed?" Norma asks, a little too giddy.

The young girl blushes. The Queen claps in happiness. Her Heda and Hedatu have finally consummated their marriage…the relief washes over The Fire Queen.  
She sighs. The fear of the mother, Abigail, possibly starting up the war again to retrieve her daughter dissipates and calms her spirits. She deeply values the peace Lexa has built. She has never seen anyone being successful at building the Coalition successfully except Lexa. 

"Oh dear I am so happy…but you know…you need to keep doing it. Lexa is brooding much less. I'd like to keep it that way."

Clarke laughs merrily. This woman is too much sometimes.

"I am glad to hear the fruits you get to enjoy out of my marriage. But, I am sorry, I am a bit distracted today."

"He is here, isn't he?"

Clarke nods sadly. Norma looks out into the crowd, trying to dissolve the tensions of her new Hedatu. She can feel the complete anguish washing over the young girl's emotions. A part of her completely devoted to her Heda, her wife, another conflicted, wishing for her home and the man she once loved.

"I feel as if the second I have figured this whole marriage thing out God decides to play a nasty trick on me and send him back into my life."

She is lucky Lexa got up a few minutes ago to talk to Finn, Wick, and the rest of her friends. She and Norma can talk in peace without being disturbed. The older woman grabs Clarke's hand, squeezing her skin softly and sending her a look of complete understanding.

"My dear, this is not God, this is just life. I think you need to remember who you are, the strength within you. Do you regret being with my Heda?"

Clarke smiles softly.

"Norma, that is something I could never regret."

Norma moves her hand up and over Clarke's arm. The change in attitude brings a warm feeling to her heart. The Queen feels relief, elation.

"Do you love Anya's second?"

Clarke bites her lip, a shy smiles overtakes her features.

"I love her more than I have loved any one."

"Then all will be well. If this man is as honorable as you say he is, he will be happy for you. Expect good things my child, and you will always be rewarded."

Clarke leans over and hugs the Old Queen. The woman squeezes her back and kisses her cheek. She pulls back and both women look at each other, a warmth enveloping them both. Clarke hears a throat clearing and sees Bellamy standing above her, his arm outstretched.

"Hedatu, may I have this dance?"

She sends him a small smile. She can read the mischievousness in his eyes as he uses her new title. Clarke's fingers reach out to take his hand.

"Yes, thank you Bellamy."

Norma watches as her Hedatu leaves. She knows Clarke's words are true but the conflict within is what worries her still. She looks over to her Heda, and sees her notice Clarke dancing with the knight. She visibly tenses but does nothing. Her Heda is a proper leader. Her eyes connect with Norma's. Norma sends her a reassuring smile.  
...

"So you really expect me to believe you took down a bridge all by yourself?" Lexa asks Raven.

"Of course. I am the greatest bomb maker that ever lived."

"Is the arrogance included in the title or did you pay extra for that?" 

Octavia roars in laughter, approving of Lexa's comments. Raven just scoffs, but can't hide the smirk. Clarke's wife is quite witty.

"No it is just a fact, Heda."  
"I see. Can you use a sword, Raven of the Sky people?" Lexa knows she won't back down from a challenge. She is great at reading people, Anya had taught her well.

"I can forge one so I doubt using it is much of a problem either."

"So what do you say if we..."

"That will be a bit unfair Heda. Why don't you compete using the Sky People's weapons for a change?" Luna interjects, already well aware of what Lexa was going to propose. She ignores the glare Lexa sends in her direction. 

"Raven, aren't you more into the mechanical stuff as Clarke has informed me?" Lexa tries. 

The truth was Lexa had tried using a gun when the Alliance had been formed and some of the Sky weapons brought to the capitol. She wasn't very skilled at it.

"I know quite a bit of that stuff, but I am wonderful with a gun. I could compete with you at target shooting tomorrow."

"It would be my pleasure. Tomorrow at dawn then?" Lexa's eyes glow gold for a second as they reflect the torches off the chandelier. 

"Sounds awesome! Just no crying after you lose!"

Lexa rolls her eyes. She has never let anyone speak to her in such a manner but Raven was entirely another matter. The whole exchange had been very amusing for her as she had observed from her periphery Octavia try to shush Raven several times during the conversation and even make hand gestures of being murdered by her. To top it all, she knew Octavia believed she was being subtle. Clarke's friends really were a handful.

Raven is surprised at the ease she feels while she and Lexa are speaking. They drink their wine in good merriment. The humor is light. Lexa sneaks a glance at the dance floor; Clarke is moving elegantly with Bellamy. She forgot they were dancing, if only for a moment. Her breath catches. She can feel her nerves shake a little. She is trying to be polite, to show her trust by allowing Clarke these freedoms. Her laughing with her old lover does not make her heart clench any less.

....

She sees blood everywhere. A shrill, ear-piercing scream reaches her ears. She looks wildly around to find the source of the sound. She sees a young girl screaming her lungs out. She sees her sitting in ashes and bones and screaming, shouting, wailing. She wants to go to her, help her but she can't move a limb. She watches horrified, as a bloody Lexa appears in her view, her armor in pieces and her sword blood red. She watches as Lexa slits the girl's throat.

"I will make them all incomplete as you have made me by taking her from me." She watches the madness in Lexa's eyes as she shouts that, looking at the Sky. Then she watches horrified as the Sky starts raining blood and the Commander hides her tears in them. 

Clarke wakes with a start, encompassed by her wife. She takes deep breaths, soothing the horrific dreams away. She runs her hand over Lexa's soft chest in comfort. Her presence calms her. She buries her nose into Lexa's neck, allowing her familiar scent to relieve her shaken nerves. Lexa snorts awake, Clarke laughs. Lexa brings a hand to her face to rub her eyes and hair before looking down at Clarke. She smiles up at her. Lexa leans down to kiss her softly.

"Good morning my wife."

"Good morning ai houmon."

Lexa smiles at Clarke for the use of her language. She was learning fast, as her warriors informed her. She holds her close for a moment, reveling in her warmth. Clarke sighs in contempt, but Lexa can feel the anguish within her.

"Clarke, what is wrong?"

"I had another dream."

Lexa runs her fingers over her crown, pushing the hair away from her eyes so she can gaze upon her better.

"A nightmare? What happened? You do not seem as worked up as you usually are."

"I am learning to deal with it. I am learning how to fight my demons. The physical training has been helpful." She smiles softly.

Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand and brings her wrist to her lips, sucking lightly on her pulse, her fingers running over her cheek.

"Stop worrying, Lexa. I am fine."

Her eyes are gentle, Lexa sighs and nods. 

"You have been incredible Clarke. You are improving in every area. You are such a powerful leader. Such a powerful Hedatu," 

She brings Clarke close kissing her neck, elated at her progress.

"Yes, but what do these dreams mean, Lexa? Norma thinks..."

Lexa eye rolls, and cuts Clarke,

"Norma is a good leader to her people and a very good ally but you should not take everything that comes from her mouth very seriously. She believes in fate and destiny much more than I will ever do."

"Yeah well, she has been a great help to me and for your kind information, if I did not listen to what she said we wouldn't have been here." Clarke says, anger suddenly taking over her, angry that Lexa does not really care what is happening with her.  
Lexa looks at her with wide eyes, confused at the sudden outburst. 

"Clarke, I know you are confused at the time but I honestly think that is only because of the drastic changes you have had to face in this short span of time. If you think Norma can help you, I will not stop you but let me warn you, in the end she is the leader of the Fire People, she will do anything for her gain. I just want what is best for you."

Clarke reads pure worry in Lexa's tone and her anger deflates. 

"I am sorry Lexa, I don't know what came over me. You are of course right, I will be careful."

"That is all I ask for." Lexa says as she kisses her cheek. 

"Do not fret my love. I am sure we will figure out what this means, if it means anything and everything will be fine."

They lie back down. Clarke is snuggled into Lexa's side. She is still tired, her lids close, and she is almost-

"Rise and shine Clarkey and wife!"

Clarke rolls her eyes as she hears Octavia's voice reach her ears. She rethinks the decision that she made when Lexa had asked if Octavia was crossing a line and bothering her and needed to be taught a lesson. Clarke had thought of it as beyond sweet because if anything, Clarke believed she was crossing a line with Lexa, which Lexa had later admitted she probably was but also said she had gotten used to it.  
Octavia shoves open the door grinning like an idiot.

"Octavia do you have to do that? I was almost back asleep…" Clarke wines as she buries herself into Lexa's neck.

"Sorry my lazy friend, but your wife must get up. She has a match with Raven today! Judith was coming to wake you guys up but I thought I would do the honors."

"Raven?"

Clarke moves to brace herself on her hands over Lexa, giving her wife a skeptical look. Lexa's hands shoot out to the side, a goofy smile on her face.

"What?"

"You're going to sword fight with Raven?"

"Sadly, not a sword fight, no."

"Combat?"

"No, Clarke… Target shot challenge."

"Archery."

"Oh, how I wish."

"Then?"

"Guns. We'll be using guns."

Clarke starts laughing at this and receives a mock glare from her wife. Lexa’s eyebrows raise in question.

"You'll lose."

"I won't."

"You probably will Heda, Raven is very good." Octavia supplies, but bites her lip once the words fall. 

"I am the Commander, a Sky Person cannot beat me even if they are using their weapons!"

Clarke keeps on looking at her doubtfully. 

"You have no faith in me do you? I can win without my own weapons."

Clarke leans close to her ear.

"I will give you a prize if you do."

Lexa eyes her, and then smirks, a prize indeed.

TBC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Clarke...that is just not nice to do to your wife what if she loses?...but if she wins...hehe. Anyway, as you can see Clarke is still pushing her limits...she doesn't mean any harm but that doesn't mean she isn't causing any! And I am sure I will be asked this so telling you beforehand- Bellamy is going to interact with Clarke in private soon.
> 
> My life's been busy with exams (I didn't even get to celebrate my bday on the correct date coz of it!), and I so wanted to tell you guys that I had not given up on this Story as a few of you assumed that I had(who quite conveniently were guest reviewers) but I obviously couldn't . So here's the thing, I joined tumblr a few days back and here's my url: arshuk dot tumblr dot com. Ask me whatever you want over there and you will be answered.  
> (arshuk.tumblr.com)  
> Feed the writer now!
> 
> -ArshuK.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

Chapter 14:

"I lost…" Lexa says as she fires the last bullet of her gun and misses the target board completely.

The great Commander lowers the hand holding the weapon to her side and peers up at the clear blue of the sky. The clouds slowly move overhead, flowing seamlessly with a soft wind, secretly taunting the great leader. She sighs, her eyes close remembering something more pleasant than this moment, something closer to what her body desires. Apparently there will be no prize for her tonight,. She groans silently at the ground, cursing at her lack of prowess with the Sky People’s automatic weapon, waiting for the inevitable smugness from Clarke’s friend. If there is one thing Lexa has observed from the Skaikru, it is their incapability to have control over their behavior and what comes out of their mouth. 

The mechanic, who had just won, watches as the Commander accepts her defeat and nods slightly at her. Raven wants to tease her but Lexa and her ended their little challenge with scores closes than she anticipated despite the fact that she had used the gun many times more than the Commander. And so she swallows her urge to do a victory dance and walks over to Lexa to shake her hand. Lexa looks at the offered hand dubitatively at first, not sure of the significance of such gesture. When Raven rolls her eyes at her while sighing and extends more insistently her hand in front of her, Lexa moves hers to grab Raven’s forearm. Raven barely hesitates before grabbing onto the Commander’s arm.

"That was a very good match Raven of the Sky People." Lexa says, giving a light squeeze before letting go.

The mechanic smiles, she had underestimated the Commander. She believed Lexa was nothing more than a grounder filled with ego and pride. Raven knows that Lexa has learned the strength of both allies and opponents, as well as their weaknesses. That day on the battlefield still haunts Raven at night. What she did not expect was for the Commander to parallel the use of the Sky People's weapon with her knowledge of her own weapons. The shots that she took were quite impressive.

"Yes, you as well. I thought you were going to beat me a few times." Raven says honestly.

"I was hoping I would. Nevertheless you seem to have out angled me in the end."

It was true, Lexa had only missed the last shot, though with quite a distance, but only one shot had made Raven victorious.  
Lexa motions towards the bench and both women move to sit. The mechanic and the Commander look out into the training ground at all the warriors sparring around them.  
Raven watches amusedly as Octavia teams up with Wick and Finn, and the three start sparing with Heda Gwaine. The man has taken on all of them, and he is moving majestically. It is beyond incredible the way the knight takes all three of them down at once.  
Raven looks over to Lexa. The girl looks at her general in appreciation.

"Your general seems to be a magnificent swordsman. He moves elegantly with a blade."

"She."

Raven knits her eyebrows together and looks at the Commander, the woman still looking out into the field.

"She?"

Lexa finally turns her head with a knowing smile, grinning like an absolute idiot.

"Oh I'm sorry, have you never spent time with Gwaine? She talks more than most women I know, more than your Skaikru women…and usually its mindless chatter and gossip."

Raven roars in laughter, smacking the chuckling Commander on the back. The sudden gesture and breach of personal space takes Lexa by surprise but she knows that the girl meant nothing threatening or defiant by it. Lexa discreetly orders, with a steady look, the guard that witnessed the exchange to re-sheath and stand down. Sky People were usually not accustomed by protocols and boundaries of her people.

"You are a very clever are you not Lexa?" Raven continues, oblivious.

"Well I didn't just create the coalition based on my good looks!" Lexa retorts, deciding to continue with the casual banter.

Another round of laughter, Raven doubles over and actually has to take a moment to catch her breath.  
Both ladies are surprised to be enjoying the other’s company, discovering fragments of personalities they wouldn’t have thought was there. The Commander's eyes move over the field, and finally they settle on the man Raven was hoping would stay on the sidelines, out of the Commander's path. She stares at him a little harder than the others. Lexa seems to be analyzing Bellamy's skills, the angular movements of his body, his arms arching, and the swing of his blade as he was being taught to use it. Up until now, Lexa had a look of admiration and appreciation for Octavia and Finn's skills at swordsmanship…But with Bellamy, Lexa seems to be looking for weakness, thinking of all the ways to take the man down. Raven tenses, a disturbing thought runs through her mind - does Lexa know? She hopes not, for her friend's sake. Raven sighs. She looks down at her cup, the water swirling in a whirlpool fashion.

"That is Bellamy." Raven provides, knowing that the Commander would eventually find out.

Lexa gets out of her daze to stare at the mechanic, her brow creases together in a childlike fashion.

"Hmm?"

"That guy, he is Bellamy, one of the most admirable men I know." Raven says to bring Bellamy out of the death stare that was being given by the Commander's eyes.

Lexa turns back towards the training field, her chin resting on her clasped hands, her sharp jade orbs boring into the knight. 

"Is he? What position was he holding when Clarke was at the Ark?" Lexa inquires with a steady voice, strong, not letting anything she might feel filter. Raven alost wonders if her fears are unwarranted. She needs to let Lexa know that Bellamy is a good person, that his presence poses no threat to the Commander. Now you just need to convince yourself…

"No position." Raven deadpans.

Lexa's back straightens, her hands move to rest on her knees, and a look of astonishment overtakes her features. 

"No position? I'm surprised Abigail allowed his friendship with Clarke then." Lexa had chosen her words carefully. She didn't want to give away what she knew about Clarke and Bellamy's past relation to Raven.

Raven chuckles, her eyes flick over to the man of topic.

"She didn't at first. Bellamy was a criminal in her eyes but no one can take from Clarke what she wants. No one can dictate her life."

A small smile appears on Lexa's face as she hears this. No one can dictate her life, Lexa has had firsthand experience of that. 

"But you see, the thing is no one can deny the services of Bellamy towards the 100 when we first landed. He was a dick in the beginning and his ways sucked but we survived because of him. He united us." 

Lexa looks on. Her inner turmoil deflates a little. Bellamy sounds like a good man, one people can rely on. She is not surprised Clarke fell in love with him. Her mind wonders and reflects on the information, the implications towards her own character. If a man such as Bellamy could steal her wife's heart in such a way, is Clarke’s love for her simply a reflection of this man, or is it because she is something more? She shakes her head at the foolish thought, Clarke has told her why she loves her, that she is the one that stirs her in such ways, feeling things she never had with the man. Lexa closes her eyes. She needs to learn to trust her wife, to see her words as truths. Clarke has pushed her away, fought her every step, but she has never lied, never deceived Lexa. Even when Lexa had asked, Clarke had seen the action of deceit as beneath her. She smiles at the memory. A movement catches her eye from the doorway, speaking of Clarke…

"Clarke!" Raven's eyes light up as she rushes to her.

Clarke runs and meets Raven halfway, her arms out ready to receive a woman she considers her sister. The Hedatu picks her up and twirls her around. Their cheeks pressed together, their bodies shaking from merriment. Clarke finally puts her down and pulls back. Raven grabs her face, her thumbs running affectionately over her cheeks, looking deeply into the magnificent cobalt orbs. 

Lexa's eyes reel, Is there something more to their relation than what Clarke has informed her of? She shakes her head, willing the thought away. She does not need to add Raven to her list of 'threats to her married life.'  
Clarke gives Raven a kiss on her cheek and holds her face. She did not realize how much she missed her almost sister. Despite Raven's many flaws she is a good person, and one day she hopes to see all the pain that she spots in her eyes to leave her completely. Raven's fingers encase hers as she leads her back to their sitting area.  
Lexa stands to receive her wife. Clarke sends Lexa a small smile. The Commander sneaks a peak at Bellamy. She needs to keep an eye on the knight. The man has stopped sparring and is looking pensively over at Clarke.  
Lexa clenches her fists to control her possessiveness, though the temptation to grab her wife up and kiss her senseless in front of all of these people, so they know who she belongs too is very overwhelming. Of course she does not do that, she may be possessive of her new bride but she knows Clarke well enough that the gesture would be unwelcomed at this moment. Lexa simply takes her hand to her lips, her sharp emeralds connected to her deep sapphire.

"My Hedatu."

Clarke grins freely in return. As her back is to Bellamy, she sends Lexa a devious smile. Lexa's lips feel soft and inviting against her skin. Lexa takes a breath. She mustn't allow her wife to stir her in such a way in front of all their people.  
Lexa's hair is sticking to her forehead from the physical exercise, Clarke looks at the tracks and deduces that they had run and shot the wooden dolls at the same time. Lexa's hot breath is huffing slightly against her skin. She has a flushed face with small beads of sweat pearling at her temples’ hairline. Clarke tells herself to hold her composure, yet she can still feel herself become feverish, falling with her eyes as one drop makes its way down her wife’s tempting neck.

"My Heda." Clarke says, controlling her breath while looking at Lexa straight in the eyes.

"Raven, tell me of your journey. I want to know everything and what is happening in the Ark these days. Oh and Wick?" Clarke claps in happiness. She loves Polis but she has missed the Ark some. And Raven can tell she missed her, she smiles down at her. Her elation filters into her own soul the way it did when they were younger, before they were prisoners. Raven had not realized how much she had missed her in return until now.

"I have to go with Octavia now but, could we take a ride later this afternoon? Just the two of us? I have learnt horse riding at the Ark. Yes that's the new thing that is being taught these days over there. I'd like to race you Clarke, I'm sure the Commander must've taught you how to not fall of a horse."

Clarke rolls her eyes and is about to answer when Raven starts off again.

"You wouldn't have any problem, would you Commander? Maybe she can manage to beat me." And to Clarke's horror, Raven winks at the great Commander of the Coalition, teasing the leader further.

Lexa folds her arms over her chest. She eyes Raven in a threatening manner.  
Clarke resists the urge to flirt with her wife, to tell her to not be jealous of an idiot like Raven. She wants to act the way she feels…in love with her wife. This secretive business is hard…whose idea was it again? Oh right…  
Lexa nods towards her wife. She sends her a sweet smile. Raven observes Clarke raise her chin in the air, a haughty expression on her face she has never seen before.  
Raven keeps her face natural but her mind reels when Clarke dips her head and looks at Lexa through her eyelashes and softly bites her bottom lip, a trick she used on Abby many times. The Commander actually smiles, as if she has seen her use this tactic before. She shakes her head and looks towards Raven.

"Of course that will be fine Raven. I will have your horses prepared but I think this time you will bite the dust."

"There's no harm in dreaming, oh great Commander."

Lexa only rolls her eyes in response as Clarke smiles a toothy grin.  
There is silence as Raven takes in the scene; her friend is very comfortable. She expected to find her depressed and longing for home, but she almost seems…happier. As if she was meant to be here from the start.

....

"What do you think the dream means Jude?"

The Fire Queen and Jude, one of the best seers among her people, are standing facing each other near the gates of the castle. Clarke had told Norma about her most recent nightmare and Norma didn't really know what to make of it...specifically. She had heard of blood rain only once. Through the stories that were passed down to her by mentors and teachers. In theory, the blood rain meant the birth of a new spirit or the complete death of one. She could've been optimistic that it was the former if Clarke hadn't seen the second part in which the vessel, who holds Commander's spirit, showed her presence. She knew what it meant but....

"It means that Commander Lexa will fall before a vessel powerful enough to hold the Heda's spirit is ready."

Norma releases a shaky breath. She was afraid of this. Lexa was the most successful Commander, the most successful leader, the most perfect warrior. She had horned the Commander spirit beyond compare. One of her ancestors had predicted that a Commander will surface with such powers, making the spirit of Heda so strong that even the spirit will have difficulty finding any other worthy body when it's released.  
Jude runs her fingers over her dark hair as she observes Norma.

"You already knew this." Jude observes.

Norma nods lightly, "I was hoping I was wrong though."

"But you weren't." Jude says looking down and this little loss of eye contact was the reason she failed to see Norma unsheathe a blade from her back and bring it to her throat.

"Wh- you have known me all your life, Queen. I will not tell anyone. You can trust me." She says, fear laced in her voice. Her eyes begging the woman in front of her to spare her life.

"I have and that's why I am sorry for this." The Fire Queen says as she slits her throat quickly putting a hand on her mouth to stop any noises that might leave the departing soul's body.

"Yu gonplei ste odon." 

...

Clarke is kissing her. Lexa's fingers run up into her hair. She tries to pull Clarke closer but she backs away.

"Lexa I must go and meet Raven."

"Must you? She is such an annoyance, my wife…" Her hands run through Clarke's hair, she kisses her neck.

"Yes but this annoyance did beat you."

Clarke smiles wickedly at Lexa as she pulls her face away from her flesh. Lexa frowns.

"I do not get a prize now do I?" Lexa asks with hopeful eyes and raised eyebrows in a mock attempt to sway her wife.

Clarke scrunches her nose at her.

"I guess you'll just have to settle for me consoling you when I get back." Clarke quips and sends Lexa a wink as she skips out the door, leaving her very sweaty wife to prepare for her bath.

Clarke’s boots click in a perfectly sound rhythm as she walks down the corridor; the marble feels like a delicate instrument that she is playing with the sol of her shoes. She walks a few paces faster. She really cannot wait to spend time with Raven. She wants to know all the ongoings at the Ark, all about her friends. She does miss the Ark.  
When she gets down to the stables, she stops dead in her tracks. Bellamy is standing there, petting her horse, Hedwin neighing in approval. She gulps. She forgot how handsome he was, his clean- shaved face, his long luscious locks, the hard muscle of his arms. He is quite a stunning creature. As she stares at him, her eyes move away from him and she sighs - a married woman who has declared her love to her significant other should not be ogling her ex-lover.  
She approaches him slowly clearing her throat to get his attention. He immediately looks up, a radiant smile coming to his features. He wastes no time in crossing the stables and hugging her tightly. His warmth is welcomed; he reminds her of home, of a world very different from the one she lives in now. She allows this for a moment before pulling away, if only slightly. She smiles a small smile at him, she is grateful that a few strands of hair hide her eyes, if only a little. He pulls from her, holding her hands.

"Clarke, how are you?" Bellamy asks with genuine concern.

She is tender with this moment but the inferno inside her rages.

"I am good, how are you?" Clarke settles on a simple enough answer. And she isn’t lying, she is good, maybe better than she has felt in some time. But how does she break to the man who loves her and who is standing right in front of her, that Lexa is responsible for her general state of well being and happiness? How one can admit they found love in someone else and that that love holds hope for more, for a greater love? How can Clarke tell him she moved on without breaking his heart? Clarke doesn’t linger longer on those thoughts as Bellamy answers in turn,

"I am well. Your mom seems to have pressed down on us harder since the last battle. I think she fears another attack from the grounders."

They both smile uneasily; the subject is still fresh, still raw. She has a feeling her wife's grand display of power is still a sore spot in her previous home.

"How is she treating you?" He asks.

Her eyes fly up to meet his. A reserved smile adorns her face. She attempts to keep her features from flushing, not wanting to give away the true nature of her feelings for Lexa.

"Very well…beyond what I deserve considering the circumstances." Clarke says, keeping it concise to not say things she wouldn’t be able to take back. Why is it so hard to tell him the truth, rip the Band-Aid? The longer she waits, the harder it will be.

Bellamy nods, looking down at the floor wistfully. His mind reels, he finally has his moment, he finally has her alone again. He cannot rush this. He cannot kiss her just yet. He must take his time with this. Make sure they have a true meeting without any interruptions. How he has missed her; having her there at arms’ reach, feeling her warmth, looking at her golden hair and perfect lips and her sweet scent. He can’t place it but, though it is still how he remembered it, something is slightly different in it. She is so close yet he has to be careful, if anyone sees him with her inappropriately in his arms, they will be both in danger. He cannot do that to Clarke.

"You seem happy in your position as Hedatu of all the clans." Bellamy states, picking an obvious topic to stay clear of possible complicated ones…well, more complicated ones.

She looks up at him, her eyes sad.

"Thank you, I would lie if I say I didn't enjoy it."

"I would hope you don't ever feel the need to lie to me."

Clarke gulps. She should not lie, at least not avoid the entire truth. He watches the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes.

"Actually Bellamy-" Clarke starts, having made her mind about telling him everything. She is interrupted by the person she wished had come sooner or a bit later, her timing messing with her resolution to finally admit what has been on her mind since she learned of his venue in Polis.

"Clarke!" Raven’s voice jolts them apart, Clarke rubbing her sweaty palms against her thighs because regaining her composure.

Raven enters the stables and runs up to them. Bellamy huffs at her as if winded.

"Getting old Raven?" The handsome man looks up at Clarke's smirk.

"I. Am. Not. Old." Raven tries to counter between heavy breaths.

"Don't click your tongue like that it makes me think you're a pig looking for food." Clarke laughs.

"You know if you are going to act this way we might as well not even go riding together." Raven says in mock offense.

"Fine by me." Clarke shrugs, trying to rile Raven up some more.

"Fine." Raven agrees, not willing to give in to her annoying friend.

"Good."

"Great."

"Perfect!"

They stare at each other, the façade only lasts a moment and they both start laughing. Clarke sends Bellamy a small smile as she gets on her horse. Inside she is struggling. She managed that small smile but her heart is screaming at her to get off her horse and lead Bellamy to a quiet place to talk. She can feel a weight growing inside her chest, starting to make her stomach churn from both resolution and apprehension. She needs to put some distance between them so she follows Raven out the stables and doesn’t look back.

They trot in silence for a while, her mind reeling at the growing battle within her soul. Bellamy had reminded her of her home…of those she missed back in Ark. Seeing him again has been harder than she had expected. She closes her eyes, picturing his soft olive skin, that delectable scruff that he sometimes grew, his curly locks…  
But suddenly his hair is longer, his skin is tan, those brown eyes turn to green, a michievious grin on the smooth face. And his face is no longer his face; it's hers. She smiles. When has she become so besotted by a person? A very clever woman…a very skilled woman…with her fingers…and tongue…

"Clarke."

Her eyes open, she turns towards Raven as they trot along.

"Yeah?"

Raven looks at her friend sadly, not knowing what caused her to be so quiet.

"You seem to be somewhere else. What is wrong? Is everything ok here? Are you in trouble? I have been worried about you since you have left."

Clarke shakes her head. She has never once felt this much care from Raven in all the time she has known her. Apparently distance does make the heart grow fonder…

"I am fine Raven, better than I dreamed I would be here."

"Are the people here treating you well? How is your new wife? Is she respecting you?" Raven asks frantically out of concern.

Clarke’s eyes soften at her friend’s inquiries. I guess the mechanic does worry.

"The people here seem to have taken to me quickly, and I like them. My wife has treated me with more grace and reverence than you could imagine from a woman as high up in position as she. I never thought anyone could have such chivalry. I thought it was dead." Clarke answers truthfully.

Raven looks forward and tilts her chin up defiantly.

"I have chivalry."

Clarke sends her a look.

"What? I do!"

"When you say chivalry, I assume you are referring to your drunken escapades that involve you fucking anything you see?"

"I do not."

"You do so Raven and you know it. You just cannot hold your alcohol, what a pity."

"I can so hold my alcohol! I am one of the best drinkers in the Ark."

"Yet, you still cannot beat me, how unfortunate for you."

Raven opens and closes her mouth, a retort wishing to fall but nothing has been conjured up in her brain.

"You cannot even come up with a respectable come back, you are getting slow Raven."

"Now hear this Clarke-"

Raven is cut off by her horse jumping up, the girl promptly falling off. They look at each other for a moment with Raven sitting on her butt on the ground and Clarke still atop her horse. Silence. Clarke brings a hand to her mouth, willing her body to stop shaking from merriment. It is too much and the Hedatu starts laughing hysterically at Raven. The sight is too ridiculous. Clarke is holding her sides, trying to contain herself but she cannot help it. A tear slips from her eye, she wipes it away and just laughs harder. Raven joins in as she gets up, wipes the dirt that clings to the back of her jeans and makes her way back onto her horse. They look at each other as they trot along, remembering the good days, a time long gone without so many complications, when they were much more innocent. Clarke is happy Raven is here.

"How is The Chancellor?" Clarke finally asks after her breathing resumes to a normal state. She still isn't sure if she's forgiven Abby for what she had done. Sending her off like some pawn of her game.

"She is well, she misses you terribly. I would have brought you a message from her, but she only found out about our trip after we had left. You know why we are here."

She looks down at Hedwin, running her fingers over the stallion’s mane.

"I suspected as much." She sighs.

"He misses you Clarke. I am surprised you have not taken the chance to scurry away to see him. You have never held this much respectability for your actions before."

"Yes well that was at the Ark. When he was on his way to be the army chief's second, we were on our way to be married. Things have changed Raven. I have changed. I am not just the leader of the 100, I am Hedatu now. I am married to the most powerful warrior that has ever lived. How appropriate would it be for me to run off with him?"

Her words feel wrong, like she is giving only one side of the truth; the political side. She is not giving her closest friend the one true reason. Raven is not fooled by her friend’s well-composed answer. She suspects something is wrong.

"You are not telling me something Clarke."

Clarke stares at Hedwin's fur, avoiding Raven’s inquiring look, knowing her own eyes will give away she’s hiding something.

"Clarke please, talk to me. Did something happen with The Commander? Did Lexa force herself on you? I need to know."

Clarke's head turns quickly towards her friend, ready to defend her wife.

"She would never do such a thing Raven."

The other girl shakes her head.

"You have not seen what she is capable of? That day, at the battlefield when I was planting the bombs, I saw her." Raven says shuddering as she recalls how Lexa had cut off heads here and there with the mere flick of her wrists, which both hands held sharp blades.

"I have seen more. The woman on the field that day was one of grief. She had just lost her closest friend, her mentor…her control faltered. The woman I know does not enjoy what she has to do."

"You are defending her?" Raven asks gobsmacked.

"I am defending the truth. I wanted to hate her Raven, I had sworn to loath her for eternity but it is not working. The more I hate the more she loves. It has driven me crazy until now. She is not the woman we believed her to be; she is kinder, wiser, more caring and chivalrous than any of us can imagine. She is one of the most amazing leaders I have ever met, her farmers put our engineers to shame, her subordinates put ours to shame…her manners put ours to shame."

Raven stares at her stunned, her voice quiets.

"She is not what she is on the battlefield. She is much more powerful and much more righteous than you can imagine."

"Oh dear God."

Clarke looks at Raven, confused.

"What?"

"You love her don't you?"

The Hedatu tenses. She says nothing, her face is a blank mask.

"If I said yes, what would you say?" Clarke speaks after a moment, having thought about her options as to how to answer to her friend. Does she deny? Does she admit? Does she go towards the truth in a more convoluted way? Clarke decided to run with the latter.

"I would say you have gone mad." Raven isn’t quite as judgmental as she is entirely taken aback by the turn of events. She looks at Clarke wide-eyed, expectant.

A pause. Clarke takes a deep breath. If she has to start admit her feelings for Lexa, there’s no better person to say it first.

"I have gone insane." And the truth is out.  
...

Norma is sitting in a chair, with her head in her heads. She has to think of a solution. The Commander's fall is very near. She just needs to figure out the circumstances surrounding that foretold event; the how and where and where, and by whom so she can cut down the threat. She cannot risk the Coalition. If this Coalition falls, her nation falls. She knows the Ice Nation is dying to take over her nation and she cannot let that happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I've had the worst week ever and my writing reflected that. I really wasn't happy with this chapter but I had my amazing beta, Lowiiie, put some extra effort into it to make it presentable, hope it was acceptable to you all. Now, I really want your opinions on Norma this time. Oh and Jude81, thank you for letting me use your name. :)
> 
> OH, and here's my tumblr url if you want to message for anything : arshuk.tumblr.com
> 
> Have a great day!
> 
> -Arsh


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Sacrifice

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

* * *

CHAPTER 15  
Raven feels as if her mind is spinning. Her conversation with Clarke is replaying itself in a loop. She shakes her head to stop these thoughts. She cannot believe the change that has come to her friend. She has not only stopped disliking the grounders but has even fallen in love with their leader. But she also cannot deny that she has never seen her friend this much appeased.   
"Raven?" A voice interrupts her meanderings.   
The mechanic looks up to see Octavia standing over her with a bow in her hand. She is wearing a grounder attire, which funnily fits her and makes one assume that she really is one of them.  
"Hey, Octavia." Raven greets in a sigh, not entirely managing to stir her mind away from Clarke and composing a neutral face.   
"Why that face? You look troubled." Octavia says sitting next to her after setting the bow on the marble floor. Raven keeps her eyes on the weapon.  
"Raven?" She asks again.  
The girl in question shakes her head again; her line of sight fixates on the brilliant marble of the castle. She can see that the artwork of a master builder in the stone, even though it has become very old and unclear. Despite its age, the castle is something of a beauty. She even sees carvings of the dragons in the high towers. She notices on one of the pillars that there seems to have been sculpted a harsh battle scene between two warriors - they seem to be attacking one another. Her eyes rank down the sculpture, one warrior stands tall, only one can be the victor.  
"A lot's on my mind." Raven admits.  
Octavia bites her lip. She can only imagine what Raven and Clarke talked about.  
"Would you like to talk about it?" Octavia says with hesitation, after all she is not one of those people who like to talk about emotions and feelings. She knows Raven isn't either but it is clear to her that Raven needs some support at the moment. She has never seen any trace of confusion on the other girl's face and right now her face is filled with it.  
Raven turns her head and opens her mouth only to be beaten by Octavia at it.  
"Yes, I know how you function Raven. You don't want to talk about it but I think you need to and I promise I won't mention this again."  
"Ever?"  
"Ever." Octavia says smiling.   
Raven takes a deep breath before asking bluntly,  
"O, what do you think of Clarke?"  
Octavia's eyes widen at the question before she realizes what exactly Raven is asking. They soften considerably as she says.  
"Are you referring to her relationship with the Commander?"  
Raven eyes her, her head in her hands. Octavia holds back a giggle. She looks like a pouting girl who was denied a toy. She never knew Clarke's affections for the Commander would receive such a reaction from Raven. She never acted in such a way when Clarke was with Bellamy.  
"Yes, I don't understand what has changed in such a short time. Clarke tried to convince me that Lexa is a good person. When I adamantly refused to believe her she told me I was being ridiculous and calling me an idiot. She rode away as fast as possible, I never knew she was so fast on a horse, honestly I couldn't even catch up to her."  
Octavia thinks for a moment, her eyes lingering on the brunette. She is a great person, but she will never be able to see grounders equally as the Sky People. She will never be able to see the good in Lexa after she had witnessed her in the battlefield defending her people and chopping off the heads of the Sky People in the process.   
"She really is a good person, Raven." Octavia defends.  
The mechanic may have whiplash from the way her head snaps towards her, her eyes wide and disbelieving.   
"You too Octavia!? What have I missed? The Commander I know is a monster!"  
Octavia shakes her head. She bites her lip. Until a few months ago she shared her friend's sentiment about The Commander of the Blood, but her thoughts have changed since. The time she has spent here she has watched Clarke's wife closely. She has come to observe her to be a self-sacrificing woman. Lexa believed she would be doomed to a life of loneliness because of Clarke's affections for Bellamy and yet she respected Clarke every second of the way. Octavia is happy Clarke has finally accepted Lexa...even if the timing is off.  
"You don't mean that, Raven. You saw how she was at the feast last night and how she graciously accepted defeat from you. She has her moments Raven, but everyone does. I think you cannot judge her for one outburst of power. None of us are perfect."  
"I am perfect." Raven proudly states, straightening up and puffing her chest in a mock show of confidence.  
"Your name isn't Octavia, Raven but neither it is Lexa's so my point stands." Octavia counters in the same manner.  
They both laugh loudly. Both had missed each other but Raven could see it in Octavia's eyes that she was happy here, content.   
"I do know you mean. Your points are valid, O. I guess I should be more shocked than anything. I mean she has been in love with your brother for so long...and now here she is head over heels for a person like...Lexa."  
Octavia shakes her head sadly but declares with conviction.  
"I questioned her sincerity as well Raven, but I have seen them. I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't witnessed what that Commander has done for Clarke. The things she has told me...the pledges...the promises. She really is a self sacrificing individual, and she really loves Clarke."  
Raven eyes her. Her words were so soft.  
"Polis really had quite an impact on you, huh? It has made you wise."  
"Hey! I was always wise." Octavia exclaims giving a little push on Raven’s shoulder.  
Raven rolls her eyes as she swats her hand but concedes.   
"Alright wiser than before then?"  
"I have found the place I belong to, Raven." Octavia whispers, sobered up from the banter from the sincerity and truth of her statement.  
"I am happy for you, Octavia." Raven genuinely says patting her friend's back.  
....  
Clarke enters her room in a huff. She is so out of sorts she actually slams the door in poor Judith's face. When she realizes what she has done, she turns around and quickly throws the door open.  
"Judith, I am so sorry!" Clarke apologizes in a hurry.  
The servant just laughs as she enters, locking the wooden mass behind her.  
"It's alright, Hedatu, you seem stressed."  
Clarke huffs.  
"I hate talking to my sister sometimes. She is such a one note. She can never see the other side of things." Clarke grumbles to herself as she enters the room further, walking around unsettled by sheer frustration.  
"You have a sister, Hedatu?" Judith asks, curious, her Heda never having mentioned Clarke’s family apart from her mother.  
"Huh? No." Clarke stops her pacing as she remembers poor Judith came in with her. First the door, now ignorance. Poor Judith indeed.  
"You said Raven is your sister." The handmaiden formulates to help her Hedatu with her trail of thoughts.  
"She is but not biological." Clarke explains as an afterthought.   
Judith gives her a quizzical look but nods nonetheless.  
"The other side of what things?"  
Both women turn to look up at Lexa as she comes out of the armory, having deposited her weapons back to the specific shelves. Lexa nods in Judith's direction. The handmaiden understands the signal, and leaves immediately.  
"Lexa, what are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to go hunting with Gwaine today?"  
Lexa suddenly grabs Clarke around the waist, who squeaks in surprise. She brings the blonde close and kisses her neck.  
"I don't know, was I?"  
Lexa's breath feels hot against her skin. Clarke shivers against her will and she feels the smirk on Lexa's lips against her skin as she lightly bites her neck.  
Clarke channels all her will power and pulls back. A small frown forms on Lexa's face at the action but it quickly disappears as she feels the blonde haired beauty intertwine her hand with hers and pull her to her as she starts walking towards the door of the room.  
...  
Lexa is chasing Clarke through the field Clarke has brought them to. She is laughing happily as her fingers feel the petals and the wind blows through her hair.  
"Clarke, come here!" Lexa calls her wife over.  
"Why? Can't catch up Heda?" Clarke teases, laughing and still running. It doesn’t look like she will turn around or slow down whatsoever.  
Lexa picks up speed, Clarke laughs harder. She looks behind her and her eyes scrunch up when she realizes Lexa is not there running after her anymore. Her feet slow slightly before she feels herself being lifted off the ground. Lexa had come from behind the statues.  
"Got you!"  
Clarke laughs as Lexa spins her; her light humor is welcome. Lexa's lips ghost over Clarke's neck, the Commander's nose breathing in the delectable strawberries smell of the Sky Heda's hair, her ears enjoying the delightful melody of the blonde's laughter. She is happy to be the cause of such sweet sound.  
They spin until Lexa's legs give out and they fall into the grass, both laughing uncontrollably, drunk on love and happiness at being carefree, together, even for a short moment. She rolls over to Clarke's side, whose head is propped up on her hand, her other hand ghosting over Lexa’s black shirt. It moves over the black attire untying the shirt as her hands move behind Lexa's neck. She then moves them and up Lexa's side, down her arm. Clarke's eyes keep on darkening as more and more skin is exposed.   
"This is surreal Clarke." Lexa breathes out.  
Hedatu tilts her head, confused.  
"What is?"  
Lexa loves Clarke’s soft fingers. She loves watching them connect with hers. She loves the feel of the spark as she touches Clarke's skin.  
"You. Me. Us. I would never have dreamt this would happen when you got here. I know we have not had enough time to talk in the last two days. I feel as if we've spent more time in the throes of passion than talking."  
Clarke moves her fingers up Lexa’s arm. They roam over her shoulder and end up funning over her breasts, Lexa's body only separated from her by Clarke's pure white tunic. A wicked smile has come to Clarke's lips. Her eyes flash up to Lexa's, dark engulfing her pupils.  
"I do not mind."  
Clarke brings Lexa's hand to her mouth. She softly kisses her wrist, her teeth grazing the scar where the wedding band had been tied around. Lexa smiles at the gesture. Lexa's fingers run up and under Clarke's tunic, playing with the small amount of skin between her belt and her trousers. Clarke watches amusedly the battle playing in Lexa's eyes. She knows her wife wants to discard her white tunic there and then but she is controlling her urges.  
"I know Clarke, I just feel as if our relationship shifted so dramatically. We went from a few conversations to finding each other at every spare moment. Much has happened in the last few days."  
Clarke nods in agreement. Her eyes are dark, desiring. She loves to hear her name in Lexa's voice. I like it even better when she is moaning my name...  
"I wouldn't disagree with you, Lexa. I feel as if we fell into bed rather quickly, we even flirt now," Lexa blushes, Clarke smiles, "but I believe that is what happens when two people fall for each other. We made love Lexa. We didn't simply have sex or fuck each other. I've never felt this connected to anyone ever." Clarke says sincerely, holding Lexa’s gaze for her to see the truth in her eyes, while still playing softly with her hand.  
Lexa cannot help the smile that takes residency on her face. Her fingers brush over Clarke’s cheek.  
"We made love..."  
Clarke stares her in the eye still. Lexa can feel her wandering fingers on her, and the nimble digits are pulling at the buttons on her trousers. The Commander can't take it any longer. She moves up, pulling a chuckling Clarke up with her and straddles her. Her hands move to the helm of Clarke's tunic and pull it up, finally discarding the offensive garment. She does the same with Clarke's bra while the blonde beauty busies herself with planting kisses from Lexa's killer jaw line to her neck and down to her soft breasts. Just when Clarke is about to take one of those beautiful, pouty nipples in her sinful mouth, her face is tilted upwards, urgently yet gently, and soft lips connect with hers. The kiss, however, is anything but soft. It's rough and demanding and it takes Clarke by surprise. She has found Lexa to be a tender lover but this dominant side of Lexa challenges Clarke and she responds just as enthusiastically. She pushes her tongue in Lexa's mouth and hears Lexa gasp in surprise. A growl resonates in her throat and she pushes Lexa down on the ground and quickly frees her of her trousers. Those green eyes that she is in love with are gone and now black has engulfed them.   
"Take them off too." Lexa says, her eyes pointing at Clarke's pants. Clarke wants to tease her but the sight of her delectable naked wife waiting for her is enough to ignore the teasing for now. Lexa isn't kissing her but her gaze is so strong that Clarke’s body just reacts. She feels her temperature rise up as her skin reconnects with Lexa's. Lexa resumes kissing those plump lips and gasps when she feels Clarke's hands move south and part her slit. Lexa's hips move on their own accord.  
Clarke smirks and corrects,  
"Making love..."  
...  
Lexa is tied up. Her smirk is sinister. A small worm gets pushed into the back of Lexa's neck. She screams out, her eyes are murderous.  
She is on a boat, floating along while Raven lies unconscious at her feet. She looks back to the shore. Lexa is staring at her, a longing in her eyes.  
She is on a boat again, but it is different. It is just her, Raven and Octavia. Octavia is on her lap, tears streaming down her face and Raven whispers words to her that she cannot hear.  
She stares at Lexa's lifeless body. She is crying silent tears. She wants to save her...  
...  
Clarke wakes up in a cold sweat, her hand coming to her chest. When she looks up Lexa is hunched over her, her hand running soothing circles over her neck. She reaches desperately for Lexa, her face burying itself in her neck; her musky earthy does not calm her this morning. She cries, for what feels like eternity. She does not know that the door is open but Lexa does as she sees Norma walking towards them from the hallway. Lexa gives her a look, and the Fire Queen nods and silently shuts the door of her Heda and Hedatu's room.  
"Clarke, my love, was it a bad one tonight?"  
Her wife hiccups and gives her a watery look.  
"There was so much sadness...so much death...yours...Raven's...it is unbearable!"  
Lexa rubs her back. She gives Clarke a kiss at the crown of her golden hair. Clarke cries harder, her body shaking violently. Lexa holds her close, sending words of love to her wife, peppering kisses over her cheek and ear. Clarke’s hands come up under Lexa's arms and grab for her hair. She fists her scalp, the soft locks giving her a calming feeling. Lexa moves back to look at her. She moves one hand to Lexa's front and runs her fingers over her sharp cheek. Lexa kisses her fingertips.  
"You've had this same dream for the last two nights." Lexa states and Clarke nods her head, doe eyed and frightened.  
"My dreams have become more vivid since Raven and the rest of them have come." Clarke explains in a trembling breath from a chest wrecked by remaining sobs.  
The Sky People had been in Polis for five days, and Clarke has avoided Bellamy like the plague. She does not want to hurt him, but her lack of interaction with the man stems from deeper fears...like she will fall off the wagon. She does not desire Bellamy, but her homesickness could drive her to do improper things. She wishes to stay away from temptation for her and Lexa's sake. Mind you, her wife has made the task very easy.   
Every night, morning, moment she has with her, she always finds her temperature spike while her wife's talented fingers and tongue please her in deep soul wrenching ways. Lexa wakes her sometimes, peppering kisses on her neck, or rubbing soothing circles on her stomach and hips to keep the nightmares away. The beautiful roses have returned too.  
"They are leaving tomorrow, it is alright Clarke. We will all be alright."  
She looks up at Lexa, her fingers run over her cheek.  
"I love you my wife."  
Lexa brings her close, her nose burying itself in Clarke's neck.  
"I love you so much my wife."  
Lexa wipes a few stray tears from Clarke's eyes. She hates the awful dreams her love has, how they are getting more terrible as the days go on. She stares at the wall, her mind shifting back and forth. Norma has been acting strangely, she is not telling her something and she knows it has to do with Clarke's visions. The Fire Queen has not made an incorrect choice yet, which is why she is allowing her the luxury of silence, but not for much longer. She does not like to see her wife in such a state, and she will demand Norma helps sooner or later. There is a soft knock at the door. Clarke looks up at Lexa who gives her a soft kiss in reassurance.  
"Enter.” Her voice is but a whisper as she speaks.  
Indra enters. Her steps are cautious and Lexa detects that she has been told of the matter at hand. Clarke buries her face in Lexa's neck and Lexa strokes her hair. Clarke does not want to get up and face the world. She wants to stay here, in their bed, with the woman she loves. She snuggles into Lexa's side, the world be damned.  
"Heda, you need to get up now." Indra says carefully.  
Clarke snuggles into Lexa further, her wife's arms tightening around her. Lexa knows she must get up and attend her meetings...but she hates to leave Clarke in such a state.  
"Clarke, my love, we must get up. I have a meeting with Finn to discuss about a visit to Arkadia. Wouldn't you like that Hedatu? To visit your old home for a while?" Lexa addresses her wife tenderly as not to startle her.  
Clarke shakes her head.  
"I want my dreams to stop. They are starting to hurt again." Clarke whimpers in the safety of Lexa’s body.  
Lexa rubs her back soothingly. She kisses her hair and whispers softly in her ear. Octavia has entered the room some time before, Lexa had seen her but made no comment. But when she comes up behind Clarke, a pleading look is passed between the Commander and Indra's second. Octavia puts a hand out to touch Clarke's arm.  
"Clarke, please wake up. I know you had a sucky night but wouldn't you want to meet Raven and the others one more time before they leave? You know, check that Raven doesn't plan to explode any bombs as well?"  
Clarke turns her head towards her friend.   
"That was lame."  
Octavia sends her a small smile and says,  
"There is no pleasing some people."  
Clarke sends her a small smile and looks back at her wife who is now dressed up. She walks towards Clarke and wipes away a few of her tears. Clarke leans up to kiss her softly before pulling away. A robe is given to Clarke and Octavia turns around as Clarke puts it on. She sighs in relief as Clarke moves towards her bath chambers to take a bath. Lexa gives her a grateful nod and Octavia nods right back. Indra calls her next, for whatever bidding she wanted her to do.   
After Octavia is gone, Indra moves closer to her Commander and whispers,  
"Her dreams are getting worse, aren't they Lexa?"  
Lexa already knows that Indra is talking to her as a friend and not her subordinate even without the use of her title. She also decides to let down her walls for her friend. She trusts Indra with her life. Anya was her second after all, before becoming her mentor.  
"I don't know what to do Indra...when she is so clingy in the morning I know the visions were particularly horrific or heartbreaking the night before. The worst part is she looks so scared, so lost. I want to help her so badly, but what else can I do? I thought physical exertion would help; it had helped me. The first night I woke up with her she was fine, but it has been increasingly worse. I just don't want her to be in pain."  
Indra sits on the side of Lexa's bed. The action again a reminder that her friend was here with her, not her subject.  
"I know you love her and wish to save her from being hurt, but we cannot run away from pain. No matter how much you help her, she will have struggles. The only thing you can do is love her and give her comfort in times like these. Come now, there is not much we can do for the Hedatu, and you have to meet the Sky People. You need to stay strong for both your sakes, Lexa."  
Lexa nods. Her mind running back to her mentor wishing the woman was here today, giving her advice.   
Lexa, even the strongest warriors are weak. They will be fragile creatures and be needed to be treated like fine glass by the people that they truly love because they can only open up completely to them...no not the way you treat them ya banwada...no Lexa, not every woman will find you irresistible. I'm telling you for your own good, when you finally grow up you will need to be gentle with your wife, know when to be soft and loving as well as when to be strong and authoritative, because if you are to lead our people someday, you will need to be strong too. But know that the worst is having a scared partner; your attention will be divided. If she is in fear, you must hold her and let her cry. Sometimes the best remedy is just having your presence close.   
Lexa smiles to herself, even in death Anya's words sing true. She looks at her warrior, her friend, suddenly very grateful to have Indra around. She may not be Anya but she is insightful and always willing to help, she is beyond grateful for this.  
"You are a good friend Indra, thank you."  
The older woman smiles her rare smile and small wrinkles form around her eyes, giving her an air of wisdom.  
"You are a good woman, Lexa. An even better leader. I am happy you have found a wife you can love so, you deserve happiness as well, Lexa...especially after all you've been through."  
Lexa looks longingly at the bath chambers. Indra looks at her Commander pensively, knowing where her thoughts have probably lingered.  
"You have not talked to her about Costia yet, have you?"  
The young Commander's eyes settle back on her warrior. It is not fair how well she can read her mind sometimes.  
"In time I will. It is not a pleasant story, but one she deserves to know."  
"Probably best once the Sky People have left." Indra says with clear disapproval in her voice.  
Lexa chuckles.  
"Probably."  
Lexa and Indra exchange a nod and Indra leaves. Lexa disappears for a moment from the room and when she returns, she makes her way directly to the bath chambers. Once she enters, she finds Clarke sitting on the wooden seat attached to the bathtub, wearing only pants and running her hands through the soap and making shapes in the water. Her soft locks are piled high upon her head showing off her elegant neck.  
"Clarke."  
Clarke shakes herself from her daydreams to look up, and is met with a wonderful sight. Her wife stands before her in her magnificent Commander attire but this is not what makes her light up though. It is the beautiful rose she places before her. Clarke takes the flower and brings it to her nose, inhaling the intoxicating scent. A radiant smile takes its place upon her lips and Lexa returns the sentiment.  
"Thank you Heda." Clarke says adoringly while taking one of Lexa’s hands.  
“You are welcome Hedatu." Lexa replies squeezing softly said hand.  
Lexa brings the hand to her lips and kisses her fingers, then her wrist and finally bends over to cradle her wife’s neck, bringing her face to hers and their mouths meet in the softest kiss. It is calming, soothing, the Commander has quickly come to understand her bride. Clarke brings a soapy hand up to Lexa's cheek smearing the bubbles over her cheek, they both laugh. Lexa gets up, grabs a towel and wipes her face.  
"I will see you later my love. I have to go meet your friends."  
...  
"Finn of the Sky People! My apologies for being late, I had a late morning." Lexa declares as she steps inside the meeting room.  
The Sky person nods. They have not talked much since the first day. He has found himself distracted with the sights and scenes of Polis. It is indeed a remarkable city.  
"It is okay. I have been distracted myself." He dismisses, then adds to relieve some of the tension he felt wile waiting for the leader, "I've watched some of your warriors trains, Commander. And I must say that I am rather impressed with one. Gwaine is remarkable with a sword. It is quite a sight to see."  
Lexa smiles at the praises for the warrior and friend.  
"He is the leader of the Stone clan, and he is too skilled I fear. The man could take on ten men at once, and I wish that was an exaggeration but I've actually seen him pull it off." Lexa explains, keeping a conversational tone. There’s no harm in bragging while informing the Sky boy.  
"He has been trained since a child, I presume?"  
The Commander shakes her head.  
"His parents were farmers so he hadn't held a sword till he turned 12 winters."  
Finn's eyes widen.  
"There are people who are not warriors in Polis?" Finn enquires in utter disbelief.  
"Yes, of course. Being a warrior and fighting for your people is an honor but it's a choice too. We have people from all walks of life in Polis and in my 12 clans." Lexa continues with the explanation as if Polis’ way of life wasn’t self-explanatory.  
Finn shakes his head in reverence.  
"I am surprised. I believed all of the Grounders were warriors." Clearly not self-explanatory.  
"No, I have a lot of warriors, especially in Polis but not all. I remember Clarke was also surprised with the knowledge." Lexa discloses.  
After a while Finn admits,  
"I have never seen her happier, Heda. Thank you for taking care of her. She has a hard heart to win. I applaud you for overcoming her reservations so quickly."  
Lexa smiles from the unexpected confidence and feels blood rushing to her cheeks. She turns her head away from Finn so he doesn't notice the blush. She might be on friendly terms with most of the Skayon but she was still the Commander. She had already blurred the lines of acceptable etiquette with Raven. She couldn’t let the boy see how talking about Clarke affected her as well.  
"Finn, I was actually hoping we could visit Arkadia. I believe Clarke would love to see her mother and her old home again. She needs a break from Polis and her duties." She informs as she regains composure.  
Finn smiles brightly at the prospect of the couple visiting.  
"I think that would be more than welcomed. What if you come after two months and stay for a month? I know it's a long time for you to be away from Polis, but I believe you are a leader who has great loyalty from her people."  
Lexa smiles at the enthusiasm and kindness she’s shown.  
"My warriors and fellow leaders know the importance of peace. They work well to maintain it. Have even started working harder since Clarke married me."  
"Clarke?" Finn asks, surprised by the mention of Clarke.  
"Yes, she was born to lead Finn. She has been studying vigorously to learn all our customs and laws, she has ruled fairly and strongly. She has reviewed all the Hedas of the clans, making sure they are abiding the laws made at Polis. She has been wonderful."  
Finn smiles in approval. He obviously knew Clarke had leadership qualities but it brought great joy to his heart hearing that she got to use her abilities to their level best here in Polis.   
...  
Clarke is walking with Octavia down the castle stairs towards the grounds but, unlike her usual self, Octavia is very quiet today.   
"O, what is wrong?"  
The young girl shakes her head and attempts to send her friend a small smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.  
"Nothing Clarke." Octavia replies, trying to appear detached, unconcerned.  
Clarke eyes her friend; her nose scrunches up.  
"You're lying." Clarke states flatly.  
Octavia looks down sheepishly, twiddling her thumbs.  
"Lincoln is to leave today and go to Arkadia for a few days so he can teach them about herbs with medicinal properties found on Earth..."  
"You mean you want to spend one more day with him before he leaves?" Clarke smirks, seeing right through her friend.  
Octavia sighs - she really cannot get anything past her friend lately.  
"You are becoming too good at your observations Clarke."  
"Don't forget my hunting and combat skills!" Clarke claims proudly, her smirk widening.  
Octavia shakes her head, a genuine smile finally making its way onto her features.  
"Go, I'll tell Lexa to let Indra spare you for today. I can handle a day alone, besides I feel like going for a ride today." Clarke says in an offhand manner.  
Octavia looks at her skeptically.  
"Are you sure?"  
"I am beyond sure. Now go and enjoy your last day with Lincoln."  
"I sure will. A fair warning, don't come near my room today."  
Clarke groans and says, "I did not need to hear that."  
Octavia chuckles as she walks away from her friend.  
...  
She is walking down the grass towards the stables, the breeze is blowing her hair, and the sun keeps bouncing off the jewel that she is wearing around her neck. She remembers that it was a gift from the Heda of the Desert Clan, one who she still has to meet. She remembers the gift Lexa had given her - a dagger - she recalls the kiss she had shared with her after slapping her. She recalls how tender...  
"Clarke?" A voice calls out.  
Her ears burning, the Hedatu takes a deep breath. She slowly turns and feels her body freeze. Her lip trembles slightly at the sight of him.  
"Bellamy?" Clarke is taken aback to find him here. She didn’t say to anyone where she was going, except Octavia. Did she tell on her? Or has he been following her?  
The man walks towards her, his eyes are soft, almost sad. He stands back from her, an appropriate distance between a warrior and the Hedatu. A distance he never knew he would have to keep with Clarke.  
"You have been avoiding me." He says matter of factly.  
Her eyes betray her when he speaks. She moves to respond, her lips quiver, her eyes close as her head shakes, the meeting she has dreaded coming to boil.  
"Bellamy-" She tries but he cuts her off.  
"It is alright Clarke, I understand."  
Her eyes are soft. She looks away, the weight of her sins falling on her shoulders in the face of the one she feels like she betrayed.  
"I don't think you do."  
"Well I would like to. We have told each other everything in these last two years. Now after three months of silence I come to see you and you have not even spared a moment for me. I must have missed a lot in these last few months."  
She can't look at him, can't face what she has done to this man. He is so kind, so understanding, so respectful...and her words will take away the magnificent spark in his eyes.  
"You will hate me when I tell you."  
Bellamy laughs merrily. He doesn't seem to know what is truly going on here.  
"Nothing could make me hate you. Besides, the other day I was almost killed by two wolves controlled by a leash by the warriors. They even pronounced me as an enemy of the Commander." Bellamy tries to joke.  
The Commander. Her mind runs to her wife, so wonderful, so beautiful. She looks towards Bellamy again, she must be strong here, and she must focus on her inner power. She takes a deep breath as her eyes bore into his.  
"I love my wife."  
There, she has said it and the feeling of guilt pushes down upon her shoulders. Bellamy looks at her in shock. His eyes are wide and disbelieving. The silence is unbearable.  
"You are joking, right?"  
She gulps and then shakes her head. She wills herself to stay strong and complete what she started. Complete breaking the heart of the man she once loved but she is helpless. Lexa claimed her heart without her consent. Love doesn't ask for consent.  
"I am not. I am so sorry Bell. I don't know how it happened. For that first month I thought of you every day, dreaming of you, wishing you were here." Her lips tremble, "I wanted to be with you again. My heart was so torn without you around...but since I came here, I've spent so much time with Lexa. We've talked, laughed. She has shown me respect that I once received only from you. She somehow found a way to bleed into my soul and consume me in ways I have never felt before."  
She takes a breath, she can see his strength cracking, small tears are gathering at the corners of his eyes. Her strong, brave champion, for a moment Clarke hates herself.  
"Bellamy I am so, so, sorry...I feel I threw our love away when I decided to give Lexa a chance. But what's done is done and I need you to please understand that it does not make the feelings I had for you any less real. I did love you...I loved you for two years..." this part is hard on the Hedatu's heart, "But I have decided to stop, to give my heart fully to my wife, to love her with my whole being. What we had was real and special, but what I have now is everlasting. Please, I am begging you, don't hate me. I will not be able to handle your hate, Bell."  
She is sobbing. Her hands come up to hide her shame. Bellamy is an iron statue. Her words washing over him like a tidal wave. There were many things he had braced himself for when he decided to come here...Clarke giving her heart to the Commander was not one of them. He doesn't know what to say in this moment, how to act. Feeling slowly makes way to Octavia's brother's fingertips; his tears are like rivets running down his cheeks. His hand shoots out to grab the Hedatu and pull her into his arms, for what will be the last time. Clarke clings to him, her tears flowing over his jacket, her sorrow taking over her. Bellamy's hand comes up to rub at her back, his fingertips making their way into her long blonde locks. The soft threads reminding him of what he will never have again. The man summons up his courage, his honor, before he speaks,  
"It's okay Hedatu. You have found new love, you are happy. I am sorry the love we had has caused you so much distress."  
Hedatu. Bellamy’s use her title instead of her name hits her heart like a spasm, like an icicle plunging deep and taking no prisoner. But she knows she deserves at least some magnitude of the pain he is feeling. She is the cause of it and a part of her thinks she made it worse by waiting the very last moment to speak up, by letting Bellamy be the one to come to her when it was her cross to bear. She had avoided him, hid from the inevitable conversation. But she reasons with herself that the outcome wouldn’t have changed; Bellamy would still be the one left with a broken heart.  
His voice cracks as he finishes his sentence causing Clarke to pull back from the sound, her hands coming to hold his face. He has a small scruff, which scratches her palms, a feeling she used to love, and the memory she cherishes.  
"Bell, don't say that. I loved what we had. I don't want to lose you Bellamy, I understand if I must but I will always love you as a friend. I hope when I come to Arkadia again you will receive me in a friendly manner with no bad blood between us. I hope the story of us doesn't end here."  
Bellamy smiles through his tears. The once mighty soldier is now a broken mess.  
"I will look forward to your visit, Hedatu."  
He kisses her temple, she cries more. The moment is sad. Closure is never easy. Their bodies are pressed together, the intimacy that was once loved now is just a fleeting moment...  
"Clarke!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hope you liked the chapter. Do give me your feedbacks.  
> (arshuk.tumblr.com)


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: Sacrifice**

**Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author: ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

* * *

 

Clarke recognizes the voice even before the owner of it makes an appearance. She would recognize that voice anywhere, under any circumstances.  She had despised the voice, had feared the person that holds it for such a long time in the past. But now... _ now _ she has heard the voice moan her name in her ear, leaving whispered traces of love against her skin, has heard the voice defend her, has heard the voice making vows to her, has heard the voice wash away her nightmares. And now she was hearing the voice break, she was hearing the voice ooze with despair, she was hearing the voice screaming of betrayal. 

While still being engulfed in the arms of Bellamy, Clarke watches the woman she loves, the woman she wants, the woman she desires, march towards her with a storm in her eyes and determination in her gait. Her mind is quick to analyze what position she is in and fear grips her heart. She forgets how to make her very limbs separate from the body that isn't the right height or broadness anymore.

To any onlooker, there is nothing innocent in the way she is wrapped around Bellamy; her ex-boyfriend. There is hardly anything she can say to defend herself and Bellamy if Lexa decides not to listen to her, and Clarke isn't really sure she will after this. While Clarke is still in shock and her brain is calculating the damage that this one moment has caused for her love life,  Bellamy recovers and jumps away from her as if remaining in contact with her would burn him. Clarke is grateful for him separating himself from her.  She wills her body to turn around and face her incoming, angry Commander...yes  _ Commander, _ because there barely is any trace of the woman that would hold her at night, or of the woman that has cried while grieving her parents at this very moment. No, the one walking towards her is the Commander of 12 clans with a broken look, with haunted eyes, with betrayed faith. She stops directly in front of Clarke and Clarke only notices that she is accompanied by Indra when she feels Bellamy shift slightly back as the Commander's loyal warrior points the sharp blade of her sword in his direction. She is about to rip into his shirt and plunge the sword into the boy when Clarke finally manages to get control back over her body and her voice. 

She pushes Bellamy behind her with urgency and stands in his place, leveling her wife’s dark glare.. This action only infuriates the Commander further but the warrior seems torn as to what to do because she knows that her Heda cares for the Sky girl and one wrong move could cause her head.

"It's not what it looks like, Lexa!" Clarke's lips finally manage to open and move to form coherent words..

Indra quickly moves to one side as Lexa takes her place in one long step and stands right in front of her wife.

"Do you take me for a fool, Clarke of the Sky People?" Lexa angrily says through gritted teeth.

"No I-" Clarke stutters, shocked by the detached use of her name and the badly controlled anger simmering from her wife.

"What are you going to tell me, Clarke? That you weren't seeking comfort in the arms of another person. The person, you had feelings for.... _ have _ feelings for? That you weren't betraying my trust? That you weren't lying when you told me you loved me?" Lexa is trembling from reining in her fury. Clarke can see her clench and unclench her fists to keep herself under control. Clarke is at a loss because that one single goodbye embrace has thrown a rock in the pond of their newfound yet still fragile trust. But Clarke knows that only person she did wrong by here is not the one she's facing right now. She already broke one heart today, she doesn't want to end the day breaking two more.

"Yes Lexa, that's exactly what I am going to tell you. I am going to-" Clarke says with desperation.

"Stop! Please stop, Clarke." Lexa begs and her voice is so deflated, so broken, so tortured that Clarke does just that.

"I don't want to hear it. I just have one question for you; why? Why do you want to torture me? Why...after everything I have done for you. After everything I could  _ possibly  _ do for you? After I gave my  _ heart  _ to you?" Lexa asks, voice slightly croaking from the strain of keeping the tears at bay.

"Commander, you've got it all wrong..." Bellamy tries to speak up, when he sees tears rolling down Clarke's face as Lexa's words wash over her.

"Silence!" The Commander commands. Her voice no longer holds any weakness, it holds power, authority, influence. Bellamy finds himself immediately obeying the command.

"But he is right Lexa!"  Clarke screams in sheer despair and frustration. She has to make Lexa listen. She has to make Lexa see the misunderstanding. She has to stop the pain that is taking hold of the both of them.

She continues. "My love, you-"

"DO NOT CALL ME THAT!" 

Clarke flinches back looking at the ablaze green eyes and Lexa on the other hand takes a step towards her wife, and another, the concept of personal space long forgotten.

"Tell me Clarke, did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy it as you broke my heart into tiny pieces? Did you enjoy as you made me whither with pain? Did you enjoy as you broke the vows you took when we were unioned? Did-"

Clarke doesn't let her continue as she pulls Lexa's neck towards her and captures her bottom lip between hers. Lexa, taken by surprise, does nothing to avert the assault that her lips face. Clarke bites hard on the lip that was facing the wrath of Wanheda. 

Lexa feels the pang of pain and moves back immediately.

"You bit me!" She complains.  Bellamy scoffs but is immediately met with a deadly glare from the Commander's guard. He looks down sheepishly.

"Yes,  because you wouldn't listen to me! You are not letting me explain myself and continue to assume." Clarke accuses, breathing hard from the tension that swirls heavily around the group of four.

"Assume?" Lexa asks incredulously.

"Yes,  _ assume _ the worst possible outcome. I was just hugging him! I was saying my goodbyes to him. That's it!" Clarke exclaims, opening her arms wide to prove that there's nothing hiding in the shadows of her actions.

"That's it? He was kissing your forehead as you had your arms around him and him you!" Lexa glares, pointing at Bellamy with one hand and tightening her hold on the handle of her sword with the other.

"Yes, because he was comforting me! I was not only saying goodbye to my ex-lover, I was saying goodbye to my old friend too."

"But you are  _ my  _ wife. He shouldn't be touching you like that!" Lexa growls.

Under normal circumstances, Clarke would be furious about someone laying a claim on her but these are far from  _ normal. _ Her wife is upset, is shaken by an obvious yet comprehensible misunderstanding, given the entanglements Clarke has with the both of them.  Clarke briefly looks at Bellamy apologetically and then takes half a step towards Lexa; now her body practically touching her wife's. She then brings her hands up to Lexa's cheeks and caresses them softly before closing her eyes and joining her lips to hers. She kisses her tenderly this time; trying to heal all the wounds that the Commander is suffering from, trying to ask for her forgiveness for causing her pain despite not wanting to, trying to bring Lexa back to her. Lexa takes a moment to respond to the kiss but she melts in it soon enough. She kisses back the blonde beauty with equal care and tenderness. She kisses the salt on her lips and traces the outline of those plump, pink lips. She feels Clarke's smile in the kiss and feels a contentedness in herself. 

Clarke regrettably breaks the kiss as she knows this isn't an appropriate situation to distract the Commander; rather a moment to reassure her. She sees that Lexa's features have softened but her eyes still have traces of doubt in them.

"Ask Bellamy why I was in his arms, why you found us like that." Clarke softly demands. Clarke had confided in Lexa that she had yet to reveal the true nature of their relationship to Bellamy. Clarke very well knows that Lexa doesn't know she just did so. That she just told him everything. That she just poured her heart in a true show of love for the ruthless yet tender Heda. She cannot not lose Lexa, especially not to false conclusions.  She will not let that happen. Clarke only hopes that hearing the truth from the man Lexa fears losing her the most to will appease her mind and settle their hearts.

Lexa halfheartedly turns her head towards the man she was plotting to shred with a thousand cuts. She gives him a murderous look but to his credit he doesn't flinch back even though he looks terrified.

"Speak."

Lexa's hand is resting on the hilt of her sword in a threatening manner. Bellamy has a gun strapped to his left thigh but he doubts he will be able to reach fast enough if the Commander decides to turn offensive. His eyes find Clarke's, who nods very slightly in his direction. He tries to erase the image of Clarke kissing Lexa. Kissing Lexa like she had never kissed him. 

"I saw Clarke here, all alone for the first time and finally decided to ask her why she had been avoiding me like a plague since I came here." Bellamy closes his eyes as he continues, " I love your wife a lot, Commander…" This time Bellamy takes a break to release a long sigh of despair. "I thought she did too but I was wrong. She...she has fallen in love with you and was telling me just that. She was telling me that she didn't want to hurt me and that's why she wasn't willing to see me."

Lexa's eyes look less furious as the words spill from his mouth and so he continues after little hesitation. "I am sure you know this Commander, but you are really lucky to have the heart of this girl. She is remarkable. I won't lie and say I am happy but I am happy that she is happy with you."

Lexa nods slightly in understanding but whispers threateningly, in a clear protective and possessive way,

"If you ever try to-"

"I wouldn't . I want Clarke's happiness just like you do. We both had our chances at winning her heart, I had believed I was the winner but it seems I had  _ no _ chance against you." Bellamy chuckles humorlessly as his eyes look at Clarke. 

Lexa's eyes soften slightly and she nods slowly. The man with the broken heart looks miserable; there is no colour on his cheeks, no light in his eyes, no trace of smile of his lips. His jaw is tight as he suppresses his emotions. Lexa slowly raises her hand in a greeting gesture, out of respect for her wife and the man who puts her well-being above all, same as her. Lexa might still be weary of the connection he shares with Clarke but she's not one to punch a man clearly defeated. Bellamy looks at Clarke, even if for a fraction of a second. She looks beautiful as ever, even after all the events. She looks....content. Bellamy clasps the Commander's awaiting arm. His decision and goodbye are clear in the gesture.

"Thank you, Bellamy. You are a good man." Lexa says sincerely, recognizing what Clarke might have seen in him in his honorable yielding for the heart of her beloved.

Bellamy nods. He is not sure if he can say anything without breaking down. He knows it is time for him to leave and move on. But moving on is never easy, he also knows that.  However, a part of him had seen this coming. Had seen the way the two girls were with each other even the first time they met. 

"You can lower your sword now, Indra." Clarke says as she rolls her eyes. Indra huffs but does as she is told. However, she does not look the slightest bit happy about it, Bellamy notes.

"Goodbye Commander, Clarke. May we meet again."

As he walks away, Clarke feels a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders. She doesn't like the slightest bit how Bellamy is hurting but she knows it's better this way. Better for him to know the truth and mourn the loss than to live for a love he could never have, it was better for him not to remain captive in chains he could never break free from. 

Clarke watches Lexa carefully as she gives a slight nod in Indra's direction and asks her for privacy. She watches her nervously wringing her fingers together. She hasn't met her eyes yet but Clarke knows the softness she loves in them has returned. Her Lexa is back.

When Lexa finally does look at her, there is nothing but shame in her eyes. 

"I am sorry Clarke, I should've-"

Clarke moves towards her and wraps her arms around the other woman's neck. The Commander's arms come around her waist, her nose burying in Clarke's exotic scent. Clarke's fingers run softly along Lexa's braids. Lexa pulls from her...her eyes desperate. She has indeed been terrible to the Hedatu, she did not trust her with the same faith Clarke has shown her. However, instead of anger on the blonde's face, Lexa finds a haughty look. She raises her eyebrows in question.

"Of course you are! "Her voice is high and full of power.  "You just doubted me for a second and see what happens? You turned up looking like a fool."

Lexa rolls her eyes and tightens her hold on Clarke's waist, the smile on her face returning. Her mind lingers back to Bellamy, on how that chapter of their life is closed forever, how the fragile and growing trust she has with her wife has been rebuilt. She feels her heart finally freed of the chain of distrust and doubt. She brings her face down and kisses Clarke's ear.

"I am so so sorry Clarke."

Clarke looks up at the beautiful face that makes her heart race every time her eyes land on it. She brings her face close to hers and kisses her lips soundly.

"You are  _ not  _ forgiven Heda." Clarke says, holding a smirk back. She knows she can make the great Commander grovel to apologize.

"Clarke, what can I do to earn your forgiveness, please just tell me." Lexa begs, her voice trembling with emotions.

Clarke smiles wickedly at her and winking says,  "You must make it up to me, Lexa. You really need to work for it."

Lexa catches the glint in her wife's eyes and promises, "I will do as you say, my love."

* * *

Lexa is between her wife's thighs for what feels like forever, her jaw tight and hurting from worshiping every each of her body, especially the soft and warm home she found between her legs. She lifts her head to look up at Clarke who is covered in reddish marks from her kisses. Lexa has nail lines down her back, a bite mark is found on her right shoulder. She lifts her head from Clarke's core. Clarke is running her fingers through Lexa's hair, enjoying the feeling of her soft locks in her hands. Lexa leans up to kiss her desperately on the lips. Clarke pushes her tongue into Lexa's mouth, tasting her essence. Lexa moans at her bold reaction.

After a moment, she pulls from her, her nose bumping Clarke's affectionately.

"Have I pleased you, Hedatu?"

Clarke purrs as her hands draw small circles around Lexa's nipples, her body feels thoroughly ravished.

"For now you have." She concedes.

Lexa's eyes widen comically and Clarke laughs, the beautiful sound bringing a small smile on the Heda's face.

"There is no pleasing you, is there?"

"Never." Clarke says as she sticks out her tongue at Lexa playfully.

Lexa groans as she collapses over Clarke, Clarke laughing the entire time. Lexa buries her head in Clarke's neck and stays there.

"Okay Lexa, you are heavy. Move."

"But I'm tired." Lexa's mock whine is muffled as she burrows deeper in the crook of her wife's neck.

"You are not as light-weighted as you look." Clarke points out as she pushes her wife off of her. Lexa doesn't object but wraps her arm around Clarke's waist as she settles on the side. She again finds place over Clarke's shoulder, close to the soft, blonde locks.

Clarke sighs in contentment; she after all is very relaxed.

"Thank you Clarke." Lexa murmurs.

Clarke turns to her side, Lexa's head now resting on her arm. She raises up her other arm and traces Lexa's face with her fingers. Lexa leans into the touch.

"For what, my love?" Clarke whispers back.

"For being honest with Bellamy. I will speak true; I thought you weren't going to tell him. I trusted you but I also knew he held your heart once. The thought of losing you was always there when he was around." Lexa admits sheepishly, not looking at Clarke.

Clarke extracts her arm from under Lexa's head softly and cups her face lovingly, making her wife look at her. Her eyes stare into the green abyss. 

"I was scared to tell him, he was important to me, he reminded me of Ark; my home. But now you remind me of my home. You  _ are _ my home. I know I should have told him earlier and I am sorry for all the painful moments you had to face because of the delay."

Lexa shakes her head, her fingers running over Clarke's long sensual neck. Her voice is low and husky.

"You proved that I was being very foolish earlier. Do not apologize, you said you would tell him, and you did. I trust you Clarke, I am just happy that I can kiss you in front of anyone now...you did promise me that I could kiss you  _ anywhere." _

Her smile is dark and devious, she bites her lip.

"I did say that now...didn't I..."

* * *

 

"Two more of our warriors have been taken by that mountain, Heda. You cannot let this continue! I beg you to take action!" Indra, the ever respectful warrior, spoke heatedly.

Lexa exhales a heavy sigh.

"You  _ know _ we are hopeless against them; they turn our warriors into reapers. They turn them into beasts. There is no way we can take the mountain down."

"Why? Because of their technology? Your wife's clan shares the same technology!" Indra argues.

"I did not bring in the Sky People into my alliance to slaughter them!" Lexa defends, knowing well that though the Arkers’ technology would give them an edge, these people are no warriors. It would be like sending an untrained child to the battlefield.

"No, you brought them for the protection of your lands and your people. So let the clan serve its purpose. You married their chancellor's daughter for this purpose only.” Indra pushes her reasoning, bringing forth the very reason Lexa married Clarke in the first place.

"I am not going to send her people to their deaths Indra, and that is final." Lexa says, choosing to ignore Indra's words. She cares too much about Clarke to risk her romantic and political relationship over inevitable deaths that can be avoided if they are simply left aside.

Indra exhales a breath and says in a tone full of understanding.

"You are letting feelings cloud your judgment, Heda.  Have you even told Clarke about the Mountain?"

"She doesn't need to know about it. Her people are safe, they are protected by my warriors, she is safe....she is happy. Let her be." What Clarke doesn't know cannot hurt her. If Lexa doesn't involve her people in the unavoidable incoming war then Clarke won't need to be involved in it either.

"Leksa, she is not only your wife but also  _ Hedatu _ . She deserves to know about this. You need-"

"Don't you dare tell me what to do or not. You are my subject, don't forget that!" Lexa says rising up from her chair in anger.

"My apologies if I stepped out of line Heda but you are building your relationship with Clarke without telling her the truths, you haven't even told her about Costia."

"This discussion is over, Indra. You are to leave now." Lexa says through gritted teeth. Her  grip on her sword's hilt has turned steel hard.

* * *

 

The feast that night is as glamorous as they all have been. It was the first night Clarke had entered the hall with a clean conscious, her wife's hand laced with hers. When they walk in, all the people turn and smile at the affection their Heda and Hedatu are showing. The Heda and Hedatu share shy smiles with each other. They both make their way to their designated places and once seated, Lexa brings Clarke's knuckles to her lips, sending her a devious look. Clarke laughs at her light playfulness. A moment later Lexa stands and motions for her people to calm down and listen to her by raising her hand in the air.

"Today we are here to say farewell to our friends from the Skaikru. They have proven to be a valuable asset to our coalition and they have assured me that they will continue to do so. Their short visit to Polis had been a very welcoming one and I am told the same will be when we visit the Ark. Tonight, we drink to our new friends."

As the toast is made Clarke's eyes sparkle towards Raven. The young mechanic smiles at her, content with the respect they have received. Clarke is happy here, everything is out in the open, and all her secrets have been told to her wife. She turns towards Lexa. The rest of the crowd is back to enjoying the delicious meal. No one is paying attention to the Heda and Hedatu any longer.

The glint in Clarke's eyes as she looks at Lexa is mystifying. Lexa's eyes soften. She knows deep down this peace will only last for so long...Clarke deserves answers just as she did. Indra was right, she cannot keep secrets from her wife. Lexa closes her eyes, not wishing to create a separation between them after they have reached such intimacy.

Her face, however, betrays none of these fears, as she brings Clarke's  hand to her lips again and gives her a seductive look as she kisses her wrist softly, her tongue discretely licking her flesh. Clarke returns Lexa's expression with a mischievous smile of her own. She feels her core burn at Lexa's suggestive nature.

Clarke gets an idea.

"My love..."

Lexa raise an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, my wife?"

"Would you honour me with the first dance tonight?"

Lexa's eyes soften and she recalls their very first dance...the dance at Ark before the negotiations. She knows Clarke is thinking the same thing. 

"I would love to, Hedatu." Lexa speaks as her lips break out into a heavenly smile.

Lexa can't help but think this feels right as she dances with her wife and her people that night.

Meanwhile, Indra watches them sadly as she knows all good things come to an end.

* * *

 

"You need to stop looking that way."

Costia turns towards Kenna, her mother's younger sister.  Costia starts to open her mouth but Kenna doesn't let her.

"Luna doesn't know you are here, and wouldn't you like to keep it that way?"

"I am not doing anything, am I? It's not like I can. She is  _ bonded _ to Lexa." Costia says bitterly.

"Yes, and you should keep that in mind." Kenna warns her niece.

The young girl looks at her aunt, her eyes pleading with the older woman to understand her reservations, her sadness.

"Costia, do not look at me like that. I was your age once, I had fallen in love too, I can feel your pain."

"What if I told her the truth? Will I be able to get her back?"

The older woman's eyes harden. She is tired of this hopeless desire of Costia. The matter had been years ago and yet this girl wasn't ready to let go of Lexa - now , the Commander.

"You know that is not possible; everyone knows Lexa loves her wife and even if she didn't she will die before breaking her vows to Clarke. And you know you lost her when-"

"Yes, I got it. Thank you for the reminder." Costia hushed Kenna as she rushed out of the hall. She didn't feel like eating anymore.

"Costia, is that you?" She hears a voice as soon as she reaches out in the open.

"Fire Queen." Costia greets her as she finds herself face to face with the older woman.

"I told you to call me Norma, Costia." Norma says smiling. Costia tries to reciprocate the gesture but fails.

Norma doesn't even bother asking the young girl why she is outside in this freezing cold weather and not enjoying the lavish feast. She knows...of course she knows. She, after all, was there when it all went down. 

"I've given so much, and for what? I've lost her Norma."

"Young Costia, you only look at your heart, and not to the world around you. In this world you cannot lose something... you never had."

"Lexa's spirit will be here for a long, long time Norma. I wish it to remain for a long time. She is the best Commander. I might be dying but she is needed here right now."

With that Costia nods a goodbye and leaves Norma.

"You'd be surprised at how secure our Lexa's spirit is in this world." Whispers to the wind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, we are about to move towards some serious plot in the upcoming chapters. Hope you'll like it.  
> -ArshuSyed aka Golden child ;)  
> (arshuk.tumblr.com)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously (because do you actually remember what happened last?) : Lexa found Clarke in Bellamy's arms and misread the situation, however Clarke finally managed to clear all seeds of doubt from her wife's mind regarding her relationship with Bellamy and said her goodbyes to him. Meanwhile, Indra requests Lexa to take some action against the Mountain men and also enlighten the hedatu of the situation to which Lexa adamantly refuses. Lastly, Costia makes an appearance and has a conversation with the Fire Queen. Norma, telling her how she has lost Lexa forever.

**Title: Sacrifice**

**Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author: ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

Clarke, as usual, waits for Lexa to come to their shared chambers so she can cuddle into her wife's loving, safe arms and lull herself to sleep in that earthy scent that lingers on her. Just when she is becoming worried about her prolonged absence, the door of their room opens and the Commander walks in. A smile finds the Hedatu's face as she watches Lexa carefully shut the door and turn around towards her.

"Hello, Clarke." Lexa whispers as she makes her way towards her wife.

"Lexa. I am mad at Indra." Clarke deadpans with a pout.

"Why?" Lexa asks as she takes a seat next to the blonde on their bed, smiling at both her antics and what she just said. She clearly knows the answer but wants to hear from Clarke. She loves hearing this stuff from Clarke.

"Well, she stole my beautiful wife away from me after only a few dances."

"Clarke, I am sorry about that. I hope you didn't find yourself too bored there. I wouldn't have left if wasn't a matter of great importance. You know I would want nothing more than to be with you." Lexa caresses her wife’s thigh with slow comforting circles.

Clarke sighed, taking Lexa’s hand in hers, kissing it before letting go. 

"I know, Lexa, I understand but it still sucks."

Lexa gets up from the bed and turns towards Clarke. She then gently takes Clarke's face in her hands and kisses her forehead softly.

"Thank you for your understanding, Clarke. I'll just go and get ready for bed." She whispers in her hair.

"Okay." Clarke replies as she watches Lexa exit towards the bath chambers.

Moments later, the Commander is back, dressed in her white trousers and nothing but a wrap around her chest.  Clarke admires Lexa's back as she walks around the room to her side of the bed. She feels content as this beautiful woman lies beside her. She turns around to face her only to find the green eyes boring into hers. She feels like Lexa can read her soul. Clarke frowns at the distance between their bodies, and quickly throws her arm around Lexa’s waist and pulls her towards herself to solve the problem. She giggles as she feels Lexa's lips blow air on her neck and kiss her there softly. 

"What did Indra want, Lexa?"

Lexa hears the question from her wife and knows she can't answer her truthfully but she doesn't want to lie either. For months, she has successfully kept what is happening at the Mountain a secret from Clarke, keeping her safe from the fear of the Mountain, keeping her away from all the worry that Lexa shoulders. And so, instead of answering Clarke, Lexa thinks it wise to distract her. 

"Did I tell you how ravishing you looked tonight, Hedatu?" Lexa seductively whispers against Clarke's neck, peppering sweet kisses along the pulse she can feel beat faster under her lips with each passing touches.

Clarke barely conceals a moan as she replies, "You are telling me now. And you are a sight yourself, Lexa."

Lexa nips at her neck and Clarke's hands find themselves behind Lexa's back, working on getting the damn wrap off of her. Suddenly, a thought invades her and she wants to ask Lexa about it, but for some unknown and unexplainable reason, she hesitates. When Lexa had left the feast, after some time of interacting with her guests, Clarke had found herself in the gardens. Over there, she had spotted Norma, had headed towards the Fire Queen but had stopped in her tracks when she had found Costia of the Boat Clan talking to the older woman. She wasn't one to eavesdrop but even from the distance she could read Lexa's name taken from the beautiful girl's lips. This wasn't however what had raised turmoil inside of her; it was the sadness and love in the brown eyes of the girl as she spoke Clarke's wife's name that did.

"Clarke...?"

Lexa quirks an eyebrow at her, wondering why Clarke is suddenly so lost in her mind, hands still on Lexa's back. Clarke takes a breath. A sudden feeling of possessiveness takes over her being. She pushes Lexa back and readjusts herself, tilting a head a little, giving Lexa a delicious view of her neck. She sees the Heda gulp. She ups the stakes when her hand comes up, the sleeve falling to reveal her delicate wrist as her fingers run lazily over Lexa's face. She sees Lexa lick her lips in approval. How the tables have turned, now Lexa is the one speechless and apparently her body's coordination has stopped responding too as she gazes at her entranced wife. Clarke's eyes darken as she advances on her wife, hands running tortuously slow over the material covering Lexa's breasts. Lexa's pupils dilate at the sight. The seduction in Clarke's eyes is maddening. 

 

"Are you feeling generous tonight, my wife?" Lexa smirks.

 

"You'll just have to wait and find out, my love." Clarke purrs as she licks her lips.

 

Clarke unties the wrap quickly, discarding the material somewhere without looking, eyes fixed on the revealed sight, lowering her head to give each of Lexa’s breast a kiss and a playful bite before she kneads them with both her hands, rolling each nipple between greedy fingers, eliciting the sweetest whimper from her increasingly panting wife, while her mouth continues its journey downwards, hot breath against quivering skin. 

Lexa finds it harder and harder to recall how to breathe - so overwhelmed with emotions and want - body electrified with need, core aching from sheer anticipation. Lexa writhers and whimpers, swallowing back a moan she knows would make Clarke smug. She cannot take this build up anymore, Clarke’s mouth leaving a trail of wet open kisses, the tantalizing touch of her peeking tongue tracing a way over her abs down to her pubic bone, pushing the waistband of her pants down, hands grabbing at her hips, elbows opening her legs wider, breasts brushing against her inner tights, fingers pushing underneath to taunt the flesh of her backside before going back to hardened pebbles. Lexa needs Clarke close, closer. She needs to touch her, to feel her skin on hers. She needs to feel her every way possible. So Lexa leans down and stops Clarke's journey as she kisses her impatiently across her hipbone, reaching around her neck and pulling her in a bruising kiss. Without breaking it, Lexa's arms surround Clarke, caging her into her body as her back presses to the hardboard of their luxurious bed. Clarke does not mind; she needs this tonight. She needs to forget her troubles. Clarke needs her wife to be desperate for her, to show her  _ desire _ for her. Clarke leaves Lexa’s wanton mouth and kisses down her jaw as her nimble fingers caress down her sides to start on the button of her trousers. Lexa moans loudly and she can feel her wife smile in the crook of her neck as she sucks her mark on the sensitive skin. Clarke's hand slides into Lexa's pants, as she frees the button that could hinder her movements. Lexa gasps and tilts her head back.

 

"Clarke... aaahhh." Lexa pants as Clarke cups her very hot and wet sex.

 

Clarke loves to touch her, to know this reaction is reserved only for her. Clarke's other hand pushes at her trousers to slide them down the toned legs and Lexa raises her hips as a reflex, the trousers quickly being thrown off the bed.

 

"You are driving me mad Clarke." Lexa breathes out as she sets her pitch-black lustful eyes on her wife.

 

Lexa's voice is low and husky. Clarke licks her lips and bites the pulpous flesh of the bottom one as she holds her gaze, taunting her. Lexa follows each movement of those tempting lips, unconsciously wetting her own, but as she goes to kiss her wife, Clarke pulls away. Tonight, Clarke is in charge. Tonight she will show Lexa why she married her, why _ Lexa _ loves  _ her.  _ Clarke opens her wife’s thighs wider and settles back between them, making sure to rack her nails up and down as she does so. She takes a moment to admire the glistening sight before her. Lexa wet for her. Lexa wet  _ because _ of her. 

She parts Lexa's slit with her fingers and blows a little on the overheated skin before dropping a kiss there. Lexa trembles above her as Clarke feels her trying to close her legs to relieve some of the pressure she is feeling. Clarke chuckles as she brings her thumb to draw first barely there circles across Lexa's clit, increasing the pressure and speed with each passing. Hearing Lexa moan unabashedly is just the encouragement she needs. She then brings her whole palm to spread Lexa's wetness all over her core. Her hand runs across her entrance teasingly and she suddenly inserts two of her fingers inside of her. Her wife gasps in the intoxicating mixture of pleasurable pain, feeling fingers bask in the velvet of her sex and stretching her channel; fingers that settle and wait for Lexa to adjust before starting a slow rhythm. Lexa's eyes close as she’s being worked up; she is beyond glorious in this moment.  Lexa has lost all control of her body by the time she feels the delicious wetness of Clarke's tongue on her clit. 

 

"Clarke!" 

 

Lexa screams, as she pulls at the blonde's hair.  She is under such an exquisite torture. Clarke's mouth is moving up and down her nub, licking and sucking in the most erotic fashion. Her fingers start pumping with purpose, and then the pace increases. Lexa dares to look down, and Clarke boldly makes eye contact with her, her fingers all the while moving in and out of Lexa. It is the most erotic moment of Lexa's life. Lexa's dark emerald eyes meet her sharp sapphires. Clarke breaks eye contact with her and kisses her core, whispering 'I love you'. This undoes the Commander and she falls apart under Clarke’s loving ministrations. Clarke kisses her tenderly from her most sensitive spot to her belly button, to her taut nipples, to her lips, as Lexa rides her orgasm.

Lexa moans into the kiss, as she tastes her essence on Clarke's lips. She obediently opens her mouth as Clarke runs her tongue over Lexa's lips, feeling it slides along her own, caressing her palate, keeping her dizzy with the headiness of her own scent mixed with Clarke’s taste. Lexa runs her hand up and down Clarke's spine and she only realizes that her wife is still in her nightgown, as her fingers meet the riddled up fabric. She cannot believe that she had been so lost the throes of passion that she forgot that. Her fingers start to move the offensive garment over her waist as Clarke continues to kiss her lazily now. She detaches herself from Lexa's lips, allowing the other girl time to regain her breathing.

 

"That was something, Clarke." She mumbles as she rubs her hand up and down Clarke's bare hips.

 

Clarke smiles wickedly at her.

 

"Didn't you like it?"

 

Lexa pulls her forward; it is not the first time Clarke has done like this but this bold side of hers is something very new and endearing to Lexa. She finds herself willing to submit to Clarke.

 

"It is the most arousing thing I have ever seen or experienced." Lexa admits.

 

Clarke smiles, "I am glad you are satisfied Heda."

 

Lexa dips down and kisses her softly. Clarke can feel her fingers on her thigh.

 

"I am not."

 

Clarke's smile is wicked, what a clever woman she has married. 

 

"You not happy, my wife? You did receive satisfaction, I  _ know _ you did."

 

Lexa's hand pulls at her underwear. Clarke feels them being pushed further down her legs by Lexa's long, slender ones. Lexa leans down to lick at her neck, the material of the gown hindering her movement, making her feel more and more offended by it. Clarke looks over at Lexa's face and laughs at the annoyed expression she finds there. 

 

"Yes, my wife, you have delivered me the most exquisite satisfaction but...”

 

Clarke feels Lexa’s hands grab at her ass, one staying to round it possessively as the other finds her way to her front, slowly descending along her slit, dipping at her entrance to gather some slickness before moving up agonizingly slow to play with her clit. Clarke gasps.

 

"But...?" Clarke releases her breath and whispers.

 

Clarke's eyes are clouded. She feels her desire for Lexa bubbling under her skin. It has never been so primal, so possessive between them. She has to say...she likes it. Lexa's fingers leave the pulsing nub to tease at her folds making her wife whine at the loss. Clarke wants Lexa to satisfy  _ her.  _

 

"You haven't screamed my name tonight, Clarke."

 

With those lust filled words, Lexa pushes two digits inside Hedatu's waiting body. Clarke holds her shoulders for support as her legs shake and wrap around Lexa’s hips. She cannot speak as her mind is solely focused on the pleasure that spreads over her body and she purrs in approval at Lexa's movements. Lexa unlocks Clarke’s legs from her hips and lifts one, pushing the limb high, bending it at the knee, trapping it to her body with her other arm. Her fingers are not idle with her, swirling, and pumping, and massaging her insides. Lexa has become too good at knowing her body.

The fact is their night was spent way differently than either had planned. After all, one needed her wife to not ask questions she would need to lie to answer and the other needed to remind why she was Heda's wife, and maybe to prove herself she has no need to feel uneasy with the presence of Costia and her haunted eyes. Despite, having the night go into an unplanned direction, both tasks were accomplished. None were fool enough to believe their respective troubles wouldn’t resurface however.

* * *

A few months after the Sky People's delegation had left back to Arkadia, a meeting of all the clans was being held in Polis, a meeting that Clarke hadn't been informed of.

"Heda, if we can't take down the Mountain then we need to evacuate that area." The Desert Clan's leader, Jared, inputs in the discussion of all the Clan leaders.

"Why run? Why not fight?" Gwaine argues.

"Because we will lose. We cannot outmatch their weapons." Luna of the Boat Clan answers.

"Yes, we can. You have the army of 12 Clans at your disposal, Heda. Surely, the Mountain are no match against it." Gwaine emphasizes his point.

"Their one missile is enough to wipe out an entire village, Gwaine. " Norma, the Fire Queen, the only one with a calm voice, recalls.

"But-" Gwaine tries before being cut off.

"We can outmatch them with the Sky People's technology. They share the same technology as the enemy." The Ice Queen speaks and, for the first time in the entirety of the meeting, the room grows silent. 

"No, we are not involving the Sky People into this." Lexa says in a very calm but deadly voice.

"You married their Chancellor's daughter to strike an alliance with them, now is the time to use the alliance!" Avina retorts. 

"The Sky People are now part of the Coalition and thus they should contribute." The caretaker of the Delphi Clan joined in.

"I will decide when and where their contribution is needed, Aakashi." Lexa decides to ignore Avina's words.

"Shouldn't Hedatu be part of the talks as well?" Avina, the Ice Queen, tries a different approach. Lexa clenches her jaws as she tries to control the rage she is feeling. She knows Avina has won the round. Clarke is not only representative of the Sky Clan but also the Hedatu of all the clans. 

"She is busy right now but rest assured she will be informed of the ongoings of the meeting." Heda speaks through clenched jaws.

Gwaine starts, "I can go talk to her if-"

"No! I will talk to her about it, as I said before and no one will dare defy me." Lexa's voice finally rises. 

All the leaders nod but refrain from any further objections. 

"We will all like to hear her input on this matter, Heda. After all, she has proven herself on many occasions." Luna says softly after a while.

Lexa only nods.

"I will discuss this with Clarke, but until then we need to evacuate the area." Lexa decides.

A few clan leaders protest at this, claiming that running away is not their way, and deep down Lexa agrees but she knows she cannot win this war without the involvement of the Sky People and she wants to avoid their involvement at all costs.

* * *

 

Later that day, Avina finds Clarke at the stables, petting Hedwig.

Smirking, she makes her way towards her.

"Hedatu." She says like anyone would out of respect but there is nothing but mockery in her tone.

"Ice Queen." Clarke reciprocates the gesture.

"We missed you at the meeting today."

"Meeting?" Clarke raises a brow before frowning.

"Yes, Heda informed us you had more pressing things on your hands, so you couldn't make it?" Avina eyes her carefully.

Once the initial shock wears off, Clarke quickly schools her features, realizing she had been kept out of something she should have been made aware and had just given away something Lexa’s enemy needed. 

"Ahem...yes. I had some other matters to take care of." She tries to back paddle from her surprise to cover whatever transpired between them and Clarke’s seeming lack of knowledge of such meeting.

Avina already guessed Lexa was lying at the meeting; this just confirmed her suspicions. Lexa would always try to protect those she loves, however foolish that makes her act. She wants to tell Clarke right there and then what is happening right under her nose but she knows defying Lexa directly can have dire consequences for her and her clan. Besides, there are other means to ruffle Lexa's feathers....

"Aren't you surprised that Luna's daughter isn't here with her this time?"

"She isn't the Clan's leader, her presence wasn't necessary." Clarke tries to dismiss the notion, recalling that night in the gardens but not letting it affect her.

"True. However, given how close she has been with the Heda in the past, I thought it strange she didn't make an appearance."

When Clarke's face shows nothing but blankness, Avina smirks. She has found the soft spot she was looking for.

"She said they were old friends." Clarke can't help but take the bait. She believes Lexa and had dismissed that sliver of insecurity in their bed that night and all the nights that followed. But something in the glint of Avina’s eyes gives her chill, telling her she won’t like what comes out of her mouth. The Ice Queen is quite perceptive. Clarke is going right where she wants. Now it’s time to plant the seed of discord.

"Yes, old  _ friends." _ Avina all but purrs. 

Clarke raises her eyebrows expectantly but Avina just shakes her head and responds,

"We have all made mistakes in the past, Clarke. We all have regrets. No one is perfect. It's time you let Heda taint her perfect image of hers, it's time you learn of her regrets."

With that she bows and leaves Clarke to her own thoughts, smirking with satisfaction as she walks away. Lexa will learn she is her own destruction.

* * *

 

Lexa stares at the bed, willing the occupant to wake up. A few days back, Clarke had started to adamantly avoid her, and she can't understand why. Maybe she is not happy because of her passing out during the act after she had come back exhausted from training the other day...or maybe it was all the sex they've had? Lexa's eyes widen, she suddenly gets very nervous. She paces in front of Clarke's side of the bed, resisting temptation to shake her awake. Since they’ve started making love, the act itself became a non-stop occurrence. Could she have gotten tired of it? Is that why she has gone to bed so early? To avoid Lexa like Lexa did in the past? She fears the worst and cannot help herself.

Lexa sits by the side of Clarke's bed as she sleeps soundly. She should really let her rest. Clarke still has nightmares and Lexa always soothes her awake after one, however now Clarke will disappear from her, not even flirting with her anymore...Lexa is getting  _ nothing  _ from her. Lexa cannot let her sleep, not in this state, not with this dread swirling in her heart and a knot forming in her guts. Her fears are like black clouds that have started to circle her head and are swiftly choking the life out of her. She runs a shaky hand over Clarke's arm. Clarke sighs, and then opens her mouth slightly. Those sinful red lips taunt Lexa, how she wishes to kiss her. Clarke has not allowed her to hold her hand let alone anything else so intimate lately, what had she missed? 

Lexa takes her left hand, and starts to play with her fingers, her eyes gloomy. 

"Please wake up, Clarke." She whispers.

"I can't. I'm sleeping."

Lexa's eyes widen as Clarke's slowly open. Those sharp sapphire eyes connect with her emerald ones. At the sight of those breathtaking eyes, Lexa manages a smile.

"I am sorry to have woken you, my love."

Clarke sits up, her left hand playing with Lexa's. Her eyes are sad. She can feel Lexa's distress, her secrets being whispered to her like shadows on the darkest days. 

"Ask me."

She is kind with her words, soft with the situation.

"Have you been avoiding me, Clarke?"

"Yes."

Her words are blunt, catching Lexa off guard. Her suspicions have been confirmed but it does not stop the shock that roams over her face and finally settles in her eyes. Lexa looks sad and Clarke feels dreadful for making her feel this way. She moves her right hand up Lexa's arm and into her hair, playing with the soft locks. Her lips close in a tight line, feeling horrible at being so cruel at the woman she loves.

"Is it because of what happened the other day? I swear Clarke, I will never ask you to do it again after I am back from training, exhausted. You didn't need to, I was just too...I mean, you are my wife and you deserve..."

"Please stop talking."

She kisses Lexa then, and the Heda melts into her. Clarke's body is so soft and so inviting, every inch of her smelling of those strawberries. It has only been a week but Lexa has missed the sweet scent of strawberries. Lexa's hands run over her back, fisting at the material of her nightgown. Lexa pulls her forward, so she can lay her across her lap and kiss her deeply, her fingers playing with the satin covered hip. Clarke is moaning at the renewed contact, she has missed her wife, avoiding her has not been as easy as it was when she first came to Polis. Lexa pulls from her softly, kissing her forehead. Clarke relishes in the intimacy, even if she knows it will only last a moment. 

"Was it because of that? Please tell me, my love. I want to know what've I done wrong."

Clarke rubs Lexa's cheek, the action soothing to the troubled Commander. Lexa's face moves to kiss her palm, her eyes pleading with her to spill her secrets.

"It wasn't. I am happy with the things we do in the bedroom. It's always enjoyable to be with you in that way. You are rougher after the training and I don't mind it, I like it. It is something else, I promise." 

Lexa's grip on her tightens. She sits her up, her face burying itself in Clarke's neck to inhale her delicious scent.  _ Strawberries... _

"Please tell me or I will think of the worst." 

Clarke rubs her back. Lexa is such a baby sometimes. Even when they fight, her voice may raise, her Commander tone may come into action, Clarke may even push back, but she always knows who will win. She has learned to use Lexa's power of silence once or twice, giving her a taste of her own medicine. She takes a deep breath, this conversation long overdue.

"Tell me about Costia."

Lexa tenses and lifts her head, her eyes full of distress. She cannot meet Clarke's eyes, her gaze shift anywhere but into her powerful azure orbs. Her gaze seems to lock on the pendent that sits securely on her neck. She had carved the plain seashell she had collected when she had gone to the Boat Clan into a beautiful creature, a whale to be exact, and given it to Clarke, two weeks ago. Clarke was elated when she left it on her pillow, a beautiful present to wake up to. Indra was informing her of some of the mishaps at the northern borders of Polis when Clarke had pulled her away from her loyal warrior and told her to come back in an hour. Lexa eyes the pendent in pain, her mind willing time to go back to that moment...she doesn't want to relive this story, she wants to be back there, in their moments of happiness.

"Why?" Lexa’s voice cracks despite her inner battle to not let it show how much she’s affected by such a simple yet loaded question. She wishes Clarke wouldn’t have asked that particular question. She knew that one day she might have to tell her but any day felt too soon. She wishes this conversation wouldn’t happen, let it buried in her own past, never to be re-ashed. She doesn’t want to burden Clarke with pain and mistakes and guilt that don’t belong to her. She wants to preserve Clarke.

"Avina and Norma both hinted that I should ask about her. Well, I took the hint from Norma but Avina did say."

Lexa's hand comes up to rub at the silk on Clarke's hip - the fabric feels cool under her nervous palm. Lexa inwardly seethed at the slight betrayal, knowing it wasn’t innocent from the Ice Nation Queen. It wasn’t their place to broach such personal matters, even less with her wife.

"They seem to be invading matters that don't concern them." Lexa vaguely states. She doesn’t want to talk about Costia, not if she can avoid it.

Clarke closes her eyes. Her wife is acting oddly. Lexa is many things but the woman never avoids a verbal fight, if anything her wife seems to be more determined to rile her up during arguments. Just a few weeks back they had a fight regarding the children of Polis. Lexa had argued that the most important thing for them to learn was how to fight and Clarke had countered they needed general education first. Lexa and Clarke fought for two hours over this petty matter. They had screamed at each other until Clarke had slammed her hand onto the table and then they had gotten into another fight about the wine spilling. Clarke had called her a heartless woman and Lexa countered with her being a spoiled princess. Lexa had roughly pointed her finger in Clarke's face causing her to catch her wrist and press her body up against hers and well, they ended up working out their differences and afterwards were much more connected and…sweaty.  _ Lexa did end up making general education part of the curriculum of the children of Polis along with the combat training... _ Clarke gulps. Lexa does not avoid fights, so why is she avoiding this one?

"Why are you avoiding this? Why won't you tell me who she is?"

"Because who she is is inconsequential. She is Luna's daughter, the Boat leader's heiress, that is what she is!"

"Then who  _ was _ she?" 

Lexa looks at her sheepishly, her fingers constrict, grabbing at Clarke's hip.

She closes her eyes and let her harsh breath through her nose. There is no avoiding this...This conversation she kept convincing herself could happen in an undetermined future has to happen now or her relationship to her wife will suffer the consequences of her avoidance.

"Before I tell you, I have one request."

Clarke tilts her head to the side. She keeps the look of aggravation from showing.

"What is it?" 

"Kiss me."

Clarke pulls from her. The look Lexa sends her is desperate. Clarke had just kissed her a few moments back...what a weird request.

"I fear you won't come near me for a while after I tell you this story. So please, just kiss me."

Her eyes shift over Lexa's face. Is that story so awful? She shakes her head, she knows she will accept what Lexa says, and she will get past this with her.  _ She loves Lexa. _ She leans forward, her delectable lips press against Lexa's, Heda trembles. Clarke runs her soft hand through the chestnut coloured hair. Lexa's fingers grip at Clarke's hip, pulling her closer. God, how she had missed her wife. Clarke pulls away from Lexa after an eternity, Lexa gulps when she looks down at Clarke. The soft digits of her fingers play with Lexa's ear, after pushing her hair back. 

"Please tell me, my wife." Clarke soothes, clearly seeing the turmoil etched on Lexa’s face and swirling in her eyes.

Lexa takes a breath. A look of resolve finally settles on her. She breathes out and starts from the beginning.

"Costia was my friend but...a victim...specifically, a victim of mine."

Clarke scrunches her eyebrows at her. She knows of her past adventures. Her wife has actually kissed many of the gorgeous women of her lands, and there was that one lady who had surpassed the others. She was quite scandalous back in the day; Kenna, Luna’s younger sister and a very good friend of the late Anya, had told her that it was all fun for the young warrior. She was a very successful warrior, very much likely to succeed the Heda, and she was very easy on the eyes too. All of it made her very appealing. And Clarke understood it all. Heck, she could picture it all. Lexa's past had never bothered her. She had gotten to know that, after the death of her most trusted guard - her friend Gustus - Lexa had mended her ways. She had been nothing but chivalrous with women since then, respecting them and never being intimate with any. 

"You kissed and she got upset?" Clarke inquires.

She shakes her head.

"I didn't know she was Luna's daughter..."

Clarke looks at her confused now. Why did it matter if she was Luna's daughter or not? And didn't Lexa say they were friends? How were they friends if she didn't know about who Costia's mother was? What was the link that connected them? Lexa's hold on her hip tightens, her face so close to Clarke's.

"She was a stranger..." Lexa lets the end of her sentence float between them and then it dawns on Clarke.

The Hedatu gulps, her eyes wide. She is still as stone, her body rigid.

"She was the one night stand." Clarke deduces, feeling her heart beat pick up as she pieces things together.

"Yes."

"Except, it wasn't a one night stand was it?" Clarke’s breaths deepens, a panic stemming from the small insecurity she felt that night after she had looked at Norma and Costia. The haunted look in Costia’s eyes, the sadness as she spoke Lexa’s name. It’s becoming too much.

"Clarke you-"

"Why did you need to lie, Lexa? Do you love her?" Clarke says moving back and freeing herself of Lexa's hold. She needs air. She needs space to breathe. The weight of what is happening is choking her.

"Love? No! I've never loved anyone like I love you, Clarke!" Lexa protests as she tries to have Clarke in her arms again. Clarke shakes her head and folds her arms, steeling herself to calm her body and mind. Lexa accepts her decision and doesn't make any move towards her wife.

"Gwaine is the one who introduced you to her, right?" Clarke says she as she recalls the conversation she once had with Lexa. The one in which she had informed her how she had lost her virginity to a one night stand.

"Yes."

"You had me meet her." Clarke clenches her jaw.

"Yes."

She looks at her incredulously; the joke is on her. She feels like screaming.

"You had asked her for her boats and to use the way apparently she had only reserved for you.  How many times have you visited her, Lexa?"

"She is a friend, Clarke and I have visited the Boat Clan from time to time for political reasons...I did meet her there but nothing intimate happened during our meetings."

Clarke scoffed. 

"Care to tell how a one night stand became a friend and not a friend with benefits?"

"Friend with benefits?" Lexa asks, confused.

Clarke would have found her wife's confusion adorable if the circumstances were different but right now she just found them frustrating.

"Friends who occasionally fuck." Clarke put it bluntly and saw Lexa flinch at the crude choice of her words. Good.

"It's not like that Clarke-"

"Then what is it like? Why is she a friend when she was supposed to be your one night stand? Or maybe I can get that, but what I don't get is why didn't you tell me?"

Lexa looks at her hands. She knew that Clarke would be furious. 

"Don't do that!"

Lexa looks up, surprised.

"Do what?"

"The part where you look at your hands to debate what you will say, and wait me out. You need to just talk Lexa. You better tell me everything if you ever want to end up in bed with me again."

Lexa's eyes widen, Clarke never thought she would go that far but then again she’s angry. The fear is priceless though; Clarke should enjoy making her squirm more. It is a delicious sight. Unfortunately, her anger is winning out. Her wife took the time to stop and meet a one night stand, supposedly just a friend, on their way back to Polis and made her  _ meet _ the woman without giving her any information about the history she shared with Lexa. She is shaking;  _ how dares she... _

"I told you it was a long time ago, and it _ was _ just one night, I swear to you. I know you have no reason to believe me but it's the truth. I had no idea who she was. I told you that I spent more time experimenting than anything. Afterwards however..I guess she felt it meant more."

Clarke eyes her, her look is deadly. Lexa can see her breathing viciously through her nose.

"So what, did she fall in love with you?"

Lexa gulps. Her eyes shift over Clarke's face nervously. Clarke opens her mouth, her head shaking. The information is startling to her.

"She did, didn't she? How foolish can you be?"

"Clarke, you have to understand it wasn't like I did it on purpose. Gwaine thought it would be fun. Skrish, we were just celebrating a victory. I didn't know that it would end up like this, I didn't know she would read into it so much or that she would be the daughter of one of my most trusted allies.”

Clarke is shaking. Lexa slowly stands. The blue eyes are lethal when they connect with jade.

"Why do you visit  _ her  _ if she is nothing? No, I get it that you go there for political reason but why do you go and visit  _ her? _ How did a one night become so important that invites are sent to her for every feast?" Clarke accuses.

"How-"

"Yes, I did my research! She hardly ever attends them, that's beside the point but why do you want her company so desperately that you send her invites all the time, even when her mother is  _ not  _ invited?"

Lexa puts a tentative arm on Clarke’s shoulder but she shrugs her off. Clarke's arms again come around her torso. She is suppressing the instinct to slap Lexa. Lexa looks to the side, hurt by her reaction. She takes a deep breath.

"I owe her my life." Lexa finally admits.

This is not what Clarke had expected.

"You  _ what?!" _

"I didn't see her for a whole year, until I was called to become Heda and Luna came with her daughter to congratulate me. We talked; I told her where I stood and she understood. However, what I didn't know was that the Ice Nation had spies within the walls of the castle. We were at odds with them at that time. Ice Nation believed Costia knew about my secrets, and she did...a few. They took her, tortured her but she didn't give anything away. She didn't tell them about the weak points in Polis. How easy it was then to cross the wall and enter my room from the rooftop. She knew all that but she didn't tell them. They, however, didn't give up and kept her as their captive for a whole month; barely feeding her and beating her up regularly. She...she has burn marks on her skin too."

Clarke's eyes were glassy with tears now, feeling utterly stupid and ashamed to have doubted and rounded on Lexa like she did, now that she knows why her wife kept that secret, her ire evaporating by the second. 

"I am so...so sorry Lexa."

"She was rescued but she wanted nothing in return...at least publically."

"She wanted you." Clarke concludes once more. There is no longer anger in her voice, only tiredness. Now she understands; the friendship, the invitations, the omission. How it must weight on her wife to have such debt that can never be repaid and the painful guilt of not returning feelings to the person that clearly felt for you and saved you.

"Yes...and I couldn't. Her affections were becoming too much, Clarke. Honestly, she was around every corner, and I felt guilty, that she had to suffer because of me. I didn't mean for one night to confuse her so much. I didn't love her the way she deserved...deserves. So I offered her only what I could; my friendship." 

Lexa is looking down at her, her eyes reserved. Clarke gulps, and then bites her lip. Lexa advances again, her arms coming onto her shoulders; one hand even dares to touch her chin. She looks up at Lexa; her look is not welcoming, but she is not seething anymore.

"She never told me in detail what happened with her at the Ice Borders but I know it is only to protect me. She is still protecting me."

"Why couldn't you love her?" Clarke finally asks. She needs to settle that seed of fear of losing Lexa to someone else like she felt that night some time ago, that Lexa is hers and only hers.

"Because she wasn't you, she wasn't the one for me." Lexa answers honestly.

Clarke's blue eyes search Lexa's forest green, search for any lie in them...she is still searching when Lexa's forehead touches hers. The connection is soft, intimate, powerful.

"You are the most glorious woman I have ever known. Your decisions are righteous, you can say no when needed, but you still have more compassion than anyone I know. I trust you my wife, I need you more than I need the others." 

"We have only been married for seven months, how can you possibly need me more than advisors and warriors you have had for years?"

Lexa smiles.

"Because I love you."

Clarke closes her eyes. She is tired, and the fight has drained her. She leans into Lexa, and slowly kisses her lips. Lexa moans her relief. Her hand runs into her soft blond curls, her arms going around her body. Clarke pulls from Lexa, her eyes are desperate. Clarke's response is favorable, she should relish in her acceptance of her so quickly...even if that is all she will give this night.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously: Lexa conducts a meeting with all her clan leaders regarding the Mountain and the threat it poses to them, but Clarke is kept in the dark. Avina , the Ice Queen, later finds Clarke and informs her of the meeting but rather than telling her about the Mountain sees her chance to plant seeds of doubt in Hedatu about Lexa's relationship with Costia; it being more than she had been told. When Lexa is confronted by her wife she gets to know that Costia has very strong feelings for her wife and this was the reason she was taken by the Ice Queen. She further gets to know that Lexa feels guilty for not being able to reciprocate those feelings after all Costia had been through for her.

**Title: Sacrifice**

**Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author: ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

* * *

**Chapter 18:**

_**Disclaimer : Character death.** _

Clarke is sleeping peacefully in the security of her wife's loving arms when an incessant knocking on their bedroom door begins. Lexa is out of bed in an instant and puts her shirt and trousers on at light speed. Clarke has only managed to heave herself up to sit against the headboard of their bed when Lexa opens the door. Clarke can see the shadowed figure of Ryder standing in front of Lexa in the hallway. She rubs her eyes and yawns.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lexa all but snarls, clearly not pleased to have been woken up in such fashion and at such hour.

"I am sorry Heda for intruding but Hedatu is needed."

That gets Clarke's eyes to open fully. Wrapping furs around herself, she walks to the door hurriedly.  

"What is it Ryder?"

Ryder looks from Lexa to Clarke and seeing the state of undress of his Hedatu, he casts his gaze downwards; he is well aware of the Commander's possessive and protective nature towards her wife.

"Raven of the Sky People has just arrived at the gates of Polis and is demanding your presence. She is...quite injured." He explains.

"What?"

Clarke shrieks as she hears him vaguely speak of her friend’s physical state. She barely bothers putting something decent on at Lexa’s insistent request before she bolts out of the tower. She is running and doesn’t slow down until she finally reaches the gates of her beloved city, all the while her wife running right behind her, calling out her name as well as shouting commands to her guards to follow her in case Clarke requires protection. Clarke only stops running when her eyes fall on Raven and she can't help but gasp at the sight. Raven is barely able to stand even with her full weight supported by the wall. Two guards are standing next to her, clearly not sure what to do with her. Not sure if she is a friend or a foe. Clarke clenches her fists hard and draws a deep breath in to stop herself from slapping both of them across their face or have them punished to wipe their disgusting face out of the Earth at their clear incompetency. At least in Clarke's eyes.

Clarke glares at the guards who have the clear mindedness to back away from her. She first approaches her friend slowly, trying to assess the damage but she can’t see much under the night’s sky. As soon as Clarke takes Raven in her arms though, the mechanic collapses in them and Clarke panics. It seems her friend’s legs can no longer support her.  Lexa quickly moves forward to try and take Raven’s body off of her wife and onto her. But Clarke keeps her hands firmly around Raven's waist, carrying her best friend as close to her as possible. Lexa finds her wife's face white with fear, and panic swirling in her eyes as she feels the other girl's battered body.

"Raven, your leg!" Clarke exclaims as she finds blood oozing out of her friend's thigh at an alarming rate.

"Bullet…but you need to help _them_ , Clarke." Raven manages to whisper these words before losing consciousness.

"Guards get the healer ri-" Lexa calls out and guards start to move before being stopped by Clarke’s strong authoritative voice.

"No, Lexa. We can't afford to wait. She has already lost a lot of blood. I need you to get us in the closest home, carefully. I need some equipment that can cut into her skin so I can take the bullet out. Bring me some stitches too." Clarke speaks urgently, methodically.

Lexa relays orders to her guards then, without missing a beat, gently picks Raven in her arms and marches inside the closest house from the Gates of the city. The residents of said home were already prepared to welcome them as they having witness the commotion and gathered the gravity of it. Within minutes, a room is cleared for the Heda and Hedatu. All the while, Lexa can't help but think about what would happen to Clarke if she loses Raven; she will never be able to see the true potential of Clarke's smile ever again. The worry and care that Clarke shows towards the unconscious girl is so strong that it terrifies Lexa. Raven can wipe away all her happiness in a few moments if she decides not to open her eyes after this day. Lexa can't help but feel very useless during this moment. She is a warrior not a healer. She gives the scars, but doesn't heal them. She is the not the one Clarke needs right now. She wordlessly puts Raven on the bed and Clarke immediately pushes her back. She rips open half of Raven's shirt to check if her upper body has been injured. Satisfied that such isn't the case, she moves to the mechanic's pants and Lexa helps her as much she can. She next hands Clarke the kit one of her guards had brought upon her command. Lexa then inquires about the healer in a whisper and is informed that he will be joining them shortly and surely enough the healer appears after a few minutes. Lexa decides to take a step back because honestly, she is out if her depth here other than handing Clarke the things she has been asking for. All she has learned so far is that Raven is severely injured from the waist down and that Clarke has entered her 'healer mode' losing the panicked look from her face. A determined look has now replaced it.

Lexa walks out of the room, to find something productive to do and not cause any hindrance towards her wife's work. Just as she out of the house, she feels a body slam into hers and a tear soaked face of one of Clarke's friend greets her. She seems so lost, that it looks like she doesn’t care she almost took the Commander of all the clans down in her haste to see her injured friend.

"Where is she, Lexa? Is she okay? How did-"

"Calm down, Octavia. She is being treated by your Hedatu at this moment. You can see her after Clarke's done her job." Lexa informs firmly the young warrior. She does not like to use her authority unless necessary but a reminder of her authority seems necessary now, especially if the sorrow crazed skayon could get in the way of her wife and endanger further the life of her friend in her worry.

"But-"

Lexa shoots her sentence down with a dark glare. She will not be defied, no matter how emotional the other is, no matter how much she knows what Raven means to Clarke and Octavia.

"Sha Heda. I will stay right here." Octavia finally seems to get a hold of her bearings and stands on the side of the door. The moisture in her eyes drying up, and the warrior Indra had been training for the past months is gradually emerging back. Satisfied, Lexa makes her way to the guards who had intercepted Raven when she had first tried to cross the city walls.

"Tell me everything that she said." She commands.

"Heda...she kept calling Hedatu and repeating the word "Mountain, mountain" over and over."

Lexa's eyes glint darkly in the moonlight and she visibly clenches her jaws. Nodding her head towards the guard, Lexa makes her way to Indra who she had watched arrive at the scene in her periphery and who is now standing by her second's side. A hard, stoic look on her face. Lexa watches as Octavia slightly relaxes in her presence; she smiles a little. The bond the warrior and the second share is special in its own unique way. The second always feels safer in their warrior's presence...she remembers feeling so in Anya's. _Anya...oh, how she misses her presence every day._

"Heda." Indra bows at her leader respectfully and follows when she’s nodded at to wordlessly do so.

"Indra, has there been any reports of disturbances at Arkadia?" Lexa inquires to try and piece together what went down over at the Sky camp.

"Not outside their walls, no. We cannot check the insides without them being aware of it and taking our presence as a threat." Indra replies, distastefulness evident in every word that she utters.

"War is brewing Indra...all of Clarke's dreams have been pointing towards it. I was foolish to ignore them."

"I thought you didn't believe in Norma's...abilities?" Indra questions skeptically, making her views on the subject quite clear.

"Indra…I think she really has the spirit that is soul mated to the Commander's." Lexa whispers, the information leaving her lips surprising her too.

"But that is just not possible, Leksa. The last Heda to have Hedatu's soul mated to their spirit was the one when I was a goufa. It was decades ago." Indra tries to find a better explanation to the occurrence of Clarke’s dreams but not finding any, she knows how weak her argument is before she even speaks it. The connection between her Heda and the Hedatu is something that eludes her, or maybe she’s just no willing to see it as it is.

"Anya told me why such a thing happened then."

"Yes, the Holy spirits are only mated on Earth when there is a very big threat...one that the Heda cannot face alone."

"Clarke has been taking some of my sufferings away with those dreams, without knowing it." Lexa says, angry now. She has been ready to do anything to help Clarke sleep through the night peacefully since the first day the blonde beauty woke up, frightened in her arms. To know that all her restless nights have been because of her doesn't sit well with her.

"Leksa, Clarke is strong, that's why the spirits have chosen her to share your burden. She is doing her job as you are yours."

Silence greets them as Lexa thinks her advisor's words over.

"Heda...What makes you say Clarke's dreams are predicting a war? All the clans are at peace as of now… Forgive me, but I am failing to see the circumstances of war here, all of our clans are united and stand by you ready to serve you in whatever capacity they may."

"All Clarke sees in her slumber, since she got here, is red. She has been seeing my death."

* * *

 

After Clarke's tireless efforts, with Abby's passed on medical knowledge and help of Lexa's healer, Clarke manages to save Raven, despite the heavy blood loss. She had to remove two bullets from her friend's body. The bullets weren't a direct danger to Raven's existence but she had to remove them to seal the wounds and stop the bleeding, which any more loss could've been a threat to her life. However, one of the bullets had grazed Raven's kneecap and Clarke knew for sure that Raven will never be able to walk again like she used to. She would walk...with a limp in her gait.

When Raven regains consciousness, she doesn't give Clarke a chance to speak,

"Clarke, you need to save them."

"Save who?" Clarke asks not surprised that Raven doesn't feel any pain or discomfort right now. The Grounder healer, who turned out to be Octavia's boyfriend whom Clarke was supposed to meet tomorrow, had informed her the herb he had given as anesthesia, from what Clarke understood, would have some long lasting effect.

"Finn, Jasper, Monty, Fox...all of them." Raven lists hurriedly.

Clarke's eyes widen, "What happened to them?"

"We all had a day off and decided to explore to try and find Mount Weather again, and this time we did."

Clarke notices Lexa, who had been standing behind her the entire time, suddenly move closer to her as she heard what Raven said.

"That's great, Raven!  We were supp-"

"It wasn't what it was supposed to be, Clarke. They captured us at gunpoint and locked us in cages. They are horrifying people. They were fucking draining us of our blood...they had taken me to their damned lab and set me up to drain my blood...I barely managed to escape. I ran with Fox, and they came after us...tried to shoot us down. I was lucky and managed to break away from their hunting party, Fox however wasn't. I saw her bleed to death in front of me but I couldn't do anything. I could barely move!" Raven mumbles the last part in a sob as she feels a lump in her throat and her vision blurring with threatening tears as she recalls the horrific events.

"God Raven, I-"

"Bellamy and Wick had argued that it wasn't safe to go without informing the adults but we were so stupid, we didn't bother listening to them. We left them in the camp and left." Raven says regretfully.

"It's okay Raven, we will get them back." Clarke tries to soothe her friend.

"Clarke, why can't I move my leg?"

"You were shot Raven. You had two bullets in your left leg."

"I know I was shot, Clarke. Trust me, I did feel the excruciating pain but now that you have removed them, why can't I move my damn leg?"

"Relax Raven, your leg is just numb right now. You...you will be able to move soon…"

"But?" Raven prompts, Clarke has never been good at hiding emotions and Raven can read it as clear as ever.

"Umm...you won't be able to walk normally. You'll have a limp, you will need help probably to ease the strain on nerves and muscles and-"

"I'm crippled, just say it Clarke." Raven says angrily as the lump escapes her finally and tears spill over.

"No Ra-"

"You and Octavia and all of these grounders can have a pity party later. You need to save our friends first. Commander, thousands of your people are also trapped there so you must know the place."

Clarke's eyes widen once more at this new unexpected piece of information. She turns towards her wife to confront her but Lexa avoids eye contact and nods at Raven instead.

_She nodded. Lexa knows._ _Lexa knows about the Mountain and has said nothing about it_. _First she hides the truth about Costia and now the Mountain. Lexa knew all along_. Clarke realizes.

Clarke frowns. Raven said thousands of her people were trapped inside the Mountain, surely that was a matter of much concern for Lexa who cared about each and every soul living under her reign. So why is she only hearing about this now? Why does she have to hear about this from her injured friend, bullet wounds that could have been avoided with the truth?

"Lexa..." Clarke starts, many questions swirling around as her stomach churns.

"Later Clarke, I need to discuss something with my generals first." Lexa dismisses, almost in an ordering manner and that take Clarke aback. Lexa never ordered Clarke; she treated her like her equal. Clarke tries to look at the expressive green eyes but Lexa doesn't let her see them and moves past her to exit quickly. The frown remains on Clarke's face as Octavia enters the room.

* * *

 

Clarke tries to find Lexa in their chamber but finds it empty. She tries the training grounds but only worn muddy warriors greet her. Finally she visits the castle's gardens but that place is eerily silent, void of the Commander's presence. Just as she relents to head back to the training grounds, making a detour to the kitchens to grab something to settle her rumbling stomach, she hears what sounds like a very frustrated and annoyed sigh along with rustling of papers. She follows the sound till she finds her wife standing alone in the war room overlooking a large map spread on the regal wooden table. Her head is down but Clarke can see the downward turn of her lips.

Clarke knows Lexa is aware of her presence but she still takes very quiet, gentle steps towards her wife. Walking as cautiously as walking towards a wild beast. But this wild beast seems defeated at the moment, like someone who’s just lost everything and Clarke doesn't get it. Clarke's people were taken, her _friends_ yet she’s faring much better than Lexa...because she trusts their armies can easily rescue her friends.

She gingerly puts her arms around Lexa's waist as she stands behind her. She pulls Lexa closer to her when her wife doesn’t move. She kisses the back of her neck softly. She stays a moment molded to her back, inhaling scents that are typically her wife; scents of safety, and love, and home. When she feels Lexa slightly relax under her ministrations, she frees her arms from her waist to entangle their fingers together, to keep them connected. Slowly she turns Lexa around, and hears her exhale a long breath. Of resignation? Of relief? Of defeat? Clarke is at a loss at her wife’s behavior but she only feels a strong pull to hold her close and appease her.

"What is it, Lex?" She whispers, as she brings her forehead to Lexa's and closes her eyes.

"Clarke..." Lexa starts, her voice sounding so broken that Clarke's eyes immediately open. She looks at her wife expectantly but Lexa doesn't say anything more than her name. Clarke brings her hand up and softly caresses Lexa’s jawline with her thumb.

"Please tell me Lexa, what is bothering you? You are scaring me." Clarke confesses in a whisper.

She just hears a sniffle before warm lips crash onto hers and she is being pushed against the nearest wall. Her hands are pinned over her head, as Lexa deepens the sudden kiss. Clarke tries to push her away, they have more important things on their plates right now and Lexa doesn't need to distract her. But Lexa ignores the protest as she pushes her body further into the blonde's and takes Clarke's bottom lip into her own and pulls it. She sucks and bites it. Clarke lets out a strangled moan at the sensation and she feels Lexa's lips turn into a smirk as her tongue enters her mouth again. Clarke is too absorbed by the game their tongues are playing that she can't help but yelp a little as Lexa's hands make their way down her body starting from her wrists, gliding along her arms, grazing the side of her breast, down her stomach, to her backside and thighs, parting her legs a little to make room for Lexa to easily slide her thigh between them. Clarke whimpers as she feels friction against her now hot, wet core. She adjusts her weight on Lexa's thigh and slowly starts to grind against it, using the momentum of her now freed hands to grab her wife’s ass and pull her impossibly flushed against her. She hears Lexa growl and opens her eyes...that's when she gets a glimpse of the forgotten map on the table. _War room._

And just like that the spell is broken and reality comes back crashing down on Clarke. Her friends' lives are hanging in the balance and here she is making out with her wife. She feels bile rise in her throat as she thinks about what her friends must be going through right now. How many might have lost their lives...

"Lexa stop." She rasps as she feels Lexa's lips kissing her collarbone passionately, the assault surely leaving a mark on her flesh there. But hands keep roaming her hips and lips leaving hot open kisses.

"Stop Lexa, now is not the time." She says strongly this time, grabbing her wife by the shoulders to try and detach her from her neck. Lexa finally moves back. Clarke’s body already misses Lexa's heat and comforting weight.

"You are right, I am sorry." Lexa admits in a sigh, her head down.

Clarke shakes her head as she cups the brunette's cheeks and tilts her face up gently. She needs to see the green that she loves and she does but there is no spark or liveliness there, nor the fire that she admires.

"Where are my friends, Lexa?" Clarke knows that she should be upset Lexa retained such important information from her, that she had to learn it from her wounded best friend, and that her wife tried to distract her with her own tactics so she would buy herself some time to face her. She really should be angry that such omission came shortly after their argument over Costia and their silent agreement that they should not hide things from each other. She really should, but she can’t find it in her when she sees the defeated resolve in her wife’s eyes, the loss and powerlessness.

"Clarke...the Mountain. No one has ever come back from there alive. I am sorry but we cannot beat them. They have weapons that can destroy my armies in minutes. "

"But-"

"I have seen it, Clarke. The last time I tried to march to the Mountain to rescue my people, I had gathered army from 4 clans because they were the only ones in the coalition then...we had all gathered in Ton DC only to have a missile kill all of my fighters. I was lucky that Luna had just arrived and I was gone to greet her. But I saw them die, saw every one of them turn into ashes."

Clarke remains silent as she takes the information in. And what information it is. She had no idea. But despite the threat of such powerful enemy, Clarke still has to save her friends...her people and she can’t do it on her own. Without Lexa, she’s on her own, with no army. She has to make Lexa help her. She needs Lexa's forces... _her_ forces.

"Lexa, my people can understand their technology."

"They might but it is of no help if they can't control their weapons and from what Raven told, they are in cages. People in cages cannot help, Klark."

"So what, you want me to just give up? Let my friends die?" Clarke raises her voice out of desperation. She cannot accept defeat without trying, even if Lexa disagrees. There has to be a way.

"No, of course not. I don't _want_ that but I don't want you to go on a suicide mission either."

"They are my people, my family; I am not giving up on them." Clarke says resolutely, clenching her jaws. How could Lexa not understand? How could she be not helping Clarke, giving her hope? Come on Clarke, think. There has to be a way, something Lexa hasn’t thought of.

Lexa sighs audibly and starts, "Listen to me Clarke, you have yet-"

"An inside man! That's what we need!"

"What?"

"Lexa, if one of the Sky people manages to get inside the Mountain, disable their weapons to the maximum possible extent and spy for us...we can easily take them down."

Lexa's eyes widen at the idea. For so long they were told not to approach the Mountain that sending someone in willingly has never occurred to her. What good could it have done without the knowledge of the Maunon’s technology? So many had perished under their poisonous mist. But they have the Sky People now. She still might not understand the tek but she can easily come to the conclusion that they stand a better chance with this advantage on her side. Their side.

"Maybe you are right. If the acid fog is disabled then my army can reach the damned doors. Your inside person can open them then."

"Yes but who can I count on, I am not sure. All of my friends have been taken."

"Why not Bellamy?" Lexa whispers, after a few moments.

"Are you saying this because-"

"No Clarke. Never. Do not forget my people are trapped in there too. I wouldn't dare let these petty matters get in the way of the only chance of rescuing them." Lexa harshly replies to Clarke's implied accusations.

"I know, I am sorry." Clarke utters in shame.

"I am suggesting his name only because I have seen the loyalty he has towards your people. It shines in his eyes. I may not consider him as the best man but he is what we need right now. You need to order-"

"I don't order my friends." Clarke grits her teeth.

Lexa rolls her eyes, as she concedes to her wife, "Very well, _ask him_ then. After all, he is here."

"What?" Yet another thing to add to her growing list of information she should have made aware of. She sighs. Now is not the time. But at some point they are going to have to talk about communicating better.

"Marcus and Bellamy arrived here not long ago. They are waiting for us."

"Time to take down the Mountain then." Clarke says as she links her arm with to the Heda's and marches out of the room.

* * *

 

Exactly 3 days after, Clarke finds herself standing with her wife at the gates of Mount Weather. Bellamy, who had at once agreed to be the inside man and help their friends, had done his job splendidly at scouting the facility and disabling the acid fog. Abby and Wick had agreed to work to blow up the dams to cut the electricity. Raven had placed a wireless camera on them so she could guide them throughout, even though Wick insisted that he didn't require any of her guidelines.

Clarke moves from behind the boulder where she was standing, right next to Lexa, to have a better look at the impenetrate iron door. She has barely taken a step when a round of bullets are fired near her foot. Lexa immediately jumps and pulls her back, telling the guards to guard their Hedatu. She doesn’t wait for Clarke’s reply or protest and leaves their position with a handful of her best fighters. She hikes with her small army to the ridge to take down the shooters who dared to shoot at her wife and gotten too close to hurting her.

They easily slit the throats of all the Mountain Men despite them being armed with guns. Some of her warriors get injured but she doesn't lose any. Just when Lexa drives her sword through the last gunman, another one appears. But this one sends a shiver down her back. He’s far too relaxed, far too confident. He approaches slowly but determinedly. He doesn't have his gun pointed at her though he only has eyes for her. He’s keeping someone under a black hood at gun point. Lexa growls at him and takes quick strides towards him, ready to pounce, but, once he removes the hood, Lexa's feet stop.

"Well well. I see you’ve done quite a good job here, Commander. But I think you need to slow down a bit now."

"Leave her out of this." Lexa orders through gritted teeth.

"This is not how it works, Commander. I keep her right here with me, you keep put where you are and we talk. It’s that simple."

"Then talk." Lexa spits.

"Weapons down first."

When Lexa doesn't move a limb to comply with his actions, he presses the head of his pistol further against the girl in his arms. Lexa finally relents and throws her sword down, her guards following her.

"That's good, Commander. I am Emerson and on behalf of the president, I am here to present you with a deal."

"Let Costia go first. She has nothing to do with this."

"I will, at least I plan to ...if you agree to the terms I am about to propose."

"Speak."

"You can have all your people back, along with your lover. However, we get to have the Sky People and your wife."

For Lexa, it is quite an impossible choice. As Heda she has a duty to protect her people first and foremost. But as Lexa, she cannot part with her heart. When she married Clarke, it was first about convenience but it grew to be something much more. She cannot imagine trading her wife for her people. People she thought couldn’t be saved a few days ago. Besides, she made Clarke and the Sky People members of her people through their bonding. As Heda she had a duty to them too. She is at a standstill; she cannot part with any yet she has a choice to make. And whatever part of herself she listens to, she realizes that head and heart are for once on the same side; Clarke has to be protected, not just as her beloved wife, but as Hedatu whose soul bears a much greater role than what people had been privy to. She won’t give Clarke up. She won’t give anyone up. What should be hard appears to be easy. The choice had been made the moment she heard Clarke’s name for her people. She chooses both.

"No." Lexa says simply.

"Very well then, you lose all." Emerson replies, seemingly unfazed by the turn of events.

Costia, at Lexa’s decision, struggles and tries to speak through her gag.

"Alright, you can speak to her one last time." He says as he removes the gag off the poor girl's face and hurls her towards Lexa. At the same time Lexa grabs a dagger from her breast pocket, ready to end the filthy creature's life.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Commander. You see this black box in my hand? It’s a remote. We implanted a small bomb at the base of your precious girl’s skull. One wrong move from you and I press on this red button, blowing her and all of us around up." Emerson smiles sinisterly waving the remote in his hand.

Lexa drops the dagger as Costia envelops her in a hug, her body shaking in Lexa's arms.

"Shh Costia, I've got you. It’s going to be okay." Lexa tries to sooth the poor girl. It’s probably a lie. She is not fool enough to think all of this will end well but Lexa cannot help the guilt gnawing at her for having Costia caught once again in the crossfire of her battles. But the selfish part of her is somewhat glad that it wasn’t Clarke under the hood. Which brings more guilt upon her.

"I give you 5 minutes to decide, Commander. Use the time wisely." Emerson bellows as he moves a few inches away from the grounders.

"No it won’t Lexa but it’s okay. Listen to me...you don't need to save me. I am already good as dead." She whispers.

"What are you talking about? I am not leaving you to die. Not again." Lexa responds, with clear determination. Nobody will be left behind.

"Lex...when the Ice Queen took me, she made me drink the moonseed everyday poisoning my blood and attacking my insides. It shrunk my lifespan to 3 years, and this is the third year since then. I am going to die soon anyway."

Lexa feels tears gather in her eyes as she hears this. Costia had basically sacrificed her life for her and she had never once mentioned it.

"Costia, why didn't you ever tell me?" Lexa says, her voice wavering.

"Because I never wanted to destroy the peace you had built and I know you, you would've never been able to form the coalition with the Ice Nation knowing this and I love you too much to have let you wage war, breaking the fragile truce you had with other clans, stopping your dream of the coalition from ever coming true, of your work finally paying off."

"But-"

"Gather yourself, Lexa. Remember what Anya taught you. Save our people...save the woman you are in love with."

Lexa feels the searing guilt she has in her guts whenever she is in the presence of Costia engulf her heart at once. She knows she has a debt that can never be repaid, knows of the girl’s love for her which remains unreciprocated but to hear the defeat in Costia's voice as she acknowledges such love was never hers to feel, especially now knowing of her imminent death, it’s overwhelming and heartbreaking. The beautiful girl deserved so much better, she deserved the world and Lexa had taken everything away from her.

"I am so sorry, I could never love you the way you hoped to be, the way you deserved. Clarke's my soul mate and..." Lexa releases a shaky breath, a tear rolling down her left cheek.

Costia's eyes widen a bit as she hears the words. It hurts. Even after their own night, deep down she knew that Lexa would never feel the way she did but she had never stopped to hope that time could change that. And then the Ice Queen took her. She never once used pity to trap Lexa to love her. Costia tried to court her. She conveyed her desires. Lexa respectfully declined, not wanting to lie to either of them. Costia took what Lexa could give her and she thought it would be enough but knowing that she would die only made her heart’s desire stronger. Even after Lexa’s wedding and her clear love for the Sky girl, Costia waited and she would have waited longer if she had been given the time. But now she knows that no matter how much time would have passed, Lexa’s heart would have always eluded her. It hurts but at least now she knows, and such knowledge gives her peace of mind. So she smiles and whispers, "It's okay Lexa, I...just need you to do one thing for me."

Lexa nods, unable to speak after seeing the wide array of emotions cross Costia’s eyes. It takes the air out of her lungs to hurt her still, that her love for Clarke is another rejection for this selfless girl. She doesn’t want Costia to be the price for Clarke’s life.

"Don't let him blow my body into pieces, because you know he will. Kill me please. Show me mercy."

"Costia no I-"

"Please Lexa, I am begging you. Let me die in your arms, in your embrace. Let me die with your face being the last thing I see. I cannot ask you to love me, I cannot ask you to give me something you don’t feel but I’m asking you this. This is me settling the debt you think you owe me. I never did anything for you I wasn’t willing to do freely. In my eyes there is nothing to repay but if there was a price then let this be this. Let me die by your hand." Costia's brown eyes beg her.

Lexa nods, and moves her against the side, in her left arm.

"So Commander, what’s it going to be? Have we come up with a decision?"

"Yes."

"Good. Take your girl then Commander and leave, your bed will stay warm after all, even if it's not with your wife." Emerson says, a victory smirk placed on his face.

"I am not accepting the deal _you_ proposed. I need you to alter it."

"I am listening." Emerson says, although a bit surprised.

"My wife and my people's life." She says through a clenched jaw. She feels Costia stiffen in her arms. Despite Costia’s seeming acceptance, she knows hearing this must not be easy for her regardless of the circumstances. Costia might know they would have never come to be, might have asked to die by her hand but it still stings that Lexa is agreeing so easily. Costia is truly in love with Lexa and that love has been used against them. Both know the value of Costia as a bargaining chip and it breaks her heart to do this. But she has to...not just to save Clarke but to honor Costia. To honor Costia’s love for her, her selflessness and sacrifices. If Lexa can give Costia something whole-heartedly, it will be this; to honor her last wish. Costia is giving her life for their people and Lexa’s heart. Costia might have said it would clean the slate between them but Lexa knows she’ll live the rest of her life indebted to her.

"You got attached to the Sky girl then, huh? One of our kind, might I add. So much so that you are choosing her over one of your own." Emerson rubs it in.

Each word that leaves the Mountain Man's mouth pokes deeper at Lexa’s guilt because that is exactly what she is doing. Even if Costia hadn’t told her about her sickness, she would've still chosen Clarke over her...over anyone. She loathes herself for what she is doing. She thought she could save them all. She thought she had a chance to protect all of her people. She thought she didn’t have to choose but it seems that life had other plans. Even if Costia weren’t sick, she couldn’t save her, whether from the bomb or this deal.

"Very well we have a deal then. Your forces will retreat along with your wife, when your people are released." Emerson clarifies.

"Yes." Lexa agrees monotonously.

"Now give me your discarded bed warmer, I at least have some use of her...well her blood."

"You-" Lexa tries to move towards him in retaliation for the insults he threw at the self-sacrificing woman in her arms, but Costia doesn't let her as she comes in front of her and whispers,

"Do it now, Leksa kom Trikru."

Lexa shakes her head. She knows Costia wants it. She knows she has agreed to do it. She knows she cannot take this away from her, this one thing she can actually give...but she doesn't have the power in her to do it. This might be mercy but every thing in her scream that it is failure. She calls to the spirit to help her find a solution. She calls to the ghosts of Commanders’ past to give her the strength to take a life that has done nothing to deserve death.

"I love you, I will always love you and I am only asking you this one thing, please, Heda-"

Heda knows she has an oath to uphold but it is Lexa that plunges the last dagger she has on her between Costia's ribs, at an angle that aims straight for the heart. The quickest and less painful death she can give. Lexa pushes the dagger to the hilt and watches the life slowly leave her friend’s eyes. Lexa hears a strangled 'thank you' on the girl's lips before her body becomes limp in her arms. Lexa can't help but think of the first time she had met her. The liveliness in her brown eyes was the first thing that had attracted her in the girl. Her carefree laugh just made the platonic attraction stronger. The friendship she shared with the now dead girl in her arms was also unlike any other. She was more loyal than any friend Lexa ever had. She was more protective than any of her guards. She was one of the strongest women that Lexa had had the pleasure to know.

"What did you do?" Emerson snarls.

Lexa doesn't bother answering him, instead kicks the remote and gun from his hands and, with one last apologetic glance, pushes Costia’s lifeless body in Emerson's arms, completing the deal.

"There you go, you have her now." With that she turns around and marches back to where her wife and her army was waiting for her. Her guards wordlessly follow her.

* * *

 

Clarke is about to order one of the explosive arrowheads to be shot at the door when Lexa arrives and orders the archer to stop from letting the arrow loose. Clarke looks at her in bewilderment and Lexa looks right back at her, but something isn't right. The warmth and reassurance that Clarke craves is gone from her eyes. There's nothing but coldness there. She watches Lexa stride towards her determinedly and then Clarke witnesses the unbelievable...the Mountain's door opening. Her mom and Wick must've been successful, she thinks. She is about to jump into Lexa's arms at the success but the people exiting from the door stops her in her tracks. She waits to see her people, familiar faces, her friends and family to hug them and bring them to safety but she sees none, they don't cross the threshold of the forsaken place.

"I don't understand." She whispers as she tries to make sense of what is happening.

Lexa remains stoic, and doesn't even bother turning towards Clarke.

"What did you do, Commander?" Clarke questions with suspicion, turning fully towards her wife. She doesn’t like the feeling of dread growing in her chest.

"What you would've done, saved my people." The green eyes look at her unapologetically, unflinchingly.

"And my people...aren't they your people too?" Clarke asks in disbelief.

"They weren't part of the deal. I sacrificed some to save many." Lexa vocalizes Clarke's worst fear.

"You didn't sacrifice _anything._ You didn't lose anything...except for me. You can leave but I am staying here. I will not leave without my friends." With that, Clarke starts walking towards the door, only to find two of Lexa's personal guards in front of her, blocking her path. She turns around to see Lexa nod at them. all of a sudden, hands grab at her with rope. Her hands are being tied up. Clarke thinks fast, jerking herself away from them, punching and kicking, landing one strong hit on one of the guards’ shin, using the momentum to run in the other direction...towards Lexa. In one sift move, she take her gun from her belt and points it at Lexa, spatting angrily.

"You made your choice Lexa, not mine. Don't make me shoot you because I am not leaving my friends to die." She cocks the trigger to prove how determined she is to be taken seriously. "Bellamy is in there, Finn is in there. They trust me to save them. And for all I know they took my mom too. How can you expect me to just go?" She tries to further explain, feet standing firm on the ground, hand steady with the gun, to reason with her.

All the guards around Clarke seem to have frozen. They are divided; their Heda and Hedatu hold equal stations of power. That is the reason Lexa specifically ask her _personal_ guards to take Clarke in, to look out for her like their would their Heda, to treat her with the same respect and deference.

"You will not shoot me, Clarke." Lexa says calmly.

"Don’t try to patronize me Lexa, I thought you knew me better than that. Do believe that I’ll do everything in my power to save my people, even it means going against you." Clarke says, her gun wavering as Lexa moves closer to her.

"I am warning you Lexa." Her voice panicked.

"You need to come with me Clarke." Lexa insists as she takes another step closer to her wife. Clarke reacts and takes a step back, hand faltering. Tears are streaming down her face now, she doesn't want to hurt Lexa...she loves the stubborn woman. She loves her so damn much yet at this instant she hates her. She is in love with the woman who just betrayed her, who just sold her friends to save her own. It’s tearing her heart apart. Love and hate meddling and battling. Nothing exists anymore but Clarke and Lexa, facing each other, begging with their eyes, trying to come out of it on top, to bend the will of the other. Two hearts that used to beat in unison, that call to the other not to let go. Two leaders having to make difficult choices and who won’t leave this night unscathed by the weight of their sacrifice. Both can see that neither will back down and despite her heart and her head screaming at her to think about what she’s going to do, Clarke has made her choice.

"I do not. I told you before, I am not a puppet. I am your equal." With this she pulls the trigger and Lexa for the first time in her lifetime feels a bullet on her skin. Bullet shot from the gun of the love of her life, by _her_ Clarke. Everything stops except for two heart that no longer beat together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a good person,I know it's hard to believe right now, but it's true.  
> Also, one more chapter to go till I wrap up this story. Suggestions and requests are always welcome.  
> PS- I will try to end this story on a happy note, but no promises.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously: A severely injured Raven appears at the gates of Polis and requests the hedatu's presence. Upon meeting her, she informs Clarke about their friends being taken by the Mountain Men. Lexa and Clarke come up with a plan to take down the mountain, only to have Lexa take a deal offered by Emerson and abandon Clarke's people at the Mountain. She exchanges Costia's life with Clarke's and orders her personal guards to bring Clarke along with them to the castle. Clarke retaliates and ends up shooting Lexa.

**Title: Sacrifice**

**Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author: ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

* * *

 

The bullet grazes Lexa's upper arm, tearing off some part of her muscle but thankfully not embedding itself in her flesh. Lexa feels a sharp pain where it touched her. It's unlike any wound she has ever received. It's hard to believe that such a small thing can hurt this much. She grits her teeth to stop the urge to cry out in pain; the situation at hand has already become dire and she is trying her best to not aggravate it, for Clarke's sake.

As soon as they are sure that their Heda is safe, all of her guards immediately start moving towards Clarke and one of them even manages to grab her by her arm. Lexa watches Clarke struggle and she quickly orders, "Stop". All of her men halt in their places and Clarke yanks her arm away from the offender. She subsequently looks straight at Lexa and the Commander watches dread spreading on Clarke's face when she sees blood seep though the sleeve of her armor, and this momentary distraction was all that Lexa needed. She kicks Clarke's kneecap, her wife losing her balance and her gun in the process to stay on her feet. Lexa is quick to grab Clarke's hand and twists her arm behind her back. She can feel Clarke's entire body struggling as she stands behind her. This just makes Lexa pull the twisted arm further up towards Clarke's shoulder. She hears Clarke lowly whimper in pain and whispers,

"Stop struggling, Clarke. I am doing this for you...for us."

"You bitch! You are doing this for no one but yourself." Clarke hisses.

"I'd rather you hate me than you lose your life, Clarke." Lexa replies harshly.

"I am never going to forget this or forgive you, remember that." Clarke warns.

Lexa just tightens her grip on her wife. All the grounders in the vicinity have frozen; not quite sure what their course of action should be. Both the Heda and Hedatu pay no heed to them. In this moment, there is no one but the two of them.

"Leave me, you snake." Clarke spits.

"You are not making this easy for me or yourself, Clarke." Lexa sighs audibly in her ear.

"Ryder, tie up the Hedatu and bring her along." She finally orders her guard as another one brings a cloth to bandage her bleeding arm. It is quickly tied around her bicep and they make their way back to the castle.

* * *

 

Clarke is frustrated beyond belief. She has been locked in her room for what seems like hours. She had been put there without a word half an hour ago, the key turning in the lock and guards posting themselves at the door still echoing in her restless mind. She feels like a caged animal, pacing, carving routes on the floor from the door to the window, bed to the table, a wide trail circling the room, huffing and shuffling, but nothing can quiet her inner turmoil. She wants to scream, shout, give voice to her agony but she doesn't. She decides that she will not appear weak. She paces and paces to gain control of her emotions

She had trusted Lexa who had betrayed her in the worst possible way. She has to get out of there before Lexa shows up because as long as Lexa is near her, she knows it won't be possible. She stops her pacing in front of the door and tries to kick it open but fails. She waits and expects guards to barge in but nothing happens, as if they weren’t there at all. So she gives another kick, just for the sake of trying but the door barely flinches. _Damn the Commander's room and the strong lock on that sturdy door_ , she curses inwardly. She goes to the barred window, looks out to the ground and huffs. Even if she somehow managed to get the rusty bars off, there was no way she could get down without losing her life. Lexa just had to live on the top floor of the castle.

An idea strikes her mind and even though she knows it's dumb, she follows it before Lexa finally shows up. She takes an axe from the weapons room – Clarke wonders how they didn’t think of blocking the access from her - and goes back to the door to chop the lock off the door. If the guards didn’t intervene before, they might have been given strict orders. So if worst comes to worst, Clarke must at least give it a try. She grabs the handle securely between her hands, aims the blade at the lock, takes a breath and strikes. Her first hit has barely made a dent to the metal. She tries again and again with more strength behind each attempt, taking chops of wood with each hit.

Clarke is about to strike again when the door opens suddenly and Lexa enters, standing in front of it to block Clarke's assault. She looks at her wife with concern, axe mid air and chest heaving. She takes a careful step forward and gently pries the axe away from Clarke's grip, opening her fingers delicately one by one from their fisted position. Surprisingly, Clarke doesn't fight her and lets her take the weapon. She is too tired to fight, Lexa realizes. Her heart aches for Clarke, but she knows Clarke's heart is aching more right now.

"Clarke-"

"Don't, Lexa. Just don't. I don't want to hear it...all I know is that you are not the person I fell in love with. You are not the woman whom I gave my everything to. You are not the person I respected or admired." Clarke informs her brokenly.

Lexa hangs her head in shame.

"I know Clarke, I am sorry. But you need to understand. The worst moment in your life is when you can't protect those you are responsible for. You need to understand my position-"

"Oh, I do. I very well do. You were given a choice to stand and fight to end the fear of the Mountain or run away like a coward. You chose the latter." Clarke spits, her rage coming back full force.

"I made the best decision for my people."

"I fucking _married_ you to protect my people. I thought by definition they would become yours too!" Clarke screams.

Lexa can't argue with that logic, because that is indeed true. Clarke's people were her people...but at the end of the day, the difference will always remain.  

"They are my people Clarke but I was saving many more lives by giving away their lives and you can't tell me that they would obey me like my people do without question. They don't really accept me as their leader...so yes, they became my people but _they_ are the ones who didn’t accept us. _They_ created the difference."

"Get out."

"Clarke-"

"I said, _get out_. I don't want to see you, be with you or have anything to do with you. You disgust me."

"Listen Clarke you are my-"

"I am your nothing. I need you to leave now or let me leave because I cannot stand you anymore. You are a repulsive creature."

"Alright...but I will be here when you need me." Lexa declares.

"I won't. You've become someone I don't want near me, ever again."

Lexa nods her head in acceptance and leaves. She knew Clarke would resent her for what she did - choosing her people over Clarke's - but she didn't know how much it would pain her to hear those hurtful words leave the blonde's mouth. She knows she made the best decision, even if it was not right. She also knows Clarke will keep reminding her of this probably forever but if there is something she is quite certain about is that she will never regret it; after all, this decision ensured Clarke's safety. And there is nothing more important for Lexa than Clarke.  

* * *

 

It took everything in Clarke to stop herself from breaking down while arguing with Lexa. She forced herself not to because she believes someone as manipulative and deceitful as Lexa doesn't deserve to see her tears, to witness her weakness. She deserves nothing from Clarke other than hate and that was what she gave her. It is that hate that is fueling her, its ever growing presence with each passing second taking over as her plans of escape are slowly dying.

She’s pacing again out of frustration and she suddenly stops when she hears a commotion outside her door. Picking up the discarded axe from the floor, she makes her way towards the door. It opens to reveal Lincoln, whom Clarke had only met once while operating on Raven.

"Lincoln, what are you doing here?" She asks surprised.

"We need to leave now Hedatu. Octavia is in the Mountain, she stayed with her brother and I cannot just leave her there to die." He explains his motive horridly. Clarke's heart warms at the love and care Lincoln is displaying towards her best friend. If only Lexa could've shown her this care too. If only she had given her a choice.  

* * *

 

Clarke hears her mother screaming, her face on the screen contorted in a pure depiction of pain as the drill is mercilessly foraging into her leg. That does it for her and she, with Bellamy by her side, pulls down the lever; effectively killing all those inside the Mountain without their immune system protecting them from the radiation. Children, women, innocents...everyone dead just by one action. But she doesn't care about them at the moment. All she cares about is that her mother and her friends are in this facility, tied up and bleeding. She leaves the control room with Bellamy and follows him to the mess hall, which she has to cross in order to reach the elevator that will lead them to the basement where all her friends and her mom are.  

She feels bile rise up her throat as she forces herself to get a look at all the bodies scattered around the dining tables. She closes her eyes when it becomes too much and blindly tries to follow Bellamy. But after a few steps, something collides with her foot and she opens her eyes to find a soccer ball. A ball that belonged to a 10-12 year old boy. A boy who had died painfully  all thanks to her actions. Clarke feels tears sting her eyes as she sees the tiny hands extended towards the ball. She cannot take it anymore but she forces herself once more.

She walks like on autopilot, back straight and shoulders slightly hunched until she reaches her people. Only then does she allow herself to break down, once, in her mother's arms. The only woman whose arms she can trust with her life now. She cries not only for what she did to save her people but also for the unimaginable pain she is carrying from her heartbreak. She can't put it in words to voice it because she isn't ready to hear herself confess how much hold Lexa had on her, to confess how much lexa broke her by not trusting her.

The next morning, they all make their way to camp but Clarke doesn't go inside. She bids her farewell to her now loyal friend, Bellamy, at the gates and walks in a general direction away from the camp. She doesn't care where she is going , just that she is going...going away from the people whose life she chose over others. If this was how playing god felt like, she didn't want any part of it.

It's nearly nighttime and she is still walking. Her legs are complaining but she can't get herself to stop because if she does...her brain will catch up to her and replay those sinister images. She cannot allow this.

"I think that's enough for today, Clarke. Come home now." She hears Lexa's voice whisper behind her.

"Who are you to decide that?"

"Your wife." Lexa answers simply.

"So that's one of the many things you are now going to use when you need things to go your way?" Clarke says, venom in her words.

"You can be angry with me but why are you hurting yourself in the process?" Lexa pleads now. Her voice cracking slightly as she speaks. Clarke hurting herself is hurting _Lexa_.

Clarke laughs a humorless laugh and then answers, "I'm not angry Commander. I'm in pain. I'm hurting. You left my people to die. You _knew_ I couldn't just leave them! The person who was supposed to love me, protect me, left me no choice but to go on a suicide mission. Yes Lexa, it became a suicide mission as soon as I entered the Mountain alone, with no protection. I nearly died _because_ _of you_."

"Clarke, I wanted to protect you. I made sure you were protected but I knew I failed when I saw gone from your room this morning. I didn't check last night...because you said you didn't want to see me but I should have. I would've come for you if I knew you had gone. I would have followed inside. I would have been there for you. I am so sorry."

"You weren’t there for me when it mattered. But you are right Lexa, I didn't want to see you. And I still don’t."

"Very well Clarke, you will not have to see me. But can we please go to Polis?"

"No, I am not going back there for your satisfaction."

"I am not asking you to go back for me or my satisfaction. I can't be selfish with you, Clarke.  I am asking you to do this so other clans don't feel like you are a threat to me or assume that Skaikru is out of the coalition. If they do, they could march on your camp. I am trying to protect your people."

"Ironic, isn't it? That now you are willing to help them, help me." Clarke laughs bitterly.

"Come with me Clarke." Lexa begs as she takes the insult.

* * *

 

It's been a month since the Mountain and Clarke has barely seen Lexa. She caught glimpses of her while she was training as she passed by the grounds, but she never let the sight linger on her mind for long. She has convinced herself that Lexa does not deserve her attention. Clarke isn't a stranger when it comes to nightmares but since that fateful night, Clarke has been dreaming vividly of the very real, very deadly event incessantly. And what makes it so much worse than her usual nightmares is that Clarke had a hand in creating it. She knows for a fact that they are not scary phantasms brought by her creative imagination. No. These are recollections of what she did. She keeps dreaming about pulling the lever, reliving taking all those lives, seeing again and again their bodies withering in pain, screaming. But another dream that has been haunting her is of her pulling the trigger, with Lexa in front of her. But instead of her shoulder, she would aim the bullet at her heart. Though it was terrifying, that was not the worst part; the worst part was the emptiness, the loneliness, the hollowness she would feel when Lexa stopped breathing. Clarke would wake up sweating and gasping, clutching at her heart.  

As a means to run away from her nightmares, Clarke found a tavern near the castle. She would drink until she could no longer stand straight and would be swaying back to her room, usually in the arms of Judith. She is alone now; Octavia didn't returned to Polis choosing to stay with Lincoln at Arkadia, and Clarke understands; if he came here he would be charged with treason. Clarke could've easily pardoned him, before the Mountain, when she actually had the power to do so as the Hedatu. Since she came back, she wanted nothing to do with Lexa, and being Hedatu had everything to do with Lexa.

Clarke no longer attends the public sessions with Lexa, or performs any of her duties. She literally only lives in the castle like a guest now. She has resorted to painting during the day. She spends hours on her paintings, throwing all her passion, rage and anger into her work. Lexa has moved to a separate room, one right under Clarke's. They both know if any of the clans learn of this sleeping arrangement, questions will be asked but Lexa can't force her presence on her wife and Clarke's heart is too scarred to care about what others would make of the arrangements; she could no longer stand the thought of sharing a room with Lexa, let alone sleep with her in one.

Lexa is very well aware of this but she never brings it up...not that she really talked to Clarke when they got back, or any other day since, respecting her wishes. Clarke knows this cannot last forever but she hopes it will even if it does nothing to fill the hole that Lexa drilled into her heart when she sentenced the people she loved to death. Sentence her nightmares to keep replaying resulting in sleepless night after sleepless night.

Tonight is no exception and just like every other night, Clarke makes her way to the inn. The bartender knows Clarke pretty well by now...not the Hedatu but Clarke, at least the parts that she still allows to be displayed to other people. The place is usually dark so people hardly recognize her, even less since having dyed her hair to red.

She sits in the most secluded corner and a tankard of beer is quickly placed in front of her. She starts taking large gulps of it and watches the people around her. Most of them are in armors, probably getting some after shift drinks. She knows the farmers and the blacksmiths usually make their way here in the evening, not late at night. Lexa has quite the organized system of every job under her commandership, Clarke has to admit. She raises her hand and is about to ask Niylah for a refill when someone appears in front of her, their face under a hood, and grabbing her hand to keep it flat on the dirty table.

"Wha-"

"Hello Hedatu." The stranger whispers and, sitting across from her, removes the hood hiding their face.

"Norma? What are you doing here?" Clarke mumbles with a scowl on her face.

"It's nice to see you too, Clarke." Norma says cheerfully.

"Look Norma, whatever it is you want, go talk to Lexa; I am afraid I can't help you with anything anymore."

"I just wanted to have some drinks, Clarke. I am sure you wouldn't mind giving me company would you, child?"

"Fine." Clarke mutters. Norma smiles brightly and waits for her drink. It doesn't take long.

"So Clarke...how have you been?" She goes for small talk.

"Fantastic." Clarke replies sarcastically.

"You seem just as 'fantastic' as Lexa." Norma retorts.

"Good to know." Clarke deadpans, dismissing Norma's attempt to bring Lexa in the conversation...bring her relationship in the conversation.

"Did you meet Luna when she was here?"

"No."

"Well, she did suffer from-"

"Look Norma. I am not doing this. I am done with politics. I married for politics, isn't it enough? There's no threat to Lexa's Commandership or the coalition now that the Mountain is down. I’ve done my part, leave me out all this now, please."

Norma remains silent for some time, playing with the handle of her tankard.

"What happened in there, Clarke?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But you need to...probably not with me but you need to talk about it with Lexa. I can see how it affects you, your eyes are haunted. You need to let the weight out of your shoulders." Norma insists.

"Norma, I respect you but I didn’t give you the right to interfere with my personal life. I am your Hedatu, do not forget that." Clarke snarls, the alcohol in her system making her lose control of her emotions.

"Then act like one! I have been here a week and I have seen Lexa handle all the affairs of the clans, of both your people on her own. I have seen her change back to the Lexa she was before you entered her life and she has-"

"The duties that need to be performed to keep the Coalition strong and the clans united are being seen to, that should be the only thing that should matter to you, Fire Queen." Clarke says coldly.

"I am not just your mentor. I am your friend too, Clarke! I care about you, child." She whispers the last part.

Clarke snorts and mumbles bitterly, "Wait till your people come in the equation."

Norma sighs, "You didn't only marry Lexa, Clarke. You married the Commander too."

"I did learn that." Clarke rolls her eyes as she takes a large gulp of the drink that had been refilled.

"You think you hate Lexa now...for what she did." Norma puts her observation into words.

Clarke can't stop herself form saying, "I don't think, I do."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, her eyes widen. Not only is this the first time she put the hatred she feels for Lexa into words for someone else, but she blurted it out in front of the leader of another clan.

Norma immediately reads the panic in her Hedatu's eyes and smiles at her reassuringly, effectively conveying that the conversation they are having won't be leaving the...tavern.

Maybe it works or maybe it's just the alcohol in her system that gets Clarke to open up a bit, share the pain she bottled up.

"I was going to lose my mom Norma, lose all my friends. Lose Raven, lose Bellamy..." Suddenly she gasps and gets up from her chair, nearly topping it over.  

"Clarke?" Norma questions the sudden action but Clarke pays her no heed as she runs out of the tavern.

Norma sighs into her drink and murmurs to herself, "I _had_ warned Lexa."

* * *

 

Lexa has just returned to her new bedchambers when a very tipsy Clarke makes her way to the door. Lexa obviously knows about Clarke's new...past time. She even has a few guards assigned to look after her while she is drowning herself in booze. In addition, Judith has instructions to have Hedatu escorted to her room - the one she once shared with Lexa - if she doesn't return till late. Lexa herself followed her twice to the tavern, stayed there in the shadows, watching Clarke drink into oblivion. It had been a very painful experience for Lexa and she couldn't make herself watch Clarke's condition for more than two nights. Both nights, the Commander's pillow was wet with tears as she cried herself to sleep.

"Clarke?" Lexa asks surprised as the drunk girl wavers into her room. Lexa's guards look at her questioningly. Lexa nods at them and they shut the door.

"So I can understand why you thought it was wise to leave my people in the Mountain. It wasn't just because of your people, was it?"

Lexa is surprised how sober Clarke seems to be as she speaks. Her disheveled appearance is very deceiving.

"Please have a seat, Clarke. We can discuss all my motives once you are comfortable." Lexa says as she directs her to the sofa right next to her bed. When Clarke doesn't move an inch, she softly puts a hand on her back to direct her to said seat but as soon as her skin comes in contact with Clarke's back, the blonde flinches away as if she had been burned. Lexa feels a lump in her throat at her wife's reaction but she just gulps and raises her arms in surrender. Clarke moves to the sofa and stiffly seats down.

"You were saying?" Lexa prompts, sighing.

"You were the one who suggested Bellamy to take the job of an inside man. You knew he was there. You knew if you left them all...Bellamy would die too. How could you not trust me even after everything that we’ve been through?" Clarke manages to say through a few hiccups.

"We've been through this already. Bellamy isn't as important to me as you might be paranoid enough to think. If I could, I would've saved his life myself for the simple reason I know how much he matters to you." Lexa answers, all the while trying to remain calm. This is the first time Clarke is talking to her in more than a month. She is going to savour it, savour hearing her voice so close to herself even if it means being accused and getting hurt even more than she already is.

Clarke's hands clench into fist as she hears the calm voice of the Commander. It makes her frustrated. She wants to hurt her, make her feel the pain she is in, make her feel the heartbreak she does every minute of every day, make her...react and stop being so composed all the time.

"Anything else, Clarke?" Lexa finally asks when she can no longer take Clarke's accusatory stare.

"Yes. Since our marriage has become what it was supposed to be in the first place, you shouldn't have any problems with some of the initial terms and conditions either."

"What are you talking about?" Lexa inquires, confused.

"You don't have a claim on me or my activities, you don't get a say on who I take to bed. You won't harm or threaten my bed partners, you will-"

"I get it." Lexa chokes back a sob that she feels is dying to escape her. She can't find it in herself to hear Clarke elaborate. She can’t fathom the thought of Clarke sharing someone else’s bed. That Clarke is telling her as much is tearing her heart apart. Lexa knows she’s trapped. She cannot refuse Clarke, not unless she wants to lose her even more that she already has. If allowing Clarke her demands is the way to rebuild some kind of trust or at least keep Clarke safe in the castle, then Lexa is ready to go against everything in her. She takes a deep breath, swallow her tears and levels Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke gets up to leave but Lexa stops her,

"But I have a condition." Lexa may compromise on the personal aspect of their broken relationship but she cannot allow their problems to affect their public image.

"Yes?"

"You will resume your Hedatu duties from tomorrow. We will attend all the matters regarding our people as we used to. We will make decisions together. You-"

"Oh, now we get to make decisions _together."_ Clarke says bitterly.

Lexa clenches her jaw, her eyes fierce as she continues, "You need to attend the public session with me tomorrow and Clarke, the trade matters-"

"Let Judith inform me of all my duties." Clarke interrupts, once again cutting Lexa off.

Lexa watches helplessly as the woman she loves walks away from her, except she stops at the door when her hand touches the handle. Without turning back, Clarke informs her,

"Commander, they no longer call me Clarke; I am known as Wanheda now."

* * *

 

Lexa feels like a puppet who doesn't have control on her own life. It's been nearly a month since Clarke found herself in her chambers. She has upheld her end of the bargain; attending all the meetings with Lexa, giving her inputs, trying to help the people to the maximum possible extent. To the outside world, there are no problems in Polis or in Lexa's life. The peace that she has always dreamt of establishing is prevailing in her lands. The Sky People, although they resented her actions at first, have accepted the fact that they need the support of all the clans to live in this world and that only Lexa can provide it to them. They have come in line and trade is conducted with them too. Abby isn't the most tolerant or the most levelheaded leader, Lexa has observed, but Marcus helps maintain a balance and, as long as Lexa doesn't suffer any serious problems from Clarke's mother, she has no problem with her leading the Sky People.

Lexa senses that Clarke has had a change of attitude towards her Sky friends and family as well. She has watched Clarke interact with them...it seems she can't stand the sight of them and it puzzles Lexa. She has done everything in her power to save them and has indeed saved them and now that they are here, she is running away from them. All in all, Clarke has been running away from everyone since the Mountain. Lexa has, deep down, feared that, after what transpired between them, Clarke would choose to go back to Bellamy's arms but the girl has been distant with him too...much to Lexa's relief.

Lexa feels dead inside. The day after Clarke returned to the castle, Luna came to the Commander. Her eyes were bloody red and it was clear that she hadn't slept since she heard of Costia's death. Luna never once blamed Lexa but the pain in Costia's mother's eyes had torn her apart. She feels like she is drowning in depression and darkness, yet she has to remain calm and collected for Luna's sake, for Clarke's sake, for her people's sake and so she does...outwardly. But inside, a never-ending tornado swirls, threatening to wipe her sanity away.

Since she was bound to Clarke, she got used to sharing some of her burden with her wife. She had an outlet. She had someone that cared about _her_ but now all that seems to have gone. She sighs heavily as she lies on her bed, not bothering to take off her Commander's coat or boots. She closes her eyes, tries to relax and sleep. After all, she could rest for at least 2 days now that the problems between the Ice Nation and Desert Clan have been sorted. But, she fails to do so. She eventually gets up and changes into a loose black shirt and white comfortable pajama bottoms, removes the braids from her hair and pulls on her cloak. She puts the hood up and walks out of the castle. She wants to see Clarke and she knows the place where Clarke will be right now.

Lexa finds Clarke at her usual place; the dark, right corner of the tavern. She has alcohol in her goblet and is drinking peacefully, silently. Lexa sits across from her, without bothering to ask her for any permission because she knows she probably wouldn't have been granted plus it would draw attention to her, and that is something she really doesn't need right now. Lexa is still cloaked under her hood and is sure that Clarke can't see her face. That's why she is surprised when Clarke immediately recognizes her, without even looking up from her goblet and growls,

"What do you want Lexa?"

"We need to talk, Clarke."

"Not really." Clarke says as she brings the goblet to her lips only to have it ripped away by Lexa.

"Yes we do. I am tired of this. I am tired of walking and talking to you like a stranger, Clarke. We need to talk about it. We need to move past this." Lexa tries to reason.

"You are unbelievable, Lexa. How do you expect me to move past the fact that you were ready to sacrifice my people? How do you expect me to move past the fact that I killed everyone in the Mountain to save my people because of you?"

Lexa's eyes widen as she sees the torment in Clarke's eyes. Clarke is haunted by the dead, Lexa easily guesses. She of course learned what happened at the Mountain from the Sky People but hearing Clarke talk about her brings chills to her bone.

"Clarke...you did the right thing. You saved your people."

"No thanks to you." Clarke spits.

"Yes, that's true. I didn't help you because I made a decision I thought best at that time. I-"

"Lexa, stop. You don't get to play the victim. You have never been the victim; it's always been me that has suffered, that has sacrificed. I was sent here to marry you, without even knowing you, to protect my people. I had to sacrifice my first love for my people. I had to sacrifice a normal life for my people. I sacrificed everything I held dear when I married you and you...you repaid me by breaking my heart? By breaking my people? By making me turn into someone who I never wanted to be?"

Lexa's self control is now long gone. Tears are streaming down her face freely. Clarke's words are like needles piercing Lexa's skin, Lexa's heart. The happiness that Lexa used to feel when Clarke was with her was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She wants it back but it's clear Clarke doesn't feel the same way.

"Clarke, you think that, because what you have been through, you are changed but that's not true. You are still the same person. You have always cared for others and you always will. You have always put others first and you always will. Nothing changed at the Mountain, Clarke. You have always been this way."

"Oh things changed Commander. I pulled a lever that killed more than 300 people. I became responsible for all their deaths." Clarke says brokenly. Lexa remains quiet; she knows Clarke needs to say it all, get it all out of her system.

"Let me tell you the silver lining to it."

"Oh yeah?" Lexa asks, as she tries to smile through the tears.

"I got a new nickname out of it; Wanheda...yep, I am the Commander of Death. And it's fitting too. Since I destroy everything that I touch."

"You are wrong, Clarke."

"No Lexa, you are wrong. I am changed. This name is just the further proof of it. I used to be called Sky Princess once and now I am called Commander of Death."

"Your name matters nothing to me as long as you are mine." Lexa states firmly and as soon as she does this, she recognizes her mistake. Clarke's eyebrows rise in disbelief.

"Yours? After all that we've been through you still think I am yours? You are unbelievable." With this Clarke stands up, close to kicking her chair down and walks towards the counter of the bar. Lexa watches from under her hood as her wife, whose blonde hair have reappeared, puts her hands on the surface and dips down. Lexa knows what view the person on the other end of the counter is being honored with. Lexa grits her teeth and clenches her hands into fist to stop herself from doing something that would further endanger their relationship. She puts her head down for a while, to collect herself. A server comes to her and Lexa gladly takes the drink offered to her. She downs the contents in the goblet in one go. Once the burning liquid is down her throat, she opens her eyes and immediately wishes she never had. She is greeted with the sight of her wife pinning a blonde girl to the wall and kissing her hungrily. Lexa feels bile rise up her throat. She sees red everywhere and wants nothing than to rip off the other blonde's head from her body but she resists the urge. She made a promise to Clarke and she will keep it, no matter how much it hurts her. No matter how much Clarke is deliberately hurting her. She will wait here for Clarke...watch her kiss the other girl, watch someone else fulfill Clarke's needs. She will forever wait for Clarke.

And so she sits there, ordering drink after drink after she watches Clarke disappear with Niylah as the woman leads her up the stairs to presumably her room. Lexa doesn't dare move, she can't move...she feels if she does, there's only one place her feet would lead her up to. She silently cries as she drowns herself in alcohol. She cries for her mistakes, for the lives she had taken, for her relationship with Clarke, for Anya, for Costia...the list keeps on piling up. And she could so easily gain a sliver of hope with Clarke if she would tell her exactly what went down on the ridge, tell her of Costia’s sacrifice. But she vowed herself she would not used Costia’s death as a way to win back her wife. Not when Clarke doesn’t need more weight on her conscience. Lexa’s decision is on her. Costia’s death is on her. Not on Clarke. If Clarke ever finds her way back to her, it will with patience. After some time, her tears have dried and she is just left with a fuzzy mind, a battered body and a broken heart.

* * *

 

Clarke follows the beautiful bartender up the stair into a small room. Her need for some kind of release mixed with heady feeling from the alcohol makes her almost numb to the knowledge that she purposefully made out with Niylah in front of Lexa. It had been easy to persuade her into taking her upstairs. Niylah has been openly flirting with her for weeks but Clarke had always refused her offers. Not that Clarke didn’t think Niylah wasn’t worth it, the bartender was definitely attractive, but despite angry she was, she always retained that bit of morals. It was quite irrational to think it would make her unfaithful to sleep with someone that was not Lexa when Clarke was the one that had been betrayed in the first place. But Clarke had found love with Lexa, real love, and it was not something easy to erase.

Having Lexa come to her hide out and beg her to come back to her had been the tipping point. She had to find something not to cause a scene. Clarke might be mad at Lexa but Hedatu did do good things with Heda. And after admitting that Lexa broke her heart, Clarke only wanted for Lexa to feel the break too. So she grabbed Niylah and kissed her senseless before following her to her room.

There is nothing romantic, nothing slow and caring. It is only lust. Sloppy kisses in a clash of teeth and too much tongue. Clarke doesn’t want to think. Clarke wants to forget to her very own name. She lets Niylah take control, only answering in kind. They stumble across the room and Niylah pushes her on the bed, quickly discarding her clothes before she grips Clarke’s pants and forcefully pulls them off, ripping her underwear in the process. Clarke pushes them the rest of the way with her boots as Niylah is already straddling her hips, taking her top off. She is not gentle and Clarke can feel scratches behind made with her carelessness but she doesn’t care. She welcomes the hiss of roughness. And she tells Niylah as much. Niylah has also observed the girl come at this inn regularly at night and drown herself in booze. She knows Clarke is not looking for anything even close to love making.

Niylah grabs her hair and pulls to throw her head back and expose her neck. When Niylah bites her neck, Clarke presses a hand to push her to bite harder till it breaks the skin. When Clarke goes to grab her ass with her free hand to pull her flush against her, Niylah swats her hand and pushes her down on the bed, pinning her hands over her head.

“I know what you are doing. And I don’t care. I don’t care that you are here because of her. I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to scream.” Niylah tuts her.

“Then stop talking and fuck me.” Clarke snarls as she faintly struggles.

“As you wish, Wanheda.” Niylah smirks.

Niylah keeps her hands trapped with one of hers and grabs a rope that lay on the bedpost. When Niylah ties her to the bed, Clarke asks her to fasten it tighter, wanting the burn on her wrists. Niylah doesn’t bother with her legs as she opens them wide before placating them to the furs, Clarke feeling the imprints of her fingers already forming on her inner thighs. There is no foreplay, no licking of her breasts, no kisses up her apex. Niylah dives right to her clit, licking and sucking with too much force, it’s equally as painful as satisfying for what she’s looking for with that kind of sex. Clarke doesn’t want to feel pleasure, just the release of messy orgasms. But her body betrays her, as much as it is already emotionally in pain, it is enjoying the pleasurable physical pain. She asks for Niylah to draw scratches on her sides, to pinch her nipples hard. She even gains a slap on her clit and she should be ashamed of how wet this kind of sex is making her. But right now she doesn’t want love and tender caresses. She wants her body to be marked by scars like her heart is.

Niylah fists both her breasts as she lashes her tongue with more and more pressure and speed. And Clarke feels her stomach coil. Niylah must sense the oncoming release and helps it come quicker by taking her clit between her teeth. Clarke’s head jerks to the side as her back arches and she screams, biting her tongue at the last minute as a name she shouldn’t think about almost make it past her lips.

“I’m far from done with you.” Clarke hears in her past orgasm state. She feels dirty, corrupted. It is not the right voice, not the right hands, the right warmth, even her orgasm doesn’t feel right. The release it provided only brings more sorrow. Clarke sheds a tear because she truly has hit rock bottom and not even her body has been preserved now. But she barely has the time to register fucking Niylah is not helping when she feels herself being turned around, ass up, arms twisted with each other. It is highly uncomfortable, like everything else in her life. Rope tightens further around her wrist to the point that she’s losing sensation in one of them. Niylah is slapping her cheeks raw and Clarke keeps her eyes close, silent. She falls forward and lets out a gasp when Niylah enters her from behind, three fingers knuckle deep. The stretch is too much at once and she whimpers.

“Yeah that’s it. Let me hear that voice of yours.”

And Clarke does as Niylah relentlessly pounds into her, pinching her sensitive clit here and there. Clarke holds on to the headboard as it knocks the wall in time with Niylah thrusts. Clarke’s throat is raw for her screams, her skin is red from the punishment she receives, her cunt is burning for the treatment it receives. Each scratch, each bite, each slap only reminds her of the pain she brought on others. When her orgasm comes, she doesn’t scream, she cries. She cries like she hasn’t allowed herself to cry yet. And Niylah doesn’t pry. She gently pulls out, unbinds her and soothes her battered body with a warm and scented oil. Clarke is too tired and too broken to refuse the after care. Niylah is surprisingly tender in the aftermath of such rough sex. She gathers Clarke’s clothes and pours her a glass of water before silently leaving the room.

Sobs rack Clarke’s body and she folds around herself, indulging the fetal position till her tears temper down and the ragged breathing calms. She’s even more lost, feels even worse than she was when she entered the tavern tonight. She seats down, hissing as her body protests against the pull of her skin. She doesn’t want to think about what she’ll see splattered across her flesh in the daylight. She downs the glass, taking the time to let the cold water to refresh her sweaty body. She dresses up, foregoing the torn panties and bind. She takes a deep breath before opening the door. She doesn’t want to face Niylah’s knowing eyes. she doesn’t want to know if Lexa left, not sure what would hurt her the most: that Lexa left or that she stayed. As she takes the final step back to the tavern, she has her answer.

Clarke finally reappears in Lexa's line of sight. There's an unfocused look on her face...and she almost looks sad. Lexa hangs her head. She is feeling really sleepy now. She doesn't want to face Clarke. She doesn't know why she thought staying there was a good idea. Seeing Clarke kissing another was bad enough and she wishes she wouldn’t have heard her screams as well. She feels Clarke approach her, feels her warmth as she stands at her side.

"Get up, Lexa. You need to go to your room and sleep." She hears Clarke say in a commanding voice.

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Clarke." Lexa slurs, the stubbornness in her voice still very much perceptible.

Clarke rolls her eyes as she picks her up and wraps one of her arm around her waist. She makes sure Lexa's hood is covering her face. Once she is in the castle, she helps Lexa to her bedchambers. All the while Lexa keeps on mumbling nonsense. Occasionally she hears her whispered 'sorry', 'Anya', 'mountain', 'goufa', and 'Costia'. Clarke knows she shouldn't care...after all tonight was all about not caring about the Commander, which she had already failed to, but hearing Lexa repeat that name again and again only makes the rage she feels for the woman in her arms intensify.

Once she puts her on the bed, she goes to remove her shoes. She then works on the ties of her coat and taking it off of her body. She throws it on the chair beside the bed. She feels Lexa's eyes on her, following her every move.

"Did it make you feel better?" Lexa mumbles.

Clarke looks up, and she feel like she is going to drown in the green. They are the same colour, bottle green with golden in them, reflecting the flames of the lit candles around them. But there is pain...so much pain in them. This, and probably the fact that Clarke thinks Lexa will not remember their interaction, makes her whisper the truth,

"No."

Lexa nods and closes her eyes. She folds her legs and Clarke can't help but think just how innocent and young Lexa looks at the moment. Her face is void of any war paint, blood stains, or hardness. She looks so soft right now.

"It's so hard to sleep without you. I miss the warmth of your body. I miss having you in my arms." Lexa confesses. Clarke knows this is the alcohol in her system talking but it still doesn't stop her heart from warming up at the confession. She quickly shakes the feeling off...she is supposed to hate this woman. She betrayed her, broke her heart.

"You could always have Costia sleep with you." Clarke retorts with bitterness. She sees Lexa visibly flinch and then sees tears form in those beautiful green eyes.

"I lost Costia, Clarke. I killed her...I killed the girl who loved me." Lexa laughs humorlessly. There she said it. The one thing she swore she wouldn’t say. Blame it on the alcohol, blame it on the cries of fucking she brokenly heard. Now it’s too late anyway. The truth is out. But her drunk self doesn’t mind the slip at the moment.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asks, confused.

"Mmm...you hair is so soft Clarke...so is your skin." Lexa says with a dopey smile on her face. Her hand has found its way to Clarke's hair, she is currently playing with a lock of her hair.

"Lexa you are drunk." Clarke states with a small smile of her own. Whatever she might be feeling towards Lexa, she can still find it in herself to find her adorable at this display.

"I didn't like the orange in your hair...I’m happy you don't have it anymore." She continues with a huge smile still plastered on her face.

"Red." Clarke corrects her as she starts to get up.

"You are leaving?" Lexa asks with a pout.

"Sleep Lexa." Clarke says with a tight smile.

"I never wanted this Clarke. I never...I wish I hadn't had to choose. I wish I had died at the ridge so I wouldn't have to be the one causing you pain." Lexa continues, tears freely leaving her eyes now.

Clarke clenches her jaws. She doesn't want to picture what would have happened if Lexa had died on that day. Heck, she couldn't even do it when she was raging with anger and hurt. She had shot Lexa's arm...she could never have taken the life of the woman that held her heart.

Clarke whispers,

"I wish I couldn't feel anything...anything for you because then I wouldn't have to feel this aching pain in my chest every time my eyes fall on you. But this pain is only what makes me feel that I am still alive...that I still have a heart in my chest."

"I love you, Clarke. More than I have loved anyone." Lexa says and then yawns. The yawn surprising the both of them and breaking the moment. Lexa bursts into a fit of laughter and doesn't give Clarke a chance to ponder over her words.

"Okay Commander, you really need to sleep now. You are drunk as hell." Clarke chuckles as she gets ready to leave. She is at the door when she hears the whisper of

"Goodnight, love."

* * *

 

Clarke blinks her eyes rapidly to let go of the tears in them. Drunk Lexa spoke things that Clarke wasn't ready to hear. She made her want to forget whatever happened at the Mountain and repair their relationship. She made her want to listen to her side of the story and Clarke wasn't ready to let her do that now...but the pain in Lexa's eyes hurt her too. She throws off her jacket on the bed and sits with her head in her hands. Tonight was supposed to be another simple drunken night.

She hates Lexa and she loves her, there's no denying it. She has concluded that she can never not love Lexa...but she also thinks that their relationship is damaged beyond repair now. She made out with Niylah in front of Lexa to repay her with the same heartbreak, to show her that she didn't own her but it seemed like she just proved herself wrong. Lexa has a hold on her like no other and Clarke will have it no other way. Lexa just talking about dying was close to unbearable for her. She wishes Lexa could make it easier for her; if Lexa could stop looking at her with nothing but devotion and love in her eyes, if she could stop looking at her like she is the only person in the entire universe that she can see. If she could just go and hurt Clarke in revenge...if she could just show a reaction. If she could just even out the field for her.

Clarke sighs audibly and changes into her bedtime clothes. She hasn’t done that in a long time, usually falling in bed with the clothes she wore. But today she is opposite of drunk. Her little tryst with Niylah rendered her as sober as she could ever be. She undresses and dresses without a look at what the night brought. She lays on her head on the pillow and closes her eyes. She wants to stop thinking and drift off to sleep.

_I love you, Clarke. More than I have loved anyone._

She hears Lexa's whisper. She could hear her _I love you’s_ even she when Niylah was between her thighs. She feels tears making their way back down her cheeks. The full impact of what she had done was crashing down on her again, even more now after her brief moment with Lexa. If Lexa had betrayed her trust than she had behaved no better; she betrayed her beliefs, she betrayed her vows. She knows how much the vows they made at their unity ceremony meant to Lexa, even if she never voiced it. She had promised that she would always stay true to her and she had broken the promise tonight. She had broken her vow to Lexa.

And it’s with that anger at herself that Clarke plunges her hand into her nightwear. She could not take back the damage she did to the vows but she could reclaim her body, if not for Lexa, at least for herself. She doesn’t want Niylah to be the last person that touched her. She doesn’t want to go to sleep thinking of Lexa when the feel of Niylah’s fingers still lingers on her. Her orgasms were nowhere near satisfying and the aftertaste is bitter in her mouth. Clarke curses Lexa for the effect even her drunk self has on her body. But her body is still wired from the frustrating lack of real satisfaction and her mind won’t shut up. So she lets them speak. She closes her eyes and let herself drown in what a part of herself is desperate to feel, what it desperately misses, what tonight reminded her; Lexa was the only one that could touch her soul while touching her body. Only Lexa could spark desire and warmth, make her entire being shiver with sex. Because unlike with Niylah, Lexa had made her body her temple, her altar at which she prayed fervently. Lexa whispered words of love, worshipping every finger and rib, crinkle and soft spot. She might have let Niylah fuck her, but with, they were making love. And that’s the loss of such encompassing love that Clarke is mourning as she bites her bottom lip, hand reaching her folds. She is not surprised to see how quickly she is wet as she replays memories of Lexa’s feathery kisses on her neck, caresses on her breasts, kneading of her butt…She spreads the slick cum on her clit and loses herself in the arousal of past love making. It’s tender and gentle, like Lexa’s fingers would be. Clarke imagine Lexa’s tongue as she enters herself with first one then two fingers, imagine the velvety muscles coax her front wall before being replaced by slender fingers that waste no time in finding that special spot that makes Clarke’s breath falter. She imagines Lexa bringing one hand to her nipple and pinching it as she thrusts faster. When Clarke comes, it is with a deep moan, full of love and warmth, tingles spamming her legs, stars behind her eyelids. Long gone is Niylah. Long gone is the pain of their encounter. Long gone is the heartbreak and devastation. When Clarke comes down, she feels lighter than she ever felt in the last two months. She doesn’t want to think about anything else. For now, she is in post-orgasmic bliss. For now, she feels good. Let tomorrow bring back everything else. So it is with the ghosts of past intimate moments that Clarke falls asleep.

* * *

 

The next morning when she wakes up, she goes straight to Lexa's bedchambers only to find her all dressed up and having a silent breakfast, instead of having an unbearable headache and be in bed, as she had thought.

"Clarke." Lexa greets her, a bit surprised, her voice still a bit raspy; the only indication that last night had any effect on her. Clarke rolls her eyes and walks towards her.

"Please have a seat." Lexa adds politely.

Clarke pulls out a chair for herself and sits but she doesn't make her way towards the food on the table. Lexa doesn't look up from her plate and keeps on ignoring Clarke's pointed stare. She finally clears her throat and starts,

"So yesterday-"

"Doesn't need to be discussed, Clarke. We have already talked about it. You have kept your end of the deal and have resumed your duties of Hedatu, I should have no problem with who...you use to satisfy your needs." Lexa states monotonously, but she still wouldn't meet Clarke's eyes. This time Clarke doesn't need her to, she already knows what message those green eyes held for her; hurt.

"I actually wanted to talk about...what happened after that." Clarke says clearing her throat.

Lexa looks at her confused for a while and then realization dawns onto her face,

"You put me to bed?" Lexa asks for confirmation, her cheeks turning slightly red.

"I did."

"Umm...hmm. Thank you for that. I usually don't drink a lo-"

"I know."

Lexa waits for Clarke to say something else but she doesn't. Lexa doesn't want to admit it but her memory is blank after the point when Clarke walked up the stairs with the other girl. She does remember ordering for drinks too...but nothing after that.

"What do you want to talk about, Clarke?" She finally asks.

Clarke stands up from her chair and walks towards the window of the room. She looks down to see two boys sparring with each other. Both of them are dressed like...her. Not Lexa, but her, Clarke. Lexa quietly stands beside her.

"Why aren't they dressed up like you?"

"They must prefer their Hedatu." Lexa replies.

"But-"

"You stood up to me, defined me, saved your people. You are a legend Clarke. You are more than just Wanheda, you are their brave Hedatu."

"Huh. If only they knew that you could kick my ass if you wanted to." Clarke mumbles and is rewarded by a chuckle. The sound resonates from Lexa's throat and ends with an involuntary smile on the Hedatu's face.

They both choose to remain silent after that, just watching the children play and trying to ignore the tension building in the room. Finally Clarke turns around to face Lexa, and finds her standing only a few millimeters away from her.

"What happened to Costia, Lexa?"

This simple question makes Lexa lose all the colour of her face. Her eyes become darker and all traces of the chuckle that just left her mouth vanish into thin air.

"She died." Lexa said, clearing her throat.

"You told me that last night, but how?"

Lexa narrows her eyes, contemplates what to say. She doesn’t want to lie. She doesn’t want to tell the truth either but it sounds like her drunken self told things her sober self wouldn’t. And hiding the truth from Clarke is exhausting. So she finally utters,

"Are you ready Clarke?"

"Till last night, I wasn't. But now I am. I cannot live without knowing the whole story anymore...I can't solely blame you anymore."

"I can wait, Clarke." Lexa tries for the last time. Clarke just shakes her head.

And so Lexa tells her everything. Mostly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I love and respect all of you but some of the comments on the previous chapter truly disappointed me. You had read 17 chapters prior to the last and yet so few of you had faith in me to fix it up. Also, one should try to be careful with their words while commenting on a fanfic, know that there's a human at the receiving end. In the case of this fanfic; a clexa and a Lexa fan too, who was just as heart broken by Lexa's death as you.  
> Anyway, as you can see I couldn't wrap up the story in one chapter and so you will have one more chapter till 'Sacrifice' truly comes to an end. I have written the next chapter (it's with Lowiiie now), so I can assure you that IS going to be the last one.  
> Do share your thoughts on the chapter; the writing, the angst, etc. Positive criticism is always welcome by me but know this I will not respond to any hate; I don't have time for haters.  
> The NiylahxClarke sex scene: Low wrote it and you all can hate her for it. xD When we had discussed it, it was going to be a different kind of sex scene than this. Same is to be said about the masturbation scene but I personally loved how it turned out in the end.  
> Lastly, thank you for sticking with me for so long; nearly a year. It's been quite a journey. I have learnt a lot during the period, I must admit. I will see you all again once more, through this platform.  
> May We Meet Again.  
> -ArshuK  
> PS- I loved the number of times I got to write the word 'Sacrifice' in this chapter. :P


	20. Chapter 20

**Title : Sacrifice**

**Relationship : Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)**

**Author : ArshuK**

**Beta: Lowiiie**

**Chapter 20**

"Lexa, I deserved the truth. You should've told me." Clarke says softly.

"I couldn't, not after everything you had to suffer because of me." Lexa argues.

"I didn't know you were suffering too. I wasn't aware that you lost a close friend. I wasn't aware that you had to end her life." Clarke whispers, her eyes trained on her hand. Guilt was slowly making its way into the Hedatu's heart. She hadn't been there when Lexa needed her the most. She was so lost in herself that she didn't bother knowing what Lexa had been going through.

"I am used to this, Clarke. I have learned how to cope with guilt, regret, pain. Everything." Lexa tells her gently. She knows Clarke. She knows where Clarke's line of thought must be going towards.

"When?"

"Pardon?"

"When did you learn all of that Lexa?"

"Probably when I was 10 winters old. I had lost my best friend to the Mountain, and also had to take several lives that year. Some for reasons I wasn't even told by my mentor. I couldn't sleep in the beginning but it got better then...not the nightmares, but I learnt to differentiate between them and the reality. I learnt to not pay heed to them."

Clarke's heart breaks for Lexa as she hears that. She does not approve of the image of a little Lexa learning all these hard lessons, lessons Clarke was just starting to learn. During all her musings, she covers the both of them in the blanket of silence.

"What happens now?" Lexa finally asks, exhaling a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"Honestly? I don't know." Clarke automatically answers.

"Well, what do you want?" Lexa asks, the hope and fear visible at the same time in her eyes.

"What I want is to erase the past few months." Clarke does not only want to erase what happened at the Mountain, she wants to erase her mistakes too...especially one particular mistake. She cannot even look at Lexa as she thinks about it. There’s an old saying that goes ‘better ask for forgiveness than permission’ but whoever told it wasn’t faced with the weight Clarke was carrying, the shame of her guilt, because to ask for forgiveness one must forgive themselves first. And Clarke isn’t sure if she ever could.

"We can do that, if you want that." Lexa replies, a smile forming on her face.

Clarke just shakes her head sadly and truthfully replies,

"I wish we could. But I can't even look at my own people now. I can't look at my friends, my family without feeling the guilt tearing me apart, I can't look at _you_ without thinking of what I did or of the deal you made, choosing your people-"

"I did it for you." Lexa says without realizing that she did and her eyes look away, guilty now.

"What?"

Lexa sighs. She cannot keep it to herself anymore; her real reason for taking the deal. Clarke had given her quite some time (more than 3 months) to deduce what exactly made her take the deal.

"I obviously was aware that if I took the deal, a lot of lives would be saved by sacrificing a few but I also knew that if I took the deal, I would be sacrificing you literally and I couldn't do that. So I altered the deal a little and made the Mountain Men promise your safety by choosing your life over my friend's. I didn't really think they would agree but once they did, my decision wasn't that hard to make. You were protected as part the deal and that was among my top priorities. Maybe my sole priority." She utters the last part closing her eyes. Absorbing the truth herself.

"Lexa...if we want to go back to where we were then I need you to be completely honest with me. Stop lying or hiding things from me to protect me. Even now that you were supposed to give me the whole truth, you left out this part. You told me about the explosive planted in Costia's head but not this." Clarke accuses and then adds,

"I can easily guess your reason; you didn't want to make me feel guilty."

"And you don't have to. _I_ made the decision, _I_ took the deal." Lexa firmly states.

Clarke just shakes her head,

"You and I know that's not how guilt works for either of us. I am the reason Costia never got to live the remaining months of her life. I am the reason taking the deal became so easy for you but at the same time it was you who decided to alter the deal proposed by those monsters, it was you who decided her life was worth less than me. We need to start sharing our burdens with one another, Lexa." Clarke utters, her voice thick with emotions.

"It was all my fault Clarke, not yours."

"Stop doing that!" Clarke snaps, her voice rising in frustration. She throws up her hands in the air and angrily marches away from Lexa, making her way to the edge of Lexa's bed.

Lexa simply turns around to look at her wife, her back facing the window now.

"But-"

Clarke raises her hand to stop her and Lexa can't help but raise an eyebrow at her in disbelief. Clarke clearly is the only individual who would dare stop the Commander of the Coalition with the raise of her hand and not get to face any consequences for it.

"I don't need you to sugarcoat things for me. This is what brought us here in the first place! You make me take the light decisions, make me do the easy things to keep me from harm but guess what Lexa, you cannot change what life is going to bring me! Take a look at our past experiences; this habit of yours has only aggravated the situation. How did, you not telling me about your relationship about Costia turn out? How did, you not telling me about Mount Weather haunting our people turn out? How did, you making a life changing decision alone turn out? I am tired of being left alone, Lexa."

"I never wanted you to be alone, Clarke. I want to be with you, share your burdens, help you." Lexa declares, clearly ignoring the first part of Clarke's rant. She slowly starts moving towards her bed, Clarke’s presence pulling her in like a magnet.

"I know Lexa. But I can't do that without you reciprocating the gesture. You need to promise your honesty if you want to go down that road again."

"Clarke, you deserve all the happiness I can give you, not the pain." Lexa protests weakly, as she gracefully sits on her knees in front of Clarke. Her emerald eyes forming an angle of elevation when they connect with the sapphire ones.

Clarke extends her arms, until her hand comes in contact with Lexa's. Tangling her fingers with the brunette's, she brings their joined hands up to her mouth, kissing each of her knuckles with the slightest brush of lips. She feels Lexa's soft hands slightly shake as her lips touch them. She smiles a sad smile.    

"Why? Why do you get to face it all then? Do you think I am not strong enough to handle it Lexa? I destroyed your mentor's army in order to safeguard my people. I killed 300 people and managed to bring all my people back from the Mountain. I destroyed the Mountain, Lexa. Isn't that enough proof? You say I need to come to terms with what I did, guess what? I have but, have _you_ ? When will you finally _treat_ me like your partner Lexa?" She murmurs heatedly her arguments.

Lexa gulps as she allows her hands to slowly move towards Clarke's face. This intimacy...oh, how she has missed it. She knows they both have a lot more to talk about, to work on, before they reach the stage they were once at but now that she has felt the blonde's skin against hers, her lips on her skin, even in the most innocent gestures, she cannot help but enjoy the moment. She lightly traces her thumb over Clarke's face, caressing it lovingly before answering her in the tender care only reserved for the Hedatu,

"I do know you are my equal Clarke, in every way. You are the most incredible woman I could have ever had the fortune to have in my life. I do trust you and your abilities, I have never for a second doubted you but..." She trails off, her hands falling back into her lap and her eyes no longer maintaining eye contact with the blonde's.

"But?" Clarke asks her encouragingly. She lets her hand bring Lexa's face up so she can look at the green abyss again. It seems like once they have started touching each other, they cannot stop. The small contacts of intimacy bring them closer, make their souls come closer. Clarke's eyes plead Lexa for honesty. She wants this to work. She wants them to work.

Clarke is shocked when Lexa abruptly gets up and takes a few steps away from her. Clarke doesn't like the physical distance this has created between them. She lets herself silently admit how much she has missed the closeness with her wife as she pulls her legs up and tugs them under her.  She watches Lexa pace from the window back to the bed twice but doesn't dare say anything. Finally, Lexa takes a seat on the soft bed, right next to Clarke and, keeping her eyes on her hands, which she had placed on her lap, starts saying,

"You need to understand that since I was a child I have been trained to be the Commander. I was told to protect people around me. It's engrained in my system."

She then turns her head to the left, facing Clarke. Her hands shyly seek Clarke's as she continues.

"And you...I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and I cannot just allow myself to let you even close to harm's way. It's just who I am, Clarke." Lexa's green eyes are glazing over now, begging her wife to try and understand her. There's so much love and devotion in those eyes that Clarke feels like she can drown in them, like she can drown all her sorrows and all her pains. But that's not all those bottle green eyes seem to be promising Clarke. There’s safety, love, warmth, passion and loyalty.  

"When my dad was alive on the Ark, I had a perfect family. My parents were in love, and cared for me greatly. My dad was very protective of me. He literally treated me like a princess; always valuing my comfort above anyone else's, never letting me face any problem on my own, always being there to help me. And that was who I had become; someone who was dependent on her elders for everything. I was kept in a protective shell for 17 years, Lexa. But once I landed on Earth, the shell cracked and I had to face the real world; the world even our adults could never have prepared us for. What I am saying is that I changed according to circumstances. I am sure you can too. I am not asking you for a lot, just small steps."

"You are flexible, resilient, adaptable to changes Clarke. I...it's hard for me to do the same but for our sake, I promise I will try. "

"Thank you Lexa."

Silence envelops them and both sit side by side, not quite sure what their course of action should be from here on out. Lexa looks out her window at the sunlight and mentally calculates the time...there are still a few hours till the second mealtime. Lexa had never missed her morning training session in the past but she was willing to do so to spend some time with her partner and so, biting her lower lip nervously, she asks,

"Would you like to accompany me to the gardens, Clarke? The Boat Clan and the Stone Clan have both brought new flowers. I heard that you haven't been there for quite some time and the flowers are really pretty and you might like to see them or so I think but if -"

"Lead the way, Lexa." Clarke says with a small smile on her face. She can sense how nervous her wife is, and this is very uncharacteristic for Lexa. Clarke won't use any word other than adorable to describe it.

...

Once they enter the gardens, Lexa relaxes. In the past few months, Lexa had found herself in the gardens more often than not. She was lonely, guilty and sad. This was a safe sanctuary for her. It brought her good memories; memories she had not only made with Clarke but also memories she had made as a kid. She has always loved flowers and Anya knew that. Once a month, Anya would bring her here and she, along with the other children, would play among the rows of colors and scents. She is lost in her sweet memories when she feels Clarke's hand brush hers. A small smile finds its way to Lexa's face as her eyes look at her wife in her periphery; a small blush resides on her cheeks.

Lexa spends the entire afternoon with Clarke in the gardens. She has their afternoon meal brought to them. They talk about light and easy topics such as the books Clarke's read from Lexa's library and Lexa's ability to forge her own sword. They even talk about their respective childhoods and gather the differences between the two.

Grapes are served for the Heda and Hedatu and they eat in silence until Clarke says, her eyes shining mischievously,

"No strawberries available Heda?"

Lexa chokes on the fruit in her mouth and Clarke can't help but chuckle at the bright red colour that takes over Lexa's cheeks.

"Umm...no. I have to wait a few more months for it." She mumbles as her eyes involuntarily fall on Clarke's lips. Strawberries will forever remind her of Clarke's taste, she was sure.

Clarke has mercy on Lexa and stops teasing her. They are slowly trying to rebuild their relationship and neither wants to rush it. They had skipped certain steps last time and the end result wasn't very ideal. Besides, Clarke knows that Lexa and her need to talk about her affair with Niylah despite her wife telling it is okay. Clarke believes she knows her wife better than that.

They leave the gardens together with shy smiles, light blushes adorning their faces. During the public session, soft smiles and tender looks are passed between the Heda and Hedatu. The lightness in the atmosphere is palpable during the entire session. Later, Clarke joins Lexa at the grounds where she is training the young warriors. After giving some final instructions to the children, Lexa makes her way to her wife. She is surprised to find her sitting there with a sketchbook on her lap. She had come to know that her wife had certain art supplies delivered to her chambers but had not made use of them yet. She hesitates approaching her blonde love. She clears her throat, walking slowly with heavy footsteps to give her wife a chance to hide away the book if she wants to but she does no such thing. Lexa cautiously takes a seat next to her, on the wooden bench that is situated under the shade of a large tree. Her eyes fall on the paper and widen in surprise.  It is not one but myriads of lively sketches covering the whole page. Sketches capturing moments she just spent with her novitiates. What surprised her is the likeness of the traits, how truly remarkable Clarke is to grasp one’s nature. She sees the little boys and girls in various defensive and attack stance. She sees detailed hands holding wooden swords, concentrated faces and stolen smiles. But most of all, she sees herself through her wife’s eyes. She’s often wished to know how she was through others’ eyes but never had she imagined someone at odds with herself would draw her looking magnificent, powerful, oozing some celestial aura yet so alive to be where she was supposed to be. She sees her eyes sparkling with pride. She sees the upturn of her lips as she glances at Clarke. She sees the care as she tends to a little warrior who took a bad hit, kneeling and giving strength to her. She sees Clarke looking over them all longingly, admiringly. It brings tears to Lexa’s eyes to see so much care in the details, so much attention to the little things, so much hope from the mere flicks of charcoal upon paper. Lexa would never have guessed her wife hosted so much talent within her. She knew not to underestimate the things Clarke was capable of and she is so proud that she can create so beautifully. Lexa roams the charred paper once more, reigning in her tears of awe. She doesn’t need to vocally express all that she feels for she turns around to smile at Clarke, she finds a wife who’s been shamelessly drinking in her features as she looked upon the paper. Clarke shyly looks down at the intensity of Lexa’s stare before looking back up and returning the smile. They bask in that easy silence of just being with one another, without betrayals, without heartbreaks, without catastrophic consequences of heavy decision-making. For a moment, they are just Clarke and Lexa, two women trying to find their way back to each other. The spell breaks as the little warriors call for their Heda. Lexa obliges and leaves Clarke to her own devices, squeezing her thigh before they part, content with their little moment.

...

After the Heda and Hedatu have dinner together with Norma and other warriors, they say their goodbyes and leave the hall. Clarke walks Lexa to her room, using the fact that it was a floor below hers as an excuse. When they reach the door, Clarke starts fidgeting with her shirt. Lexa grabs her door handle and pulling it down, opens her door. She waits a few seconds to hear the retreat of Clarke's footsteps but the sound never comes.

"Can I come inside, Commander?" She hears the very nervous voice of her wife tentatively croak.

She is surprised at the request. They did have a wonderful afternoon together but, Lexa isn't sure what Clarke wants from her now. Nevertheless she allows her wife to do as she desires with a little nod of her head.

Once the door is closed, Lexa turns around to face her wife. She looks at her expectantly and Clarke does not disappoint.

"I had a good day today, Commander." Clarke shyly expresses, gaze not meeting Lexa’s.

"Me too."

Silence greets them after that. Lexa is not sure what changed them when they crossed the threshold of her room but, unlike how the atmosphere between the spouses had been during the day - easy, comfortable and relaxed - there is nothing but tension between them right now. A tension that hesitancy, timidity, and uncertainty Clarke's eyes and demeanor brought. But Lexa only understands the matter when she hears the quiver in Hedatu's voice when she opens her mouth,

"Lexa, I need to talk to you about something."

"I told you, _I don't_ want to. I informed you I was fine with it, we had made an agreement prior to the act. What's done is done." Lexa says angrily, her tone even taking her by surprise. She roughly takes off her gloves and throws them on her bed.

Clarke flinches at the harsh tone but subsequently moves towards Lexa until she is close enough to lift her face with her hands.

"Then why can't you look me in the eye and tell me that?"

Lexa's green eyes meet Clarke's blues and she feels a sudden surge of emotions. She doesn't want to acknowledge those emotions so she grits her teeth and spits,

"Because I want us to move forward. I don't want to recall that someone else touched you _while I was there."_

"We can only move past it if we both talk about this, Lexa. I need your honesty."

And the word 'honesty' breaks something in Lexa and rage, hurt, anger come boiling down in her speech.

"What do you want me to tell you Clarke? How I felt while hearing you scream someone else's name? You want to hear that? As you wish, Hedatu. I felt like dying. I felt like I was walking on white hot embers, I felt like my heart was being ripped into pieces. I felt...I felt humiliated, insufficient, indignant, resentful of my own self, but most of all I felt...broken. You own a part of me, I gave you my heart and that night you hammered that into tiny little pieces."

Tears are streaming down both the Heda and Hedatu's faces at such long awaited outburst but neither makes a move to wipe or conceal them. Clarke wants to curse her timing for visiting the wretched place. Her little escapade with Niylah was well into the night, when the tavern was nearly empty and she knew how vocal she was in bed. She feels another wave of guilt as she thinks of Lexa being able to hear her. But most of all, she is angry at herself for falling so low, for thinking that sleeping with someone else would be the miracle cure to all her problems, that she’s find peace and solace in that bed when she couldn’t even fond respite.

"I wasn't myself then. I know it’s no excuses but…" Clarke admits in a small voice before being cut off.

"I could not handle you being gone, gone to another...and I drank that night to oblivion. For the first time since the day I took my commandership, I did not remember much the next morning. I had thrown caution to the wind that night. The only thing I remembered when I woke up was you...you leaving me, you kissing that girl, you screaming for her. That's all that remained with me."

"I am so sorry Lexa. What I did was wrong and nothing I can ever say will make it right."

Lexa manages to nod. Clarke wipes her tears as she continues,

"I just wanted to see that you were affected too. You were so calm, so collected that every time I saw your demeanor, I felt like that was a slap to my face. It made me feel like me and my feelings didn't matter to you at all. I thought that you only spared me, that you didn’t hand me over to the Mountain so you could show your allies that you stayed true to the union. I thought I was nothing but a pawn in your grand scheme, like I was supposed to be all along. I was livid, Lexa."

"And you thought being in the arms of someone else would fix that how?" Lexa once again surprises herself as she says that calmly but with a bite in her tone. She didn’t know how much of this incident she had tried to bury in her mind. Ignore the thoughts, but now that Clarke has poked the beast, she feels like there is no stopping it. And maybe this dreaded conversation is for the best for both, no matter the outcome.

"It was far from my finest moment but I did get a reaction out of you. I saw you drown two drinks before I let myself be taken. But after that, the rest of the night...it wasn't about you anymore. It was about me. I…we…did things that would hurt my body and me-"

"She hurt you?" Lexa asks sharply, her eyes blazing with a new anger now.

"No, not…yes, but it was consensual." Realization dawns on Lexa's face and she just clenches her jaws in response.

"I knew to seek Niylah. I’ve heard the whispers about how she could be. She was a flirt but I never did a thing with her until that night. I didn’t need to before then. I needed the…rough…treatment. I wanted to feel the pain that they felt when their life was taken from them. I wanted to suffer for what I did. I just...I wanted to hurt you and hurt me. I wanted both." Clarke sobs.

Lexa remains frozen where she is. Her love for Clarke makes her want to move to comfort her but she doesn't know how to do that when ultimately she is the one that drove Clarke to do what she did. Clarke cheated on her as a result of her choices and maybe that hurts more than her wife’s blatant infidelity. The torment behind the act doesn’t sit well with her.

Clarke laughs bitterly as she continues, "When I broke our vows...I realized what I did and I just hated...still hate myself for that. I was just so angry. Watching you come to my place of sanctuary, my hideout, asking me to forget what had happened, claiming me as yours, I wasn't okay with all that. I wanted to show you and myself that I didn't belong to you but...I was wrong. I got what I wanted not what I needed. When I came back to my room, I couldn't sleep without reminding myself that my soul and my body only belong to you. You are my soulmate after all."

Lexa's eyes, which were soft and sad at Clarke's admission, immediately turn wide at those last words.

Clarke chuckles a little and answers at the unspoken question,

"Of course I know about it. Norma believes in fate and destiny more than you do and she told me that, hoping she could help fix things between us." Clarke informs Lexa, a small blush on her face at the revelation of such delicate and intimate topic. Clarke knows it will need more than the knowledge of being soulmates to rebuild what was broken but the notion that maybe there’s a higher power working in their favor consolidate her hope that someday they’ll get back to where they were or find something even better.

"Nothing goes past that woman, does it? None of the other clan leaders suspect a thing." Lexa murmurs, pensive.

Clarke takes a step towards Lexa and gently brings her hands up to trace Lexa's jawline. Her face is a masterpiece but her jawline is like no other. Clarke loves it. Her wife is just beautiful. She believes her creator must have put quite some thought into making Lexa.

"I am here to apologize for hurting you, Lexa. I am apologizing for breaking the vow I took with you when we were united. I am apologizing for thinking someone else could ever satisfy me and replace you when you are my soulmate."

"Clarke...I'm scared." Lexa admits in a small voice as she takes Clarke's hands into her own. "I'm scared of the power you have over me. I lost my parents, countless of my friends, my mentor, yet the thought of losing you, actually losing you then, it was the worst of all."

Clarke switches her grip on one of Lexa's hand and places it over her heart.

"You are the only one that makes me want to live, Lexa. Not survive but live. I cannot live without you." She whispers brokenly.

"What you did was in retaliation to what I have done, so I can understand it. If I follow my head then I should not even have anything to forgive you for, I was aware of what was happening all along. But I am going to follow my heart, Clarke. You hurt my heart and I have tried to ignore it but now I realize that I can't. I can’t forgive you, not yet."

"Then don't. Take all the time you need." Clarke's speaks softly. Understandingly. "I just…I just don't want to lose you, especially after everything we've gone through. I don't know what I would do without you anymore. And I am so scared to make the same mistakes that I have in the past and for you to make the same mistakes too." Clarke explains, breathing in Lexa's scent as she speaks. She hasn't realized how they both have moved much close to each other during their argument.

Lexa looks at Clarke for a while before asking,

"But can you find it in your heart to forgive me for what happened at the Mountain?"

"I am working on it." Clarke answers honestly.

"Then let's work on it together." Lexa says with a small smile on her face.

Clarke nods and just like so many months ago, when she first came to Polis, to Lexa, an unknown pull makes her move forward and bring Lexa's face to hers. She softly brushes her lips against the Commander's. She intended the kiss to be a thank you brush of lips, but similar to last time, she loses the purpose of the kiss once her lips touch Lexa's. She brushes her tongue against Lexa's lower lip asking for an entrance and is immediately granted one as the Commander opens her mouth and a growl resonates from deep down her throat. Lexa's arms move to Clarke's hips and she instinctively brings their bodies closer. Eventually, after quite some time, Clarke detaches and Lexa pulls back as well. Her eyes are dark but hold a question for Clarke. Clarke moves back, bites her lip and whispers,

"Reshop Heda."

"Goodnight Hedatu." Lexa rasps as Clarke makes her way to the door, still trying to wrap her head around what just happened. Clarke was the one who instigated the kiss but she was also the one who pulled back...stopped it from turning into something more passionate and wild. Shaking her head, she can't help but think Clarke will always remain an enigma to her.

"I need time, Lexa. I know you do too." Clarke's voice reaches her ears and her heart breaks at how small and vulnerable Clarke sounds.

She fully turns towards Clarke and looking into the blue eyes, making sure that her wife can read the truthfulness in her eyes, replies,

"You are the love of my life, Clarke. I will be ready when you are. I did more than hurt you; I was going to hurt your family. I understand if you require more time as well. I am ready to give you all the time. I am just happy that we are trying, that's enough for me for now." With that Clarke nods and opens the doors, leaving Lexa's chambers.

....

The next day, Lexa and Clarke are attending a public session when Octavia makes her way to the Heda and Hedatu’s seats.

"Heda." She greets Lexa and nods before standing behind Clarke and starting her usual chatter. Clarke is distracted to say the least; there is an old man standing before them complaining about some mysterious spirit destroying his crops. Clarke watches from her periphery as Lexa half rolls her eyes before telling him very patiently and eloquently that the loss of his plants is due to pests before directing him to the healers and medicines camp where both Skaikru and Trikru remedies are available. In the meantime Octavia informs her of her day, despite Clarke telling her to join her later to have such conversation.

A few days after Clarke resumed her station of the Hedatu, she had Lincoln pardoned and even had his position raised as her personal guard. Lexa knows this would give some people the impression that Clarke has more power than Lexa but she isn't really bothered by it. She compromised Clarke's position as Hedatu at the Mountain and she is ready to fully give it back to her even it means demeaning hers to some extent.

Octavia and Clarke usually talk while having lunch but it seems Octavia as much to say to wait. The brunette tells her about her suspicion regarding Indra; her mission seeming to be about breaking each and every bone of the Sky warrior's body. She jokes that Clarke kept Lincoln as her personal guard because he is such an eye candy. Clarke hums, rolls her eyes and nods during the entire conversation but apparently these responses are encouragement enough for the young brunette to continue the one sided babbling. Clarke zones out, Octavia’s voice becoming background noise until the mention of Raven’s name catches her interest.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I was telling you how Lincoln has a book which-"

"No, no, before that. Something about Raven?"

"Oh yeah. I told you of the walkie-talkie she gave me before we came back here, right? So she has set up this day once a week where we talk. And I get it, she's alone and Finn-"

"Octavia, you are rambling."

"Oh, sorry."

"What was she saying?"

"Right. Apparently you and Lexa had agreed to visit Arkadia when she came to Polis the last time they were here. She was just whining about that."

"Oh." Clarke replies, her face falling. By now the public session is over and Lexa is gathering her weapons, getting ready to leave. Clarke looks at Lexa and deflates.

Octavia immediately recognizes the change in Clarke's demeanor and, putting a hand on her shoulder, tells her soothingly,

"Clarke, you don't need to go there until you are ready. Raven just misses you, you know. She hasn't taken her...injury well. She's no longer the same girl she used to be."

"None of us are, O." Clarke whispers. Octavia just nods in agreement.

...

It has been two months since Clarke and Lexa reignited their relationship. They are taking small steps towards each other. They still sleep in separate rooms but, each morning, Lexa goes up to Clarke's to deliver her a rose, and watches amusedly as Clarke's cheeks slightly turn red at the attention before having breakfast with her. Once done, they go to their respective trainings then reunite to attend public sessions or clan meetings together. Lexa is still not sure how much intimacy she is allowed with her wife or how much she wants, but when Clarke links her arms with Lexa whether at their shared breakfast or as they walk, the Heda is found smiling the entire day. When evening comes, Lexa goes to patrol her city and Clarke spends her time with Judith and Octavia. After the Mountain, Clarke only talks thrice with her mother on the little gadget that Raven gifted Octavia with. It is progress on many fronts but, after the sessions, Clarke becomes distant from Lexa and tries to avoid her. Lexa never questions it.

One morning while having breakfast, Lexa hesitantly asks her,

"I am going to visit the Boat Clan and Arkadia in two days time...would you like to join me?"

Clarke freezes as she hears Lexa say this. Lexa gently moves towards her wife and puts her hand on her thigh, her thumb caressing it softly, in a soothing manner.

She whispers, "Clarke?"

"I am terrified, Lexa. I don't know if I can face them." Clarke admits, her voice shaking.

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it just takes away today's peace." Lexa insists.

"But seeing their faces...it's going to be hard for me."

"I will be there with you, my wife. I will not let you lose yourself." Lexa promises, already aware of Clarke's unvoiced fear.

"I know Lexa but the fear-"

"Everything you want Hedatu is on the other side of fear. You need to cross that bridge to achieve it. I think you are ready to face your demons."

"Are you?" She asks in a small voice.

Lexa just smiles and tentatively wraps her arms around her wife...she isn't entirely sure if the gesture is welcomed by Clarke but when she feels the blonde's arms wrap themselves around her in return, she releases a sigh and tries to give her strength through the contact. Clarke relaxes in the embrace and rests her head on Lexa's shoulder for a while. Lexa runs soothing circles on Clarke's back, trying to take away Clarke's dreads.

" Okay." Clarke whispers in Lexa's neck.

"Hmm?" Lexa asks for confirmation.

"I will come with you."

...

They visit Arkadia first and Clarke feels her feet momentarily stop responding to her will as they stand by the gates and watch it open. She is reminded of the Mount Weather door. She tightly shuts her eyes to erase the image but it doesn't really work until she feels Lexa's hand squeeze hers and bring her back to reality. Lexa is with her, she is real, not the images in her mind. Lexa gently places her hand on Clarke's back and pushes her forward. Slowly and gradually she crosses the threshold and is immediately attacked by her mom in a hug. She can feel the older woman trembling in her arms as she cries her heart out.

"Hi mom." She chokes, her own eyes blurry with tears. She hears Lexa try to move back from the pair and give them space but Clarke doesn't let her. She keeps her hand tightly wrapped around her wife's. She needs her strength in this moment if she doesn't want to crumble. Lexa immediately understands the message and only stays at arm’s length, giving Abby the space she requires and staying in contact with her wife at the same time.

Finally Abby releases her hold and cups her daughter’s face delicately. Her hands are shaking as she runs them over Clarke's cheeks, reassuring herself that she is truly here.

"You came back, my baby girl. I - I am so sorry for what happened and that you felt like you needed to run away from us, from _me."_ Abby says through hiccups.

"No mom, it wasn't your fault. And I _had_ to come back. I wasn't sure I could though." She admits as she looks at Lexa and smiles softly. Abby catches the exchange and understands the role of Lexa in her daughter being here. When she turns toward the Commander and welcomes her, there is gratefulness in her eyes.

Next, the Commander is shown around by the chancellor and Marcus. She is shown the arrangements the Sky clan has made for the oncoming winter as well as the first batch of the genetically engineered crops.

Meanwhile Clarke makes way to her best friend's room. Raven wasn't amongst the people Clarke met at the gates, which gave her the impression that Raven mustn't be much happy with Clarke. She can't blame her. After all, she has not talked to Raven in more than 6 whole months.

Raven's location is easily spotted when she enters her room. She is lying on her bed, looking up at the ceiling, ignoring the intruder. Clarke gingerly makes her way to her friend's bed and sits by the corner of it waiting for a reaction, any reaction but gets no response from the girl.

"Raven?"

"Glad to know that you still remember my name." Comes the bitter response.

Clarke sighs and murmurs, "I had to, Rae. I had to."

"You didn't have to, Clarke. You didn't need to shut _me_ out." She says harshly.

"Raven you might-"

"It's okay, Clarke. I just thought we were closer than that." The mechanic says dismissively and in a swift motion gets up from the bed, but immediately winces after. Clarke starts to move forward to help her but an icy glare from the girl stops her from doing so.

"I couldn't come back here, Raven. I couldn't not see their faces when I saw you all. I couldn't hear your voice and not think of the operation I had to conduct on you. My brain somewhat marked it as the initial event in the chain of unfortunate events." Clarke says, laughing bitterly.

"Why- how are you here now then?" She accuses.

"Lexa."

"Your wife who betrayed us at the Mountain forced you to come here? I am not even surprised." Raven says, turning her body towards Clarke, her eyes shooting daggers.

"She didn't force me. She is not who you think she is, Raven. She isn't perfect, I know that, but no one is. She had her reasons to take the deal, one of them being me." Clarke utters in a low voice.

Raven snorts, "So you have forgiven her just like everyone around here has? Bought her bullshit to never pull such a stunt again?"

"No I haven't but I am be making the decisions with her now, Raven. You don't need to trust her, you just need to trust me."

Raven purses her lips before asking,

"And what about forgiving her?"

"I-I think I have." She replies, surprising herself.

"You sound surprised." Raven mutters her observation out loud.

"I...I didn't know I had. I thought I couldn't but she has...she healed me, Raven. She picked up my broken pieces and glued them together. She has made me whole again." Clarke confesses further.

"I need more than sex to convin-"

"She hasn't."

"Sorry?"

"She hasn't touched me once without my consent. She hasn't come close to having sex with me since that day...she even let me, she let me fuck someone else in front of her." Tears have started to pickle the back of Clarke's eyes as she hears her own words.

Raven's eyes widen questionably.

"I did it to hurt her and I did...but I ended up hurting myself in the process too." Clarke admits.

Raven, the ever-stubborn mechanic tries to plead her case one last time,

"What makes you think that she has been loyal to you this entire time? What makes you think she didn't let someone else fill your place in her bedroom too?"

"I know she didn't. She was grieving for her friend she sacrificed at the Mountain. She was drowning herself in work; both mine and hers. Even if these weren't the circumstances, Lexa would never. I can bet my life on it." Clarke replies firmly.

Raven hums thoughtfully. Clarke holds her breath, waiting for the final judgment. Finally her friend opens her mouth,

"So I don't have to go out there and kick her ass?" A small smirking grin adorns Raven’s face.

"No I don't think that will be necessary."  Clarke says laughing.

"Are you sure she is fine with what you did, Clarke?" Raven asks after a while.

"We talked about it. She...she is too good Raven. Sometimes I think I don't even deserve her, that I am not good enough for her."

"Okay princess, don't sell yourself short; you fell in love with your captor, you fell in love with a woman who was feared here, who is known for her brutality. That's not the kind of thing you hear every day."

"Because of how good she is, Raven. I didn't do anything."

"You did. You gave her a chance. You gave a chance to a woman who you once believed was a monster."

Clarke scrunches her nose, trying to come up with a counter argument but fails.

"You deserve each other." Raven says with a knowing smile.

 

....

After making promises to both her mom and her friends to 'not be a stranger', Clarke leaves for the Boat Clan the next day. She rides alongside her wife and offers Lexa her thank you.  Lexa nods in acknowledgement.  She then provides Clarke with the history of the Boat people and their close ties with the Tree people. Once Clarke spots the sea, though, she starts asking Lexa questions about the creatures that reside inside it. Lexa happily shares her knowledge about the sea. She tells her that she learnt fishing from Costia, that she would only fish here and with her friend. Clarke feels the pain underneath Lexa's stoic exterior. She doesn't comment on it but is reminded that this isn't easy for Lexa either.

They meet Luna and Clarke is shocked to see the appearance of the woman. The woman seemed to have aged years in the past few months. Losing her daughter clearly has taken a toll on her. Clarke watches Luna embrace Lexa as a greeting rather than grab her arm like she is used to. She sees her wife stiffen before relaxing.

When Luna releases her, Lexa's eyes have traces of moisture in them and she quickly blinks to make the building tears go away. She then clears her throat and says,

"It's good to see you Luna." Luna nods at her as she next extends her hand towards Clarke. Clarke obviously notes the difference in treatment but she doesn't blame the woman. Her daughter died because of her love for Lexa and Clarke happens to be Lexa’s wife and her one true love.

"It's good to see you Clarke." Clarke is surprised to hear the woman say. She searches her eyes and only finds sincerity.

"You too." Clarke replies, her voice thick with emotions at how strong the other woman is even after such a huge loss.

They don't stay long with the Boat Clan; Luna and her people are already well verses of the methods and equipment required to survive winter. Lexa, however, performs her duty to the fullest and only makes her leave once she is sure that everything is up to the mark.

...

They reach the castle late into the night and after having a very late night dinner in Lexa's chambers, Lexa waits for her wife to leave for her room. She doesn't want her to but she knows she will. She follows Clarke up when she stands from her seat but instead of walking towards the door, Clarke walks towards Lexa. Lexa looks at her questionably until warm, soft lips cover hers. She is taken aback by such sudden move but the surprise isn't enough for her not to answer the kiss in kind. And answer the kiss, she does. She brushes her tongue against Clarke's lower lip for an entrance she is immediately given. She fervently explores the insides of Clarke's mouth. She caresses Clarke's tongue before biting it. Her arms move from Clarke's shoulders, descending to her back before resting on her hips, and stopping on her ass. She kneads the soft but firm cheeks and hears Clarke moan in pleasure. Just as she is about to reach for the helm of Clarke's shirt, she feels a change in the kiss. Clarke is slowing it down and pulls away after a while.

"I am tired, Lexa."

"Oh."

"Goodnight, Heda." She whispers as she almost runs away from her.

...

The next day passes like any other and Lexa can't help but feel down that nothing has changed between them even after last night. In fact, Clarke seems to be pretending that the passionate kiss that left Lexa awake for the entire night never even happened. Lexa has been sour the whole day and returns to her room after her regular patrol of the city very frustrated. She understands that Clarke needs more time to come to terms with what she did and forgive herself, she is willing to give her infinite time but she doesn't need the tease from those sinful kisses till then.

She has just changed into her nighttime clothes when she hears a knock on her door. Upon opening the door, she finds Ryder standing there. He looks at her apologetically before speaking up,

"The Hedatu wishes to see you, Heda."

"Clarke?" She wonders to herself, surprised. It is an unspoken rule between them not to call for the other at night. She quickly picks up her sword as she makes her way to her wife's room.

She knocks on her door and waits for Clarke to answer. When that doesn't happen, she opens the door herself. She finds no one in the main chamber. Worry takes over as she calls her wife’s name only to receive no response.

She frantically runs to the weapons’ room to check if Clarke would be there. But Clarke is nowhere to be found. Failing to locate her in the front rooms, Lexa turns to the last place she hasn’t checked yet. There, in the bath chambers, she finds her wife and Lexa breathes a sigh of relief before frowning. Why did Clarke not answer to her calls when she would have very much heard her, even more so as she doesn’t appear being armed or sleeping?  

She is basking in the bathtub, bubbles covering her curvaceous body. It takes everything in Lexa to stop trying to peek through the bubbles at the delectable form she knows hidden beneath it.

"You asked for me Clarke?" She finally manages to ask. Her voice isn't very steady and she mentally scolds herself for it.

Her eyes widen as Clarke stands up in the bath without a word. She stands in front of Lexa in all her naked glory, nothing shielding her body from Lexa's sight. Lexa tries hard to stop her gaze from wandering down Clarke's face as droplets and remnants of foam tauntingly glide along soft creamy skin but she fails miserably. Her tongue comes out to lick her lips as her gaze travels from Clarke's beautiful neck to her full breasts, following one pearl of water. Lexa follows it intensely, not missing a bit as the droplet seems to be taking Lexa’s favorite path on her wife’s skin until it stops at the tip on a perked nipple, temptingly hanging there as if calling out to her to come and do the rest. Though Lexa’s mouth is as dry as her wife’s body is wet, she finds that her legs have stopped responding. She is rooted to her place in front of the bathtub in full view of her delicious wife, eyes blown wide, heart beating fast and mouth agape. Clarke then moves, bringing one leg over the edge then the other, not breaking eye contact with her wife, purposefully and tauntingly swaying her hips and sliding towards Lexa. Almost feline like. Clarke is nothing short of sensual and sexual in that moment, candles casting soft glows on her bouncing breast. Lexa is trapped in this vision, entranced by the fullness of such godly cleavage. But she doesn’t move, even if she could she wouldn’t; Clarke is too captivating.

Clarke stops a few millimeters away from Lexa’s body, radiating of warmth and arousal. Lexa’s breath hitches and she bites her lips to effectively stop a moan dying to leave her lips. Lexa’s body buzzes with anticipation, with wants and needs, with a curiosity to see what Clarke has in mind. Clarke bends a little on her side, bringing her naked body flush against Lexa's clothed one. Lexa gulps as Clarke braces herself with one hand on Lexa’s taut stomach as the other runs along Lexa’s side to reach her fisted hand, freeing the sword from her grasp. The smell of those delectable strawberries that wafts from Clarke’s skin hits her hard and she lowly whimpers, her knees threatening to buckle under such savory smell. She hopes Clarke didn't hear it. She knows she’s been caught when she sees a smirk forming on the blonde's face as she purposefully brushes past her into the bedroom, sword trailing behind her as Clarke walks seductively, rolling her ass and pushing her air to the side, Lexa still not moving but turning her head to follow her with her eyes. When Clarke stops, Lexa's eyes remain glued to her backside. She becomes scarlet when Clarke turns her head over her shoulder to look at her through those thick eyelashes, twinkle in her eyes perfectly aware of Lexa’s wandering eyes and the effect her little show is having. Clarke walks to the bed to dispose of the sword and saunters back to her wife. Lexa has turned around to fully watch her wife in the bedroom and is now leaning against the doorframe, panting, gaze still following her every moves. When Clarke comes to stand in front of her once more, Lexa swallows audibly. When Clarke puts her arms on either side of Lexa’s head, gripping the wood and effectively caging her wife, Lexa’s heart skips a beat. Then Clarke pushes her breast forward and her lips ghost Lexa’s, breathing in each other’s enticing scents.

"W-what are-"

Lexa’s question dies in Clarke's mouth. They kiss for a while, lazily, tentatively, deeply, taking their sweet time to rediscover this simple but all encompassing intimacy, rediscovering each other’s velvet tongues and palates, lapping and overlapping, sucking and suckling, moaning and not detaching before lips are thoroughly red and swollen only to reattach themselves to start it all over again. Then Clarke stirs them to the next step, changing the rhythm of their loving display. She takes Lexa's chin in her hand before letting her hand fall to Lexa’s chest, taking her bottom lip between hers, pulling it with her teeth as a hand grips Lexa’s shirt. She releases her lips, keeping Lexa close to her with her hold, dark green eyes staring into the blue abyss, both short of breath after such intensity. But Clarke doesn't give her a chance to question or talk altogether as she release her grip and starts unbuttoning Lexa's shirt. Clarke stays flush to Lexa’s body, hips to hips. Button after button, Clarke makes her way down, uncovering more and more of the beautiful tan skin. Clarke undresses Lexa slowly, meaningfully. It is not just about lust. It is more precious than that. She is showing love and dedication to her wife, letting her know she’s here to stay and that she’s ready, letting the opportunity for Lexa to walk away if it becomes too much. Each button is a step towards gaining back what was lost, a whisper of forgiveness and affection. Symbolically claiming this instant as a renewal, as a new beginning. And Lexa doesn’t shy away as Clarke is practically kneeling before her as she unbuttons the bottom part of her nightshirt, head just an inch shy of her apex slowly being revealed. But Lexa remains put, letting Clarke expresses what she needs to, hot breath blowing on her shivering skin, leaving goosebumps in her wake. But for how much she wants to, Lexa doesn't let herself touch the soft, enchanting, enticing, alluring skin of her wife, to her own frustration and disappointment. Once she is finally freed of her garment, Lexa finally makes a motion to grab her wife and kiss her passionately, the need to feel skin on skin overwhelming, only to find Clarke biting her bottom lip, eyes darkened, backing into the bath chambers. Clarke steps in the bathtub and makes a come-hither gesture as she purrs seductively,

"Come join me for a bath Heda?"

"I don't understand Clarke, yesterday-"

"I wanted it to be special."

Lexa nods as her eyes once again roam her wife's delectable form. Her stupor stops and she gazes predatorily at her wife. It has been so long since she’s been graced with the entire expense of her naked skin, she cannot help herself but drink her in.

"Are you just going to stand there and look at me with that darkened gaze or going to come here and show me the meaning of the gaze?"

"If that's what my wife wants." Lexa replies with a small smirk as she steps away from the doorframe, gathering her hair on own side before she submerges herself in the still warm water. Just as she settles in, hands pick her left leg up, propping it on a soft thigh, and start their work of lathering and massaging the skin. Lexa doesn't hold back her moan when Clarke's nimble fingers reach her thigh.

"How long-" She starts with a husky voice as she lets her fingers inch closer to Lexa's very wet center.

"Since our last coupling." Lexa replies in a gasp.

"You mean to say you haven't found pleasure since our last time? Even by yourself?" Clarke asks for confirmation as she slides over to Lexa's side, her right leg still under Lexa’s left, coming to circle her waist as her left straddles Lexa’s right bringing both cores together, warmth and wetness mixing. Both of them groan as the sensation and the immediate spikes of pleasure it sends up their bodies.

Lexa just shakes her head, her cheeks red as she involuntarily but wantonly moves her center against Clarke’s, clit to clit, eliciting a guttural moan from the blonde.

"I didn't have any time." Lexa pants as she repeats the action with more purpose.

Clarke hums as she locks her arms behind Lexa’s neck while Lexa caresses Clarke’s back till the top of her ass, pushing her wife closer against her. Flushed and needy, Clarke reconnects her lips with her wife's as Lexa starts a rhythm they both fall in sync with, keeping as close as possibly, arms and legs tightening around the other.

"You are so beautiful." Lexa rasps as she starts moving down Clarke's neck, planting feathery light kisses as she thrusts faster and harder, moaning and whimpering along with her wife. Lexa suckles at her pulse point, determined to reclaim that patch of skin and mark it as hers anew. Clarke throws her head back, giving full space for Lexa to attack the tender skin, pushing her breasts impossibly closer to the pert one of her wife. A smile forms on her face as she looks at her name across Clarke’s breast. That tattoo that she was sure Clarke would hate and she did, until she learnt to love it, love the person who’s name was engraved on the hedatu’s skin.

"You have no idea how hard it's been. Not being able to hold you, to kiss those delectable lips, to map your amazing skin."

At this, Clarke brings her face up to meet Lexa’s in a fierce, passionate, wild kiss.

"You haven't had the taste of pleasure for months, I feel it's my duty to rectify it."  Clarke says as her hands slither down Lexa's body, using the momentum of their scissoring position to use her hips being her thrusts as she plunges mercilessly two fingers inside Lexa’s dripping pussy.

"Please do." Lexa moans as her hands find their way around Clarke’s front to play and knead those full round breasts.

The water has long turned cold before they decide to take their love making to the bedroom, Clarke welcoming Lexa back to their bed and Lexa officially broking their renewed intimacy but making Clarke come twice. It is not until the early rays of morning sun that the couple finds sleep, body spent, hearts full and dreamy smiles. Lexa moves back in that day. There is still some work to do but none can find the strength to sleep apart anymore. They enjoy fully for a whole week what Clarke calls their second honeymoon. They stay later in bed in the mornings, most of the time forgo lunch to sneak some make out time between duties, and always walk back together to their room, drawing bath and sharing grapes, tenderly making up for lost time. One would say this second honeymoon never ended for the love only grew from the moment Clarke and Lexa gave themselves a second chance at love with their significant other.

...

Clarke watches with a tender smile as she twirls and dances in the garden with the fireflies.  Aunt Octavia had discovered them a few months ago and insisted to have a few of them brought in the castle for their children to play with, although Clarke was doubtful about how Lincoln and Octavia's 6 months old could play with them. Her 3 year-old daughter, on the other hand, seems to enjoy the little lightning bugs to the fullest. Clarke grins as she sees the green-eyed toddler grab one of the fireflies and bring it to her Nomon. Lexa keeps it on her hand for a little while and then releases it. She then starts talking to their daughter animatedly. Clarke can't help but chuckle at this. Lexa sometimes seems to forget that 3 year olds can't entirely grasp everything she says. She had once watched Lexa tell their daughter the entire history of the Commanders before her, their baby girl drinking every word in with wide eyes.

Once she had also witnessed Lexa being close to tears when she couldn't make their baby stop crying. Costia was hungry and Lexa didn’t know it. It had been Clarke's best entertainment to watch a clueless Commander handle their baby during the first few months after Costia was born from her womb.

Her birth was considered a miracle among the Grounders as they believed that, because the Heda and Hedatu have holy spirits, they were given this child as a blessing. It wasn’t until later, when Abby and Jackson delivered babies to other similar couples without requiring the contribution of the male specie, that the Grounders accepted it was science and not a miracle.

"Clarke! Clarke! Come join us!" She hears the melodious voice of her wife reach her ears.

She grins and makes way towards her family.  Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke and kisses her forehead softly. The Hedatu ruffles the blond hair of their daughter as she comes running towards them, gives them a quick hug and goes off running again.

"Hello my wife." Lexa says in Clarke's hair.

"Hey my love." Clarke whispers as she watches their child waltz around the flower field running in circles.

Lexa chuckles as she says,

"Costia approves of the flower I give to her mom, it seems."

"Apparently she does." Clarke agrees.

"So when are Roan and Raven coming again?"

"The _King_ and _Queen_ of the Ice Nation will be here in a few hours."  Lexa replies.

"Yes yes, I know they are coming for the meeting but it doesn't mean I am going to start calling them by their titles because of that! It's my best friend...no, my _sister_ and her husband that we are talking about." Clarke justifies herself, pouting a little.

Lexa laughs and kisses the pout away with a tender peck on her wife's lips.

"I don't enjoy it when your sister is here."

"Why?"

"Then I have to share you...I already have to share you with our little daughter." It's Lexa's turn to pout. Her tone is light. Clarke knows she is joking.

" _Our_ daughter Lexa, meaning I share you with her too and you just don't want Raven to come because she is the only one who can tease you senseless."

"Hmph."

"But you do want her to come, I know you do. She's become your friend too." Clarke says smirking.

"She doesn't respect me like Octavia does."

"Half of our sex sessions have been interrupted because of Octavia, and yet you like her?" Clarke says making a face.

"She apologizes after it and I get to hear about how good I am in the sac when she asks you about the details."

Clarke playfully slaps Lexa's arm and the brunette laughs.

"When do you have to leave?" Clarke asks after a while.

"The Fire Clan has yet to choose their next general. Indra has been handling their affairs well but I need to be there to finalize the matter. I will leave as soon as the Azgeda delegation leaves."

"Hmm. If you want to, I can take care of the Azgeda."

"I know you can Clarke, but I also know you need to spend some time with your friends as Clarke and not as the Hedatu. You have been working tirelessly for quite some time now. You need to relax."

"You do help me relax." Clarke says wriggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Do I?" Lexa murmurs as she kisses her neck and sucks on the pulsing spot.

"Mhmm." Clarke moans softly as she watches their child now start making a weird looking flower crown out of roses. She clearly loves flowers like her Nomon.

"I miss Norma." Clarke suddenly speaks, making Lexa put her tongue back in her mouth after only a flick on the wife's neck.

"I know you do. I do too. I know she was closer to you, I am sorry for the loss." Lexa says genuinely.

"I am too. She was a great woman but with a slight flaw."

"Oh yeah?"

"She hated cats."

Lexa raises one of her eyebrows and looks at her skeptically.

"She had around 8 cats or so I've heard."

"10, but she hated them all."

Before Lexa could investigate the matter, she feels someone tugging at her pants and looks down to find their little chubby angel as the culprit.

"I am glad she prefers you holding her. The kid is heavy." Clarke laughs, her eyes sparkling. Lexa merely rolls her eyes at her wife. She shouldn’t have let Indra and Abby share baby stories for now Clarke teases her every occasion she gets about their daughter being her nomon’s spitting image. But Lexa knows it is playful banter between the two of them; Clarke loves their daughter with all her heart, being the perfect mix of both women as much physically as emotionally. So Lexa picks their little green eyed blonde haired daughter and wraps her other arm around her wife’s waist as the little girl draps herself over her nomon’s shoulder while resting her other hand on her mother’s upper chest. They sigh contentedly in the warm late afternoon as they stroll in the garden, Lexa counting stories to their tired daughter as Clarke eyes them both with nothing but love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love and support that you guys have provided me throughout this story. The clexa fandom is amazing and I am so proud to be a part of it.  
> Some of you might have not liked the chapter but that's okay, I knew I couldn't satisfy everyone. However, I did give you a happy ending, didn't I? :P  
> Anyway, now that this story has finally come to an end, I feel a bit empty. I never enjoy rereading my work but this was an exception. I actually liked reading this story and now that it's over, I won't get to do that. I know that I am the writer so this must sound a bit weird but I have already accepted the fact that I am weird so whatever. :)  
> Moving on, I am returning back to college tomorrow and I am not excited about it at all. In fact, I don't even know how I'll manage to wake up for an 8 o'clock class. I remember exactly a year back, when I had first joined the institute, I was so excited about the first day. Now, however, not so much. Ugh.  
> Kindly excuse the rambling up there and if possible give me a review of the entire story? If you liked it then go ahead and share it with your friends!  
> As for any future clexa fanfics from my side; I don't know. I really want to make the vampire AU one shot that I had posted sometime back into a multichapter fanfic but I am not sure I'll have time for it once classes start.  
> We'll see what the future brings, won't we?  
> Once again, really grateful for all your encouraging comments, your positive criticisms, your shares, your subscriptions, your kudos', and your support!  
> Take care everyone. (You can always seek me out on tumblr- arshuk.tumblr.com)  
> May We Meet Again,  
> ArshuK  
> PS- a shout out to my friend Lowiiie for sticking with me throughout the journey and helping me write this fanfiction. I am thankful that you had volunteered to beta 'Lost' nearly 2 years back, that was where the journey had begun after all.


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